Posts by trevor5249

trevor5249

Mar 12, 2010

Undergraduate / 'Each course ended with a major project' - Describe what leadership means to you [18]

Hi, I know I just registered today but I really do need help on the essay portion for my supplemental. Thank you in advance. The max amount of words are 200. I currently have 163

I believe that in order to be called a leader you must have the ability to influence others to achieve a certain goal. However, true leaders are not born with this ability but rather earned. Leaders can only accomplish this by applying their own leadership attributes, for example their ideas, ethics, morals, expertise, values, personality and knowledge. An effective leader is one that can gain respect from others by being confident and having good charisma. Being the manager of my school store allowed me to gain leadership skills, teamwork skills and communication skills. Teamwork is a must because the store is split into groups. I acquired my teamwork skills by having to work together with the finance group, inventory group and clothing group. I believe setting a good example and being confident in what I do will allow me to gain much needed respect from my students. I set rules to allow others to know that I am in charge. In my past few months as manager I have been able to influence students to help me on a big promotion. The promotion came up with stellar results and to this day it's still in session.

trevor5249

Mar 13, 2010

Undergraduate / 'Each course ended with a major project' - Describe what leadership means to you [18]

What kind of details am I missing? Examples would be great thank you in advance

trevor5249

Mar 13, 2010

Undergraduate / essay about more people prefer living alone than in the past [7]

I think that using a real life example or even an anecdote might be good

trevor5249

Mar 13, 2010

Writing Feedback / Technical Article: How GNU/Linux differs from Unix [4]

Never use the word "so" when writing an essay or try not to. Especially, as the first word of a sentence

trevor5249

Mar 13, 2010

Undergraduate / 'Each course ended with a major project' - Describe what leadership means to you [18]

Thank you so much Kevin and I have corrected my paragraphs however, I surpassed the 200 words limit with 210. Do you know of something that I can cut off so it doesn't surpass the 200 words limit?

trevor5249

Mar 13, 2010

Essays / Psychology Opinion Paper (pointers/suggestions needed) [3]

Topic could be how the brain controls our wants and needs

trevor5249

Mar 13, 2010

Essays / Thesis Statement for A Separate Peace Chapter 1-3 [3]

I think its a good thesis however the sentence seems to be run on. Perhaps make it shorter. I think you can end the thesis after the word "instinct".

trevor5249

Mar 14, 2010

Undergraduate / 'Each course ended with a major project' - Describe what leadership means to you [18]

"What makes a good leader" UBC Business Supplemental

This is my full supplemental with all 3 questions. Any help on them would be very nice. Thank you all in advance.

Describe what leadership means to you. What qualities do you have that make you a leader? (200 words max)

READ ABOVE

Describe and evaluate one experience, during the last four years, that has significantly influenced your academic goals. (200 words max)

My dad and I were watching an episode of how successful entrepreneurs live their daily life and how they contributed to the world. I was very impressed at how much leadership they possessed to create an internationally known business. Bill Gates has been my idol ever since because he's the most successful businessman in the world and also donates to his own private foundation to enhance health care and reduce poverty globally. After watching I have been dreaming that I will one day become a successful entrepreneur, and at the same time create my own foundation to help the world and the less fortunate. I donated to the Starlight Foundation of Canada for the terminally ill and never felt better because I know that I had made a child's day. I believe business would be right for me because I enjoy having a leadership role. Being the manager of my school store taught me that being a leader means I'll need to make some hard decisions. One time I had to decide whether to do the promotion before the Christmas break or after. I decided to do it after the break and I think it was the right choice.

Please include any additional information about yourself that you would like the Admissions Committee to consider when reviewing your application. (500 words max.)

