Undergraduate / "Chasing A Childhood Dream" - Carnegie Mellon Supplement Essay [6]

I'm kind of in a rut over this one...could anyone please help me look over what I've written and give some suggestions? Thanks!

Carnegie Mellon Undergraduate Admissions Essay

I'm in better shape than most of you.

Not the words of a dying man. Nor would a dying man be laughing and doing push-ups in front of a stadium jam-packed with people. This was a literal "last lecture" by a man who grew up like any other boy and later ended up changing the lives of over six million people worldwide. Carnegie Mellon Professor Randy Pausch did not choose to spend his remaining time on earth wallowing in self-pity - he chose to do something. He asked us all to use our lives wisely and fulfill our dreams just as he had.

What would you do if you only had three months left? I'd go back to China, my mom replies. My twelve-year-old brother has a different idea - he'd play wii games until his time was up. But when I ask my grandmother this question, she simply smiles and says I'd do nothing, because I've had everything. By everything, my grandmother means good and bad. Three heart attacks and a life ruled by diabetes have made her mind stronger even as her health deteriorated. She was the one that taught me to play accordion while methodically cutting her finger to test blood sugar levels. No matter how carefully she tried to keep the disease at bay, eventually it bust through. My dream has always been to cure her, to break her out of the broken body she's been trapped in. It's a dream I plan to fulfill.

Dreams must have a foundation. I've been fortunate not only to have the opportunities to develop my interest in science, but also to have the motivation that keeps a disgruntled teenager interested while learning the fundamentals. The first summer as a lab intern at the Armed Forces Institute of Pathology I was almost driven up the wall by the various security procedures and the monotony of practicing simple tasks - such as using pipettes to transfer tap water from beaker to beaker for practice. At that point I was ready to give up, but my parents encouraged me to try again. The next summer I went to the lab once more, and having learned the boring fundamentals, my experience was exponentially more interesting. Cell lines made for fascinating pets - the cells I grew were infinitely more exciting than my boring goldfish at home. By the time the next summer came around, I was almost dying to go back to the lab, as my mentor had promised me an actual research project. The next eight weeks I feverishly read previous literature, gathered samples, stained slides, messed up and re-stained, analyzed staining, and then finally came up with a conclusion. It really had taken all the "boring" skills I'd accumulated over the past two summers to conduct my project. As Randy Pausch said, you've got to get the fundamentals down because otherwise the fancy stuff won't work.

So now I'm ready for the fancy stuff-and that's why I chose Carnegie Mellon. With an amazing 85% placement into medical school, Carnegie Mellon is not a place for ordinary people. It's a community where people with all sorts of diverse talents go to become extraordinary. The Mellon College of Science offers numerous many internships and research opportunities, not to mention an extremely helpful Health Professions Program to serve as a guide for the future after college. With such a close knit, helpful community, dreams definitely can be achieved. Just like Randy Pausch, I hail from Maryland, and come prepared to dedicate myself to hard work that comes with attending a world-renowned university, Carnegie Mellon. There is no better place to embark on the next step of chasing a childhood dream than the school from which your inspiration graduated. I choose Carnegie Mellon, not only to achieve my dreams, but to lead my life. Changing the world is on my to-do list, and Carnegie Mellon is the perfect place to do so.

Undergraduate / All We Need is Love - University of Virginia Supplement [4]

This is one of the supplements for the University of Virginia - any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Please feel free to be as harsh as you want. thanks! Leave me a link and I'll be sure to return the favor :)

Describe the world you come from and how that world shaped who you are.

Sometimes love is all we have. My parents have always joked that upon first arriving in the United States from China, their single battered suitcase was filled with only a handful of dreams and a gallon of love. With only each other to depend on, they began building their new life step by slow step. I was born to two full time graduate students, so my grandparents made the voyage to America to take care of me. Both being professors, they never let my young mind go slack. Under their guidance, I solved jigsaw puzzles and learned math via cheerios throughout the day. But every night, when my parents came home, we'd all sit together on the battered couch in our tiny living room and just laugh. Years later, I realize that laughter is what kept our family together through the layoffs, the health problems, and arguments. Laughter is the common language in a diverse country. It is laughter that unites China and Latin America as my Hispanic friends teach me to dance bachata and merengue. It is laughter that allows me to enjoy injera with my Ethiopian friends. It is laughter that has made all the difference in my life, because when I laugh, I learn to love and appreciate. I don't dream of being a multimillionare with a hundred cars and houses, because it distracts from what really matters. At the end of the day, love is all we need.

Undergraduate / Starting a Revolution - University of Virginia Supplement Essay [5]

This is University of Virginia's supplement essay for the college of arts and sciences. Could you take a look and leave me some suggestions? Leave a link and I'll be sure to return the favor. Thanks! :)

What work of art, music, science, mathematics, or literature has surprised, unsettled, or challenged you, and in what way?

There is no way out. Hands shaking in fearful anticipation, I take my seat in front of the impatient crowd. Inhaling deeply, I place my hesitant fingers upon the piano, starting my struggle against expectations and misgivings.

The Revolution starts now.

As one of the most well-known classics, Chopin's Revolutionary Etude is timeless in its ability to hold up a mirror to our lives. Hidden in this reflection are numerous messages, each with a valuable lesson to bestow upon anyone who is willing to seek and learn.

Giddy with self-importance due to the twelve years of piano lessons under my belt, I first picked up the crisp white sheets of The Revolutionary Etude about a year ago. I was foolish to think that arduous practice would result in a perfect performance. The notes on the paper before me, which I had taken for flesh and blood, were only the skeleton of the song. For music to speak, it must be first be given a voice. The composer provides the music, and the performers supply the voice. Working together, each supplements the other, converting an assortment of notes into a timeless classic. As long as there are performers, there will be the breath of life that gives such songs their immortality.

Knowing my responsibility, my fingers stop trembling. Chopin is no longer turning over in his grave. Instead, he has escaped, transcending time and space, living on through his music. All I have to do is be the voice. Because sometimes, a voice is all it takes to start an entire revolution.