Writing Feedback / Capital punishment and the methods to execute [2]

Hi everybody, i'm a new memmber of this forum. I have read the message that you sent me. I know i have to help at least two people before i get some help from other people. My english is very bad now, so i can't help anyone, but i promise i will help everyone if i could. Today i posted my essay, and i hope someone could help me check for my essay. Thanks a lot.

Capital punishment and the methods to execute

Capital punishment is death penalty. In my opinion, it should be executed in our society. The most important thing that criminals have a deserving penalty. And then the method we use to execute, shooting or using poison.

In fact, there are some coutries which have given up this penalty. But most of countries are keeping capital punishment. These governments considered carefully. So capital punishment must be suitable for extreme criminals. The death gives other criminals lessons. They will look at that and think again before they act. With murderers, especially massacrers like terrorists, they have to pay their own lives for their victims. I remember in July 2011, in Norway, there was a bloody massacre. A lot of people were dead. But the terrorist will spend his life in prison only 18 years. What will happen after he is released? I'm not sure about people, who have no humanity like him. He deserved to have a capital punishment.

About using method to execute. It will show humanity of our society. Afterwards it will effect on peace and stability of society. I think using poison should be applied, because it is not very violent. It will make our society more stable when we don't have to see violent deaths.

Finally, I affirm once again that capital punishment should be executed. It shows strictness of law. And it will deter criminals' action.

Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 2- MUSIC IN THE WOLD TODAY [4]

Hi everyone,
I'm practising for Ielts writing. If you have time, please help me to review my essay. I would appreciate every comment.
Thanks for your reading and feedback!

Topic:
"There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard everywhere nowadays?"

Essay:

Music have been a part of our life. A lot of types of music have been lasting on the world. In many coutries, both of traditional music and international music are used.

Music plays an important role in society. Firstly, it is a form of entertainment. Nowadays, people are very busy, so they often put pressure on themselves by working hard. Music can help them to relax after work. Consequently, they will work effectively after that. For many, one of the greatest pleasures is listening to music, it makes people easier to achieve a balance between worklife and personal life. In addition, sometimes, music motivates people to live more significantly. Beautiful music will feed the soul, encourage people live life to the full, especially in a complicated life as today. Music can also has a special ability is that to help someone get back from sorrows, depressions. Lastly, music is a business. Many people earn for their living from music. For people who have music talent, they can be rich easily. Imaging that without music, as a result, so many theatres would be closed and a lot of people loose jons.

For almost countries on the world, traditional music is always more important than international one. Primarily, it represents culture of a country. Every country has unique styles of music. They show the charecters and pride of people in their countries. Futhermore, new generation can study history in the past through traditional music. Thus, young people will respect to their ancestor and the elderly. To a lesser degree, international music is also valuable. We can communicate with other countries through international tyle. Additional, it is one way to learn a new language.

Above all, nowadays, people can not live without music, International music is a trend in the future, but tradtional music have to be preserved.

Writing Feedback / IELTS - Traditional skills and ways are always valuable and will last forever [4]

Hi everyone,
Could you give some feedback for my Ielts essay?
Thanks all!

Topic:"When a country develops its technology, the traditional skills and ways of life die out. It is pointless to try and keep them alive.

To what extend do you agree or disagree with this opinion?"

Essay:
These days, most of countries on the world invest for technology. It is evident that technology promotes economy. Many people think that conventional things will not exist and should be eliminated. I totally disagree this opinion.

First of all, traditional skills and ways belong to value of culture. They make differences between countries. Every country has unique tradtions which show their creation, intelligence. Consequently, people feel pround of their country, so they keep reserving conventions. For example, ways to build a house in every country are different and they distinguish between countries.

In addition, in some cases that traditional way can not replace by a new technology. Lot of people like to use traditional things because if their quality and durability. In paticular, vases are made by hand would be used more. Futhermore, there are plenty of works that using traditional way is unique method. For instance, making cone hats from leaves have to use hand. Not only because there is no machine for the work, but also it looks more beautiful when it is made by hand, so resulting in greater value economy.

The last thing is about education. Traditional skills and ways of life will help youngsters study and know more history. Methods which their ancestors used in the past will be displayed again for new generations. After that, they might create somethings that are useful for life.

In conclusion, technology has brought many benefits, but traditional skills and ways are always valuable and will last forever.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: "With the rise in popularity of the internet, newspapers will gone" [2]

Hi everyone,
Could you give some feedback for my Ielts essay? Thanks all!

Topic:"With the rise in popularity of the internet, newspapers will soon become a thing of the past.
To what extend do you agree or disagree?"

Essay:
Nowadays, the internet is getting mor popular, many people like to read news from the internet. So newspapers are less common than before, even it is beleived that newspapers will not exist in the future. I totallu disagree that opinion, because newspapers still have many benefits.

First of all, newspapers are more reliable than the internet. Presses are usually published by official organizations which represent for public. They show things that are actual in societies. Most of organizations make newspapers have been lasting for a long time. They are big and have a good reputation, so they rarely publish wrong news. Newspaper can be kept for long time, even forever, sometimes they are used as evidences for issues. On the other hand, the internet has many types of news and they are not true. The main aim of them is catching readers' attention. Additional, they can be deleted easyly, so sometimes, it is impossible for readers to read news again.

Secondly, it is about conveniences. Newspapers are easy to read for everyone. They are cheap and popular, even in rural areas. Otherwise, the internet is expensive, you only get information when you have a computre or mobile phone. For many people, they can not afford those things. Moreover, you can bring newspapers to everywhere to read. For instance, when you travel in a train or a bus.

Although, the internet has many advantages for ouf life, but newspapers with a lot of benefits will coexist with the internet i the future.