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Posts by Heina
Joined: Oct 7, 2012
Last Post: Mar 6, 2013
Threads: 5
Posts: 14  
From: Viet Nam

Displayed posts: 19
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Heina   
Oct 7, 2012
Writing Feedback / The process of making tea [7]

Help me checking this essay, pls :DTea is a favorite and healthy drink in almost every country. There are many kinds of tea such as black, green and oolong tea. This report will show the process of making tea.

There are several stages in the production of tea. First the leaves are plucked by hand to ensure the freshest leaves. Then they are spread on shelves to allow to wither for 18-24 hours. Next the softened tea leaves are fed into rolling machine for 2-3 hours to release the juices inside. After that, leaves are left on shelves in a climate-controlled room where they turn progressively darker for ˝-5 hours. The next step is known as fining. Leaves are put in ovens on trays to dry for 30-40 minutes. Later leaves are cut, shifted, sorted and graded at the same time. Subsequently tea is sold through auction system. The buyers taste the tea samples to assess quality. The sellers then auction to get highest price. Finally, before being packed into small packets, tea is cased into tea chests and ready for export.
Heina   
Oct 7, 2012
Writing Feedback / The best aspect of the job is the money one earns [7]

You should try to change the inclusion. It is too long and the structure is maybe not good.
P/s: Ahmad, I like the way you correct the mistake. It is very careful. Can you help me with my essay soon? Thanks
Heina   
Oct 7, 2012
Writing Feedback / The process of making tea [7]

Next the softened tea leaves are fed into rolling machine for 2-3 two to three (write the numbers under 10 in words) hours to release the juices inside. After that, the leaves are left on shelves in a climate-controlled room where they turn progressively darker for ˝-5 hours.

How about "1/2-5''? How should I change ? or It is not neccessary ?
Heina   
Oct 8, 2012
Writing Feedback / The process of making tea [7]

Thanks u so much, Ahmad. I am really impressed by ur grammar skill. How can I contact u when I post a new entry ? (Do u have Facebook / yahoo? We can chat more :D)
Heina   
Oct 24, 2012
Writing Feedback / 'avoid prolonged exposure to the Sun' - My essay for term's examination [5]

Discuss how well reasoned you find this argument:
"According to the available medical records, the six worst worldwide flu epidemics during the past 300 years occurred in 1729, 1830, 1918, 1957, 1968, and 1977. These were all years with heavy sunspot activity - that is, years when the Earth received significantly more solar energy than in normal years. People at particular risk for the flu should therefore avoid prolonged exposure to the Sun."

This article, which appeared in the Health and Wellness Section of the Chicago Sun Times (3rd March 2001), concluded that according to available medical records, the six worst worldwide flu epidemics during the past 300 years occurred in 1729, 1830, 1918, 1957, 1968, 1977. There was heavy sunspot activity in these years. Furthermore it stated that people who are in the high risk category for catching the flu should avoid prolonged exposure to the sun. To me, this conclusion was formed from a very narrow knowledge and could be criticized as being incomplete and be challenged on many fronts.

This argument / conclusion was drawn from medical records over a 300 -year - period. They were only the available records and relied on unknown medical evidences. Also it was not clear whether these medical records were of a comprehensive research or just purely of a statistical nature regarding people who had the flu. A period of 300 years means that this conclusion is open to challenge as there might have been greater periods of flu epidemics before this time. During which there were no periods of sun spot activity. Therefore the conclusion is limited to popular acceptances.

This conclusion asserts that the years that had heavy sunspot activity had the worst flu epidemics. "The National Research Council pointed out the correlation between flu epidemics and the peaks of the 11-year sunspot cycle, also known as the solar maxim." If sunspot activity occurs every 11 years why are there only six major flu epidemics over a 300 year period? There has been no mention of the flu or the risk of catching the flu during the other years. Moreover, during the alleged six years of major flu epidemics there were many other possible reasons and factors that could contribute to the outbreak and the spread of these epidemics.

