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Posts by Rosamond
Joined: Mar 20, 2009
Last Post: May 2, 2009
Threads: 3
Posts: 26  
From: United Arab Emirates

Displayed posts: 29
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Rosamond   
Mar 20, 2009
Faq, Help / Passages translated into English - is it OK to post? [10]

Hello,

I would like to ask if I may post passages TRANSLATED into English here as well, not an essay. They are my translations of course. I would like to get feedback about my English if it sounds so, for my main field is translation; and I searched many language forums, but all for essay-writing not translation.

I will only post my English translation of the text to get feedback about the language. It this allowed?

Much Obliged.
Rosamond   
Mar 21, 2009
Faq, Help / Passages translated into English - is it OK to post? [10]

Many thanks indeed for your gentle replies. It would be my pleasure to benefit from your knowledge.

Much obliged indeed.

Why do I have to post 2 messages before starting every new thread??
Rosamond   
Mar 21, 2009
Writing Feedback / Goals: Dancer, Hairdresser, Musician [5]

Does being a hairist really necessitates a degree???

I hope you pursue your goals and be pleased with achieving them.
Rosamond   
Mar 26, 2009
Writing Feedback / One of Edison's invention - Does this article sound good in English? [4]

When Edison was fourteen, he worked at a railway station. He worked only at night.

I though of this:

When Edison was fourteen, he worked at a railway station only at night .

I think many short sentences make one's writing dull and jurky.
Rosamond   
Mar 26, 2009
Grammar, Usage / Compose Topic Sentences [4]

5. To describe your dream house.
Jaquiz on the balcony, one of the must have features in my dream house .

Maybe "...is one of the must-have features" will do?
Rosamond   
Mar 26, 2009
Writing Feedback / If you cannot excel in a field, simply leave it for someone who can. Decisions [9]

A Difficult Decision I Had to Make

Our lives are the sum of all our choices. The decisions we make today, may very well play a critical role in our future tomorrow. When I was at secondary school, I had to make a difficult decision concerning my academic future. I was in the scientific section during the second year. In the third year, I had to choose between remaining in the scientific section and moving the literary section.

To begin with, this cross-road appeared before me due to the impaired educational system, specifically in the scientific section. We would study chemistry, biology and physics as if we were studying history. The better you are at memorizing, not understanding, the higher grades you attain. Though supposedly scientific books, they lacked the progressive scientific way of explaining facts. There were hardly any diagrams or illustrations for better understanding. Whenever a question was raised, our teachers would usually end up shrugging their shoulders and advising us to focus on memorizing rather than wasting time in asking "futile" questions.

In addition, I was not truly fond of science in the first place. I had the curiosity to know, and the will to understand and study. My true affection, however, was for literature and literary appreciation. The main reason I joined the scientific section was to please Father, who is a doctor. He used to call me "the little doctor" when I was young, and think that I will succeed him. On my side, I had not the least intention of joining a scientific college at any rate. Apart from having no true affection for science, it was acknowledged a "universal truth" that those colleges have only the merit of the name. That is, they were scientific in theory not in practice. Besides, I believed literature was the field where I could find a room for creativity and self-learning.

Given that, I decided to enroll in the scientific section after all. I though it would be fair to satisfy my father first, then my own desire second. It would ease the shock for him, I thought, if I at least joined the scientific section during the secondary school, then entered a literary college afterwards. In the third year, however, I could no longer endure the "historical" way of studying science. It was somehow acceptable with chemistry, but a true pain with physics and biology. I made up my mind to shift to the literary section in the end. Father was disappointed at first, but being understanding enough, he accepted my decision with a good grace. He even praised me for it upon knowing the deterioration in the scientific section.

It is true that I liked chemistry and missed biology, and that neither the literary section nor the literary educational system turned out to be that wonderful after all. Still, I believe I made the right choice. I chose what I believe I can excel in, or at least do my very best to excel in. My motto is that: if you cannot excel in a field or willingly strive to excel in it, simply leave it for someone who can.

Questionnaire :

1) Is the article written in good formal English?

2) Are ideas well - arranged? Are there any redundant or out-of-place sentences?

