Writing Feedback /
The individuality, use of machines and traveling for pleasure - essay [7]
So far human life has changed substantially. Industrialization, day by day developing technology, human needs and lifestyle are some of the main factors
for adopting a new way of living. Consequently, converting to a new lifestyle
brought aboutits own requirements and conventions, which are different from past times. Firstly, individuality has acquired a great importance in today's world. In addition,
theuse of technology at home and work or traveling
travelling for pleasure are considerable variations when compared to the past.
(That was a solid beginning. Way to go!)To begin with, in old times opinions and choices of
a several group
s, emperor
s, noblemen or scholar
s had the major importance
. Contrary to this now
is the democratic regime
whichallows everybody to express and implement
( I think make is better)their own decisions. To illustrate the point, we elect our leaders, we all have the chance to be well-educated and rich, we decide where and how to live etc. We may claim that the major factor that navigates
(clever use!) one's life is his/her
(one's??) decisions. As a consequence,
(the) ordinary individual has more value now than (
in) the past.
Moreover, anybody in the world can go anywhere in the world or even the space if he/she wishes.
The Latest improvements and inventions
of technology allow people to travel freely for pleasure. Fliers, planes or personal means of transport
ation, which are also low-cost and available to everybody
, facilitate reaching the desired destination without segragation( what do you think?). In contrast to ancient times, it only takes hours to travel.
Another considerable conversion of today's human life is
(the) usage of machines. Nowadays, a large amount of work can be done by machines only via
(by) pushing a button. This provides*vi.*
(offers*vt.*)people a great ease both at home and at work.
To illustrate , in old times,
for instance, people used to wash their clothes with their hands, and carried water to their homes
or . It also took months (ages) to exchange letters.
The Use of technology and machines
broughtout (about: resulted in or led to) a lot of work done by less effort and time
.Thus
, people choose to use machines instead of human power in every side of their life.
All in all, nothing except human needs is permanent in this world of ours
(our world is more natural, I think!).Since every individual
have his/her own way of thinking
, the technology and lifestyle of humans will continuously change
(maybe constantly is better?) . The importance of individuality,the usage of machines and traveling can be some examples of the differences of today's world from the past.
By time ( as life goes on\ with the passage of time)who knows what differences will our grandchildren write and discuss in their essays!
Well-written essay with the ideas flowing harmoniously. Forgive me for not grading it, but this is the best I could offer.
By the way,
Maybe= perhaps or possibly
May be = could be