Undergraduate /
GMSP steps toward future ambitions [3]
I always imagine my future and I sometimes ask myself "when will it come?" It can be today, tomorrow, next week, next month or next year. I have innumerable ambitions that will better me as an individual. I know that my future goals seem distant, but I have high ambitions for myself.
Being a positive person, never backing down, and achieving everything at all cost are the main reasons why I think I will be able to fulfill my future goals.
Helmut Schmidt said that, "whoever wants to reach a distant goal must take small steps". I think the quote should be the very first sentence of your essay. I have a lot of short term goals that will contribute to my long term goal.
My first short term goal is to start being organize, and continue maintaining all A's and a G.P.A of 4.0. Another goal is complete my one hundred and twenty hours of work and community service. I currently need only ten more hours to complete this goal.
Likewise, I hope to complete my post secondary program called seniors to sophomore program with honors. Correspondingly I
aspire to become the president of PENSA, my church youth organization. Another goal is working towards receiving scholarships so I can afford my college education. My other short term goals are to obtain good grades during college in hopes of someday obtaining my bachelors degree. I also plan to acquire a job while going to college and also make myself known to the community where my school is by doing community services and internship at a hospital or an art studio. I want to major in
pre-med is not a major, you may want to say "follow the pre-med track" and minor in art. I love to draw. I draw when I get bored or when I am
don't use words like freaking out in, instead say art is your outlet for expressing yourself when you are having a bad day or just as a hobby or when I am sad. I want to intern in a medical field, during my freshmen year in college, so that I could get a head start in my long term goal. During my years in college, I plan on joining educational organizations or clubs that can help the community.
My last short term goal is related to my long term goal. I plan to major in nursing first and earn my Bachelors degree.
Correspondingly -- you used this word twice, find a better word to replace it I hope to acquire a job as a nurse and then use the money I earn as a nurse to provide for myself through medical school to become a doctor and a cardiologist. My mother has heart issues but she has never had a heart attack. Her doctor says that part of her heart is swollen and any tension could trigger her to have heart attacks or die. My desire to become a cardiologist and a doctor is because I don't want people to go through what my mother is going through or worst. I want to help make the world be a better place. My other long term goal is to go back to my country Ghana and build a free clinic for them. People die everyday because they do not have money to go to hospitals. Doctors charge money from people without even thinking about the person first. For them, if a person does not have the money to pay for his or her self, they are not going to help the person.
I want that kind of nonsense to cease. They are all people just like me and treating them as such does not feel right. -- You could replace this statment by saying , I would like to improve the condition of healthcare in Ghana, where doctors tend to think of their own best interests instead of their patients'.
My educational plans have always been related. To achieve the best I can was and has never always being enough. I strive for more than the best I can possibly do and obtain grades that I am proud of. I plan to study very hard and take all my courses serious in college and progress in life without forgetting the people who contributed to my success in life.
You tend to use a lot of simple sentences, and I think you could improve your essay by adding some complex sentences to make it easier to read/sound better. The highlighted red items are what I think you should replace in your essay.
hope it helps and please edit my essay