Undergraduate / Love for art + Chinese heritage - UPenn Supplemental Essay. [7]

Hello,
I'd really appreciate it if someone could take a look at my supplement for UPenn early decision and tell me what they think, or help me edit. I have to submit everything by next friday in order for my transcripts to arrive on time, so please help soon!

Considering both the specific undergraduate school or program to which you are applying and the broader University of Pennsylvania community, what academic, research, and/or extracurricular paths do you see yourself exploring at Penn?

"Sounds good. I'll meet you at the Button at...two o'clock? Okay, yep." I end the call, grab my Applied Mathematics of Information textbook, and head onto the Quad. The Philadelphia sunlight lifts my mood as I make my way to Van Pelt Library, ready to tackle this week's problem set with a fellow student.

As I walk, I keep an eye out for Dr. Stovall, hoping to talk with her about UPenn's Community Math Teaching Project-a class I had first heard about in the Civic House. The course gives UPenn students the opportunity to teach a series of hands-on activities to math students in University City High School, a perfect fit for someone like me: an avid math-lover who aims to share their passion in ways that can help the community. After observing how we interacted with the high school students, Dr. Stovall asked if I would be her assistant in directing the weekly projects that UPenn students engage in with their UCHS partners. My roommate laughed as she pointed out the fact that I'm now developing the class curriculum for students as old as I was just last year, and I had smiled along with her, grateful for the opportunity that I can only find at UPenn. Within my first year at here, I'm already making a positive difference in a city I love, with a subject that fascinates me, for students whose education I care about.

After a short walk, I arrive at the Button and spot my classmate waiting for me. Heading into Van Pelt, I fill her in on Professor Jean Gallier's GRASP seminar I attended that morning- "Quadratic Optimization Problems Arising in Computer Vision". We soon find ourselves debating the seminar's topic: how to determine the maximum of a quadratic function on the unit sphere. But we digress to other subjects, such as this month's upcoming PUMS problem solving session. As a member of the Penn Undergraduate Mathematics Society, I had invited a few classmates to attend the organization's first problem session last semester. Since then we've made the sessions a monthly ritual, hoping to beat the grad students two sessions in a row. But I don't go just to win the competitions. I go to meet other UPenn students just as fascinated by math as I am, to expand upon my knowledge in math subjects I never thought to venture into before.

Surprisingly, my classmate and I finish the assignment before four. We high-five and I sit back in my chair, only to get right back up at remembering that today's the last showcase of the Arther Ross Gallery's Post-Mao Dreaming exhibition. Knowing that no other museum will give me the same opportunity to catch a glimpse of my Chinese heritage's past while combining my love of art, I hurriedly bid farewell to my academic partner-in-crime. She chuckles as she mentions under her breath that Philadelphia might as well be my second home by now.

"You're right," I smile in return. "And UPenn is my first."

the prompt says it should be approx 500 words (this is 510), but i feel like it's too long. what can i cut out?
thanks so much in advance!

Undergraduate / Self-Founded Book Bridge Club: 150 word [4]

please provide any comments/suggestions you may have for my common app short-answer reply (150 words or less)

Thanks so much!!

Three 8th graders. One mission. That's how it started.
Four years later, Book Bridge has now burgeoned into a non-profit organization that donates money and books to schools in rural China, co-functioning with the YMCA of Berwyn, PA. It's significant to me for one simple reason: I want to improve the learning environment of my Asian peers. As a co-founder and former president of the organization, I've learned to be self-motivated and appreciative of things often taken for granted, like books. Besides organizing fundraising concerts, Chinese New Year festivals, and book drives, I also manage our website: book bridge club. I've helped raise a total of over $6,000, $2,330 of which was recently sent to the JinTang Elementary School in Chengdu, China. I plan to visit the school this summer, hoping to see for myself the children whose stories have so moved me to make a positive difference for my Asian heritage.