3) If you were to "grade" this work, what would your rating be and why? (For instance, if you choose "C", please note what an "A" grading would require and why this piece did not meet those criteria)

Much obliged.
Rosamond   
Mar 27, 2009
Writing Feedback / If you cannot excel in a field, simply leave it for someone who can. Decisions [9]

My first impression after reading the first paragraph is that the decision seems like... not that important... but I will keep reading to see how you explain it.

In addition, I was not truly fond of science in the first place. Oh, well I guess it was not a difficult decision!

very inspiring...but not here. Teaching is another excurcianting pain!

-----------------------------

Mr. Sean,

What do you think of this:

"..for my belief is: excellence is not a gift; it is an aim. Either aim at excellence or give way to someone who will."
Rosamond   
Apr 5, 2009
Faq, Help / Passages translated into English - is it OK to post? [10]

for every time you get help with something, you are supposed to review 2 other essays. Maybe our instructions about that are not clear enough, because people don't follow that rule often. But if all of you review 2 essays for every time you post something to get help with, the whole forum will be full of collaboration.

I've noticed some replies that offer no help but only to open a new thread, which, I think, goes against your aim of fruitful cooperation.

Would you please take it into account that giving feedback or reviews is quite intimidating! Especially when it comes to non-natives or even "poor" ones! It is sort of embarrassing and dicomforting to make it obligatory that way.

I think that most of the students who do that "trick" of leaving "nonsense" replies to open their own threads do not mean any harm, and are not -propably- selfish. Please consider that not all of us are as expert or excellent as you are. I could hardly dare to correct grammatical mistakes, but to review essays as you do! No! I feel it is kind of "arrogant" if I leap out to correct or review while I am not a native at least.

Please try to be more understanding of our dilemma. See it from that perspective and do not take it to heart. Thank you for taking time to help us.

Much Obliged.
Rosamond   
Apr 5, 2009
Writing Feedback / The individuality, use of machines and traveling for pleasure - essay [7]

So far human life has changed substantially. Industrialization, day by day developing technology, human needs and lifestyle are some of the main factors for adopting a new way of living. Consequently, converting to a new lifestyle brought aboutits own requirements and conventions, which are different from past times. Firstly, individuality has acquired a great importance in today's world. In addition, theuse of technology at home and work or traveling travelling for pleasure are considerable variations when compared to the past.

(That was a solid beginning. Way to go!)

To begin with, in old times opinions and choices of a several groups, emperors, noblemen or scholars had the major importance. Contrary to this now is the democratic regime whichallows everybody to express and implement ( I think make is better)their own decisions. To illustrate the point, we elect our leaders, we all have the chance to be well-educated and rich, we decide where and how to live etc. We may claim that the major factor that navigates (clever use!) one's life is his/her (one's??) decisions. As a consequence, (the) ordinary individual has more value now than (in) the past.

Moreover, anybody in the world can go anywhere in the world or even the space if he/she wishes.The Latest improvements and inventions of technology allow people to travel freely for pleasure. Fliers, planes or personal means of transportation, which are also low-cost and available to everybody, facilitate reaching the desired destination without segragation( what do you think?). In contrast to ancient times, it only takes hours to travel.

Another considerable conversion of today's human life is (the) usage of machines. Nowadays, a large amount of work can be done by machines only via (by) pushing a button. This provides*vi.* (offers*vt.*)people a great ease both at home and at work. To illustrate , in old times, for instance, people used to wash their clothes with their hands, and carried water to their homes or . It also took months (ages) to exchange letters. The Use of technology and machines broughtout (about: resulted in or led to) a lot of work done by less effort and time .Thus, people choose to use machines instead of human power in every side of their life.

All in all, nothing except human needs is permanent in this world of ours (our world is more natural, I think!).Since every individual have his/her own way of thinking, the technology and lifestyle of humans will continuously change (maybe constantly is better?) . The importance of individuality,the usage of machines and traveling can be some examples of the differences of today's world from the past. By time ( as life goes on\ with the passage of time)who knows what differences will our grandchildren write and discuss in their essays!

