Undergraduate / 'I stand humiliated on the chair' - PRINCETON [6]

I wrote this junior year for a free-writing assignment and thought it might be a good answer for the question asked in my college application to Princeton. What I'm not sure of is whether or not its a good fit for Princeton; if they'd understand it, or take me as some rebellious teen (which is NOT what I'm trying to get at!). It would be great for some feedback on your reactions to it, and what impression you think it makes! THANKS!!

PROMPT:"Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you."::

ESSAY:
""The elderly woman, stumbling under the weight of her groceries in the wide stretch between Shoppers and the parking lot, is left endangered by an oncoming truck. Luckily, a brave hero in a brown cap, steel-toed boots, fancy red neckerchief, and his signature button-up uniform, follows the call of duty and escorts her to the safety of the roadside."

Similar versions of this story had earned the camp's most imaginative kids first pick in the dining hall all week. My troop just sat quietly because once they finished talking, we could finally eat. Three times a day my troop eats last, three times a day our table is flipped, and three times a day I stand humiliated on the chair singing "I'm a little teapot" amid three hundred scouts' snorts. We stood out in Camp Buckskin because we lacked what the other troops possessed: "Boy Scout Prahd".

This trip is incomparable to the countless other journeys my troop braved to raise men. Class 4 whitewater rapids, camping without tents, and trekking the Dolly Sods, the coldest regions of the Appalachian Mountain Range in record -20 degrees and 48 inches of snow, left us tougher than any other person our age. These times with my troop were demanding, but while freezing half to death, coughing up water, and counting scars, I matured into an older brother, a fighter, and a man. So when in the summer of 2010 at Camp Buckskin I faced the "no gum" sign and an angry twelve-year-old stationed with his hand cupped to enforce this law, I decided it was time to give this scout reservation a taste of manhood.

After kitchen duty one day, I ran down to the campsite, assembled the guys, and, with bursts of laughter, we tore off our clothes, grabbed some towels, and ran barefoot toward the lake to go skinny-dipping. We passed the rifle range and volleyball court, leaving behind bewildered scouts covered to their noses with gadgets and gizmos by the wayside. By the time we arrived at the dock, word of our shamelessness had passed through walkie-talkies and we had about six scoutmasters at our pale behinds. We shoved through the blank stares, jumped the waterfront gate, sprinted across the dock, and dove cleanly into the warm lake waters. Floating on our backs in the middle of the lake was a breath of fresh air after suffocating from the dutiful-scout expectations, and a freedom I will never forget. The sound of kids shouting and lifeguards whistling with their entire lung capacity drowned as I let my ears sink beneath the surface.

That night our routine did not change. We received the same punishments; eating last, on the floor, finishing the meal singing "I'm a little teapot" on our chairs. The difference was, this time, we belted the song. We sang at the top of our lungs because that day we gained something the other troops did not have nor understand: the pride of men."

Undergraduate / 'I used to bring Paul to Blockbuster' - princeton [7]

This is the supplemental essay for the Princeton commonapp. Please read, it is short and not horrible, and if you have any feedback I would appreciate it!

PROMPT: Tell us about a person who has influenced you in a significant way.
ESSAY:

I remember when I used to bring Paul to Blockbuster, and he loved to drag his fingers across the movies as he passed them. He sometimes went further to touch the people walking past, laughing as his hand would hit their jackets-an action that pleased him, yet was responded to with angry looks and nosy stares. And I don't blame them, because, at that time in my life, I believed the same thing that they believe-that Paul's abnormal behavior is his identity. My automatic reply to their confusion was always, "I'm sorry, he's autistic." I accused his disability of his behavior, labeling him as his disability. With this limited belief I would judge his mental abilities, and therefore his inner, hidden self, based on his physical abilities. For example, his reading and speech levels are very poor, so I took that measure as his level of understanding. I was convinced that the outer self and its abilities affect, and even reflect, the inner identity.

In January 2010, a sudden shift in this single-minded path of understanding identity caused me to reevaluate Paul's character. A speech-language pathologist from New York worked with him using her facilitated communication method that let him pour out sentences onto a keyboard. Unexpectedly, Paul not only wrote several dozen lengthy sentences, but used complex vocabulary far more advanced than that of the 2nd grade level-his current 'reading level.' The psychologist explained that Paul's thoughts are not connected to his speech, and therefore his internal feelings could not reach the outside for his entire life. However, if focused, his thoughts can be very well connected to his motor functions, such as typing. During one of his sessions, he typed, "real communication is not what I have; I listen to others thinking of what I might say but I never get to say it." As he expressed how he feels on the inside, I realized that Paul is the inside-the natural, conscious, intentional character that defines his identity, but not his body.

Paul has autism, but he is not autistic. His disadvantage does not define who he is, but what he is and is not physically capable of. You can find more depth in people and understand who they are if you become more open to the meaning of identity itself. Although it is difficult to give identity a dictionary definition, recognizing that it lies deeper than appearance and behavior can allow people to view others as they truly are. Paul gave me patience and compassion, but more importantly, I learned though my experiences with my brother to look past 'first impressions' and external expressions. Identity is complex, and you cannot stop at the outward observations.

