Undergraduate / "My mom and dad's office" - UC prompt 1 and 2 [11]

These are my first essays so I am still unsure. Please help me. I want to know whether they are effective and interesting essays. Grammar and help with wordiness will also be appreciated

Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

I sat there on the couch lulled by the gossip and only awoke from my seemingly deep stupor when a voice breached my content little world. "You must be so bored listening to them, hunny." I looked back at one of our guests. I gave her a smile and replied "No, not at all." She went off thinking of my kind consideration. She could not have known that I was genuinely intrigued and stimulated by the conversation taking place in front of me. My mind was processing and learning from the gossip going on between my father and one of his friends and business associates. They talked about shares, companies in the markets, and many ways to conduct productive ideas - just the daily gossip of businessmen. The transactions fascinated me. The quickness, the vastness and the variety, all seemed like an exciting adventure.

I grew up in my mom and dad's office. Watching them interact with others and employ tactics in Hungarian, English, or even Hindi. I had story books and novels which took me to another world, but then there were my dad's daily stories and lessons that transported me to an adventure in the real world. He would explain scenarios and teach me ways to manipulate and adjust to situations. He would be quite proud of my quick understanding and keen questioning. Many times, he would ask my advice or present a situation to me, asking me to voice my decision. I would be applauded or be carefully taught the mistakes and dangers of the direction taken. My father has been a great influence and a guiding light to me in the realm of business. His determination and hard work has lead him to great business prosperity. From him I have gained the desire to stand out on top and have realized the variety of business possibilities which has lead me to want to search for my own route in such a diverse area.

My mother, also partner in the business, has taught me the necessity of education and internationality of business. She is very adept which has been a key ingredient in her success. It has greatly helped her in learning and conversing in other languages. A good education has been a large component of this. My father's education has not been as extensive as my mother's which is why I have seen from both my parents the necessity and advantages to having a good education. As George Washington Carver said "Education is the key to unlock the golden door of freedom."

Business has become very global. Even while I was on my couch, I experienced the multi-national cultural bonds as my father, an Indian, and my father's friend, a Brazilian, conversed in English about the immense possibilities in Hungary. This international culture has become so naturally imbedded in me that I feel at total ease talking to anyone from any culture. My school has been an integral part in shaping my world to this affect. I have tasted the flavor of many nations in my international school and found bonds that connect us all. I have had "third culture kid" experience as an Indian living in Hungary going to an American international school. Business is an opportunity to incorporate all the cultural aspects of me in a productive, insightful and sensitive fashion.

Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?

My internship at MoveOne Relocations gave me great insight into my personal qualities especially those related to the professional world. I was a very proud to find myself so well-disposed for my appointment. I came in a little uncertain but very eager to help and learn. The international atmosphere was much like what I was accustomed to therefore I was easily able to connect to my fellow 'colleagues.' All of them were thoroughly impressed and surprised when I told them that I had in fact just completed 10th grade and was working at 15 years for a whole month especially during my summer vacation and without pay for the matter of fact.

As the days went on, I quickly picked up on all that was presented to me. My mentors at the company were overjoyed by the ease by which I learned and applied myself. However, they soon started to grow frustrated with the speed by which I conducted my operations. There was never enough for me to do. I worked diligently and did not realize that I finished all my jobs in record time.

My mentors provided me with an extensive and diverse experience. I worked at the reception, utilizing my communication and language skills. Despite English being the main language spoken in the company, Hungarian was commonly used. I worked with the Information Technology department, understanding and helping monitor the program especially designed for the company. I learned to use the program expeditiously and was able to organize, arrange, and complete many pending files. I also researched expansion possibilities for the company in different countries. I wrote an article which was much appreciated by the editor for the newspaper. I even conducted menial tasks, such as filing and shredding, without complaint or lack in vigor because I know that in order to reach the top one must labor through the steps in ladder of success first. I executed jobs, all requiring different areas of expertise and skills. All in all I was able to effectively and proficiently learn and perform any task given to me. My mentors were so impressed by me and my "cheery personality" that they even offered me a job, hoping I would not leave.

Through this experience I found myself to be savoir faire since I was able to easily converse and connect with other people much older and more experienced than myself. I was also very well prepared for the assignments given to me. My adroitness has played a great role in a my success and will contribute significantly to my future as I learn and add to my eclectic array of skills. I have also realized my well-roundedness which I contribute not only to my dexterity but also to my sedulousness. As Dr. Samuel Johnson said "Few things are impossible to diligence and skill."