Well-written essay with the ideas flowing harmoniously. Forgive me for not grading it, but this is the best I could offer.

By the way,

Maybe= perhaps or possibly

May be = could be

Rosamond   
Apr 5, 2009
Writing Feedback / It's with God's miracle that human miracles are innovate; Human Mind vs. the Computer [8]

The Human Mind Versus the Computer

John Dryden, a famous philosopher, once said, "God never made His work for man to mend." Likewise, God never made His work for man to evaluate. The human mind is incomparable; simply because it is the creation of God, whereas the computer are the creation of man. While man's creation is deficient & imperfect, God's creation is infallible & perfect. If the human mind and the computer, however, were ever to be compared, the human mind will undoubtedly emerge victorious.

Technically speaking, the human mind has a hard disk of infinite gigabytes of memory, and its RAM is immeasurable. Its potential of processing power is overwhelming. The Computer, on the other hand, is the cheaper, less efficient imitation of the mind. It is a deficient epitome with finite gigabytes and limited Ram. Furthermore, its processing power can never be mind-boggling, because it is originally made and programmed by the human mind.

Whilst the human mind enjoys the creativity of free limitless response and reactions, the computer is restricted to pre- programmed responses and processes. We, moreover, have the ability to regenerate ourselves as well as machines. Nevertheless, the Computer and all machines in general can only auto-regenerate, if they are programmed to.

Additionally, we tend to praise the amazing inventions and forget about the truly amazing inventor. For instance, we are overwhelmed by the limited capacity of computers, while we forget about the impressive capacity their creator, the human intellect .We forget about that mind that created the concept in the first place, innovated the means, manufactured the hardware and software, arranged chips, assembled wires and connections, and finally plugged everything harmoniously into the wall! It is truly a common human flaw, not giving credit where credit is indeed due!

An interesting point of comparison is portability, in that both the human mind and the computer are portable. While we carry our minds on our shoulders, we carry (portable) computers under our shoulders .Still, the mind excels because we carry our minds spontaneously, as an essential part of our bodies. The Computer, on the other hand, is carried as an additional burden.

To talk about the human mind in such condensing terms, is like compressing a sack of flour into a thimble. We direct much admiration towards an inanimate invention that was once an idea in a brilliant mind, the true point of wonder. Samuel F.B. Morse, the inventor of the electric telegraph, understood that and put it rightly. Upon his successful transmission of the first telegraph message, he cried, "What miracle hath God wrought!" It is with God's miracle that human miracles are innovated.

Questionnaire:

1) Is the article written in good formal English?

2) Are ideas well - arranged? Are there any redundant or out-of-place sentences?

3) If you were to "grade" this work, what would your rating be and why? (For instance, if you choose "C", please note what an "A" grading would require and why this piece did not meet those criteria)

Much obliged.
Rosamond   
Apr 6, 2009
Writing Feedback / It's with God's miracle that human miracles are innovate; Human Mind vs. the Computer [8]

For an A, I would expect to see a paper that told me something I did not know. I already know that my brain is atop my shoulders while my laptop is underneath. For an A, I would expect to learn about research, recent research findings about this very subject.

I completely agree with your point. My point is: our professors' minds are just too simple to be impressed. We do not learn to impress, but just to "write in correct English" and that's it. I would certainly heed your advise when the time comes.

I Thank you.
Rosamond   
Apr 6, 2009
Writing Feedback / Some of my thoughts - an essay [8]

I don't want to only hear from people who grew up speaking English. Globalization is a process that brings us all together, ad all the different perspectives count.

That was truly imoressive. I never thought of it that way. That is stimulating!

---------

Mr. Rajiv

I sincerely tried to help, but I could not make out anything of your thoughts! I am really not that brilliant, but I am no stupid either! Perhaps your thoughts need some arrangement. The title counts as well.

I think there are still persons on this forum who see value in just an intelligent exchange, and sometimes, just the exercise to express.

This is an inspiring idea , and I do see value in that. It is a new wxperience for me to get to sound others out.

I tuly wish I could be of aid.