Undergraduate / 'My brother breathes life into our home' - UMBC ESSAY [6]

I wrote this very quickly and I feel alright about it, but I feel like it might be confusing? I mostly need help touching up and making it flow well. Thankyou!!

PROMPT: Many of the problems of the 21st century will require interdisciplinary solutions. That is, to solve these problems it will be necessary to integrate knowledge and ways of thinking from different fields, such as from biology and public policy, or automotive engineering and ergonomics, literature and neuroscience. The Honors College tries to foster such interdisciplinary thinking. Discuss a problem you have studied or know about that needs an interdisciplinary solution.

My brother is mostly a happy guy. He breathes life into our home, revives the family during the strain of the week and the stressful 'catching-ups' during the weekends. He'll spontaneously walk the dog several times a day, and he never forgets to hug and laugh with the family every so often. We both share a bright bedroom glowing with portraits and albums of his candid and refreshing smiles. Paul is mostly happy, but there's a mysterious, inaccessible part of him that can never shine, and that I never get to see. My brother is severely autistic, and struggles every day to express himself.

It is a problem our family had known since he was about four-almost 15 years ago. The doctor said he would remain a mute for the rest of his life. He was wrong, though, because a year later Paul learned yes and no, the two priceless tools he possessed to express his desires. As he and his vocabulary grew, another accessory of the autism package came to light. Paul started to have seizures when he was 12, and has, since then, become blue, agonized, and frail once every two weeks. We saw these two drawbacks, but could not understand his inner thoughts and feelings because he was limited with his disorder.

In January 2010, a speech-language pathologist from New York worked with him using her facilitated communication method that let him pour out sentences onto a keyboard. Unexpectedly, Paul not only wrote several dozen lengthy sentences, but used complex vocabulary far more advanced than that of the 2nd grade level-his current 'reading level.' The psychologist explained that Paul's thoughts are not connected to his speech, and therefore his internal feelings could not reach the outside for his entire life. However, if focused, his thoughts can be very well connected to his motor functions, such as typing. During one of these sessions, he typed, "real communication is not what I have; I listen to others thinking of what I might say but I never get to say it."

Since then, my eldest sister had pursued a psychological career, and currently works as Paul's personal therapist. Our younger sister wants to someday become a doctor and discover the magical remedy to autism. As for me, I am inspired to become an engineer, to study the physics behind the brain, and create the ideal object that can access those parts which are hidden behind the walls of autism in people like my brother.

Paul is my dog's friend, my mother's happy helper, my father's pride, my sisters' inspiration, and my reason to pursue a fulfilling engineering career.

Undergraduate / 'more levels to reach' - CALTECH ESSAY [6]

CALTECH: How does scientific exploration excite and inspire you? In a page, more or less, what is it about math, science or engineering that compels you to satisfy your intellectual curiosity?

CORNELL: Describe your intellectual interests, their evolution, and what makes them exciting to you. Tell us how you will utilize the academic programs in the college of arts and sciences to further explore your interests, intended major, or field of study.

"This one moment in fourth grade stuck with me for years, and is still as clear as if it were yesterday. It was not a moment of shock nor a dramatic change in my life, but a simple photograph of the past, which I carry in my memory as a reminder of a developing passion and curiosity of my childhood.

Our classroom was small but wondrous. I always remembered seeing, upon entering, the opposite wall covered in posters of multiplication, dinosaurs, and quotes about succeeding. This windowless classroom was our safe-haven, our headquarters, and our comfort-zone. We spent every day crawling in the maze of desk-legs or making fun of the girls' imaginary friends by the radiator thing in the corner of the room, with an occasional ten-minute lesson on addition or discussion of the longest words in the English dictionary.

In this specific memory I was writing in my green composition notebook, away from the other kids. Our teacher had asked us to multiply each number up to the number 5 with the numbers 1-10. She mentioned that any more would be counted as extra credit. Motivated by the extra credit, I kept going, and until the year, I was driven by the pure joy filling my notebook with multiples of pretty much every number. I cannot remember how much extra credit I got, maybe because that was no longer important to me.

I had discovered that math is a chain of little accomplishments-getting 2+2, finding x, proving that sin(2) = 2sin()cos(), solving the derivative of xex, and computing the volume of a parabolic cross-section using multiple integrals-and these accomplishments have carried me to higher and grander planes in mathematics over the years, where I gradually saw more of its relevance in the real world.

There will always be more levels to reach, more tools to sharpen. I believe that a physics major will direct me to a career where my knowledge can be applied and expanded. But I also cannot help the urge to continue writing in my green composition notebook."

I love critique-- the more blunt and inmyface the better!! :))) so be as honest and cruel as you want. THANKYOU!!