Undergraduate / BU essays (School of Management) [7]

Please help me with grammar and the over all effect of the essay. Any comments are appreciated

Thank you

What experiences have led you to select your professional field and objective? (School of Management) - 3000 characters

With talking the last step up the stairs, I was overwhelmed with by the bustling hallway. "What are we going to do?" said one of my friends while she came running towards me. I replied casually, "Wait, I'll just get my stuff and then we can start." My relaxed tone seemed very contrary to what I was feeling. It was our Business Day and our group was the only one not ready. The marketing had started a few days ago and seemed to be quite effectual, but our stand was not ready. Honestly, I did not plan to be ready at 8:30 AM considering the fact that we were selling Tacos, however, our teacher was very mad at us. Somehow, my classmates had forgotten about the arrangements I had made for the tables and microwave resulting in there frustration. When I got back they had scavenged around for a table. I got the microwave and started preparing while at the same time convincing people to buy our only ready products, gum and dessert. In 5 minutes, we were ready to go. My friends and I looked around at each other with pride. Soon money was flying around. I become the accountant along with being the intermittent sales person. It was interesting to see me, an Indian (officially Hungarian), a Brazilian, an American, and a Hungarian working on a business project to sell Mexican tacos.

The business project was frustrating, enriching and enjoyable. The project allowed us to practice and experience all real aspects and problems of the corporate world even at a small scale. We did the marketing, financing, accounting, management, and even production. It allowed for a great leadership opportunity as it faced me with problems which had to be tackled. I saw the productive result of patience and clear-thinking. My internship at MoveOne Relocations had a similar effect, however, the business project was our own complete creation which made it a more realistic experience. What I find most interesting in business is the variety of fields within the subject itself as well as the international experience achieved from it. I have studied in international schools and my love for traveling has lead me to discover many lands and cultures. I see business now to be in the same effect as I when was looking around the table -many cultures collaborating together for one goal. My "third culture kid" experience embodies in me cultural aspects, understanding ,and acceptance for all continents. The most distinct of all of these are European, American, and Indian.

My actual interest in business stemmed from a much younger age. I still remember climbing on to my father's massive chair (or at least that's what it seemed like then) and imitating him - writing on paper and talking on the phone. I spent most of my childhood in my father's office. I loved playing in the building and helping out - which honestly made me feel very proud and important. As the time went on my childish admiration for my father grew into a more mature one as my interest in his business grew. My father cultivated my interest - answering questions and teaching me from his experience. He continues to involve me in many of his activities and avidly seeks my opinions - which he surprisingly finds very useful - in his ventures.

Students consider many different factors when applying to college. Briefly discuss who or what influenced your decision to apply to Boston University - 2000 characters

The scorching sun was still beating down on my head. The air conditioned car did not keep me safe from the intense heat that caused my head to throb. I was just contemplating my misery when we stopped at a traffic light. I looked to my left on the dirty pavement. There sat a little boy, seemingly impervious to the heat. He was scratching away diligently on a small slate with a chalk. He was completely engrossed in his sums and letters. My worries seemed miniscule compared to him. I realized the battle that was concurring right in front of me. The boy was fighting to educate himself and in that fighting to create a future for himself, as many do in India. My culture has been a great motivator for me to apply to university. In India education is seen as imperishable wealth that can never be lost. It is also as George Washington Carver says the "key to unlock the golden door of freedom." With all the facilities that are available why should I not fight and strive for excellence.

Boston University is the perfect place for such an experience. It not only allows me to sculpt my mind under extraordinary minds but also allows me to experience a diverse range of activities which fit perfectly with my wide range of interests. I will be able to continue to enjoy a multi-cultural education and experience since BU stands in the heart of the diverse city of Bosron. BU's strong business program has been a key factor in my decision. My father has been a great influence and a guiding light to me in the realm of business. His determination and hard work has lead him to great business prosperity. From him I have gained the desire to stand out on top and have realized the variety of business possibilities. It has lead me to want to search for my own route in such a diverse area which intrigues me so greatly. BU's extensive array of majors and minors allow a great deal of freedom to experiment and build my education in all areas of my interest.

Undergraduate / 'Seriously interested in business from a very young age' - CALS - Cornell Essay [6]

How is the grammar and over all effect? What else can i change? (Will it be a major plus point in my application?) Any comments appreciated.

Thank You!

The College of Agriculture and Life Sciences (CALS) develops leaders committed to the improvement of life. Describe how your interest and related experiences have influenced your selection of major and how CALS will prepare you to be a leader in your chosen field. - 500 words

With Ivy league status, forty noble laureates, pioneers in many fields of study, and number one ranking in numerous studies, why would Cornell not be the first choice of any young and aspiring student? However, these are all very superficial reasons reasons for any application. The mechanisms that underlie Cornell's superior ranking and status is what make the significant difference.

