Undergraduate / "Working at my father's real estate office" - My Princeton Summer Essay [6]

I believe you have to focus a little bit on the introduction of your essay. For example, a highly selective university, like Princeton, would love to see an introductory sentence that would impress them, immerse them within the substance of your essay. So impress them, it is clear from your writing that you CAN and WILL impress the admission officers.

Hope I helped :)

Undergraduate / "Strenght lies in differences, not in similarities" - International Student [26]

Great work you've done! But, in my perspective, I see that you should eliminate the first paragraph and try to insert it within the rest of your essay. Be concise! A college essay must not always have an Introductory paragraph, 5 body paragraphs, and a conclusion. NOT AT ALL! Just write in! Empty your thoughts!

But, overall, I think your work is quite great!

Hope I helped :) ~ Lilly

Undergraduate / 'PURPOSE-DRIVEN' - Essay on a personal experience and its impact [2]

Great work, Sphinx! I love the structure of your essay! If I could only give you one advice, it would be to FOCUS more on showing the impact of this personal experience on your life, rather than pointing it out.

I wish you all the luck :)

Hope I was of any help! :)

Undergraduate / "Just ten more steps" - Common App Short: essay on my experience in cross country [4]

Okay, let us be quite frank over here. Your short answer is quite great! But my advice would be: FOCUS more on explaining why the activity is important to you. Get into details yet precisely! Get all the sincerity out of your heart and just write it on a paper! Great work, though!

Hope I helped :) ~ Lilly Cullen

Undergraduate / First reactions to my Yale essay- "let us get to know you better" [7]

Great piece, Michael. I really love your essay. Though, I think there's a word limit for the common and Yale essay. So please take that into serious consideration.

Keep the unique work :)

~Lilly Cullen

Writing Feedback / 'expressing myself in deferent's ways' - My passion for singing [3]

("deferent's ways") Seriously? Please revise your essay, it contains coutless spelling and grammatical mistakes.

I'll be happy to help afterwards :) ~Lilly Cullen

Student Talk / My school counselor does not even know my NAME (applying to University of Chicago) [5]

I AM NOT TALKING TO MYSELF OVER HERE ! PLEASE HELP ME!

Undergraduate / 'Intelligent conversations, fervor for discovery..' Short answer for Brown University [10]

I HONESTLY love your introductory paragraph. It utterly captures one's senses and draws the reader into your point immersely. The second paragraph is kind of...mundane, maybe? I don't know but I love the way your writing concludes a really important point, which is the reason of you getting into college. however, my only suggestion would be to follow your own instincts, no one know you better than you. And no one knows why you want to go to colllege than you do. So, follow your instincts. They will lead you!

Keep up the good work, Grace! Well done!
~Lilly Cullen

Undergraduate / Common App - Steve Jobs biggest Influence on me. [5]

I THINK you can write a far better Intro. But, again, I am not here to judge the way you write. Because what you write is what you think. And each and every one of us has his own way of thinking things over. Same goes with writing. Do NOT let anyone influence your way of writing. Write what you think describes your thoughts, and it's up to the colleges you are applying into to accept you or not. I can only help you with any Grammatical errors, typos, etc... And I can see that your grammar is quite GREAT!

SO, keep up the good work! I wish you the best of luck, Samantha!
Best,
Lilly Cullen

Undergraduate / 'Your interests / Individuality' - Stanford - Roommate letter & What Matters [5]

Honestly, I love your answers. Especially the first one. But, I sense that you are using a very mundane style of writing. Try to innovate! THIS IS Stanford!

But OVERALL, you've done a great job!

Keep up the good work

Undergraduate / 'Your interests / Individuality' - Stanford - Roommate letter & What Matters [5]

Birdie, let me tell you something. Consider it an advice or a tip.

Write with your heart!!! DON'T you ever write what you think the Admission's comittee would love to see or read! Don't think about them, just focus on yourself, on that heart of yours, listen to its beats and write. I promise you it will lead you to the perfect words, eventually.

I hope I helped in any way!
BEST of luck,
LillyCullen

Letters / How to write a good recomendation letter? (MS Program) [19]

No teacher accepted my request/invitation? - I need some advice, PLEASE

So the thing is that I am applying to UofChicago and I am asked to submit 2 recommendation letters.
I am an International student, and my first language is not English, even my teachers are not familiar with what is called The Recommendation Letter. No teacher accepted my request/invitation! I am really LOST and utterly do NOT know what to do! Everything in my application is ready except for these letters!

Please suggest something. I need your help, people!

Much thanks~LillyCullen

Student Talk / Received an email from the Dean of Columbia University to consider their school. Why me? [4]

Thank you for your great words. I truly appreciate your response!

Undergraduate / At 13 we moved to Cairo; COMMON APP_ Significant experience [6]

Hi, MiaB!

Great work! I like your essay and everything, but I think it lacks a very very very important point, which is what gives the whole essay its flavour. If I were you, I would most definitely focus more on ONE moment, ONE perfect moment, instead of writing about your whole life story. Focus on that single moment and describe it. The committee will be looking forward to understand you as a human being, not a reporter.

I am sorry if my comments are a little harsh :)

I wish you the best of luck ~ Lilly Cullen!

Undergraduate / My childhood was filled with palying with dirt; Yale Supp; Say More about you [6]

You are sure going to have to abate your essay. One of the most important things that Yale would be looking at is whether you have appreciated their request for a word limit or not. So, please, be careful!

Undergraduate / "dream big"; YALE Supp _ Why Yale ? [8]

Hello Dear,

I want to give you a pretty little advise, and please do not think that I am trying to mislead you or something. Here is the thing:

In this particular question, Yale do not want you to state the obvious! Do not tell them that they have a splendid campus and an impeccable education system. Instead, focus more on pointing out ONE thing that makes Yale the perfect match for you. I want you to ask yourself, Why do you really want to go to Yale? Is it just because you want to live in its breathtaking campus? Or is it because Yale is an Ivy League? No, please do not fall for this tricky question. Try to read about Yale's history, try to focus on one of the programs that really interest you at Yale. And then read your answer. If you can replace the name Yale with any other College name , then your answer is not perfect yet, and you're gonna have to work more on it.

I hope I helped ~LillyCullen