In my high school years I have taken five business courses which gave me a lot of valuable information. I've taken an accounting course, marketing course, business computer applications course, macroeconomics course and entrepreneurship course. In those courses I have learned how to create spreadsheets, charts, balance sheets and even a business plan. I hope to make it into the Sauder School of Business and boost my business knowledge even more. After graduating from the Sauder School of Business I hope to utilize the valuable skills that I've learnt to start up my own business. I have a dream that I will one day create a business that's not only successful but will be able to contribute to countries in poverty. You can call me ambitious but I plan to open up a café and slowly expand to many destinations around the world. With the vast amount of knowledge I will have gathered I hope to turn the café into a successful café chain. When the company prospers, I hope to create my own foundation. My mission would be to create schools and provide teachers in places with poverty. I believe that education is a vital key in getting countries out of poverty. I feel confident that I have the traits, ambitions and experience to be accepted. I hope in my stay at Sauder I will be learn more about business, taught discipline and maybe even make some good business connections.

trevor5249

Mar 14, 2010

Graduate / Working for Fujitsu Consulting India - active leadership role at profession [3]

I find the second paragraph quite weak. "I understood that this project could not be completed if I depend on one or two major resources that are familiar with all modules. So I had to involve all my team members. Also we had limited resources. In addition we had no time to recruit new resources and train them. Also I understand that I would be difficult to meet the deadline if I share the work randomly to my team members as many of them are not familiar with all the modules." You should revise some words such as "so" and "also" in the beginning of sentences. Using also once to start a sentence is okay but 2 in a row is not a good idea and the word "so" should be avoided in essays.

trevor5249

Mar 14, 2010

Undergraduate / 'Each course ended with a major project' - Describe what leadership means to you [18]

How about the other 2 questions do you think they're fine? Especially the second question I'm scared I didn't fit the topic correctly

trevor5249

Mar 15, 2010

Undergraduate / 'Each course ended with a major project' - Describe what leadership means to you [18]

I have corrected the first question but if I can get some insight on the 2 other questions it'd be perfect. I'm feeling very unconfident right now. I'm relying on my supplemental to get into university. Any kind of help would be much appreciated. Sorry if I sound impatient and rude just I'm panicking a little because it's due tomorrow night.

trevor5249

Mar 15, 2010

Essays / Thesis Statement Critique/Review - Anthropology (Introduction of the plough) [6]

Is the whole thing you put there the thesis statement or only the first sentence? I was taught to have your thesis statement only 1 sentence long. If the whole thing is your thesis try to sum it up in one sentence

trevor5249

Mar 15, 2010

Undergraduate / "Qualities that make me successful in bachelor of science"-Deadline in >24 hours [10]

So I have a supplemental that's due in less than 24 hours for the UBC BSc. Any help would be nice. I have a feeling my second answer is weak and any kind of help would be much appreciated. Thank you in advance.

What qualities do you have that prepare you for success in the Bachelor of Science program? (250 words max.)

A quality I possess that will help me prepare for Bachelor of Science program is my eagerness and determination to help others. Through volunteering and work experience I have gained leadership skills, decision-making skills, teamwork skills and communication skill. I have volunteered at various locations that deal with interacting and helping kids and adults. I'm currently volunteering at Science World and my job is to be a good role model and teach visitors about science in a fun way. Many times the adults even ask me questions on how some exhibits work. I've also volunteered at a H1N1 Flu Vaccine Clinic during the H1N1 pandemic. Vaccinations were scarce and I had to follow priority listings. This led me needing to make hard decisions as to whether or not decline the vaccination to a few people. Another quality I possess is being ambitious. I think that quality is required for biological sciences, especially if you want to research for new cures. My future goal would be to develop a cure for paraplegia and quadriplegia. I know that as of now there's no cure. However, when I graduate I believe that technology will improve and as a result will enable us to find cures that were never thought possible. My ambitions and determination will motivate me to learn and thus succeed in the Bachelor of Science program.

Describe one experience that influenced the kind of science you want to study. (250 words max.)