Undergraduate / common app essay - math is an art form [2]

hey!
below is my first draft for the common app essay. i have to send all materials in by next friday in order for my transcripts to be mailed in time, so please help ASAP!! honest feedback is greatly appreciated. thanks!

My dad handed me the painting for examination. It was an illustration of two hands reaching out to each other-small, simple, and seemingly insignificant. But upon closer examination, I began to notice the unusually great amount of attention paid to each curve and line of each hand, each fragile crevice and faint blue branch of the veins in each wrist. When my father told me that this was, in fact, my first oil-painting at eleven years old, it was then that I finally understood what he's always told me: ever since I was young, I've had a bizarrely strong sense of observation.

And while this unusually keen eye for detail has always helped me in my artistic pursuits, it was only until my freshman year that I began to realize its usefulness in school. Or more specifically, math. At the start of Algebra II, fractions with exponents taunted me with their seemingly impossible-to-define domains and ranges, and the complicated curves of quadratic functions twisted like evil snakes throughout the Euclidean plane. During my freshman year, feeling more frustrated than usual one night, I ignored the "No Calculator" note at the top of my math worksheet and graphed each quadratic equation onto my calculator. Feeling like quite the rebel, I diligently copied each graph onto the paper. But it wasn't long before I put the calculator down, noticing certain patterns in each equation and realizing that I could take what I had learned from the last graph to visualize the next one. Tackling my homework from an artistic standpoint, I began to envision where each vertex should peak, how steeply or gradually each graph should slope up or down, and where the curves should cross the x and y-axes. By merely replicating the subtle trends I detected from one graph and applying it to the next, I began to truly understand why each graph behaved as it did. And though others may see this as a backwards approach, for me, it was the first step in combining my artistic side with my academic one.

Since then, I've continued to use constant observation as a foundation for my mathematical endeavors. While my classmates next to me draw cotangent curves on graph paper and redraw them for every shift their equations require, I close my eyes for a moment and draw them in my head. In studying statistics, I examine the given data and visualize what type of distribution they would create before entering the numbers into my calculator, trying to estimate the least-squares regression line before I let technology derive it for me. Though this means I take a longer time to solve each problem, it is my way of ensuring I truly understand each concept I'm learning. And as math has become an artistic outlet for me, my fear of the subject has matured into an unexpectedly warm fascination for it.

Now with each year that passes, I'm beginning to realize that it is not enough to merely use my natural passion for art to fuel my love for math. While art encourages creativity and imagination, math seeks concrete answers that work. But both require exploration. Curiosity. Discovery. Both inspire me to approach life with a unique perspective, using the age-old value of observation to picture solutions to modern-day problems that arise as the world advances into the future. And thus, I hope that my admiration for the practicality of mathematical thinking will someday soon solve issues involved in public health or the economy, fueled by the desire to improve the world I so carefully observe each day. Or perhaps I'll put my enthrallment for numbers and data to use in statistical analysis of medical experiments, deriving the answers that could someday be used in treatments for diseases that plague people all over the world today. But regardless of whatever realm of everyday life I hope to someday influence, I'll always remember how art first fueled my ambition to succeed in math, two seemingly unrelated subjects reaching out to each other like the hands in my painting from so long ago.

It's a simple equation, with a twist.

p.s. its currently 688 words. is this too long? what can i cut out?

Undergraduate / math as i dangle before my doom -- common app essay [3]

Hello,

Below is my essay for the common application. I posted this one a couple days ago, but made some really drastic changes for it, so much that it's practically a new essay now. I have to submit this by friday, so please provide any comments/critique you have soon! also, please tell me specifically what you think of the ending..THANKS!

"Need help?" I look up to see a palm outstretched towards me.
I look down to see eighty feet of nothingness.
My muscles scream for rest, begging me to take that warm, welcoming hand and let it pull me up-let it pat me on the shoulder and say, "Maybe next time." But with only ten more feet to climb of the rock wall, I'm determined to finish the Project Adventure exercise by myself. The callous November wind urges me to surrender. Then, just as I extend my right hand up to grab my savior's, an image flashes through my head.

