Scholarship / Health / Multi-racial / Economic struggle - 3 Unique factors that shaped me [4]

I had to list and describe 3 unique factors that have shaped who I am. 100 words or less.I want to know if mine are good and if you have any grammar suggestions.

Here is what I wrote:

My health obstacle.

While I finally found out what had been causing my constant absences in school, I learned about the meaning of strength. I learned how much pain I could endure and that I could deal with no food for a day or having many tests done. However, I didn't learn its meaning from only my endurance, but from the children I came across in the hospital. Seeing a child ride on an I.V. pole smiling, despite his sickness taught me what strength really is. Strength means, in spite of all the suffering, you can smile knowing you'll be fine.

My multi-racial background.

My background may be confusing, but it's colorful and makes me who I am. Each culture or ethnicity contributes to what makes me who I am. Being Puerto Rican adds to my loud and untamed spirit, while my American roots give me the structure and drive I need to succeed. Even my smaller racial influences are a part of me. Being Cherokee Indian gives me patience and level headiness. French brings me more elegance. They all give me so much in different ways. My multi-racial background makes me unique and reminds me I was born to be different.

My mother's economic struggle

My mother worked hard all her life to give my brother and me a better life. However, she always told us to never be ashamed of whom we are. Her work hard attitude helped me to always be grateful for what is given to me and not to take things for granted. Not only that, but it taught me that success is not obtained through watching television, but getting up and working for it. My life may not have been filled with expensive things, but I it was filled with life lessons that are more important.

Scholarship / "inspirational stories from other patients and nurses" - significant experience [2]

I don't think it is very good please proofread this for my scholarship essay. I am scared and it is due tonight. The prompt is evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.

It has to be 500 words. Let me know of any grammatical errors etc please. The indent doesn't work right sorry.

My mom and I are driving, yet again, all the way to Atlanta to check me in at the Children's hospital to get another scope. I was dreading the hospital visit because I always came out disappointed and handed off to a new doctor because they old one had given up on me.

The first doctor I was sent to was an immunology doctor who turned out to be no help. Turns out after my first appointment with her she would be going on vacation and leaving me with her colleague. It got even worse when I went to make my next appointment and clerk told me she couldn't get me in till next month. Luckily, my primary doctor volunteered at the same hospital and was able to move my appointment closer.

However, before I could leave I had to get my body sucked of all its blood by a lab technician. The doctor had checked almost every category on the lab sheet so she could pinpoint where there might be a problem. I thought I was going to faint when I was done.

The following month, my real doctor came back from vacation and said she thought it there might be something wrong with my liver. So she sent me to a surgeon who then sent me to have an ultrasound that was performed by very aggressive older woman.

It must have been déjŕ vu because he sent me back to my doctor. After the surgeon I had everything from a gynecologist visit to a three-hour HIDA scan and bone scan.

My new doctors were two gastro intestinal (GI) doctors. After being put into the care of these two doctors, I have had two endoscopies and colonoscopies along with many other small tests.

Now I was about to arrive at the same dreadful hospital to have, yet again, another scope done. The nauseating clean out and scope that left me feeling like my insides had been mangled by all my doctors resulted in disappointment. I was sent home with pain medication and the suggestion to see a psychiatrist to talk to about my problems along with the same speech I had heard so many times before.

I was back where I began; I was still in pain and continuously nauseas. My junior year had been replaced by doctor's offices and hospitals rooms Disappointed, I continued to smile like nothing was wrong, but I was missing my friends, school, and just wanted to go to prom like everyone else. I was resentful, but then I thought about all the things I gained from this experience. I gained strength and many people who helped me in my time of need. I remembered all the nurses and sick children who replaced my students of my school and the doctors who replaced my teachers. My lessons were replaced inspirational stories from other patients and nurses. This experience challenged me and taught me so much that I could never learn at school.

Writing Feedback / How I Learned My Strength-Personal Essay about something that impacted thinking [NEW]

Topic: An incident or experience that impacted your thinking or development.

Please let me know if I answered the prompt correctly. Also please check for all the usual grammar, style, etc. Thanks!