Actually flu can be contracted in areas with very poor hygiene. Water contamination or poor hygiene standards in the transportation of water supply can result in a flu epidemic. Limited medical supplies can also affect how a flu epidemic is treated. Flu can be the result of weather changes whether man made or natural or living conditions of the society, too.

This conclusion ignored the fact that the flu could be prevented with taking sensible health precautions or taking proper care in avoiding all the factors responsible for the flu. It stated that avoiding prolonged exposure was necessary in order to avoid the flu. In fact, people who are at the high risk category for catching the flu should be aware of all the factors which could result in getting the flu. These people should maintain high hygiene standards, just like people with allergies should be careful in avoiding factors that could affect them. Proper medical facilities and standards are important elements in fighting and preventing the spread of flu epidemics.

In short, there is not enough evidence to prove the statement that prolonged exposure to the sun could result in the flu and that of flu epidemics. This conclusion was drawn from a very weak argument with a limited time frame, available data and evidence that can be challenged on a number of fronts. It is very possible that the two facts: that of sunspot activity and that of flu epidemics are completely independent and have no direct correlation with each other. Generally this argument conclusion can be criticized for being drawn on a very weak evidence and a narrow scope.
Heina   
Oct 25, 2012
Undergraduate / Mental Endurance - Short Essay for Common App [6]

To me, I think something is repeated of the two first paragraph. How about sum them in 1 paragraph? I prefer the writing way of the 1st para. to the 2nd's .

Are the 3rd and the 4th para. really important? I don't think so. To be in the limitation about 1000 words, you can reduce some unnecessay details. Readers, they don't mind about the coaches! They want to see more about the spirit of all athleles...

I like the comparison of the 6th para. so much! If you have more comparision, your essay will not be boring :D
Hope you can make it better !
Heina   
Oct 28, 2012
Writing Feedback / 'avoid prolonged exposure to the Sun' - My essay for term's examination [5]

Dear Ahmad,
I extremely thanks you for your help. It is really necessary :D You make me realize that I still have a-not-good writing! Most of those mistakes are stupid ! Can you show me how I can make you know after posting an article??? (I do not know the way to tag you after my essay) :D
Heina   
Oct 30, 2012
Letters / A letter for Scholarship :P (help me to get it ^^) [4]

In this letter, please clearly state the reason why you are willing to apply to the A*** Scholarship Program. (200 - 350 words)

***
***
October 31, 2012

Dear A*** Scholarship Program's organization board,

I was extremely exciting when I saw the information of this scholarship program on H*** website. It is really one of the rare opportunities for pupils and students like me.

In a simple way, I apply for the scholarship because I find it useful and I want to test myself. First I want to ensure that the opportunity to participate in one course in A*** is extremely precious. With the guarantee of quality and reputation, A*** has always been the first choice and to be a thirsty for people who want to improve their English proficiency. Learned in A***, I will be more confident about language, communication skills as well as learn more about the culture of the countries from experienced teachers. On the other hand, I know the amount of money would not be too large for many people. But to get all these money, my parents will have to work a lot. Moreover, with the saved money, I can use for other necessary things such as: skills training course, Japanese course or use in volunteer activities to help the poor. In particular, applying for scholarship is also a chance for me to challenge myself. I know a lot of people will grasp this opportunity. However, "Happiness is struggling" (Karl Marx). I believe in myself and want to prove my ability.

Trust me, I committe that I am really a suitable candidate and be a bridge to promote A*** for everyone. Please reply me as soon as possible. I am looking forward to receiving your reply.

With kind regards, yours sincerely

*****
Heina   
Oct 31, 2012
Letters / A letter for Scholarship :P (help me to get it ^^) [4]

Mention your special abilities to set yourself a part from other applicants.

Coz there is an attached list about the degree and achievement of candidate, so i think i should not mention in this letter... How do u think ?

