Undergraduate / Falling into cold water - common app essay - significant experience [5]

The promt is the usual common app essay: Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.

I'm mot a native speaker so all input would be much appriciated.

Thanks in advance

They say the best way to learn swimming is to jump into the colder water.

I remember one late rowing practice in February three years ago. The steel pilings were covered with frost and the water could have only been a couple degrees above 0°C. I knew I was the last one on the water and the sun was about to set. The last song I listened to had just ended and my iPod started to play "Fool in the Rain" by Led Zeppelin

I saw the vessel behind me way too late. Before I realized what was happening, its bow waves had already reached me, so that I couldn't keep my boat balanced anymore and it flipped.

Falling into cold water it seems to take all air out of your lungs. For a couple of seconds you can't scream, can't breathe, can't think about anything but the cold.

I felt very similar to this again during the first few days of September 2009, when I was on a student exchange in Canada.
The very first day was rough. Being, tired from the overnight flight and only being able to understand fractions of what my host parents were talking about, I felt overwhelmed and left alone. And above all, I was disappointed in myself for having such a hard time, because I had wanted this all my life.

When I was finally lying in bed, I thought about home and this rowing practice popped up to my head. I remembered how horrible I felt then and how scared I was, but also that after a few seconds, when the initial shock was over, the water didn't seem to feel that cold anymore.

And that's exactly how I felt way in Canada too. The second day was significantly better than the first. After more days went by, everything seem to come increasingly more facile

Contrary to a lot of people who have to go to a new school where they don't know anyone, I wasn't afraid or nervous about my first day and I didn't have to be, because it turned out to be great.

The experience of falling into cold water, being all alone on the Dortmund - Ems channel had burned itself into my mind. I didn't realize until later, when I was in Canada, that I had learned something from it.

Every time you fall into cold water, the horrible it may seem, it takes only a few seconds until you can catch your breath again, grab the oars, and get back into the boat. I know that's nothing new, but it's easy to forget and whenever I hear that Led Zeppelin song again, it reminds me of that.

Maybe jumping into cold water is not the best was to swimming for everyone but it certainly was for me.

Undergraduate / Astronauts and Astronomers - stepping out of your comfort zone - U of Richmond essay [NEW]

I know this is a fairly weak piece , but I can't seem to make a good essay out of this prompt, so please help

This is the prompt : Tell us about an experience in which you left your comfort zone. How did this experience change you?

Portentous birds, prehistoric reptiles and a lot of artificial blood. You wouldn't really expect to get good life advice from a film like Jurassic Park 3. However it certainly has some moments of insight. One scene that particularly stayed in my mind was when Dr. Grant was talking to Eric:

Dr. Grant: I have a theory that there are two kinds of boys. There are those that want to be astronomers, and those that want to be astronauts. The astronomer, or the paleontologist, gets to study these amazing things from a place of complete safety.

Erik: But then you never get to go into space.

I think children are naturally Astronauts. When I was younger, we had a big German shepherd. Her name was Dey. One day, I came home from elementary school and wanted to have a walk with her. Since my parents were upstairs, I just left.

Everything was fine until we got to a street. Dey ran right across it and I followed her even though there was a car coming. Fortunately the driver was able to stop quick enough so that I got away with some bruises.

As we as grow we older we tend become more careful, like to watch everything from a safe distance first. By the time I was 16 I had become an Astronomer in many areas myself. But I also knew I had leave it sooner or later. (I feel there's something missing here)

Because we don't have school teams or clubs here in Germany, I wanted to be part of one when I was in Canada. I knew it would be a great experience and good way to make friends.

Running through the school's homepage over and over again and I finally found a small little line, written in yellow letters, stating „
This was my chance to get out there, to be part of and meet new people even before school starts, yet I was hesitant. I had never played field hockey before and was incredibly afraid of failing with trying out a new sport.

During the entire car ride to field I was so nervous as I hadn't been in a long time. Oddly though, that feeling went away the moment I got there and started playing and talking to people.

Playing field hockey was great. I didn't expect to make the team but I did and I was very exited to join. I put a lot of effort into it but it was also very rewarding.

The analogy of Astronauts and Astronomers from Jurassic Park, is in many ways applicable But the quote does make it seem as if you ultimately have to chose to be either one, when in reality I think being capable of being both is more important.

It's not wrong to be an astronomer sometimes and just observe or evaluate and maybe learn from it. However It's also not wrong to act as astronaut and the step outside the your comfort zone., which can be very rewarding but also can turn out to be disaster.

The crucial part is to know when to be which one, to know when it's best to sit back and enjoy and when it's best to take the risk.

(I don't really like the last sentence but I can't come up with something better, so please help!!!)

thanks in advance

Undergraduate / Geography and Economics/Politics (UK Personal Statement) [NEW]

I know it's long, but it would be great if someone could check for grammar. And if you have any other suggestions, please go ahead too

thanks a lot in advance

An old Icelandic tale tells the story of an magician who transformed himself into a whale to swim to the Island and put it under his spell but he was scared away when he found that the land threw fireballs at him.

Considering it's cold climate and high geological activity Iceland doesn't seem like the most convenient areas to live at first sight. But when my parents and I made a trip to the Island, I was amazed by how people used this, seemingly disadvantage, for their advantage by constructing Geothermal Power Plants or hydroelectric power stations that allow them to produce energy cheaper than anywhere else in the world. While this energy is barley sold to other countries, it makes Iceland an attractive place for companies with high energy use, which significantly contributed to the countrys economic growth.

This trip to Iceland has opened my eyes to the diverse challenges living in our environment provides. At the same time it has made me more aware of the immense opportunities that lie in those challenges.

The relationship between humans and the environment does not only effect economics but also a wide range of subject areas such as climate change, natural resources, urbanization or immigration politics

I had the chance to experience another totally different culture and environment when studied a semester abroad in Oromocto, a small town in Canada.
The whole experience of being on exchange in a foreign country has introduced me to variety of new perspectives and made me more confident. However one thing that was particularly great about going to high school in New Brunswick, was that I had the chance to take a French Immersion class. At first I found it to be very challenging but by the end of the year, I think I got a lot more out of it than of most classes I've taken so far, as it has made me more confident with using foreign languages, even though I may not be perfect at them yet.

Furthermore is being multilingual becoming increasingly more important in todays competitive and pluralistic society. Almost all problems that our society has to face can only be solved by strong international cooperation. Economics and politics of individual countries are more interdependent than ever, which makes studying those subjects along with Geography particularly interesting.

Last year I wrote a research paper about the game theory and even though it was just a brief introduction to the subject, I think the and research associated with helped me understand and value the processes that shape our society on a personal and global level, a lot more.

Right now I am taking one class that covers topics such as globalization, economic crisis, human rights or wealth distribution and that is English. We often analyze political speeches or read texts concerning those topics. One author that particular stood out for me was Jeffrey D. Sachs with his End of poverty, as it

Since last year I am helping out in our school library and am part of our grade committee for finances which has helped to improve my organizational and communication skills.

I also do rowing for almost 7 years now which has sparked my interest in the outdoors and fostered my appreciation of the environment.

Lastly, I want to go to University in the UK because of it's international reputation of academic excellence but also because of it's distinctive campus life that fairly uncommon for Universities in other European countries.

I'm passionate about studying geography at University level and look forward to deepen my knowledge of the subject, as well participating in other aspects of University life