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Posts by brookelanae
Joined: Dec 28, 2010
Last Post: Jan 14, 2011
Threads: 7
Posts: 14  
From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 21
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brookelanae   
Dec 28, 2010
Undergraduate / [Female Objectification In the Media] - issue of personal/local/national concern [7]

Discuss some issue of personal, local, national, or international concern and its importance to you.
250 word minimum


How often is it that a woman looks into a mirror and finds herself to be dissatisfied with what she sees? I would venture to say that this is a common occurrence in the lives of far too many American women, including myself. What a dreadful feeling it is for one to always yearn to be something better and to despise what one was innately given, whether that be regarding the woman's physical appearance or even her demeanor. But who is to blame for this abomination? The culprit could be none other than the mass media.

It is nearly impossible to flip through television channels or the pages of a magazine without encountering numerous examples of the media's objectification of woman, such as make-up advertisements or simply illustrations of promiscuous-looking women. It all seems harmless, but it leads women to build their lives around what Naomi Wolf once called the "beauty myth," or the idea that women are raised to believe that their appearances should be valued over most other things. Many reasonable Americans would scoff at the idea that their children are being raised to find more importance in their looks than their personalities, but how often do they remind them to dress nicely or have them wear their hair a certain way? How often do teenage girls see doctored images of "perfect" looking models, and how often are they pressured to cover up their blemishes, remove their bodily hair, or dress in low-cut tops? It is impossible to deny amount of effort we put into hoping we look nice.

As a feminist, I find these things to be a sort of demeaning attack upon the female sex. The belief that women should always appear flawless in order to be appealing to men is threatening to the progression of our entire gender. It causes a sort of superficiality in women, who, if they otherwise focused their attention, could achieve great things; and it forces men to prize women as dolls rather than human beings of an equal status.

Moreover, the viewing of women solely as physical objects leads to problems on an individual level as well as on a social one. When society raises women around images of an unreachable perfection, it can initiate a lifetime full of feelings of unworthiness. Women who believe the beauty myth can find themselves struggling with a negative self-image, depression, and even resort to eating disorders to get rid of the little amounts of fat left on their already underweight bodies. The pursuit of this fictional perfection can result in other extreme actions such as plastic surgery. This money given to plastic surgeons is used to promote aesthetic surgeries, which, in turn, too convinces women that beauty is only just out of their grasp.

Overall, the eradication of the objectification of females in media would be a significant step towards a true equality of the sexes. I personally support this because, as a woman, I know from experience that we are just as capable of accomplishing anything a man can accomplish, and it is truly unfair for women to encounter such obstacles as "glass ceilings" and condescension from males. Furthermore, females should be raised to appreciate themselves and each other for less superficial things, and be taught to be comfortable in their own skin rather than to always wish for something better.
brookelanae   
Dec 29, 2010
Undergraduate / [Female Objectification In the Media] - issue of personal/local/national concern [7]

How is this? I reworded the last paragraph.

Overall, the eradication of the objectification of females in media would be a significant step towards a true equality of the sexes. I personally support this because, as a woman, I realize that we are just as capable of accomplishing anything a man can accomplish, and it is truly unfair for women to encounter the so called "glass ceiling." Once I begin my career, I want to have as much of a chance at becoming successful as anyone else. I long to be able to go out into the world and be judged exclusively by who I am. I want to be able to love how I naturally look, without any condescension from others; and, once I start my own family, I hope I can raise my daughter in such a world that she will not even have to wish these things.
brookelanae   
Dec 29, 2010
Undergraduate / "An environment of intellectual equals and the People" -Stanford a good place for me? [5]

Is this essay too vague? What advice would you give me to make it more personal, or just better overall? The maximum number of words for this essay is 250, yet I have 258. Is that okay, and if not, how could I shorten it by a few words? I replaced the name of my town for privacy reasons. Thanks. [:

The single most-asked question I have encountered since beginning my final year of high school is undoubtedly: "So, where are you going to college?" Many of my peers appear shocked as I list Stanford as one of my potential college choices. Nonetheless, this is the reaction I desire. I hope that my aspirations will cause others to realize that the path commonly trodden is not the only option.