Forgive me!
Rosamond   
Apr 6, 2009
Writing Feedback / Limiting the Use of Dispable Plastic Bags [5]

As our nation's widely use of disposable plastic bags cause a large number of environmental problems, and people's conscious of environmental protection has improved, China established itsis limiting of the use of disposable plastic bags.

Disposable bags hadhave been offered sped (??) in shopping malls, super markets and other places alike for many years. While people don't have to pay for the plastic bags, they disusemisuse them, throwing them away (perhaps tossing\strewing would work better)here and there, andwhich causes lots of cleaning problems. With the huge plastic market, factorys (factories)are producingmore and more plastic bags, thus causinga fewfatalpollutions.

So, limiting the use of disposable plastic bags is meaningful important; since (as) people would pay more attention to environment protection, thereby making our living places cleaner and more comfortable,and reducing the pollute pollution to our planet.

That is the best I could offer.

Have a nice day free from plastic bags!
Rosamond   
Apr 6, 2009
Writing Feedback / "Leave it to Allah!" Does this article sound good in English? [48]

The care went off

To go off : to explode or burst out .

I drove off in my car. Or... I got in my car and drove off.

That is how it is said! Well done!

"Exploit the first opportunity." How about that?

I like "snatch\seize\grasp" better
Rosamond   
Apr 6, 2009
Graduate / Explaining my circumstances in better way, for an interview. [6]

Hello, My name is sandeep kumar. I am gradute , married with two children. Both my mother and and my wife are house wives. Unfortunetly I have recently lost my father . I have four brother and sisters all got married and settled.

Is that what you were asking for??
Rosamond   
Apr 6, 2009
Writing Feedback / It's with God's miracle that human miracles are innovate; Human Mind vs. the Computer [8]

So . . . God's creation is infallible and perfect
Human beings are God's creation
Human beings are therefore infallible and perfect
As human beings are infallible and perfect, their creations must also be infallible and perfect.
Human beings create computers
Computers are therefore infallible and perfect

Stop me if I've missed something

Well, to begin with, God is unquestionablly Perfect, All Praise to Him.
Secondly, it is God Who created us fallible and imperfect. I derived my argument from the fact that God Himself is perfect, so must be His Work. He chose to make His work that way. Surely God could have made a Super-Human or immortal beings, but we-creatures- can't. That is the point. We, as fallible imperfect creatures, can never produce something perfect, we have no choice about that, our abilities no matter how great are still limited. He made us that way, All Glory be to Him.

I never saw it the way you did. Despite your "logic chain", the fact remains that neither God not His work can ever be compared to His creatures and slaves or their work.The Lord is distinct from His creation in all aspects. There is no room for likening or comparing Him to His creation.

It is with God's permission that we were able to reach what we reached today, anyway.

To that end, you might want to define your key terms. As far as I know, the human mind is only a very complex biochemical computer. It is more advanced than the computer you are reading this on only because organic brains have evolved over 3 billion years, whereas humans have been building computers for only around 40 years. Hardly a fair contest.

See? you admitted it yourself that computers are not to be compared with the Human Mind. Even if they "stand out" in that RAM or chess things, still it is a human mind that programmed them to de so.

Again, this does not follow logically. There is no reason why a simpler organism cannot make a more complex one.

Well, that is not logical! It is true the statue is bigger than his creator, but this is where the miracle lies of God's Creation. That a "simple" organism is the the author of such a complex system. Thanks to that "simple" organism you and I are able to communicate by just plugging, logging and pressing buttons!

Greatness lies in simple yet marvelous effectiveness.

You wouldn't argue that a statue could never be bigger than a human being because it was made by human hands, would you?

No I would not. You have got a point there!

There is no need you get that angry. I have not killed anyone now, have I?
Besides gentleness is a gift, sir, a handsome gift.

Anyway, this is no room for philosophic discussions, because I wrote the essay with only the matter of good language in mind. I was never interested in logic nor philosophy. Indeed some parts you mentioned may be falling logic (I will handle them of course, thank you), yet I just believe in it. You may not ask me how I believe in such "ill-logic", for I would say

It is strange
It is Incomprehensible
Yet marvelous
It is faith

Sorry I am not able to carry on with your logical thoughts. I leave it open to other members who like that kind of dicussion.

