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Posts by alphacat92
Joined: Dec 8, 2009
Last Post: Feb 4, 2010
Threads: 3
Posts: 8  

Displayed posts: 11
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alphacat92   
Dec 8, 2009
Undergraduate / Macaulay Honors Essay-Discuss some issue of national, or international concern [5]

I am the original author of the essay, Please don't copy or take my work! Thank you!
Discuss some issue of local, national, or international concern and its importance on you.

Though most of my fourth-grade class was oblivious to it, I began to hear an unusual amount of emergency sirens one morning while we were reading. For about twenty minutes, the wail of the sirens was almost nonstop. Then, phone calls started coming in and many of my friends went home early.

My dad picked me up from school, which is unusual because he was usually still working when I finished school. Before I could even ask him what was wrong, he pointed at the sky behind me.

September 11 affected millions of people around the world, all of whom were shocked at not only the level of atrocity of these attacks, but also at the fact that the safety of flying was so easily jeopardized. After some time, the shock felt by many turned to anger. People began to target and stereotype Muslims as terrorists, despite the fact that the hijackers were part of a very small extremist group.

Since 9/11, the issues of terrorism and prejudice really became clear to me. At the relatively innocent age of nine years old, I was still not exposed to these issues among my friends. When the identities and motives of the perpetrators of the attacks were found out, I knew I would be affected. I began seeing a negative portrayal of Arabs and Muslims in the media, from movies and TV shows I commonly watched all the way down to political cartoons. Some people began looking at my mom, who wore the religious veil, differently. Even among my friends, terrorist "jokes" became a frequent occurrence. Not knowing what to say at times like these, I felt confused by how the same principals of peace and morality were twisted by terrorists and used as a reason to end hundreds of innocent lives.

The way I viewed the world after the September 11 attacks was much more cynical. Like Goodman Brown, I had realized the true nature of many people to hate. Not only were the attacks purely fueled by hate, so was the anger from the attacks. I did not think that so many people could fall into the trap set by extremist groups. By hiding behind a religion or ideology, these groups only instill more hate into people. People began to hate all Muslims as opposed to the small group of extremists who perpetrated the attacks. Not only is this a narrow-minded belief, it also fuels terrorists to persist with their attacks and atrocities.

New York, as a microcosm of the United States, is an extremely diverse setting with hundreds of cultures and beliefs. To single out a culture and portray it with violence and injustice is a mistake that we, as open-minded and diverse people, should not make. Instead, we should embrace all cultures and learn about them, because all extremist groups take fundamental principles out of context and use them for violence, while other people use them for peace and tranquility.

I feel it's weak, but I can't really pinpoint the weak areas or fix them. Please give me as much constructive criticism and suggestions as possible! All criticism is welcomed. Thank you!
alphacat92   
Dec 27, 2009
Undergraduate / 'I didn't get sick' - NYU Supplements- my summer vacation was... [8]

Emmerz
I agree with Significa, you should focus on one thing and elaborate on it. Maybe even omit the part about everyone else being sick. Just write more about how the summer camp benefited you and how you contributed to the experience of everyone else.
alphacat92   
Dec 27, 2009
Undergraduate / NYU Supplement - Multiple Prompts + Topic Ideas [12]

"Furthermore, NYU provides various opportunities for me when I graduate because of its location in New York while accompanying me to location of my future career." I'm not sure what you mean by "while accompanying me to location of my future career". Also, try to elaborate on how NYU's location will benefit (its proximity to the NYSE, etc).

For the movie prompt, maybe elaborate a little more on the life-changing event; remember, it's not an actual movie, so I don't think there is a need to create too much suspense!

Otherwise, good work
alphacat92   
Dec 27, 2009
Undergraduate / Cornell College of Engineering Essay [2]

College of Engineering: Engineers turn ideas (technical, scientific, mathematical) into reality. Tell us about an engineering idea you have or your interest in engineering. Explain how Cornell Engineering can help you further explore this idea or interest.

From rockets flying through space faster than bullets to robots too small to see with the human eye, engineers have been involved with the advancement of life. Seeing the recent technological advancements that were developed, I can only admire the work this prestigious career produces. Now, as I apply to college, I have a chance to join the ranks of the men and women responsible for improvements of life never before deemed possible.

Ever since I was a kid watching my father work as an engineer, I became interested in engineering. Whenever one of my toys broke, I would sit on the couch and take it apart instead of throwing it out. I sometimes sat for hours, marveling at how the toy worked and was designed and how it can be improved. By looking at different toys, I observed how the same idea can be interpreted and executed differently by different engineers. As I grew older, I pursued my interest in cars, looking at different engines and even taking some apart. Again, I was amazed at the differences in some of the engine components of different cars. I would often ask my father why some components are designed differently, and we would talk for hours about the manufacturing process and function of the different components. After these debates, I would often be left with the smile on my face that came when I realized someone had a great idea and designed something to carry it out in the best and most efficient way possible.

When I started high school, I was very anxious to start taking engineering classes at my school. These classes were unlike any other classes I had taken before; instead of being taught something and told to memorize it, I was taught how something and told to apply it to solve a specific problem. I was amazed by the diversity of solutions developed by my peers and I, and would often take note of how the strengths of all the solutions could be combined to produce the best design. When I took more advanced math and science classes, I was taught about different theories and governing laws. Seeing how engineers applied these theories in real life only increased my interest in engineering and attested my desire to pursue it further.

At Cornell University, I would be able to pursue my interest in engineering in ways unmatched by other institutions. The world-renowned professors and faculty will ensure I get the best education possible and help me apply my education to real-world situations. The state-of-the-art facilities will help me with these applications, as will the internships and opportunities to work in the field with Cornell's many partners. The invaluable experience that will be gained through this use of Cornell's facilities and partnerships will allow me to use my education to help solve ongoing problems such as the energy crisis and developing innovative "green" technology. Additionally, the ability to study and even research different engineering principles will make me a better problem solver and allow me to use these skills in the future, where I plan to study medicine.