The Olympics have finally come to Vancouver, Canada. I have been following up on it every day checking up how many medals Canada won. However, I never went to the venues to see it live. When the Paralympics came I was given complimentary Ice Sledge Hockey tickets from Science World. As I was watching I was amazed at how well they could still play. Even though they could not skate properly on their two feet they were still able to find an alternative way to skate and play. The passes and goals were beautiful. The atmosphere of the arena was no different from a normal hockey event. The dedication and determination gave warmth to my heart. However, while watching I thought about what would happen if I can find a cure that will once again allow them to walk on two legs. People have pitied them long enough. I want to be able to help these people regain their lives back and enable them from doing the things they used to be able to do. I believe that paraplegics and quadriplegics should be given a second chance. With UBC's well known science program, I will be given the knowledge to help the handicapped get a second chance. Being accepted into the Bachelor of Science program will enable me to be another step closer to my goal of helping the less fortunate.

trevor5249

Mar 15, 2010

Undergraduate / "Qualities that make me successful in bachelor of science"-Deadline in >24 hours [10]

Hi thank you so much Kyu but I used real life experiences because I think the university wants to see examples of those qualities. I am not too sure about it either perhaps someone else may know for sure. If anyone knows how I can improve it'd be great. Thank you in advance and Kyu I'll be sure to take a look at your essay in a bit.

trevor5249

Mar 15, 2010

Undergraduate / "Qualities that make me successful in bachelor of science"-Deadline in >24 hours [10]

lol anyone? sorry for being pushy just the supplement is due in 6 hours.

trevor5249

Mar 15, 2010

Undergraduate / "Qualities that make me successful in bachelor of science"-Deadline in >24 hours [10]

Would you also say that i should write more about qualities than real life experiences on the first one?

trevor5249

Mar 17, 2010

Undergraduate / "Qualities that make me successful in bachelor of science"-Deadline in >24 hours [10]

Lol well that's ok Kevin thank you so much anyways. I'm glad to see I didn't make too many mistakes so I'm pretty happy.

trevor5249

Mar 18, 2010

Writing Feedback / "What is love?" - It's the beauty of a rose, yet often vile as her thorns [7]

I have an essay about love and what it is. I have already handed the essay in but only to receive dismal results of 17/24. The teacher is now allowing me to rewrite a section that she will randomly pick on Friday. Any kind of help on revising of the essay will be much appreciated. Thank you in advance.

Love is a dark and intangible feeling that often exposes it's targets to danger, pain and suffering. Love is the pillar for friendship, yet it works to weaken us, and drives us to depend on and be sensitive of others. Love is built on a foundation of trust, a thin barrier between formality and chaos. Which leaves room for a selected group of people to abuse the trust and take advantage. Some might argue that love brings humans together and promote cooperation, yet cooperation and unionism are two very short fangled areas, as they will soon be contaminated with betrayal and lies. Love is a dangerous component of life and it works to deceive and manipulate other people's trusts.

At young ages, humans have a natural instinct to befriend people, but this is what weakens them and makes them vulnerable to power hungry people such as bullies. In kindergarten, we have watched countless children fall into the hands of bullies. These innocent children end up working as mindless slaves on behalf of the bully, or they get publically ridiculed and emotionally hurt. These malevolent children gained their sadistic powers by taking advantage of the innocent. Ingenuous children haven't seen the world as a whole yet, so they easily endow their love and kind hearts into the wrong investments. Their love has been abused, yet if there were no such a thing as love, nobody would get hurt.

Jealousy, which buds from the tree of love, motivates people to commit irrational actions. Most causes of dramas, whether at work or at school, revolve around jealousy. This will work to dissipate the concentration of one and provide more room for mistakes and distraction. When one feels jealous, it is because they care. Love provokes sentimental feelings and causes ones to care. In our busy lives, there is no room for drama.

Yet one might argue that love is what makes us human. Love is what brings together family, friends and happy memories. Nonetheless, who can judge that their love towards one is real? Maybe they are just taking advantage. Nobody knows. The trust between two people can be broken at a snap of a finger. An overheard conversation, a misread text message or simply the element of doubt can shatter the component of trust between two people. There is nobody you can trust but yourself. Why love others? Maybe love can bring us together, but it is unstable and dangerous.

