Undergraduate / UC Prompt 1 - Architecture tells the stories of people's lives, beliefs, and cultures. [7]

Prompt #1 (freshman applicants)
Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

I need help on this essay, i didnt know writing about architecture (my intended major) is so hard.
Anyway, I want to make the essay stronger and easier to understand. i have terrible writting skills and grammar so suggestions and comments are very very welcomed.

Please and thank you.

I stopped at the entrance horrified that the stairs laid directly in front of the entryway. My sister and I looked at each other wincing, mother will definitely be complaining about the fengshui of this house. Continuing on, we explored the newly built eco-friendly house located in San Francisco, opening cabinets and closets, inspecting the bathrooms, studying and discussing the fluidity of the floor plan. This was a normal weekend for my family. We go to open houses, not as potential homeowners but as admirers of the stunning homes in San Francisco.

The city's diversity is reflected in San Franciscan homes with their various architectural styles. When I attend open houses, I encounter styles ranging from contemporary to Victorian. But while the exteriors reflected the styles, the interior floor plans and amenities of the homes were still Western. I thought, "Isn't this design wrong? It obviously did not follow the traditional style; why did the designers incorporate these Western details?"

To help answer my question, my mom encouraged me to travel and gain a better understanding of the world, its people, and the use of architecture as a way to benefit people. Once I started traveling, I realized that the interior structure and amenities of San Francisco homes were meant to be replaced with Western styles. The combination of Western designs with the traditional ethnic styles was not "wrong." I realize that people have different standards and beliefs that shape the way they build their homes; the reasons will not be the same spiritual or environmental reasons as the original people who created the architectural style.

Traveling also helped me shape other concepts of architecture. As I explored the exotic islands of Indonesia to the country of the Rising Sun, Japan, I began to look beyond the aesthetics and towards the logical reasoning and purpose behind architecture. The Japanese emphasized balance and harmony by using clean and straight lines; the Thai houses, built around the concept of simplicity, emphasize function by using stilts to cool themselves during heat waves. Wherever I went, people used architecture to reflect their spiritual and physical environmental needs.

My experiences in San Francisco and Asia show that architecture is deeply rooted in history, culture, and customs. To fully appreciate and understand architecture, I must build a strong foundation by broadening my knowledge. I realize that I had previously been too engrossed with the visuals of architecture to fully appreciate the functional aspects. But through travel and interaction with different people, I have developed my understanding and outlook on architecture. We shape homes to fit our lifestyles. Architecture is about building a structure that tells the stories of people's lives, beliefs, and cultures. My goal is to be that mastermind, the creator and enforcer behind these intricate structures.

Undergraduate / UC2 + USC essay - leadership. help [NEW]

Thomas Edison failed many times before successfully inventing the modern electric light bulb. He said, "If I find 10,000 ways something won't work, I haven't failed. I am not discouraged, because every wrong attempt discarded is another step forward." Reflect on a challenge you overcame through persistence.

Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?

help me please
all comments and feedbacks are welcomed.
i want to make this essay stronger

Completing the last minute details of Caesura's retirement alumni concert, I was excited. Caesura is a student run music coordination group for musicians interested in the business side of music. This event would not only showcase Caesura's performance but also celebrate our most beloved and retiring teacher-Mr. Pannone. As the night progressed, I watched the concert unfold, and bringing our audience to their feet as they applauded and whistled, and as Mr. Pannone cried tears of happiness and gratefulness. As a leader of Caesura, I was proud that our planning and teamwork turned into an emotionally powerful experience.

But despite this event's success, Caesura was a group in conflict. In the first year of Caesura, I played the dominant role. All data and communications were run through me, and I ultimately decided what goes and what stays. I wanted the group to succeed, to show what we could do. However, when I saw the members' lack of enthusiasm and mediocre effort at their given tasks, I grew anxious. Despite my best efforts to motivate them, they expressed disinterest in our group. I felt as though I could not place any trust in them, and so I started to shoulder all the weight myself until the other members was left with small insignificant tasks. And when they became even more indifferent, their opinions no longer mattered. I ran a one man show.

Though the situation taught me how do everything from running errands to booking a venue to writing a solicitation letter, it created a deep division between me and the other members. There was always tension in the air which resulted in a vicious screaming match that had left both parties involved feeling hurt and ashamed. By the end of the year, we were so angry at each other that being confined in a room together caused conflict. Looking back, I was too concerned with the outcomes and future of the group to worry about other people's feelings. By treating them like minions and only valuing them for what they were worth based on work, I dehumanized my group members. I learn that being a leader was about motivating and guiding people to a common goal and not just the goal itself.

With this in mind, I changed my approach to Caesura this year; I am stepping back and giving the other members a chance to be more active in the group. I have found that all of them had ideas, some that were really just silly but others that had real value and was successful when we executed them. I found this the most efficient way to lead a group as I regained their trust and we became comfortable with working with each other again. This experience has helped me relate to people better, make better judgments, become more patient and understanding that heading a one man army does not make much of a leader, but bringing people and their ideas together makes for a real force to be reckoned with.

