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Posts by shreeek
Joined: Dec 31, 2009
Last Post: Jan 10, 2010
Threads: 2
Posts: 13  
From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 15
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shreeek   
Dec 31, 2009
Undergraduate / Calculus or Bust, adding depth to my essay, and relating it back to the prompt. [3]

I think this is a pretty well-written essay and I liked the topic as well.

I agree with the previous post, about making a generalization to better fit the prompt. This way you're answering the prompt and the story is justifying it.

Also, although the quote is important, I don't know how much significance needs to be given to it since it was referred to as more of a "starting off point" in the prompt.
shreeek   
Dec 31, 2009
Undergraduate / Russia daughters and fathers names - Cornell essay-- College of Arts and sciences [7]

I liked the switch from Russian to Morrocan culure at the beginning; good hook.

I like the general idea of the essay: you're interested in learning about other cultures. However, I think it'd be stronger if you went further in talking about where or why this interest stemmed from. This way you'd also be able to hit on more of the evolution of your interests as described in the prompt.

Just some thoughts.

If you'd like to return the favor, that'd be awesome :)
shreeek   
Dec 31, 2009
Undergraduate / 'prosperous society' - Lehigh Supplement - Equity and Community [5]

I understand what you're getting at, but I feel like more of your personality should show through. It almost feels like a by-the-book definition. Maybe if you were better explain why these are the definitions YOU go by , or use other defs in contrast to yours to highlight your opinion. I mean, yea its clearly your opinion since it's in your essay,but what can be done to emphasize that?

Sorry if that's vague. And you can totally ignore this if you want, they're just my opinions.

Otherwise, I really like the concluding statement you make about equity being a catalyst for improvement. Good idea flow throughout your essay.

If ya don't mind looking over mine, I'd really appreciate that as well:
shreeek   
Jan 1, 2010
Undergraduate / UPenn page 217 of my autobiography: Strength of Stature [8]

This is a really great essay! is there anything specifically you need help on?

I mean, as I was reading it I thought you may have forgotten about the prompt,but you tie all back in with the last three paragraphs.
shreeek   
Jan 1, 2010
Student Talk / Payment Question (it doesn't show up on the Common App site yet) [21]

yea this happened to me, i emailed the common app people and this is the response i got: "If you have received a valid payment receipt from a Sallie Mae payment (email confirmation), but the payment is not showing up in the Common App Online, plea...(tharr be more)se use the "Other Fee Waiver" option or "Mail Check" to indicate payment. This will allow you to continue with the submission process. Your record will be updated within the next 24-48 hours to indicate the successful credit card payment."

good luck!
shreeek   
Jan 1, 2010
Undergraduate / UVa Supplement on Challenging Piece of Work- Need Critique Desperately! [2]

this is really great! i enjoyed reading it.

you do an excellent job of describing why the film is unsettling unself, however, maybe you could add more of a personal response. why did this particluar terrible fate for the characters affect YOU? maybe work on elaborating a bit more on the "in what way" part of the prompt.

otherwise, it's really well written.

do you mind returning the favor? and i'm a wee bit desperate and would really appreciate feedback:
shreeek   
Jan 4, 2010
Undergraduate / BU essay: humor, openminded, charisma [6]

any feedback (grammatical errors, addressing the prompt) in general would be fantastic.
[leave a link and will gladly look over your work]

Essay prompt: In an essay of no more than 500 words, please select three words that describe you best and tell us how you will use these qualities/characteristics to contribute fully to the BU community.

If you know of the academic rigor in the International Baccalaureate Program, then you may also know of how intense things can get at the time of midterms and finals. Throughout all of this gloom, a light sense of humor can seldom be found. As a personal favor to myself and others, I prefer to be optimistically entertaining during such situations. Whether that involves studying the causes of World War I through Disney songs or coming up with defensive statements for Sarah Palin in mock debate; hilarity is a vital part of any environment and will be especially beneficial to the occasional stresses of college life.

Just as I use humor to keep things in perspective, I know it's quite important to consider all perspectives. I plan on majoring in international relations, where differing points-of-view are of the essence. Coming from a strictly traditional Indian family living in a country of completely different traditions, I've learned to understand, accept and expect differences ranging from familial, academic to social norms. Being open-minded allows for a clearer thought process since I can understand a situation holistically, and when necessary, find an effective solution. For instance, when leading a recent meeting for Habitat for Humanity at school, we were at a loss for a unique fundraiser our entire school would want to participate in. The already small club seemed even smaller since no one spoke. Given that I dislike putting anyone on the spot, I began spouting off random ideas to get the ball rolling, "okay everyone I didn't want to go there but, maybe we can have our own penny drive competing against those Ensworth kids. We can totally take 'em!" A new member spoke up, "but aren't they just first-graders..?" As the group laughed, the light tensions of nervousness seem to ease and students began to open up.

