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Posts by jkhalifeh93
Joined: Dec 20, 2011
Last Post: Oct 26, 2014
Threads: 2
Posts: 12  
From: Lebanon

Displayed posts: 14
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jkhalifeh93   
Dec 20, 2011
Undergraduate / 'brought up and raised primarily in Beirut, Lebanon' - STANFORD SUPPLEMENT [6]

Prompt: What matters to you and why?

I was brought up and raised primarily in Beirut, Lebanon, a city rich in beauty and magnificence, but unfortunately for many of its residents it is also a land where poverty is a way of life. I am one of the lucky few that have never had to suffer the pains of an empty stomach, the hardships of a low income or the agonies of having to survive in terrible living conditions. However, in my opinion, one of the causes for this state of decline our communities live in is that we spend our time lingering in the past.

To quote Gabriel Garcia Marquez's "Love In The Time Of Cholera", "That is how they were: they spent their lives proclaiming their proud origins, the historic merits of the city, the value of its relics, its heroism, its beauty, but they were blind to the decay of the years". In many aspects, Marquez's Colombia is very much similar to my Beirut. Like the Colombians in Marquez's novel, the people of my country live in the past to avoid present discomfort and to evade its political and social problems. Rather than living in the past, it is essential that the people of Lebanon focus their efforts on modifying the future, for it is a realm filled with hope, promise and potential for glorious days that lie ahead.

There are many challenges facing my country today: We are constantly bickering over age-old problems, the nation is at constant war, numerous people do not have an education to back up their choices and the thousands that go to bed every night with an empty stomach are ignored. Since my future is intermingled with that of my country's, then the only way for us to prosper is if the privileged sacrifice what they have to help the deprived succeed in overcoming the difficulties of life. The real challenge we face today, is that we must realize, as a nation and as individuals capable of serving the community, that there can only be so much to go around, and that the key to thrive is our will to relieve ourselves from the ceaseless fighting in hopes of recovering from the ashes of conflict to make sure that no one, nowhere, and at no time should go hungry.

PS: Please someone offer help with the title!
jkhalifeh93   
Dec 20, 2011
Undergraduate / 'brought up and raised primarily in Beirut, Lebanon' - STANFORD SUPPLEMENT [6]

Thanks for the editing, but do you have any comments as to whether or not it's a good essay...? And what do you thing would be a suitable title?

Haven't read "The Prophet", but it's definitely on my to-read list. I strongly recommend that you read some of Amin Maalouf's books though, he's great Lebanese author.
jkhalifeh93   
Dec 20, 2011
Undergraduate / 'about coffee addiction' - Stanford - Roommate Essay [4]

Your essay is great. I love the first sentence where it says "I'm an addict"; good job at hooking in the reader. However, one flaw comes to mind after reading the essay. You're essay is aimed at your roommate and you're supposed to introduce yourself and even prepare your roommate for what lies ahead, and in my opinion you don't tackle the prompt as supposed to. I suggest you remove some extra parts and add some of your qualities. Maybe you're a neat freak or an avid video gamer...

Hope this helped. (Didnt mean to be too harsh though)
:)
jkhalifeh93   
Dec 20, 2011
Undergraduate / Eating Guinea Pigs-Penn Optional [3]

Great essay, however I can't help but notice that the end of your paragraph is a bit impersonal("robot speech" as i like to call it)

Otherwise, it's an excellent paragraph, and it shows that you're open to new experiences and ideas...
Dont forget to help out with my essay
jkhalifeh93   
Dec 20, 2011
Undergraduate / 'I am a friendly person' - MY FUTURE ROOMMATE - STANFORD [7]

My future roommate,

Whenever I think of sharing an apartment or a room with one person, I couldn't help but smile at the memory of the episode of "The Bernstein's" when "brother bear" and "sister bear" are seen painting a white line along the middle of the room explaining: "This is my side; this is yours. Don't go on my part!"

Looking back nostalgically at the stories of these anthropomorphic bears, I notice that despite being angry at each other for certain moments, they have always been able to reach a compromise; as I look forward to doing with you.

Born and raised in a family of five members, negotiation and compromise have become regular routine to me. Whether it's "Lower the volume and stop listening to music!" or "turn off the air-conditioning, I'm cold" or "change the channel, I want to watch the news!" I've always been capable of reaching agreements and organize arrangements to avoid meaningless disputes and unnecessary squabbling.

I am from Lebanon, a country off the coast of the Mediterranean, and have lived there for as long as I can remember, so I might bring some colorful bed covers and small ornaments to spice up our living arrangement. Renowned for our cuisine and famous in the family for my excellent cooking, I look forward to surprising you with the traditional Tabbouleh and Kafta dishes along with a marinated filet of Red Snapper, broiled and topped with lightly spiced sauce. I'm sure you will appreciate and be delighted with the hospitality and outgoingness that I have learned from my culture, well that, and our passion for sports. I can't wait to spend my Sunday afternoons laying on the couch, watching Major League soccer and eating pepperoni pizzas.

I'm very eco-friendly, so we'll need two bins in the kitchen to separate the items that can be recycled from those that can't! As you look around the room, you might see many picture frames with photos that I took of my family and friends, for I especially like having pictures of my beloved ones as motivation, oh and don't worry I can get some more picture frames for your photographs. Moreover, I have an insatiable appetite for reading and I can be a voracious reader at times, so I will need you to spare me a few bookshelves for all my novels.

