Undergraduate / 'Come. I want to show you a story - My Athena' - Common App Standard [6]

Will someone please give me constructive criticism on my essay? It'd be a great help!

The prompt of this is about a person who influenced your life.

"Little one, lại đây. Come. I want to show you a story," My uncle said one day as I clambered out of my small boat. Uncle was a man of little words, so it was peculiar for him to ask me to sit with him. Slightly wary, I gave him a quick bow of respect and proceeded to fold up my legs, tentatively awaiting for whatever he had to say.

His story was about Triệu Thị Trinh, a female warrior in 3rd century AD. At a young age, she had a fiery spirit and contagious passion that women had always been discouraged from in the asian culture. She broke boundaries and embraced her rebellious nature as she planned a revolt against the Wu Kingdom simply because she was able to acknowledge her potential. When her "wild" actions were questioned, she merely stated these famous words that would be immortalized in numerous history books: "I only want to ride the wind and walk the waves, slay the big whales of the Eastern sea, clean up frontiers and save people from drowning. Why should I imitate others, bow my head, stoop over and be a slave? Why resign myself?"

After that day, her words etched themselves into my mind. I remember myself sitting on the cold, concrete floor of my grandparent's old home in Vietnam, sifting through the yellowed pages of my grandfather's school notes while my cousins were busy perfecting their phở bắc recipes. I remember experiencing the grand splendor of the ancient Nguyen Dynasty palaces while the others shopped through the congested markets for fabric to craft into perfectly tailored pants. I remember how my thirst for knowledge and success puzzled my Aunts and cousins since "young girls were supposed to focus on taking care of their families, not stuffing their noses into books". Most of all, I remember pushing the boundaries and limitations of the potential I knew I had, just as Trinh had done. I didn't want a white-picket fence at the end of a cul-de-sac to help me culture my domestic skills. I wanted to pursue a route that would satiate my desire for knowledge and open up opportunities that would lead me anywhere but the confinements of a housewife's home.

I embrace the fact that I have deviated myself from the expectations of my culture by indulging in my intellectual studies. Society's unspoken rules are merely obstacles that I know I can overcome in order to achieve my highest potential. Although I may not be a female warrior fighting against a kingdom, I know I am a first generation student that is dedicated to her passion for knowledge and success, despite the great expectations of society.

Undergraduate / 'Seeing the World Through Sand' - Common App Short Extracurricular Essay [7]

Will someone please help me with my common app short essay (it's the one where you elaborate on your extracurriculars)? I'm having an extremely difficult time with it, especially since it's 1000 characters max. I don't know if this essay fully conveys who I am and how sand animation has improved me. Your help would be much appreciated!

I tell stories. Not in the conventional way, however. Not with spoken words or written sentences. No, I tell my stories through sand.
Sand animation has allowed me to experience the world through different perspectives. Each time I sit at my light board and begin to draw, I live vicariously through my characters. I've been a 1920's flapper whose greed eventually tears her apart at the seams, a 5-year-old Korean boy whose war torn country took away everything he ever had, and even a concierge clerk who's met people from all walks of the earth, but has never ventured further than her New York City apartment. As I transition from each scene to the next, my characters teach me how it feels to lose, desire, and have. They teach me how to take different perspectives from the same problem and find a solution from what I've learned. They teach me how to make bonds with individuals and how to connect with strangers. But most of all, they teach me how to create and use what they taught me to show to others.

Undergraduate / 'Blue, Gold, and FTR Spectrometers' - Why Notre Dame [5]

Hi everyone! It'd be fantastic if you could help me revise this essay. It's the standard "Why Notre Dame" essay and is supposed to be a max of 1500 characters so I don't have much room to experiment. I feel as though my essay isn't personal or creative, but yet again I know these are the kind of essays where they want to see what you'd contribute/do in the college's community.

It's the blue and gold that's splattered on the cheering faces of Notre Dame students as they wear "The Shirt" to the football games. It's the extensive alumni network and the trees the sweep the edges of the breathtaking grotto. It's reasons like these that further intensify my desire to attend Notre Dame.

As an aspiring doctor and prospective biology major, those aren't the only reasons why I want to attend Notre Dame. At Notre Dame, I know I can pursue my ambitions. It's constantly progressing as a school and making the necessary adjustments in order to revolutionize the way its students will administer their research in the modern age. It has facilities, such as Jordan Hall, where I'd be able to conduct my studies in a setting that mirrors the setting of an experienced researcher's laboratory. It's one of the only places where I could use a FTIR to determine molecular bonds in a compound and then have the privilege to head over to Nieuwland Hall to use the NMR Spectrometers to study the same compound at an atomic level. Notre Dame offers endless possibilities, possibilities that will help me thrive as a student and possibilities that can't be found anywhere else.