Specifically, I'm not so sure about the content in the last paragraph and if it sufficiently answers the essay prompt. The second sentence in the second paragraph and the the fourth sentence in the fourth paragraph are also worrying me a bit, I'm not sure if they're coherent.

Thank you guys and Happy New Year!
alphacat92   
Dec 28, 2009
Undergraduate / Bu essay. 3 words that describe you! comments are welcome! [4]

The girl knew she should return to her bedroom and continue sleeping ; she had been warned not to touch stray animals because of risks which she could not recall when she was facing a quivering puppy. She couldn't bring herself to close that door,to turn her back on a suffering being.

I really like the opening, it is interesting and draws the reader in. But I think it is a bit slow, try to get to the main points quicker. But I also like your approach and the essay was interesting to read. Good work!
alphacat92   
Dec 29, 2009
Undergraduate / Common App Essay: Achievement/Significant experience- fixing my boat [2]

I really like your use of imagery, it makes me feel like I'm right there with you! But maybe don't make the job sound so bad, because you were able to reap the benefits of your hard work later. Also, try including a before-and-after type of image, where you reiterate on how you improved and how this will help you in the future (in college and beyond).

Good work!
alphacat92   
Dec 31, 2009
Undergraduate / NYU Supplements - Famous NewYorker and poem/limerick [13]

Wow, your poem is great. For the other question, I would suggest maybe describing a bit more about lady gaga? I know who she is, but not in detail. Hopefully, the person reading it will be more knowledgeable than I am, but you can't always count on it! Great work though!

Please take a look at my revised question here:
alphacat92   
Feb 4, 2010
Undergraduate / NY City, area of interest, NYU-Poly - essay prompts, kindly review [2]

1.If you could spend one day in New York City with a famous inventor, who would you like it to be, where would you go, and why?

If I could spend one day in NYC with a famous inventor, I would take Nikolaus August Otto to the New York International Auto Show. In addition to being one of the most famous events in New York City, this show epitomizes the progression of Otto's development of the internal combustion engine. The invention of this engineering marvel was due Otto's desire to make existing engines, which were impractical due to the fact that they needed lots of expensive fuel, more efficient and accessible. This notion encompasses the beauty of engineering: creativity and ingenuity resulting in an innovation that greatly improved people's lives and allowed for technological advancement at an unprecedented rate. Because of Otto's invention, faster and safer transportation has been feasible, and the many sports cars, pickups and sedans at the New York International Auto Show exemplify this. They also show how future engineering, coupled with the same beliefs Otto possessed when he developed his engine, will allow for the development of cars that can run on renewable energy and alleviate the energy crisis.

2.Tell us why you selected your major or your area of interest.

Ever since I was a kid, I was interested in both engineering and medicine. Studying medicine will allow me to help people in many ways. In addition to being able to save people's lives, studying medicine will allow me to help make people healthier and improve their lives. The field of medicine is a vast and interesting field that incorporates knowledge and inquisition with cutting-edge technology, and this has drawn me in and made me want to study it. The technological advancements constantly made in medicine are often products of engineering, another field I am very interested in studying at NYU-Poly.

I am intrigued by the problem-solving methods of engineers and how their work improves our lives in ways both completely different from and complementary to medicine. From the development of machines that help surgeons to machines that entertain us, engineering is an important facet in our daily lives. As a kid, I looked at different toys and observed how the same idea can be interpreted and executed differently by engineers. As I grew older, I pursued my interest in cars, looking at engines and even taking some apart. Again, I was amazed at the differences in the designs of some engine components of different cars. I would often ask my father why these components are designed differently, and we would talk for hours about the manufacturing process and functions of the components. After these debates, I would often be left with the smile on my face that came when I realized the true beauty of engineering. Seeing how different engineers solve the same problems and even trying to formulate my own ways to solve them interests me in ways nothing else can .

3.Why do you want to attend NYU-Poly?

NYU-Poly is one of the premier science and engineering schools in NYC, as well as in the whole country. Despite being a large school, the close-knit community [that] I observed when I visited NYU-Poly was [simply] unmatched by other institutions. The vast variety of studies to choose from at NYU-Poly will allow me to study engineering while pursuing medicine. Being able to study both fields will consequently allow me to develop unique problem solving skills, which are required for success in both fields. The world-renowned professors at NYU-Poly will ensure I get the best education possible and help me apply this education to the real world. In addition to the experience I will gain from the use of NYU-Poly's state-of-the-art facilities and labs, being in the heart of NYC will allow me to further pursue my interests through internships and opportunities to work in engineering and medicine. NYU-Poly offers its students many resources to excel and gain valuable work experience, and attending NYU-Poly will help me realize my goal of helping others through my use of medicine and the strong engineering background that can only be attained at this prestigious institution.

There is no minimum word count because this is a Dean's application. Please review and tell me if there is anything that is unclear or needs revision. Thank you for your help!
alphacat92   
Feb 4, 2010
Undergraduate / Common Application- Favorite Activity (I participated in Green Team) [8]

and I realized my prior efforts to help fell short
This kind of makes it seem like the efforts were worthless, even though they did help a little. Maybe replace "fell short" with "relatively small" or something like that.

Also, I had the opportunity to listen to speakers lecture about heating
"Speakers lecture" is redundant; the reader knows that there must be a speaker in order for there to be a lecture! Replace with just "lectures"

I take shorter showers, recycle used leaves of paper
Kind of repeating what you started off with; you should just use this once. Maybe think of other habits?
Please read my essay!
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