How I Learned my Strength
I walked through the doors and up the crowded stairs to my first class at Georgia Perimeter College as a dual enrollment student. I was so nervous, but I knew this is the only way to prove to colleges that I can survive a college level class and that my grades from the previous year didn't reflect my true potential. When I look back at what led me to this day, I know this is my last chance to prove I belong in a top rank university. I felt like a new person because while all my other fellow classmates were back at my high school hanging on every word of the latest gossip, I was becoming a college student. My priorities were in order and I knew what was truly important in life. After my medical scare the previous year, that left me missing my entire junior year in high school, I learned that even if something seems hopeless now that there is always a way to turn it around if you work at it hard enough. I learned to be strong.

My junior year, as you can guess, was not so normal. I traded my high school events and social life for doctor appointments and hospital visits. So while other teens were at bonfires and football games, I was getting HIDA scans and bone scans. When they experienced all the wonders that come with prom, I experienced days of no eating and cleaning myself out to prep for scopes. While they were dancing with their prom dates, I had a date surrounded by doctors while lying on a cold metal table waiting to fall asleep and have an endoscopy and colonoscopy performed. During my junior year I felt like I had no life at all. I rarely talked to friends and spent most of my time doing homework or with doctors. Missing such a vital year was extremely tough. Although in reality, I may have missed buying an overpriced dress that I would probably wear once in my life in exchange for my health. I learned my health and wellbeing is more important than any over glorified high school event. Therefore, I came to the conclusion that all those little things that most teenagers were stressing about where not really all that important. Boys and football games are not important when compared to your health and living. My lack of a normal high school social life wasn't the only thing depressing me at the time.

I was a perfectionist and always worried about my grades. That's why my junior year, I enrolled in many rigorous courses to try to make myself stand out to colleges my senior year. I continued to be involved in more extracurricular activities, such as Spanish Club, Friends Club, and Art Club. My goal was to work as hard as possible my junior year to ensure my chances of getting into top rank schools. I thought nothing could distract me from my goal, until I started missing more school days than I was attending. I was becoming frustrated with myself because my plan of raising my GPA and glorifying my future college applications was hanging by a thread. I was drowning in the work I had to accomplish and my GPA was suffering to. It was difficult to do because I wasn't in class. I even failed a semester of Spanish three and a semester of honors American literature.

Failing my first class in my entire life that first semester I was sick is one thing I can never forget. I was so upset because Spanish had always been a semi easy subject for me because I am have Puerto Rican and have many Spanish speaking friends, but my Spanish abilities weren't the problem. My teacher, who barely speaks English well, would not come up with an assignment regime for me and stick to it. I was already trying to juggle AP United States history and Honors literature and Spanish three just fell behind. At first I was devastated, but instead of pitying myself and stressing myself out even more I decided to talked to my high school counselor about making up the class so I could prove to colleges that I don't give up. I also decided that I would prove that I knew the Spanish three materials by passing the second semester with flying colors, which I did. I was determined to prove to colleges that I was not the girl who gave up when the going got tough. I wanted to prove that if I fail at something, that I am going to get back up and try again until I succeed.

I learned my hard working motto not just from my own painful experiences, but the time I spent around other patients when I was in the Children's Hospital of Atlanta. I had met so many children and teens that spent months at a time in the brightly painted hospital, while I spent a mere week, tops. These children had been through so many rigorous tests and procedures, but when looking in their eyes you wouldn't know it because they always stayed positive and strong. There is one boy in particular that I remember who had no hair left on his body due to his chemo therapy. It wasn't his severity of his disease that I remembered most, but how he handled it and how he always smiled. As a matter of fact, I never saw him not smile. He never gave up when a treatment or surgery failed to get rid of his cancer, but got back up and tried again. I knew this boy was not going down without a fight and neither was I. I figured if he can fight cancer without giving up, then I could fight my spiraling GPA. That boy will always be a motivational symbol for me and I will never forget him or any of the strong and determined patients I came across while I was at the Children's Hospital.

I am eternally thankful, for my health scare because I would have never seen what true bravery or strength looks like if I had never had my health scare. Spending my junior year around the wonderful patients at the Children's Hospital of Atlanta is something I would never trade for anything. I wouldn't have learned to be strong and overcome my failures if I hadn't met these children and I wouldn't be here at Georgia Perimeter College today. My health scare truly changed my way of thinking and development.

