Writing Feedback / Computers' negative & positive effects on children; 'strategic games' [6]

Dear freinds,

I am preparing for IELTS exam and need to work on writing part. This is my first essay in EssayForum, any kind of advice and suggestions with respect to my grammar will be appreciated.

Topic: "Using a computer everyday can have more negative than positive effects on children. Do you agree ? Explain your opinion with relevant examples ."

In today's, modern, swift, technologically developed world, computer is not merely a advanced device, but has become a staple of everyone's life. No Matter whether the task is personal, professional or academic, achieving it with great perfection without being reliant on computer is inevitable. Yes, I would content that the use of computer at an early age would have far more, better, colossal benefits than its detrimental effects. In the below mentioned paragraphs, lets focus on the pristine benefits and advantages of using computer from an early age.

The current education system induces a great amount of mental pressure on the students. Indulging computer and internet with the studies could make the curriculum more interactive and interesting. Learning vast syllabus and diverse topics in different areas can often force a student to opt for rote learning without putting stress on their brain, such method further lead to strait-jacket the children's cognitive skills. In contrast, use of computers and internet for exploring such topics will help in achieving an in-depth knowledge and understanding the topics from its roots. It can further stemmed to make them a good abstract thinker as well.

It is also worthy to galvanize the use of computer for children's leisure activities during their free time. There are galore strategic related computer games available in the market. Playing such games are a good way of increasing concentration level, boosting self-confidence and improving the thinking capability.

These days, every single job openings comes up with a requirement of mandatory computer knowledge with hands-on on the rudiments of computer skills. Having one explored to such skills in early age would apparently prepare them for their professional lucrative jobs.

But one should also not avoid the detrimental affects on health by using computers continuously for extended hours. Guidance of parents and elders is a must when children's deals with computers, especially to supervise if they are not addicted to any tantalizing, restricted websites that contains in-decent and violent materials.

To sum up, I would concede that computer use from early age in the children's life is of pinnacle importances and its disadvantages can be easily curbed with proper guidance and constant supervision.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: In certain cultures old age is considered to be more important [12]

Topic: "In certain cultures old age is considered to be more important while in others it's the opposite, children are thought to be more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion."

Every cultures and society consist of varied mixture of different age group people.Since many years, it has been a controversial topic to identify what age group rendered most towards society welfare. Some people think that young people is indispensable for the development of the society. Whereas, others, whilst may content that older people's contribution towards better society is colossal.

Admittedly, old people holds galore information and invaluable experience in many spheres of life. The fact that they are exposed to the real world for a good amount of year, make them perfectly capable and eligible for upholding the overall responsibility to make the society a better place to live in.

Furthermore , it cannot be denied that old people not only carry imperative qualities such as good morals and ethics, truthfulness, sincerely and respect, but also act as a pristine source in imparting or inheriting such qualities to young people. Moreover, it is also true that adolescents maintain discipline and decorum because they are being controlled and guided by elders.

However, young people are the future of society. It is excepted that younger generation are very assertive in nature, physically and mentally stronger and dedicated to their goals and aims. Since they are recent graduates from colleges, their mind is fresh, capable of innovative and out of box thinking and updated with the latest technological skills and information.Such important qualities are obligatory to boost the society's economy. They are boon to the society.

To sum up, I would concede that people from all age group is important to society.Each age group people has their unique role and hold equal shares of responsibilities towards the progress of society.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: Advantages and disadvantages of staying away from families. [15]

Topic:
"Many university students live with their families while others need to live away from home because their universities are in different cities. What are the advantages and disadvantages in both situations? Give your opinion"

Recent statistics shows that there has been a swift ramp-up in the total number of students opting for travelling to foreign universities for pursuing higher education. Unveiling such statistics had raised a matter of concerns among people. Some people think that studying from foreign universities is indispensible for a perfect career. However, others may contend that adolescents staying away from their families during the immature age for a year or two could have detrimental effects on them.

It is no secret that that staying independently allows with an opportunity to experience the real world. In addition, it also imparts many imperative qualities. For instances, one can learn ways to overcome their problems independently or to tackle the complicated situations maturely. Furthermore, it also helps in boosting their confidence level to face the world full-of-challenges.

Moreover, residing in a different country could also provide with an opportunity to explore other's cultures, principles and dogma. Every culture holds its own unique morals and ethics. One can inherit such qualities to become a good human-being.

On the other hand, sending children to a different country can be costly to pocket, which only richer section of the society can afford. For instance, one needs to spend huge money on accommodation, food and travelling plus the costly universities fees. In addition, the fact that parent holds no control on their children due to their independent lifestyle, may provoke children to lose focus from their path and indulge in un-ethical activities or bad habits.

To sum up, I would conclude that benefits of staying in foreign countries to pursue higher education outweigh its disadvantages. Not to neglect that with proper guidance and practising constant touch with their children, parents can make sure that their children stay focus to their goals and mission.