(this part of the letter is not clear. what did you try to say?)

I want to ensure that my family is not rich enough to affor a course of A*** so that this money is very helpful for me :D
Heina   
Nov 2, 2012
Writing Feedback / IELTS Essay : How is your generation different from your parent's generation [6]

I acknowledge him and tell him

To begin with

---> First

They openly discuss and acknowledge

(repeat the 2nd time ---> recognize)

In addition to above mentioned

WhereasI, my brothers and , my sister and Iall of us are graduates

Hope it will help you, w_even :D
Hello w_even, hvthoteen, dumi :) Can you help me with my essay? I am in a hurry to complete it by 10 November ;) Thanks you so much ^^
Heina   
Nov 3, 2012
Undergraduate / Harry Potter / Hunger Games - My University of Chicago Supplement essay [11]

but so little time, or space, for you seeyou can recognize I am a gigantic fangirl

I admit it, and I know what you'll must be thinking,you will think:

with our useusage of tumblr

There isn'tis not a specific one in particular, because there are so many ones

Each plot is so different than others , each character is so unique in their own way

Though it would have to depend on the author's writingliterary style , because if any of those books were like "Fifty Shades of Grey" . . . Well let's just say that it will find a new home in the garbage can ([]informal[/ quote] . I think you should change, such as:it would be worthless reading
[quote=historyfreak13]watched the TV

a hundred times each

How about fF avorite author?

Hope my suggestions will make your essay better, historyfreak13 ;)
Hello historyfreak13, janiceli, hobak135, New Baldwin2134, aqedwsf, abhaya, collegebluond123, timobxsci :D I am in a hurry to complete my essay by 10 November. Pls help me, i really need your advice / suggestions... Thanks you a lot ^^
Heina   
Nov 4, 2012
Writing Feedback / Bad sides in public hospitals and the gap between the rich and the poor [4]

Public hospitals in many crowded areas in the world have become severely overloaded. Wealthy patients, who have the option to pay more for private hospital services, often need to go to public hospitals for important surgeries because only here they can find the best doctors in the field. The problem: poor patients "get cut in line" while waiting for treatments. The wealthy have the means and the connections to bribe hospital staff to "buy" hospital services without staying in line. Some argue "it is survival; when it comes to the matter of life and death, people will do the selfish and unethical things for themselves and for the ones they love."

Present your perspective on this issue, using relevant reasons and/or examples to support your views, and if possible, offer the solutions.


public hospitals and patients financial status



The more civilized and modern the society is, the more the implications are. Beside many social evils such as gambling and drinking or prostitution, the decadence of human moral is an alarming phenomenon! This report will analyse unethical behaviors and tricks of the rich to get good care in public hospitals.

Indeed, public hospitals in many crowded areas in the world have become severely overloaded. Wealthy patients, who have the option to pay more for private hospital services, often need to go to public hospitals for important surgeries because only here they can find the best doctors in the field. Having the means and the connections, they bribe hospital staffs to "buy" hospital services without staying in line. It is important to realize that the poor can not afford bribes or private alternatives. Power - powerless and rich - poor determine access to aid. Those who lack power and money can not safeguard their rights. Public health services are things which are very "luxurious" for the poor.

This unfair phenomenon happens not only in developed countries but also in developing ones. For instance, in China, some patients and their family members offer "red envelopes" that contain cash to doctors before surgery to ensure better care during and after procedures. From a qualitative study conducted from 2010 to 2011 by Towards Transparency - the official national contact of Transparency International in Viet Nam and the Research and Training Centre for Community Development, most of the surveyed healthcare workers said that they did not ask for such unofficial payments, but the payment could change their attitude to patients, as treating them in a more friendly manner. The study also finds that offering cash directly and in envelopes are the most common ways of making informal payments in the healthcare services. Other forms include gifts and "opportunities" in other services (applications for housing, education, goods purchasing) offered by patients or their relatives. Values of the payments range from VND50,000 (US$2.5) to VND5 million ($250) or even up to several thousand US dollars, depending on levels and location of the hospitals. Especially, there is a specific list of public healthcare services in Greece: from 100 to 30,000 EUR for procedure or surgery and from 30 to 20,000 EUR for speeding up case!