In this sense, being open-minded set a more welcoming atmosphere. And it is in this atmosphere I speak to others in hopes of bringing about any and all of their thoughts and opinions to the surface. Through leadership positions in school and other communities, my charisma has developed. Our Habitat group soon came up with the idea of asking our school's distinguished dance team to put on a special preview show where we charged for admission. I began this group with a friend this year, and in only a few months we have accomplished so much. I generally enjoy working with people to make a difference, so when the opportunity presents itself, I take it. It's with this outlook that I will help strengthen social and academic societies at BU.

At BU, I know I will learn much from my peers and teachers. However, I hope to help them as well by fostering an open atmosphere. With humor and an open-minded and charismatic character, I can enhance the vibrant atmosphere that makes up Boston University.
shreeek   
Jan 4, 2010
Undergraduate / BU supplement 3 words= "Alice in Wonderland-ish" [5]

This is pretty great. I mean, really enjoyed your essay and the way in which you managed to tie in Alice in Wonderland into all of it. good job :)

Not gonna lie: I was a bit confused with the intro for a second, but it made sense once I hit the self-identity part.

Otherwise,I'm not really sure what you're looking for feedback wise, maybe if you have space with the word count give more specifics on how you'll contribute to BU? (Although I don't know how necessary that is.) Sorry I'm not of much help, but I really do like this!

If you have time, would you mind going over my essay for BU (It's def not as good as yours... but help would be appreciated!)
shreeek   
Jan 4, 2010
Undergraduate / BU essay: humor, openminded, charisma [6]

thanks, appreciate that! good luck to you as well!

do you think i should remove the bit about my traditional family,or is it fine? its informative, but i don't know if it flows..
shreeek   
Jan 4, 2010
Grammar, Usage / Kevin has a question... What is an essay? [22]

hey Kevin! I look at an essay like how Jon Yu described it, a written form of explaining something through language. It can be objective or subjective, and it seems those that are subjective generally convey emotions as well, while those that are objective are more informative (but thats not set in stone).

Nice topic, thanks!

If you have time, would you mind looking over my BU three words essay as well please.
shreeek   
Jan 4, 2010
Undergraduate / Brown supplement--best advice [4]

nice job! made me laugh and was interesting.

this is all i really saw for attempts to shorten it: Like the multiplier effect in economics, my father's advice has had rippled effects on my outlook of the world;and thus, it is undoubtedly the best advice I have ever received.

if you have time, i'd appreciate it if you were to look over my essay for BU. Thanks in advance.
shreeek   
Jan 4, 2010
Undergraduate / BU Supplement (Enthusiastic, Curious, Open-Minded,) [2]

It has been a tough choice to pick only three adjectives to describe me as Ashraf Ali. There is much to talk about that it is nearly impossible to fit in this essay.[you could probs remove this, its just filler] Nonetheless, here are three of my favorite adjectives; I am enthusiastic, creative and open-minded. Out of the three adjectives, the characteristic that I am most proud to have[of] is enthusiasm. Without enthusiasm everything will be[seems] boring. I do not mean to be vague by saying "everything" but it looks and sounds boring when nobody shows interest in their activities. And who said curiosity killed the cat? I am a very curious person who LOVES to find and learn new ideas. My curiosity leads me to being open-minded. One should be open-minded and be willing to listen to anything and accept everyone's opinions because they are entitled to speak their mind. When one is closed-minded, the other would get a signal which would translate into "Your opinion does not matter to me." My qualities will, with no doubt, enlighten any community because these are some features everyone should have.[i dunno about this part, not to sound rude, but it sounds a bit narcissistic since you're saying everyone should be like that]

I am enthusiastic about what I love doing,: helping others. Since I was a young boy, I have always helped my mother around the house and the same applies to school. On a certain day, I was asked by my school's administrative assistant to obtain[i think maybe bring would work better here?] any mail from the first floor all the way up to the fourth floor of the building (where our school is located). I told her, "Sure, no problem!" The next day, I went up to her and asked her if she would like me to bring the mail upstairs and I plan to continue doing this until I graduate! Another example of my enthusiasm would be in my last class of the day. Typically, others do not seem interested because they would like to leave as soon as it is time for dismissal. I always raise my hand because the class is interesting and I always participate when my teacher asks for volunteers when he would like us to do a human model of the circulatory system, digestive system and the respiratory system. I, myself, love this type of learning because of the hands-on experience that is involved. Enthusiasm is what keeps my blood flowing![haha nice.]