I truly appreciate your taking time to assess the work.

Much Obliged, Sir.
Rosamond   
Apr 6, 2009
Writing Feedback / "Leave it to Allah!" Does this article sound good in English? [48]

What are our images ? ... maimed children, shuffling pedestrians, scenes of explosions, grim looking faces of troops in khaki armour and dark glasses... and you are trying to show us some glimpse into the literary world of your people.

Naturally, any nation that gets invaded by another will certainly look like that. That does not take away its culture. All conquered countries still retain their past and cultural background. So it comes as no surprise the Arab have literature despite those heart-rending scenes! You see waht you want to see, with a little rasearch you will get to know, Sir, how rich the Arabic heritage is. The European elightenment was inspired by the Arabs, that is a historical fact.

Can you post something of "Abraham Toucan" please.. something you liked very much yourself.

His most beautiful poem is "Mawtini"--"My Homeland"

Here is the translation:
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mawtini

Here you can enjoy the song (the poem was made the national anthem of Palestine and now Iraq)

zahalqa.com/maw.html

Or

Here is both the lyrics in English and the song

ayyadcentral.net/mawtini.htm

Enjoy!
Rosamond   
Apr 7, 2009
Writing Feedback / "Leave it to Allah!" Does this article sound good in English? [48]

Toucan wrote mostly in "that nature". I do not know a Toucani poem of the kind you're looking for. Besides, the poem "Mawtini" is really touching if that is what you mean by romantic, but maybe the translation was not as effective. I tried to look for other translated poems but found no other than "Mawtini".

I found some mini poems for another famous Arab poet "Ibrahim Naji":

geocities.com/soho/cafe/1324/naji.htm

"Romantic" reminded me of a fine poetic prose work for "Gibran Khalil Gibran", it is what you may call spiritual romanticism. I found the English version here (I do not know if it as fine as the Arabic origin):

leb.net/gibran/

Works & Art> >The Broken Wings

I hope you would capture its spirit!
Enjoy
Rosamond   
Apr 7, 2009
Writing Feedback / Hypocrisy in the Chrysalids [5]

Wlcome to the board Macawtopia,

May I remark something? I think the way you arrange your essay truly counts. You see, you have two obses body paragraphs and a bony beginning ( the ending is quite healthy!). Why don't you try to use less lenghty sentences, even if it would take three paragraphs? It will look more pleasing to the eye. I truly wish I could help, but aside from the stunning look of your essay, I have not got a clue about the novel in quetion, which may undermine my feedback.

But there is something that attracred my attention: the very first sentence:

When people are forced to hold certain beliefs which they do not agree with, they often end up becoming hypocrites.

I always thought that the hypocrites are those who (willingly) show other than what they truly believe for some gain. But, I think, if they are forced to, then this is tyranny. From my own experience, sometimes you MUST hide what you truly think just to avoid being harmed or falling into serious trouble..especially in such a cruel world as the one we are living in today. Of course they are rare cases, but the point is: this may not be truly hypocricy. It is either tyranny or stagnant thinking,to my mind.

Sorry I chatted off topic. I get carried away easily!!

I wish you the best of luck! You are sure to find valuable feedback here.
Rosamond   
Apr 8, 2009
Writing Feedback / "Leave it to Allah!" Does this article sound good in English? [48]

I thank you in turn for introducing the book to me\ "The Prophet" ! But the Broken Wings are equally inspiring.. it is a matter of opinion after all.

However, I did not understand the thing about... ??

I see what he means about...

Neither about this?

It is ironic, that the oppressed have to express even their anguish in the language of the oppressors.

I hope some day I will be able to express myself just as refined in all the languages I am learning!
Rosamond   
Apr 9, 2009
Writing Feedback / "Leave it to Allah!" Does this article sound good in English? [48]

... or pay attention to them while talking while they take (to avoid repeating "to them" twice).
... but rather interrupt them at once and say what you have speak your mind!

The truth is that if you wish the others to love and ...
As For (As does not sound good at the beginning) this kind of attitude asserts your ...