Some argue: "It is survival; when it comes to the matter of life and death, people will do the selfish and unethical things for themselves and for the ones the love." Generally, the nature of human is "cling to life and fear death". People of course will do everything to lengthen their life or their beloved relatives lives. However, the problem here is the way someone do. People do not act in a civilized manner, in accordance with the rules. The rich rely on their money and power to meet demand, even if it is irrational and unfair! Let's imagine that rules or regulations will have no effect if people do not comply in one or other ways. Would the society be like if the poor are always bullied? People are living in the 21st century, the era of civilization and justice, not the feudal era! The unfairness in the job or in the social status is controversial issue, but injustice in healthcare is really painful and urgent. Human life is not a joke, so can not be disregarded. Moreover, people who work in health sector ought to also alert the dominant material so as not to abet incorrect behaviors. No matter how selfish and unreasonable the rich are, they can not "get cut in line". Perhaps considerate healthcare services will be given, but "get cut in line" is a bad thing. In case of emergency, the other patient's life will be threatened. The boundary between life and death is always very fragile. Life can be saved or lost only by one second.

In fact, in September 2012, China's Ministry of Health has ordered patients and hospitals to sign a document agreeing that no bribes will be offered or accepted by the two parties. The document asked public hospitals to strengthen control and supervision of administrative power and practices of medical workers. They also urged a timely and effective curb of doctors' receiving "red envelopes" or kickbacks and prescribing unnecessary medicine as well as overcharging patients. On the other hand, President of the Viet Nam's Paediatric Association Nguyen Thu Nhan said that: ""Envelope culture" in the sector would not stop unless there was a proper salary for healthcare staff." Meanwhile, President of the Viet Nam Obstetric Association Nguyen Duc Vy said: "In the anti-corruption fight, high determination of hospital leadership and stricter punishments are crucial." Beside, in 2010, Greece promised to reorganize its health system to increase use of cheaper generic drugs and reduce waste. Some of those methods also helped curb corruption, including an electronic system to prevent fake prescriptions, eliminating under-the-counter-payments in hospital and making it easier to sanction doctors who did not follow the rules.

In short, the bad sides in public hospitals are indeed a knotty problem. Hence, the government and the authorities should set out the further practical measures to remedy the situation, as well as shorten the gap between the rich and the poor so that everyone can have the benefits equally. Man was born to love and to help each other. Therefore, people should not ever do things that hurt others, whether for interests of yourself or your beloved ones's. Life is always fair: Happiness is giving away, not stealing!
Heina   
Mar 6, 2013
Essays / General Colin Powell; The Best Preparation For Life Or A Career [NEW]

The Best Preparation For Life Or A Career Is Not Learning To Be Competitive, But Learning To Be Cooperative.

General Colin Powell, an elder American statesman, said that: "There are no secrets to success. It is the result of preparation, hard work, learning from failure". Indeed, the preparation of life is always the most important. However, when mentioning to this, each person has a different way of thinking and leads to different actions. This is one of the ideas: "The best preparation for life or a career is not learning to be competitive, but learning to be cooperative."

In my point of view, I do not completely agree with this idea. As you know, both competition and cooperation have its advantages and disadvantages separately. Especially in today's society, where scientific or technical media have developed dramatically, each country not only cultivate their internal trade but also fit in with the other countries, open their markets and learn from each other's experience. Therefore, for each individual, to live well and achieve success in career, it is important and necessary to have your own a good preparation for life.