One more thing, can you sleep with lights on? I tend to be a hard worker and study till quite late in the night. However, if you can't, I'd gladly move to the library.

You will find out soon that I am a friendly person; I enjoy sharing my thoughts, and giving my opinion on yours. I'm sure that we will enjoy our freshman year and I hope we will not have to paint a white line along the middle of the room.

With Love,
Jawad

-One of the things I believe need editing: The last two paragraphs, the greeting and signature
PLEASE SUGGEST A TITLE (and dont forget to proofred my other essay ;))
-The essay is too long, what can i remove?
jkhalifeh93   
Dec 20, 2011
Undergraduate / 'I am a friendly person' - MY FUTURE ROOMMATE - STANFORD [7]

Aside from all the grammar mistakes, what do you think i should change?
I feel that the transition between paragraphs isnt very smooth, any ideas?
How do you think I can begin and end it in an "unconventional" way?
jkhalifeh93   
Dec 20, 2011
Undergraduate / Stanford Intellectual Experience: SilverPlus Internship [5]

Excellent essay, shows how you have grown intellectually and how you have become more focused as you grew older...
I suggest you change "how every process in the natural world could be explained..." , I had trouble understanding what you meant, and its a bit of an exaggeration...

Otherwise, great essay and good luck!
Check my essays too!
jkhalifeh93   
Dec 20, 2011
Undergraduate / STANFORDS SUPPLEMENTS- faith in god + grasshopper + reflections [4]

The faith in god topic is a bit sensitive in my opinion, and I think you are taking somewhat of a risk since the admissions officers might have different opinions.

One more thing, what is moral class? I thought this was a bit vague so you might want to change that.

In another one of your essays you mention the scrawny little asians, I say you replace asians with classmates because you dont want to come off as stereotypical.

Otherwise, the essays are great, they are very personal and bring out another side of you
Good luck!
jkhalifeh93   
Dec 22, 2011
Undergraduate / 'travel to anywhere I want' - Extracurricular Essay [25]

excellently written essay, in fact outstanding. However, I dont think the essay answers the prompt as supposed to. However, its a shame to see such a brilliantly written essay go to waste. I think you should use it somewhere else...
jkhalifeh93   
Oct 26, 2014
Undergraduate / It's university where I can expand my innovative and creative ideas - My Yale supplemental essays [3]

"Over the summer, I was became very interested in social theory and cultural analysis, while I was in Merida, Yucatan. There, I perceived the different cultures that seemed to differ one another, yet were so similar. I contemplated at the idea of the two worlds that I, a Mexican-American belong to."

The second sentence is awkward, and you're repeating yourself with "different". I would say : I perceived/experienced two cultures that at first seemed different, but are in fact very similar.

I would also consider changing the answer to the disappointment prompt (it's a pretty standard answer). Otherwise, excellent work!
jkhalifeh93   
Oct 26, 2014
Scholarship / My personal, academic, challenges, and leadership essays [8]

Corrected:

Becoming an engineer has been a lifelong dream of mine. On a professional or academic level, I hope to be able to develop novel structures, equipment, techniques, and put theory into practice. On a personal level, I look forward to becoming a role model in my community. As an aspiring engineer, my goal is to be able to alleviate the problems of my underprivileged community by giving back as a token of gratitude for what all it had to offer me. Despite the fact that it may seem as an unrealistic goal to have, I firmly believe that change can only occur through progressive small improvements, via social awareness programs and education, rather than grand projects. Becoming an engineer will thus fulfill my aspirations on both a professional and personal level. Studying at X university will allow me to gain the required competence, develop my intellectual capacities and interpersonal skills in order to satisfy my goals.
jkhalifeh93   
Oct 26, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS - under suitable administration, tourism enhances local economic development [6]

I have rewritten your essay with corrections:

Tourist trade is becoming a powerful engine for the economy. Nevertheless, some individuals believe that this position ignores the ecological and environmental destruction, as a result of tourist activities, and its adverse effects on local communities and ecosystems. While both positions seem reasonable, my view is that, through proper management and regulation, a booming tourist industry is an excellent source of economic growth and wealth for rural and urban areas.

The most obvious merit is that tourism can vastly boost economic development in a particular state or region. This takes place, not only through direct expenditure from tourists, but also because it provides direct and indirect jobs to the community, including retail, agriculture, and in the service industry. The increasing tax and the expansion of local markets for accommodation, luxury goods amongst others are also a result of a solid, well-regulated tourism programs. Furthermore, tourism provides a considerable number of direct and indirect jobs to the community, including retail, hotels, transport, agriculture, and in the service industry. This increase of job opportunities allows more people to make significant contribution to society through the purchasing of commodities by their growing incomes. As a result, this gives energy to the economic cycle, generating local economic prosperity in return.

Some people may oppose these, citing the environmental and cultural destruction caused by tourism. In fact, compared to the tourism industry, other alternatives, like resource extraction and manufacture, are far worse destroyers. For instance, paper mills pour hundreds and thousands of tons of contamination into rivers, causing severe water pollution. On the other hand, the dramatic majority of tourist, particularly those who tend to spending a wealth of time and money locating and visiting rustic villages, are well educated. It is illogical to believe that these rational folks will not conduct themselves decently if required to do so.

After careful consideration of both sides of the argument, the tourism sector is desirable for its important socioeconomic advantages. In conclusion, it is evident that under suitable administration, the benefits of tourism outweigh its drawbacks.
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