A painting. An illustration of two hands reaching out to each other-small, simple, and seemingly insignificant. But upon closer examination, one would notice the extraordinary amount of attention paid to the curves and lines of each hand, every fragile crevice and faint blue branch of the veins in each wrist. It was while creating this painting, at eleven-years-old, that I began to understand what my father has often told me: I have a strangely strong sense of observation.

While this keen eye has always served me well in enjoying fine art, I only started to appreciate its usefulness in school during my freshman year. When I begrudgingly began studying Algebra II, fractions with exponents taunted me with their seemingly impossible-to-define domains and ranges, and the irregular curves of quadratic functions twisted like wicked snakes throughout the Euclidean plane. One night, frustrated, I ignored the "No Calculator" instruction at the top of my math worksheet and rebelliously transferred each graph from the calculator screen onto my paper. But it wasn't long before I put the calculator down, detecting certain patterns in each equation and applying what I had learned from the last graph to visualize the next one. By tackling my homework from an artistic standpoint-envisioning where each vertex should peak, how steeply it should slope, and where the curves should cross the x and y-axes-I began to truly understand why each graph behaved as it did. Excited, I suddenly felt something warm and tingly slink across my face. I was smiling-at a math problem.

Over the years, math has gradually become an artistic outlet for me-and my resentment towards the subject has matured into an unexpectedly curious fascination for it. Now, that passion in approaching math problems with a unique perspective has off-sprung into a desire to resolve issues that impact the real world, such as those involved in public health or the recovering economy. I want to put into action the creativity and observational skills that my love for art has imparted to me, not let its flames stop at merely solving high school math problems. I want to effect positive change in the world outside the individual, but I want to do so in a way that fuses together artistic thinking with a practical mind-because imagination is what drives progress. Regardless of whatever realm of everyday life I hope to someday influence, I'll always think back to that sheet of quadratic equations, and remember that sometimes answers need to be discovered from a less-travelled viewpoint. As being a hater-turned-lover of math has taught me, I'll always remember how sometimes the two most seemingly unrelated perspectives could end up complementing and reaching out to each other, like the hands in my painting from so long ago.

"Christine?" I gaze upwards again to find an almost exact real-life replica of my painting before me, suddenly remembering that the lower hand is mine-and that I'm still hanging eighty feet from a very cold, unpleasant-to-fall-on ground. Every inch of my flesh is burning, pricking me with needles of defeat. Sighing, I let my hand firmly grasp that of my rescuer as I watch my painting come to life, feeling my body being lifted onto the standing platform. But for an instant before my feet touch the wooden plank, the shape of my rescuer's bent arm, connected with my outstretched one, makes the outline of a quadratic equation. I wonder what this one's slope is...

Leave it to me to try to derive a math function as I dangle eighty feet above my doom.

Undergraduate / UMich supplement essay-Chinese<>English, bridge between two cultures [4]

Hey!
So this is my 250-word essay for Umich's supplement. The prompt is pasted below.

Everyone belongs to many different communities and/or groups defined by (among other things) shared geography, religion, ethnicity, income, cuisine, interest, race, ideology, or intellectual heritage. Choose one of the communities to which you belong, and describe that community and your place within it. (Approximately 250 words)

It takes about ten seconds to recognize that my house belongs to an Asian family. Perhaps it's the Chinese scrolls hanging throughout the hallways, or the jade Buddha figurines, that would clue you in. Maybe it's the smell of sizzling dumplings wafting through the air, or the babble of Mandarin Chinese flowing from the TV set, playing yet another maudlin Asian drama. But even amongst the traditional Asian sights, scents, and sounds, lies hints of my family's Americanized lifestyle. Next to a giant stack of Chinese newspapers in the family room, an equally large heap of TIME, CosmoGirl, and Men's Health magazines resides. My mother speaks Mandarin and Cantonese fluently, but often resorts to Chinglish-as observed each time she calls me to assist with dinner: "Jiang re ting! Help wo zhuang the dinner table, hao ma?" American hip-hop and rap fills up half of my iPod, while the other half consists of Chinese pop. In elementary school, my classmates would ask me, "Christine, are you Asian, or American?" At nine years old, I hadn't known which culture to choose.