The concept of "competition" is common in young people. Our ancestor also have a saying that: "the young are always aggressive". At this age, the young have a good health, a positive spirit and strong desire to make the commitment, to challenge themselves to do whatever they like, they think. Competition in a fair way is not only good but also worth encouraging. In my opinion, competition is a way we can show our passion. For example, in a classroom, in the first semester, you are placed sixth while the top five will be given scholarships. Of course, with all your determination, you will try to learn better to compete with the others to the top of the class in the following semester. Having no spirit of competitive learning means not desire for progress. A student will never be able to be the head of the class if he think he can not do or it is easy to achieve this aim. Once he has a real desire and competitive learning, he may have a chance to occupy the throne.

Futhermore, competition among enterprises is indispensable in business. If a leader declared that: his company did not need to compete with the others, it could mean: this company was gaining monopoly or it was going to bankrupt! Competition is one of the main factors determining the win - lose on the market. A typical example is the "never-ending" competition of two major corporations: Coca Cola and Pepsi. Many decades have passed, two corporations still always take over the other. Beside the product packing or price, both magnates Asa Griggs Candler and Steven Reinemund want to prove their brands "for the quality of life" such as the creation of healthy drinks for dieters: Coke Zero and Pepsi Max. Consequently, would the enterprises survive and develop if there were no competition? Would consumers spend money to buy unknown products with unclear origin? Moreover, the same will happen in other fields as: sports, sciences or letters and arts.

However, a person with excessive awareness of competitivity can not adapt to the modern requirement of the productive assembly line because cooperation is required by our society. Cooperation can greatly reduce the nugatory frictions among people thus create a harmonious environment for individuals. It can also help one better attain his aims. How could one himself attain his success in this chaos? We can see the importance of cooperation in Vietnam, a country with long-standing cultural character and customs, in the old days there was a famous proverb: If a house is divided against itself, that house can not stand . It means: no one is doctorate enough to be generalists. Although he is an expert, he can not know every minuscule corners of knowledge. Individuals with different specilizations are not able to complete a project, but to be cooperative to attain the ultimate goal.

On the other hand, how did you feel when you were chosen last in a game because you were not as "good" as the others? Nowadays, when enrolling in any agency or organization, officers do not only focus on who you are, how talented you are or whether you graduated with excellent degree? They do not hire the best person, they recruit the most suitable one. People appreciate your cooperation with the people around. However, 90 percent of "the suitability" is known as the good cooperation in learning and working. Cooperation helps people to exchange their ideas and be aware of their defaults and mistakes,too. When all the members of a group cooperate, they are able to benefit and promote their company to a higher level. Look at the Statue of Liberty in New York, we can readily see the cooperation between the French and American people. This is a gift of the French to the American people to commemorate the 100th anniversary of the US founding. France is responsible for designing and casting the statue, and the pedestal will be undertaken by the United States. This work marked the inter-continental cooperation and also expressed the warmest friendship between the two countries.

In conclusion, I think competitive and cooperative learning are both very important. Without any one of them, people can not be successful in life or career. Nevertheless in some cases, we should choose which is the most suitable one. If we can manage the two ways of learning well, we will have the best preparation for our bright future.

-----
P/s: I think it is too long but i do know how to cut any idea. Especially i also have a problem of academic writing style. I am very pleased if i 'm received any help from you guys as soon as possible. Thanks you a lot :))
Heina   
Mar 6, 2013
Writing Feedback / Vaule of Money & Hardwork: work experience [9]

So, I can certainly help you with your essay once you do your draft and post it here :)

Nice to meet you, dumi. I really appreciate your useful help in this forum. Could you help me with my newest essay? Thanks you so much ;)
Heina   
Mar 6, 2013
Writing Feedback / "My emotions that I remember on a day in your life"; ARTICLE [7]

Some more suggestions for you:

That

--> It

that

--> which

remember

--> remembered

have

--> had to

wouldn't

--> would not do

Before i never knew how intense something could be

--> i think it's ok, but if you move "before" to the last, the sentence seems more fluent.
Hope it can help you ;)
Nice day
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