With its large and international community, Cornell allows for strong connections and bonds. My international experience through traveling and also as a "third culture kid," an Indian living in Hungary having been to American and British international schools, has enabled me to respect, understand, and connect with people from different backgrounds. It is an important leadership quality that can be nurtured through multi-cultural education that is provided by Cornell University and therefore in its College of Agriculture and Life Sciences. I believe it to also be a an essential trait in business and to be successful in the world as a whole.

I have been interested in business from a very young age. My greatest inspiration has been my father and the vicarious experiences I have had through him. He cultivated my interest - answering questions and teaching me from his experience. He continues to involve me in many of his activities and avidly seeks my opinions - which he surprisingly finds very useful - in his ventures. Additionally, In my IB Economics class we were given a flavor of the corporate world when we were allowed to create our own businesses. We were involved with the marketing, financing, accounting, management, and even production. It was a a very exciting experience. Despite setbacks that we faced we were still able to proceed as a result of patience and clear-thinking. My internship at MoveOne Relocations added to my interest in business, however, the business project was our own complete creation which made it a more realistic experience. What I find most interesting in business is the variety of fields within the subject itself as well as the international experience achieved from it.

CALS's applied economics and management program gives the chance to build a well-rounded education and allows for exploration in all the areas of business. The double major program also interests me, because I am keen on learning computer science. Technology is greatly developing, and I foresee it becoming increasingly integrated and effectual in business. It will provide more productive and efficient methods that may help in the future of developing countries such as India. India's and China's fast growing economy have not only greatly affected the corporate world but also the environment. Through more efficient technology and fuels, the countries can continue with sustainable growth as well as maintain a healthy environment.

CASL will help me become a leader by giving me the ability to communicate and work together international students to help solve global problems and issues (especially that of poverty in Africa and Asia) through the education I will receive in applied economics and management collaborated with computer science.

Undergraduate / "I have always been interested in dance" - Common App Essay [3]

Okay so I was really unsure about this and it took me forever to write. Please give any comments. How can I improve it? Should I talk more bout culture?

Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.

My heart was pounding with such force that I thought it might jump out. I had done this a thousand times before, but it was always so new and different each time. A new me, a new story to tell. I knew the anxiety would be over soon as I would be divulged in my passion.

The music suddenly surged through my body and I was stripped. Nothing mattered, just the music and the feeling. I was a world unto myself standing bare in front of multitudes. I was trying something new, but there was no fear anymore. It was me and no one else's opinion mattered.

The crystal sound of each raga flowing into my ear caused the fire to erupt in a series of poses. I was transported to the mystical land of the gods. My body was celebrating with them the birth of universe. The beautiful colors of my Bharatnatyam top dazzled the crowds but they murmured about my ragged jeans. The song continued with a surprising twist to the audience. The music even more pressing on my body causing everything to come alive and tingle. I felt my body and I felt my soul. I was popping and locking now. The structured, feminine, and emotionally elaborate movements of Bharatnatyam followed by fast jerky movements of hip hop with a dab of dramatic pirouettes and jumps from the ballet. Each part chasing each other to finally come to a beautiful unison. Out of breath, I finally came out of my trance. I had done it. I had told my story. The applause echoed through the air and I heard my passion shared.

I have always been interested in dance and it has taught me a lot. It has taught me necessity of patience, determination, and perseverance. However, maybe the most significant aspect of dance is what it has taught me about myself. My final performing piece was to show the different cultures that blend to make me. I am Indian but I have lived in Hungary and been to American and British international schools. Each of the cultures stand out distinctly in me: from the vibrant gentleness to the showy confidence and from traditions to innovations with the additional classicalist revelations. I have learned and understood the cultures of many nations in my school and have also experienced them through my dance. I have participated in samba, afropop, ballet, bharatnatyam, hip hop, ballroom dancing, disco swing dancing, salsa, and tap dancing styles. Learning one style makes learning the next one easier just as experience with one culture helps understanding other cultures and communicating with thousands of people around the world. Just as I have learned great lessons from dance and diversity, I wish to share my passion, discovery, and experience with others.