Over the years, though, I've learned to form a peaceful balance between the two. When my grandparents flew from Nanjing to visit us last month, I was their translator and English teacher. And each year, I invite my American friends to attend the local Chinese New Year Festival with me. I do not consider myself part of two separate cultures; rather, I aim to be the bridge between the two.

honest feedback is much appreciated. thanks!

Undergraduate / JHU short answer--statistics for dummies [2]

1. Johns Hopkins offers 50 majors across the schools of Arts and Sciences and Engineering. On this application, we ask you to identify one or two that you might like to pursue here. Why did you choose the way you did? If you are undecided, why didn't you choose? (If any past courses or academic experience influenced your decision, you may include them in your essay.)

When I bought my "Statistics for Dummies" book out of mere curiosity in 10th grade, I didn't expect to fall in love with the subject before I had even taken the class for it. Statistics was the perfect combination of my fascination for numbers with my desire to improve the lives of others.

The subject, however, challenged me to analyze data in ways that deviated from the methods I was used to, and at first I struggled to grasp even the fundamental concept of a normal distribution. So every night, I would sit at the dinner table with my father and teach him everything I had learned in class, aiming to better internalize the material. But it wasn't long before we found ourselves deeply discussing-often debating over-the most efficient ways to solve a problem, or pondering over how the week's new unit is applied in the real world. It remains a daily topic of conversation for my father and me, and has given numbers an entirely new purpose: to analyze issues in the modern world and solve them, utilizing past data to address risks of the future.

Hopefully, the Whiting School of Engineering will be my new dinner table, the ultimate place to feed and nurture my desire to better understand the unbounded power of statistics to influence the modern world. There, I will turn in my "Statistics for Dummies" book and receive a new one-"Statistics for Future Statisticians"-with a wide smile.

honest and constructive advice much appreciated :) thanks in advance!

Undergraduate / "Love for art" - JHU short answer--art and culture [2]

A Typical student at Johns Hopkins spends less than 15 hours each week in a classroom, leaving lots of time for volunteer opportunities, clubs and organizations, athletics, social events, and other on- and off-campus activities. Aside from the academic interests you've already expressed, in what activities do you plan to engage as an undergraduate at Johns Hopkins?

Two words, besides "math lover", come to mind when friends describe me: art fanatic. So among the places at JHU I will most frequently visit, the art museums will surely be high on my list. The Homewood Art Workshops are the perfect opportunity for me to expand upon my passion for painting and photography, while the Evergreen Museum will open my eyes to forms of art that are outside of my comfort zone, like costume design, architecture, and sculpture.

My love for art can be put to use in Art Brigade, a student-run organization at JHU that works with students at Tench Tilghman Elementary in an after school program four days a week. As an art instructor who values community service, I know that Art Brigade is a club in which I can inspire younger minds to view their surroundings with a creative and positive outlook, with myself being inspired by the imaginative and fresh perspectives of the children I'm working with.

Lastly, the opportunity to start my own club at JHU also gives me the chance to reach my hopes of closing the gap many Asian-Americans feel between their two cultures, especially as traditional Asian beliefs become less practiced in an ever-modernizing, American world. By creating a pen-pal system in which young adults in China can communicate with their Asian-American counterparts at JHU, I hope to help both cultures gain a stronger understanding of each other, and bridge the cultural gap that has been so predominant in my own childhood.

Ultimately, even if it's with just one letter, or just one painting, I aim to walk out of JHU's gates as more than just another student, but as someone who has done the most she can to instill inspiration in others.

thanks so much for your help in advance! if you have any tips on where i can shorten this (its about 50 words over 250), i'd really appreciate it. :)