Small town, State is the town that, for the majority of my life, I have called home. Our water tower proudly boasts to reside in "America's Hometown." However, ten years here has allowed me to form other opinions, and perhaps the foremost of these is that this is a town filled with apathy. I am one of the few students who stand out as "overachievers," because I strive to put my best effort into all that I do and go beyond what is required while most others simply do enough to get by.

This is something I strongly considered while searching for colleges, and it is why I chose Stanford. I yearn to be in an environment of intellectual equals, and of people who understand the feeling of craving meaningful and engaging conversations. I want to find encouragement in my curiosity of the world around me, rather than being reprimanded for questioning things that are commonly overlooked. It is not uncommon that I will find myself enthralled by exploring a new perspective of what was hitherto an insignificant matter, and I believe that at Stanford, these ideas will be taken seriously.
brookelanae   
Dec 29, 2010
Undergraduate / "Summer of languages" - Princeton short answer [4]

I found this essay to be fantastically written, and quite unique in its format. If language is your passion, this really emphasized so.
brookelanae   
Dec 29, 2010
Undergraduate / "shocked as I list Stanford" - intellectual freedom make it a good place for me. [5]

I changed the name of my town. This is a 250 word-max essay that is now at 272 words, any advice on how to cut it down a bit? Is this essay too vague, how can I put more of myself into it if it is?

The single most-asked question I have encountered since beginning my final year of high school is undoubtedly: "So, where are you going to college?" Many of my peers appear shocked as I list Stanford as one of my choices. Nonetheless, this is the reaction I desire. I hope my aspirations will force others to realize that the path commonly trodden is not the only option.

Small town, State is the town that, for the majority of my life, I have called home. We proudly boast to be "America's Hometown;" however, ten years here has allowed me to form other opinions, and perhaps the foremost of these is that this is a town filled with apathy. I am one of the few students who stand out as "overachievers," because I strive to put my best effort into all that I do and go beyond what is required while most others simply do enough to get by. One example of this is that I am the first person to graduate a full year early at Small town High School.

Aside from ranking as one of the top universities in the nation for psychology, I chose to apply to Stanford because they promise a unique sort of intellectual freedom. Their view book states that their mission is "to overcome our time's seemingly intractable challenges through open and fearless inquiry and action." I want to find encouragement in my curiosity of the world around me; I yearn for an environment of intellectual equals where my quirky perspectives of seemingly common things will be embraced, and I believe Stanford is the place where I could best pursue these things.
brookelanae   
Dec 29, 2010
Undergraduate / "The agricultural leadership" - STANFORD-intellectual vitality-beef production [7]

I would consider replacing the first sentence for something slightly more interesting.. The beginning of an essay is always supposed to grab your attention right away. The rest of the essay I found to be well-written and intriguing.

However, the sentence "That moment sparked my most enthralling research" is worded somewhat awkwardly.. Your research project? Or perhaps it was some very enthralling research?

If you have the time please take a look at my essay for Stanford as well. [:
brookelanae   
Dec 29, 2010
Undergraduate / "a case of déjŕ vu" - An Intellectually Engaging Idea [11]

Prompt: Stanford students are widely known to possess a sense of intellectual vitality. Tell us about an idea or an experience you have had that you find intellectually engaging.

Every now and then, there is an occurrence that forces me to question something which was, hitherto this, nothing but ordinary. I was sitting in English class one day when something exceedingly commonplace happened. It was an eerie feeling, the kind that is so terrible it makes me want to crawl out of my skin, yet it somehow is simultaneously intriguing. It was a case of déjŕ vu.

As an individual who is fairly critical towards anything deemed paranormal, I decided that this phenomenon, like all, must have a scientific explanation behind it. Upon a few moments of contemplation, I developed my own theory as to what the mysterious workings of déjŕ vu might entail. Perhaps the cause is a sudden extreme increase in the speed that the mind processes the body's senses. If there is usually a delay, however small, between the instant that something happens and when the brain actually realizes that it happens, then this bizarre experience could be nothing other than the lack of this delay. Furthermore, since the human body is accustomed to this delay, if it was to suddenly disappear or even be radically shortened, it might induce the feeling that an event has happened in the past.

