Unanswered [2]
  

Posts by xlocicero12x
Joined: Jan 2, 2011
Last Post: Jan 14, 2011
Threads: 1
Posts: 12  
From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 13
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xlocicero12x   
Jan 12, 2011
Undergraduate / Entertainment, movies, music - SOP for Journalism Rough Draft [4]

I really like how you demonstrated growth through the essay and how you changed. It makes you look like a really good student and that your ready to accomplish anything

I think its great. Good job!
xlocicero12x   
Jan 12, 2011
Undergraduate / GMU-- appreciate the life one is given (ACTIVITIES AND LEADERSHIP) [9]

GMU -In approximately 250 words, tell us about the most personally significant contribution you have made to a community through your participation in one of the activities you listed under ACTIVITIES AND LEADERSHIP on this application. This personal statement is required. Since you are applying online, you must submit your statement with this application in the space provided.

Whoosh. Her bright pink ball flew through the air; it landed, wobbling on the rim. The ball hesitated for a second and fell in. She did not move, except for the smile that quickly illuminated her face. It was something that seemed impossible for her. But, she had done it. Shooting a basketball, for most people, is usually insignificant. However, for Maria and me it meant the world.

Ever since I found out that my younger sister was on the spectrum of autism, I've volunteer in anyway I can to help children with special needs. My town's little league program created a special sports team, called The Holland Division. This team gave children with physical and mental disabilities the opportunity to experience a variety of different sports. On weekends I volunteered at our local gym to help supervise the teams and work with the children.

The first day we were paired with our teammate. A little girl with short black hair and glasses came up to me, latched on to my hand and did not let go. She turned to me and whispered "Maria". The one obstacle she wanted to achieve was to shoot a basketball. I promised her if she worked hard, she could. Every Saturday she came prepared with her bright pink ball; determined to make the shot. As the weeks passed, we practiced on position, shooting and confidence. To see her development and attitude change in a positive manner, showed me how much of a difference I was making in her life.

At the next team meet, Maria had made the shot she had been striving for. To experience how ecstatic she was about something so small, gave me a new sense of appreciation for the little things in life. Participating in the Holland Division revealed how hard these children have to work on a daily basis just to accomplish things that many of us take for granted, giving me a sincere admiration for them. Through this contribution I have learned to accept difficult situations, persevere and appreciate the life one is given.
xlocicero12x   
Jan 12, 2011
Undergraduate / The girl who thinks she can (UNC) [15]

I really like this, you have a strong intro and I really like how you tie your title in with your last sentence. Its a really good topic too.

good job!
xlocicero12x   
Jan 12, 2011
Undergraduate / Respect and Passion drives discussion - Haverford Supplement [2]

We've all heard the saying that there is no stupid question, but we have also all heard some person or other say "that was a dumb question."

that is the only suggestion i can give, everything else seems good.

This is great, I really like it and its written very well.
I have to write a supplement like this too. you did a great job good luck on haverford!

it be amazing if you could look at mine too. thanks!
xlocicero12x   
Jan 12, 2011
Writing Feedback / "Blame the government" - SAT PRACTICE ESSAY: (practicing for the sats) [4]

hi! i think this is really good. Im not trying to brag or anything but i got an 11/12 on the essay and HONESTLY if i can do it you can to. just make sure you have a good structure. they really like to see your basic 5 paragraph essay. make SURE you briefly mention everything you are going to be talking about in your intro para. and then have your 3 idea para and if you can do a small conclusion, it only has to be a sentence or two.

oh don't be afraid to make something random up also if u cant think of anything. in my essay i wrote about my brother...(i don't even have a brother hahah) (:
xlocicero12x   
Jan 13, 2011
Undergraduate / Enrich our divese community and hopes for your college-CU Boulder Essay [4]

Moreover, I'm planning to major in engineering, in which CU-Boulder has a world-class reputation. I have prepared myself well in math and science for this, and I believe that with the help of CU-Boulder I will help me become an outstanding engineer.

Finally, as a student from China, I am willing to share my unique cultural background with all CU-Boulder students, as well as all the experiences that have shaped me.

you already said this, try and find maybe and extra thing that you havent said yet about or maybe just write another sentence to conclude paragraph the one before this.

i think this is a great essay and it really answers the prompt. i like it

good job!

and good luck on CU (:
xlocicero12x   
Jan 13, 2011
Undergraduate / "as American and as an Arab" - College Application [2]

For me the move was a profound experience. I eventually learned the Arabic tongue and ways of the Moroccan people. In the years I livedDuring my time there I also took courses in French and grew proficientas well .

i dont know if you really need the last sentence, it sound kinda just thrown in there

The Moroccan floods of 2008 were a wakeup call for me; thousands were left homeless after freakunexpected rains devastated the northern regions of Morocco.

Given the chance, I will work to spread understanding of these cultures and to correct the common stereotypical ideas that surround uspeople these days

This is really good and I like what you talked about, the topic was great. but what was the prompt?
xlocicero12x   
Jan 13, 2011
Undergraduate / "You're withdrawing from four classes?" - Hardships - UT optional [3]

hey this is really great, i couldn't find one thing wrong with it. it sounds like you've been through a lot and its a great topic to talk about as well. I really like the description in the beginning as well.

i really liked this. great job (:

good luck on UT!
xlocicero12x   
Jan 13, 2011
Graduate / the lives of patients - Speech Language Pathology Personal Statement [7]

This is SO GOOD. its so well written and it flows very well. I hope to someday go into speech pathology myself and I was really inspired by what you have done. I like the first conclusion more it really highlights how passionate you are. any college would be stupid to turn you down. its really great. good job (:

good luck on where ever your applying!
xlocicero12x   
Jan 13, 2011
Undergraduate / "My father's profound effect on my life." - UCONN essay [3]

A distinct memory I have was when there was a really bad snowstorm in Connecticut.
never use the word really when writing.

I think its a really good essay, Good Job!

i'm applying to UCONN too ! (:
xlocicero12x   
Jan 14, 2011
Student Talk / Poor SATs vs. good ACT [12]

yes they will. they will take which ever score is the highest out of all the tests you send them. and it will look good that you took the time to take both tests as well, but they will only look at your acts
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