Not only I am enthusiastic but I am also curious. I am curious because I love to explore. This year I am traveling to two foreign countries: Guatemala in February and Italy in late March, which is my senior trip . These are two incredibly exciting learning opportunities because it would be my first time visiting these countries. I would be able to test my wonderful Spanish speaking proficiency in Guatemala and I would learn more about Rome because my Latin teachers relate to Roman history in their lessons. I always keep in mind that learning is more fun outside of the classroom and curiosity goes a long way. I always ask questions if I am confused or would like to know more about the topic.

I am an open-minded person who takes people's best interests at heart. Having an open mind consists of having patience and acceptance of all opinions no matter how different it is to[from] your [own] . BeingA tolerant person respects another's feelings, but you cannot always agree with everything that people say. To value another's opinion and avoid any further conflict, I agree to disagree. There is no need for one to get angry when another states their opinion. My belief is conflict can be avoided when people are perceptive.

I would like to conclude that enthusiasm and curiosity isare the engines of discovery because we all can learn much when we possess these qualities. One should also be open-minded to maintain respect and avoid drama. I will continue to use these qualities and contribute to any community that I may become part of because I know that these qualities will unite people and keep them separated . [Confused about the last bit, uniting people AND keeping them separate?]

these are just suggestions. good luck!
shreeek   
Jan 10, 2010
Undergraduate / GWU essay:"was that the japanese embassy?!" [2]

hello all. this is my supplement for GW, here's the prompt: Attach an essay of no more than 500 words indicating what most influenced you to apply to The George Washington University (required of all applicants). If you are applying to an accelerated or special program, also explain why you are interested in this program at GW.

Any feedback would be appreciated. Also, I'm three words over the limit, do you think that's a big deal? Thank you in advance!

"That's a nice building," my dad calmly remarked as we turned the corner.

"Hmm, yea it is," I said as I looked over. I did a double take when I noticed the unique East-Asian style of architecture. "It's a gorgeous building..." I said as realization spread over me. "I think that was the Japanese Embassy. Dad! We just drove by the Japanese Embassy!" After my mini-episode resulting from the awe of being so close to something I've only studied through literature, I did not think this visit could get any better. Amazingly, I was wrong.

After weeks of online research, my expectations for the actual visit to the George Washington University were quite high. I'd read, re-read and almost memorized various aspects of the different schools within the university, ranging from the unofficial hippo mascot to the Capital Markets Trading room. My seed of interest in the school was planted when I noticed GWU's leading role in international affairs education with the excellence of the Elliot School to the dedication towards research projects like the Institute of International Economic Policy.

I am completely enamored by international relations, but felt that something was missing. As I delved deeper into understanding the university, I found what I feel is "missing" may be satisfied by the additional study of business, economics or possibly law next to international affairs. What I was not expecting was the chance to choose a fitting field of study at a place like GW that fosters to all of them. The school's core curriculum is the ideal way for a student like myself to learn more about a particular area of interest before choosing it as a major.

Just as well, GWU does something many schools claim but cannot live up to and that is the ability to go farther than academics. As a student guide skillfully walked backwards while explaining various social aspects of the school, I simply fell more in love with "G-Dub." Despite the urban location, I found a sense of school spirit was quite present through the posters advertising different events and student organizations. Signs for Raaja Yoga and a Bhangra dance competition covered the windows of buildings as the guide explained student involvement within the school also reached out to the DC community and abroad through internships and volunteer work. Just as I continue work with Habitat for Humanity in DC, I hope to learn more about working with non-governmental organizations. An internship with the Council on Foreign Relations would allow me to hone my research skills and learn about NGOs.

I was hooked to the George Washington University because of its expertise in international studies, drawn in by its ideal location for such a field of study and have only been carried in deeper by the multitude of diverse people and exciting opportunities that would come my way once a student. I have been searching for a school that fosters academic development through a multitude of learning experiences and George Washington University does that and more.
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