Love is like a rose. The beauty of the flower is indescribable with words, but the stems are filled with vile thorns. Like a rose, it looks attractive and stunning, but as you look closer and examine it thoroughly, you will discover that it comes with pricks of jealousy, hatred, and mistrust and it will weaken you. If Love was not invented, Romeo and Juliet would have lived on, and nobody would have to suffer the pain and suffering love has to offer.

trevor5249

Mar 18, 2010

Undergraduate / University of Calgary Biomedical Research Program Admissions Essay [4]

I think that the first sentence well at least this part "The Biomedical Program is by far my ideal choice, but if it was no longer a viable option," isn't needed as the question already asked you what you'd do if you weren't accepted. That way you can shave off a few words as surpassing the word limit is very serious. I think that some universities don't even bother to read it because you couldn't follow rules. Well that's my opinion good luck.

trevor5249

Mar 19, 2010

Undergraduate / 'Each course ended with a major project' - Describe what leadership means to you [18]

Would anyone know what kind of topic I should start with for the concluding paragraph? I actually have no idea what I should write about. Any examples or suggestions?

trevor5249

Mar 19, 2010

Writing Feedback / "What is love?" - It's the beauty of a rose, yet often vile as her thorns [7]

lol wow Andrew you are an amazing writer. You should be a moderator. Thank you so much for all that info. I wish I had your talent in writing.

trevor5249

Mar 24, 2010

Undergraduate / 'Each course ended with a major project' - Describe what leadership means to you [18]

So here is my conclusion I actually don't think its very well done but I'm hoping someone will help me with it. The deadline is in less than 22 hours as of now. Any help would be very good. Thank you in advance

Please include any additional information about yourself that you would like the Admissions Committee to consider when reviewing your application. (500 words max.)

High school has given me a good introduction to how business works. It has given me real life experience and allowed me to set a goal for the future. Through my business courses I have been able to understand the fundamentals of business. Leadership, teamwork, communication, decision making, and being competitive are a few of the business attributes I have acquired in the duration of my high school years. Being in the Sauder School of Business will help me further expand my knowledge and enable me to reach my ambitious goals.

The courses I have taken are accounting, entrepreneurship, marketing, macroeconomics and business computer applications. Each course came with a major project. However, accounting, entrepreneurship and macroeconomics were the most significant. In accounting I had to do book keeping for a company that the teacher made up. I was given invoices from the virtual company to book keep. This was good experience because I was doing what accountants do as a daily job. Entrepreneurship gave me many of the attributes listed above. The major project was to create a business plan from scratch. It required leadership, teamwork, communication and decision making. I was the leader of my group in making the business plan. As a group we decided on making a business plan for a café company. We chose that because we knew it'd be easy to get a loan for it and it's not as complicating as other businesses out there. In macroeconomics we were taught about buying and selling securities. This led the teacher into doing an activity that involved the stock market. The class was to compete in a real-time stock exchange simulation. In one month my portfolio has grown 528%. The most memorable moment from my business courses would be competing and winning in the stock exchange game.

My dream career would be finding a financial company that is successful and widely known around the world. After graduating from the Sauder School of Business I want to pursue in accounting

as a start to gain experience. I would like to climb my way up the ladder and become the CFO of the company and then create my own financial company. I believe that this would be a wise choice because I know I will have clients and I would have the experience and connections necessary to run it. When the business is successful I plan on establishing a private foundation that will donate to the countries that can't afford education. My goal would be to create schools and hire teachers to provide education to the countries in poverty. I strongly believe that education is the key in getting countries out of poverty. My dream goal may be ambitious but I feel confident that I can make it a reality.

I feel confident that I have the traits, ambitions and experience to be accepted. I hope in my stay at Sauder I will learn more about business, taught discipline and maybe even make some good business connections.

trevor5249

Mar 24, 2010

Undergraduate / 'Each course ended with a major project' - Describe what leadership means to you [18]

No one has any thoughts about this paragraph? Please I only have 4.5 hours till I must hand it in

trevor5249

Mar 24, 2010

Undergraduate / 'Each course ended with a major project' - Describe what leadership means to you [18]

Thank you for the concern and yes its impossible to stop anyone from copying the ideas but I do have my name on my post and the time stamp to prove that it's my original work and not theirs.