When I got home, I used the Internet to research my theory, and I discovered that the cause behind déjŕ vu is yet to be discovered. I found this to be somewhat enthralling; perhaps I will be the first expose the secrets behind déjŕ vu in my psychological studies.
brookelanae   
Dec 30, 2010
Undergraduate / Rochester Short essay 150 words edit [8]

The essay was pretty good. I saw the result, you coming to your final conclusion, but perhaps you could find a way to elaborate a bit more upon it? I feel like you took too much space telling your story and suddenly realized you were running out of room, so you threw the ending in there.

I would appreciate it if you'd look over my essay as well. [:
brookelanae   
Dec 30, 2010
Undergraduate / The World Is Grey - Stanford Roommate Letter [4]

Prompt: Virtually all of Stanford's undergraduates live on campus. Write a note to your future roommate that reveals something about you or that will help your roommate - and us - know you better.

I see in grey. The world appears grey, but not because I am color blind. I view things as having their own shade of grey because I see nothing as black and white or definite. Things are constantly pursuing an alternate form, just like me. My attitudes and perspective towards life change on a nearly daily basis. One day you may find me in the heart of a mosh pit screaming the words to my favorite metal song, but the next I could be hiding away in my bed to avoid human contact and to lose myself in a piece of transcendentalist literature. One day I may appear to be a mysophobic perfectionist, and the next day my room could resemble a lonely island in the pacific after a hurricane.

Nonetheless, I consider my shade to be a subtle one. You could consider me an introvert; though I do spend a large amount of time with my friends and family, I would many a time prefer to be left alone with my thoughts. Try not to be offended if I fail to immediately warm up to you; I could possibly be the furthest thing from outgoing that you have ever met. This is fairly intentional; it permits me to have an outside perspective of innumerable matters in life, allowing me to view things from every possible side. Perhaps this will be useful as our friendship develops - I'll attempt to empathize with any of your problems. I hope you will be patient with my eccentricities, and that we can learn to distinguish each other's unique shade of grey.
brookelanae   
Dec 30, 2010
Undergraduate / Short Answer: Running, my heavy breathing [14]

Fantastically written. The only thing I would consider to improve it is to maybe make running an analogy to another, more significant part of your life? Either way, it would be sufficient. Good luck. [:
brookelanae   
Dec 31, 2010
Undergraduate / "I offend people with my honesty and weird questions" -Stanford, a letter to roommate [4]

Alright, the overall idea of the essay is good. You have a hook, the toilet thing, to center the letter around. You do, however, have some grammatical errors and run-on sentences. And I believe that it would be in your best interest to find a way to better transition between subjects, I felt like you were jumping around all over the place.

"I can't even put my excitement in words! I've been looking forward to being in an environment that is filled with intellectual conversation as well as open-minded peers for so long. I'm a very easygoing person; my friends used to describe me as a toilet.because I would take in all the emotions they threw at me, and I would also flush away their sadness as well as anger. Though this is fitting, I don't think the imagery of a toilet is the best representation of myself. "

This is where it starts to get confusing. I would move the phrase "feel free to share your story with me, I am a very good listener." somewhere in the second paragraph, however the paragraph needs quite a bit of revision. Keep working on increasing the way it flows, and I believe it will turn out fantastic. [:

Would you consider helping me out as well?
brookelanae   
Dec 31, 2010
Undergraduate / Swim school+Modernizint Times+Independent+March 1963: Shortening, Improving Stanford [5]

One simple answer - "Please respond to the following questions so we can get to know you better. Respond in four lines or less, and do not feel compelled to answer using complete sentences."

The admissions officers read thousands of these, they aren't looking for fluff or your knowledge of sentence structure here, simply for content, you answered them too thoroughly.

For example, a good answer would be more like:

Prompt#3: What five words best describe you?