Undergraduate / Caesura - University of Cincinnati PS-academic achievements, personal interests [2]

*freaking out* does this answer the prompt?!!!!

Please provide a Personal Statement regarding how your academic achievements, personal interests, and life experiences have helped prepare you to succeed academically and to be an active member of the UC community. Be sure your response addresses each of the three components. (Please limit your response to approximately 250 words).

Caesura was full of possibilities. Created as a music business class specifically for us musicians, we were all excited by the concept of Caesura and strove to succeed. But soon, the novelty of the group diedDespite my best efforts to motivate my colleagues, they continued to express disinterest in our group. I felt as though I could not place any trust in them, and so I started to shoulder all the weight until the other members was left with small insignificant tasks. And when they became even more indifferent, their opinions no longer mattered to me for I did not have the patience to wait for them. I ran a one man show.

Looking back, I was too concerned with the outcomes and future of the group to worry about the feelings of others. I learned that being a leader was about motivating people towards a common goal and not just accomplishing the goal itself.

With this in mind, I changed my approach to Caesura this year; I am giving the other members a chance to be more active in the group I found this the most efficient way to lead a group as I regained their trust and we became comfortable with working with each other again. My experience in Caesura may have been difficult but it has helped me relate to people better, make better judgments, become more patient and understanding, qualities that will help me in school and become a better member of the community.

Undergraduate / enjoy most - music, performing for children [3]

Outside of academics, what do you enjoy most or find most challenging?
*how do i make this longer and better?

I was surrounded. I raised my arms; I was ready. With an energetic chord, I swept into the gypsy melodies of Czardas. The children, patients of the hospitals, sat around me, laughing and swaying to the music as I clumsily tried to play the violin and dance at the same time. It's embarrassing since I can't dance, but if it made them laugh, I was happy to continue my clumsy antics.

Every so often, I play a recital for the patients of a hospital. I am more than happy to play my violin for them because not only is it a good solo practice for me but I feel happiest performing in front of children. Children are wonderful audiences; they are easily excited and swayed, and their innocence allows to easily express their happiness with their bodies and faces. As a performer, I am attuned to my audience, and seeing them smile and dance to my rhythms makes me a happy performer. Their boisterous energy is contagious. Being around them, I often get as excited as them and my music, responding to my feelings, becomes more lively and free. This quality, this expression, in my music is not easily attained but when it is, I feel like music takes me away, sweeping me along its rhythmic embraces.

Undergraduate / Commonapp - Gay Rights Issue [5]

Discuss some issue of personal, local, national, or international concern and its importance to you.
"Gay people aren't normal and they should not get married!" screamed my visiting uncle as he turned around and stormed away from the dining table.

I was shocked at his opinion. What started off as a light-hearted conversation quickly turned into a fiery yelling match about homosexuals. Where was the Uncle I respected and admired? Where was the uncle whose opinions and advice I have treasured? This experience unpleasantly ripped off the binds around my eyes, and I could only sit there, totally unprepared for this confrontation with reality.

Living in San Francisco, I have always been surrounded by teachers, mentors, and classmates that were very accepting of issues such as sexual orientation. But the confrontation with my uncle woke me up. I realized that not everyone was going to be as open minded as the people in San Francisco. I became worried as I thought of the future set for my many gay best friends and those in the world, who might someday have to hide themselves, their lifestyles and being in fear of other people's reactions. I was anxious to help, but what could I do?

I turned to my beloved family and friends, asking for their advice. But instead of advice, I received disgusted statements regarding the gay community. I decided then that I could start by opening the mind of my family. I conversed with them, explaining the similarities of the lifestyles, but it seemed in vain. My efforts felt useless and I felt insignificant in the fight for the equality of homosexuals. But then I remembered the many "coming out" stories I have heard. These people disregarded society's expectations and proudly announced their opinions and lifestyles. They had come out, not knowing the reactions of their community, and against numerous obstacles, they persevered. I felt silly. These people have overcome so much more than I, and here I was, ready to give up at a small hurdle.

So I continued on, opening my family's opinions about homosexuals. I recounted my happiest memories with my gay best friends and mentors, and showed them that they were not quite as different in interests and opinions. For some of my family members, it never occurred to them that gay people would like the same sports team as them, or have the same hobbies and pastimes. Just by talking positively about gay people like it was an everyday topic helped my family accept the issue. Once the issue was not regarded as taboo, my family had a lot of questions to ask and I slowly went through each question with them. And gradually, they came to acknowledge homosexuals. And like a ripple effect, those I influence began to influence their friends and so on.

My efforts are a small step to equality for gay people, but it is a step nevertheless. I fight for equality, not because I am homosexual, but because I respect and admire them. These people, though unsure about their community's reactions, were true to themselves. They inspire me to always stay true to myself, to speak my mind and to never hide who I am. Their strength, courage, and determination have inspired me to become stronger and I wish to share their inspiration with those around me.