Undergraduate / UF Student Resume Q&A (family income / obligations / activities / community / honors) [2]

1. Do you have to work to supplement your family income?
I do not work to supplement my family's income, although it could be extremely helpful to our financial situation, because I have some medical disabilities that hamper my working ability. I even receive Social Security for my disabilities. My Ulcerative Colitis (UC) and Inflammatory Bowel Syndrome (IBS) make it difficult to work while attending both high school and college, for dual enrollment, due to the sporadic symptoms. I also have Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder (ADHD) which adds difficulty to completing my school work. With all of this, I tend to find it difficult to add more to my plate because it eventually limits my thoroughness and attentiveness I usually like to give my work, as well as, the overall quality of the work. Therefore between school and my disabilities, my ability to work is extremely limited, especially for a time consuming job, despite my family's financial need.

2. Do family obligations limit your participation in extracurricular activities? If so, please describe:
Throughout much of my life, my mother's health issues has required a lot of my attention, and as a result has hampered my ability to be thoroughly involved in many extracurricular activities. At times I must help her with many chores or tasks that she usually performs. Also on days which her pain is worse, she is often stuck in bed or put in the hospital leaving her unable to drive, which includes me to school or extracurricular activities. Often, I attempt to obtain rides from friends, but other times I cannot. While my mother's physical condition requires much of my attention, both my grandfather and cousin have serious illnesses as well that often require my mother and I to travel to Florida to try and relieve my aunt, who takes care of them. Also various deaths over the years have required my attention and time. Due to the many of my family obligations, my extracurricular activity participation has been limited greatly.

3. Extracurricular activities. List the organization(s) that are most important to you and in which you have made your highest achievements. Include your position, a description of the activity and the number of hours you contributed each week.

My most important activities are my high school clubs, which usually meet monthly for meetings with the exception of special events. Art Club is my longest commitment that joined freshman year of high school and spent about 3 or more hours a month participating, along with, extra hours during football seasons to do face painting during lunch periods. Friends Club, which I have been a part of since my sophomore year and spent about 2 hours or more a month on, spends time with the special needs students at our school. We have the opportunity to be a part of the local Special Olympics, although because of conflicting issues I was unable to attend. Cultural Diversity is a new club that I joined my junior year, but was unable to participate due to being home-bound. Lastly, I joined Spanish Club sophomore year and spend an hour or more a month participating. Sadly, I was not of top position in any of these clubs. Still, I enjoyed them all.

4. Community service. List of activity, role and level of responsibility.
I unable to participate in community service during my years of high school, although I did apply for state director of the Miss Amazing Pageant for girls age 5-35 with disabilities last year. Even though I was not chosen for state director, I still look forward to volunteering in the near future now that the pageant has spread to most states as well as participating in other community programs in the near future.

5. Honors, awards and recognitions. List each and describe the level and the number of years of your involvement.
My freshman year in high school I was nominated for student of the month in the subject of Spanish, but unfortunately did not win. Still, I did win student of the month in my Law and Justice elective class for outstanding achievement and achievements in my career and technology course. I was awarded this honor in November of 2010 during my junior year of high school.

6. List any programs or activities that helped you prepare for higher education, such as University Outreach, Talent Search, Upward Bound, etc.
The dual enrollment program, which allows me to attend college while still attending my high school, has helped me prepare for higher education. By allowing me to take real college courses on a real college campus alongside its current undergraduate students I have become accustomed to the mechanisms of a college. I have also learned how to juggle my coursework in terms of having time to complete it and having the motivation to complete it, despite only having classes twice a week. Overall, II feel confident and ready to take on college after graduating from high school. Another academic program I took that helped me prepare for higher education is taking an advanced placement course; however, I find dual enrollment much more helpful when preparing me for higher education.

7. Employment. List and describe each job you've had, including dates of employment, job titles and hours worked each week.
As stated previously, I cannot work for health reasons; however, I did babysit children for money as a favor to my friends and neighbors. The dates of this employment were sporadic. The hours I worked varied upon request for me to babysit, but usually ranged from 4 to 8 hours a day.

8. Any other information for the Admission Committee to consider when your application is reviewed?
I would like to make it known that I was homebound for the major majority of my junior year because of medical reasons. Being homebound affected my grades tremendously, resulting in a failed semester of American Literature and Spanish 3, which are being or have been made up through online Brigham Young University Independent Study courses. Also my ability to excel on standardized tests is greatly hampered by many of my medical conditions, such as Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder (ADHD), Anxiety disorder, Inflammatory Bowel Syndrome (IBS), and my Ulcerative Colitis. Also my arthritis makes it difficult when taking a timed written exam. I also want to express that I am determined to succeed, despite the many problems I must overcome.