Undergraduate / "a member of the Jazz Club" - University of Michigan - diversity short answer [6]

Hey, PLEASE HELP ME. I don't know if what I've written is relevant to the prompt. I also need to cut down on words. It was way longer than this before, and because of my efforts to cut down it seems abrupt in many places. Can anyone please help me improve this/tell me if it's irrelevant so I can rewrite it? PLEASE help!

"We know that diversity makes us a better university - better for learning, for teaching, and for conducting research." (U-M President Mary Sue Coleman)

Share an experience through which you have gained respect for intellectual, social, or cultural differences. Comment on how your personal experiences and achievements would contribute to the diversity of the University of Michigan.

When I became a member of the Jazz Club in school, I only intended to learn how to play it. Handing over my position as vice-chairperson at the end of my term, I realized that playing Jazz was something I could never fully learn. Instead, I learnt a new way of life, and that became one of the most meaningful things I had ever learnt in my 12 years of schooling.

In no way did I have any personal experience or encounter with the people who would teach me what I was to learn - they lived in the 19th century. The Africans that were brought to America as slaves did not ask to be humiliated, collared, whipped and killed - for errs as trivial as working too slowly, yet, despite their beaten bodies, their hearts were so full of strength, life and song, and their work songs and field hollers paved the way for a Music such as Jazz, a Music so dear to America.

I admit, I was one of those who thought that Jazz was for playing in fancy restaurants with crystal chandeliers and spiral staircases. Learning this bit of history was a shock to me, but it helped me see the strength of the human spirit. Not only did these African slaves revolutionize the music of that era, they have also swum boldly against the current that was so eager to push them downstream.

In the world that I live and have lived in, sufferings as that of the slaves are unbeknownst to us, yet we moan endlessly about nothing more than a broken fingernail. Jazz has sparked a passion for music and taught me to improvise. The song of the slaves has taught me to find joy in what I have, and to stretch beyond what I can reach, and all this I will bring to the University of Michigan.

It's currently 313 words long when it's supposed to be approx 250 words long.
Any help will be VERY MUCH APPRECIATED. Thanks!

Undergraduate / "I wanted to be a boy" - U of Wisconsin statement [12]

Questions/issues I have:
1. Does it answer the prompt appropriately?
2. General sentence-structure/grammar
3. Comments?

Prompt: The University values an educational environment that provides all members of the campus community with opportunities to grow and develop intellectually, personally, culturally and socially. In order to give us a more complete picture of you as an individual, please tell us about the particular life experiences, perspectives, talents, commitments and/or interests you will bring to our campus. In other words, how will your presence enrich our community?

I have had many big and bold ambitions: I wanted to invent a never-ending energy source and win a Nobel Prize for solving the world's energy crisis; I wanted to be a doctor - to help people, save lives and use a stethoscope; I wanted to be a vet, because I love and loved animals. I even wanted to be a fireman, just to save cats from trees.

But the most long-lasting ambition I had was also the most unrealistic, impractical and improbable - I wanted to be a boy.

I am in no way unsure of my sexuality, but in my 9-year-old mind, boys seemed to have all the advantages. Girls played with hair. Hair. And dolls - dolls which did nothing till you pretended they were alive. But boys! They had light-producing, stunt-performing, remote-controlled cars; they would brandish their swords to engage in a grand and heroic swordfight; they even had transforming fire engines! But best of all, they could run around naked without being hauled in to get "dressed". Dresses, to me, were restrictive beyond anything I could imagine. "What's the use of looking pretty when I can't kick a ball?" I once asked my mum.

My father had wanted me to be a boy as well, when I was conceived. Chinese tradition had always esteemed boys as the better sex, since boys would carry the family name to later generations. I recently found out that up till last year, shares in the family business my father was part of could only be given to boys with the family name. Since my two siblings are my half-siblings, I was my father's only direct descendent, so to speak, hence there's no surprise that he wanted a boy.

But I am a girl. While sometimes I still resent how as a girl I cannot stay out late because "There are Dangerous People out there", I've come to understand and appreciate that some things cannot be changed, and the fact that I am a girl is but one of them. I was reluctant to accept it at first, but over the years I've learnt that the grass is greener on this side, if only I look at it in the right light - I have the softness of a girl, the power to be affectionate. I have the ability to be a girl with both character and personality, someone in touch with my emotions and that of others. Taking a different perspective on the issue taught me that there are always pros that come with cons.