Independent, passionate, bold, driven, and steadfast

Prompt#4: What historical moment or event do you wish you could have witnessed?

the March on Washington in 1963

Perhaps you will find this website helpful? wiselikeus/collegewise/2009/11/stanford-university.html

Please help me out as well, with my roommate letter.
brookelanae   
Jan 8, 2011
Undergraduate / CU Boulder Diversity - "Not all those who wander are lost." [3]

Essay A (required; maximum 500 words): The University of Colorado Boulder's Flagship 2030 strategic plan promotes exceptional teaching, research, scholarship, creative works, and service distinguishing us as a premier university. We strive to foster a diverse and inclusive community for all that engages each member in opportunities for academic excellence, leadership, and a deeper understanding of the world in which we live. Given the statement above, how do you think you could enrich our diverse and inclusive community and what are your hopes for your college experience?

J. R. R. Tolkien once wrote, "Not all those who wander are lost." Upon reading this, I was captivated by its various possible meanings, and I, like all others strive to do when interpreting literature, claimed the one that I found to parallel my life. I picture myself as a wanderer, meandering through life to find its meaning, and to see through the shallow layers of deception that lie like a veil, while underneath hide the simple laws of truth that few recognize but all build their lives upon. I am a wanderer who digresses from the path commonly trodden to gain an outside perspective and to view seemingly ordinary, commonplace events in a new light. That I would find myself thinking bizarre thoughts is not an unusual occurrence; they usually consist of matters that I find virtually unexplainable to others, and when attempting to elaborate, I am frequently met with faces showing signs of perplexity as to what could have aroused this curiosity in me.

Aside from having these small revelations about the world surrounding me, I find myself resembling the wanderer who is not lost in that my sometimes dogmatic opinions are inclined to stand contrary to the majority. For example, proclaiming myself as a feminist and a supporter of both homosexuality and abortion strikes some people as an audacity; nevertheless, I am a fervent advocate of Thomas Jefferson's "pursuit of happiness" and having the right to attain virtually whatever that journey may entail.

But what do I anticipate gaining out of my college experience? I hope to enter into my new adult life with a liberal mindset in order to broaden the realms of my knowledge in all ways possible, as well as to ultimately better myself as a person. As a result of my early high school graduation, I will be beginning college at the mere age of 16. I consider myself rather mature, regardless of my young age; however, I still have a great deal of growing up to do and many experiences left to undergo. My expectations in moving away from home into a college atmosphere are to simultaneously prepare myself for a career while becoming a more well rounded and self-sufficient person.

I believe that Tolkien's wanderers are those who wander in thought, but this wandering is where they belong. If no person strayed from the path of ordinary and unoriginal ideas, then how would humanity ever progress? The best and most efficient college seems as if it should be one composed of these wanderers, those embrace innovative new ideas with open minds and who look for new explanations for this phenomenon that we call life.
brookelanae   
Jan 14, 2011
Undergraduate / "In a family of ten..." - my family, school, background CU Boulder Short Essay [3]

Essay B (required; choose topic 1, 2, or 3, maximum 250 words):
Who are the influential people in your life? How have they contributed to your development as a person?
Briefly discuss how your family, school, neighborhood, and background have impacted your educational goals and aspirations.
Discuss any events or special circumstances that have affected your academic record, as well as any adversities you have overcome.


In a family of ten, I remain one. My mother conceived me while she was still in high school, and, consequently, I was the first born out of my seven siblings. As my sisters came along, my parents began to consider me "the good child" - an epithet that has stuck with me since. I grew older, and with my parents' divorce and all the responsibilities that were forced upon me to help take care of my mother's kids, the "good kid" aspect of my personality began to shape my entire character. The way I envisioned myself was as different than the rest of my siblings, and this is how I first realized that being unusual is acceptable. I began to develop introverted qualities, spending much of my free time alone with what I felt I excelled most in - thought.

This year is my final one as a student at Blackwell High School. In my ten years' residency here, I have witnessed the apathy that dwells in my school and community. It seems as if most students simply do just enough to get by, uninteresting in what they are learning. Nevertheless, I find the thought of new ideas and discoveries about the world around myself invigorating. I hope to go beyond what people expect out of a BHS graduate by earning a doctorate then becoming a psychiatrist and making innovative breakthroughs in the science of the mind.
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