As a cut in the neck is much more ...
And (do not start a sentence with "and", instead use : likewise, similarly, in the same manner...etc)having a bad tooth deserves causes much concern ...

... looking at the speaker (in the eye) and nodding every ...
... questions based on the information previously provided in order to ...

... merely because he listens to their complains complaints, discusses their ...
This kind of good listening and apparent (clear) interest may help ...

Very good job. I liked it!

The Palestinian poet (His title is Palestine's Poet)

Abraham Toucan (Ibrahim)

... Toucan got his certificate and was indulged the foamy and stormy way of life!
... the distribution of the certificates (is that the intended meaning??).
... After all the hardwork and suffering, they come and choose to be teachers!

... as a supervisor of the Arabic stationdepartment\section in Jerusalem (Al-Quds is the name of the radio station, it is like a proper noun so written as it is spelt)radio station.

... and he was dismissed from his job in 1940.

Nevertheless, in the evening of the same (??), he was offered a job at the rural teachers college the same with Al-Quds radio station in Baghdad.

... to a French hospital in Jerusalem, where he passed away. Toucan was finally relieved from ...

Great job! Keep it up!
Rosamond   
Apr 25, 2009
Writing Feedback / Spend more time working hard on jobs or stay with families? [10]

I, too, agree with you. But the world of today enforces the persuit of financial welfare stages before family joy. Cleary, it is no joy at all to see your children starving in worst cases, or looking with the eye of deprivation at other kids having better lives, in less worse cases. The world of today makes a happy family environment very dear! It is sad, and it is wrong, I agree. Yet, it is true. That's on the one hand.

On the other hand, wasn't it you -in the west- who called for women going out to work?! It is the normal that the husband goes out for work, and it is bearable (though unacceptable) that he be away for long time. But for the mother, the queen of that little kingdom, to leave off as well! Though this is odd - at least for us- still it may be justified for those in need, in extreme need (in developing poor countries). But you in the West made collecting money and going after more profits a kind of "luxury" and proof of liberty. Now you have awakened to the disatrous impacts of running that much after material gains and luxuries.

All the same, "the poor are getting poorer, and the rich are getting richer," from Shakespear's days until today, whether in developed or developing countries. I remember reading some beautiful quotes about money that I would like to share with you,

The real measure of your wealth is how much you'd be worth if you lost all your money. ~Author Unknown

Only when the last tree has died and the last river been poisoned and the last fish been caught will we realise we cannot eat money. ~Cree Indian Proverb

If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it. ~Author Unknown

"Your money, or your life." We know what to do when a burglar makes this demand of us, but not when God does. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966

Rosamond   
Apr 26, 2009
Speeches / talk about someone in your family who you admire [8]

Well done. I truly admire both your style and your grandfather. Indeed it's a pleasure to have someone like him around! Thank you for sharing this with us.

Accept my regards, and keep up the good work!
Rosamond   
May 2, 2009
Faq, Help / Passages translated into English - is it OK to post? [10]

Rosamond: You were not in the wrong, so do not think that is what everyone on this forum believes. Only that particular thread has been removed. I am happier to read your writings than of the 10,000 others!

More than anything else, I am indebted to you, Mr.Rajive , for your tender paternal tone and gentle reasoning. Thanks to you, I have learned something more precious than new vocabulary and dearer than any compliment I have ever received. I understand now where your daughter got her good heart from.

Never did I wish to convey hatred to anyone, and certainly not you who lended me more than one hand when I needed. I would indeed be most ungrateful to deny the generous treatment I received from certain members in this forum. I did not come back, however, to start any new dicussion. I wish not to rub wounds at times when they should be dressed, nor do I wish to force my presence where it is no longer welcomed. I just want you to know that, in very few words, it was a "massive misunderstanding." As individuals whom I dealt with, I hold nothing but respect and gratitude for the help you offered me.

Mr.Rajive,
Mr. Kevin,
Mr.Sean,
EF_ Team,


Much Obliged.

God Willing, I plan to start blogging in English this summer holiday. If you would accept my invitation then, I would be most gratified
Until we meet again,
Please accept my regards.

Sincerely,
Rosamond HD.
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