Undergraduate / UPenn Ess.; name professor you would like to study with / 300-page autobiography [4]

I have written two of them. Still working on the why UPenn essay. Please leave any comments for Grammar as well please
Thank You

Penn offers its undergraduates an eminent faculty and a wealth of research opportunities. Use the space below to name a Penn professor with whom you vwould like to study or conduct research and explain why. - 1000 characters

William F. Hamilton is the professor I would most like to study or research with as he is a management professor at The Wharton School. His expertise is in the area of management in relationship with technology. His insightful articles and research has lead me to seek knowledge and understanding from him. My interest in business as well as computer science fits perfectly with his field. His article "Managing technology as a strategic asset" from International Journal of Technology Management illustrates the exact blend of my interest. I will be keen on learning his insights on the relationship between technology and the corporate world. One aspect which I myself would be eager to research under him is the role of technology and the best way to manage it in global and international business world. My interest ranges from the international and cultural aspects to technology and business. Business and management is a dynamic field which I am passionate to learn about especially under the guidance of William F. Hamilton.

You have just completed your 300-page autobiography. Please submit page 217. - 3500 characters

The bus was rattling with the slaps from outside. Shouts and shrieks permeated the air. Suddenly it all stopped. The bus stood still. A barricade had been conjured in front of us. The realization hit me only after a while. There they were - innocent, sweet, and rugged little children. They held hands with identical goofy smiles playing on each of their lips. "Nem mehetek" they shouted at us. They were saying "You can't leave" in Hungarian. I looked at them in all their innocence. Was that wall really preventing us from going out or was it protecting the world from coming in? Ironically it seemed that they were protecting us from going into the harsh world. The children had suffered more than us yet they smiled with such compassion and lived life without fear. However, unmistakably, in some of their eyes, especially the young ones, you could see the pain and tragedy.

Good byes were said and tears were shed again as the bus was allowed to slug along into the grim world. The bleakness of the small Romanian town passed by as I gazed outside still contemplating our visit. This was my second visit to this Romanian orphanage. After my first visit with the National Honors Society (NHS) I was eager to come back. It had became one of my goals after being elected as the NHS president. I was still perplexed at the their happy and confident countenance. It had been the most shocking to me in my earlier visit. Too me it seemed that they had given more too me than I had been able to give them. Their strong sense of compassion, love, and trust that they had shocked me to the very core. I had heard heart-wrenching stories about some of the abandoned little boys and girls which I could never have imagined to the perfect little angels. Not only were they strong soles but very accomplished ones at that. They had mastered handicrafts, folk dancing, and were doing very well academically at school where they learned Romanian, Hungarian, and English or German. All of them were mature beyond their ages, taking care of each other and helping around the orphanage in any and every way possible.

We had been able to give them a few presents and few days of love, care, attention and joy. But they had given me a new way to look at the world where not everything has to be so rigid or done for ulterior motives. Their unrelenting spirit and love for people and life is one that we must all carry on in our lives. Sometimes we just need to protect ourselves from the harsh world outside.

Undergraduate / NYU short answers - Trait, NYC, talent, academic program [2]

Grammar, ideas,is it intersting? Any comments on it will be really helpful...Im really unsure bout this and I really need help. Thanks!

Describe a trait or characteristic that has been passed along to you by your family. Tell us why you like or dislike this aspect of yourself.

Ambition. An earnest desire for some form of achievement or distinction. It is not something that is genetically passed down, but is rather cultivated. My close and extended family has been a great inspiration to me, instilling in me the desire for excellence. Ambition is a strong driver because as it is said "where there is a will there is a way." It does not bring risks, but rather adventures with great lessons. It is a great teacher and motivator.

New York City is an essential element of academic and cultural life at NYU. If you could engage in an activity or start a club or service organization at NYU, what would it be and how would you envision it impacting the larger community?

There are many clubs that interest me in NYU. However, in light of the current circumstances, The International Relations (IR) Society would be club I would be very keen on joining. The discussion over international affairs is very important at this point because of the recent terrorist attack in India. As I am Indian this topic is significant to me. I believe it is pivotal to understand the views of the international community so we can come together and make a difference.

You have been selected to sing in a talent show. What song would you choose? Why?

The song I would chose to sing would be Just Stand Up. Though the song is written as a call to fight cancer, it also applies life. It is a call to fight for life and to live life. The song is about empowering yourself and never giving up no matter what life throws in your way. It says "you can go be your own miracle" by just standing back up. Like the song, I believe nothing is impossible and nothing should be feared because we all have it within in us to come back stronger.

Please tell us what led you to select your anticipated academic program and/or NYU school/college, and what interests you most about your intended discipline.

Having grown up in international schools, I have come to greatly enjoy and cherish diversity. When I was in New York I experienced the same melange of cultures blend into one city. New York University and its close relationship with its diverse community intrigued me. Besides that NYU also provides an excellent education, especially in business. My interest in business is attributed to the same international experience as well as experiences and insights I received from my parents' business.