And this lesson is not just about the advantages of being a girl - the concept of finding the good in any given circumstance applies to all aspects of my life. "Always look on the bright side of life" (from Monty Python's Life of Brian) may seem clichéd, but it is something I have truly learnt to do; to see the good on both sides of the coin, and to find beauty in an empty glass, even when the odds seem to be against me.

I have learnt that smooth seas do not make a skilled sailor, and that something good always comes out of every situation, no mater how bad things may seem. Despite my being a girl, despite being dumped by my best friend, despite being light-years away from "perfect", my setbacks shape me into me. Be it lessons I have yet to learn or bruises I have yet to endure, I have my kneepads on, and I'm ready, because I know that with every step I take on rocky ground, I gain the art of mastering my balance.

With my outlook on life, I will inject cheer into the lives of my peers; with the culture that I carry, I will add color and diversity; with my dreams, I will lead, and enrich the campus community.

Undergraduate / "the Gifted Education Programme" - U of Wisconsin statement 2 [5]

1. Is it okay that I did not full address "tell us about your academic goals" besides about 2 sentences?
2. The conclusion does not directly answer the question. Any way to improve it?
3. There are a lot of problems with this essay, I can feel something wrong with it, but I don't really know where to start correcting it. help!

4. Again, the word count is an issue. Should be 250-500 words, but it is already 530 and I feel like something is missing.

Prompt: Tell us about your academic goals, circumstances that may have had an impact on your academic performance, and, in general, anything else you would like us to know in making an admission decision.

I was always at the top of the class when I started school at 7 and when I was 10 I was admitted into the Gifted Education Programme. I was a bright, intelligent and promising young girl - the pride and joy of my family.

But entering the top girls' secondary school in Singapore at 13 had changed me completely. It was a time where I was the most impressionable and vulnerable - I was a young teenager, eager to impress and easily disappointed, and overly dependent on the views of my peers. Frankly speaking, I had some major self-esteem issues - I thought I was fat when I was almost underweight; I felt incredibly inadequate because everyone else around me was academically just as good, if not better; I had problems mixing with people because I tried too hard to be liked by them, that I had almost completely lost myself. It may seem over-dramatic, but there came a point where I had seriously contemplated suicide.

Evidently, this took a toll on my studies. My grades plummeted, and I blamed it all on being in the best school - that the papers were harder, the competition was tougher, and an array of other excuses. In fact, I was just too caught up with everything but the right thing.

And this all lasted for 3 whole years. I looked at myself one day and I realised how much I hated who, or what, I had become. It gave me the determination and will to change.

I have since matured - grown older and wiser. I now know that there was nothing wrong with me in the first place - I did not have to change myself to try to be a part of others. I now make friends easily because I am proud of the person that I am; people are naturally drawn to me because I am comfortable with myself.

I also know what things are most important, and I have set my priorities right. I have put academics on the list of my top priorities, together with religion and family. It is one area in which I believe I can achieve great successes in, and where I am willing to give my all. I believe that God has gifted me with the intelligence and potential to do well, and I will make use of this gifting wisely.

But it has been hard getting back on the right track and getting into the momentum of things; I shall be honest about it and say that I am not the best student out there. But I have fallen before, and I have learnt how to climb back up. That is one very important lesson that I have learnt, and I believe it will help me in the years to come - not only in my studies, but in life.

I might have spent a good 3 years of my life in a puddle, and another 2 years or so climbing out of it, but it is something I do not and will not regret because it made me much better off - it taught me about identity, it taught me humility and it taught me to stand up.

Help will be very very much appreciated. Thanks!

Undergraduate / courses I'm interested in are poles apart - psychology and engineering. [3]

Hey, I just got my A level grades and I did well. According to the UCAS site, as an international student I have the opportunity to send in my applications now and they'll still be considered, so I decided to give it a shot.

But I'm facing a major problem - the courses I'm interested in are poles apart - psychology and engineering.

How do I write my personal statement? According to the UCAS site, the PS is an "opportunity to tell universities and colleges about your suitability for the course(s) that you hope to study. You need to demonstrate your enthusiasm and commitment, and above all, ensure that you stand out from the crowd."

Since I have to talk about the course, does that mean that I have to choose either engineering or psychology?

PLEASE HELP ME, ASAP too - i would appreciate it very much.