Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task--Fatherhood ought to be emphasised as much as motherhood [18]

hi, everybody!
i want to improve my islts writing, but i have no idea whether my essay has any grammar errors, inappropriate sayings. can someone help correct my essay? thanks a lot!

Fatherhood ought to be ...

In all ages, it is a common conception has been that women should take on the major responsibilities of children rearing, not only because of the mother's role in child-birth but also because of maternal instinct. Yet, this view seems to be at odds with progressive feminism, and it also undermines the significance of men in parenting. Speaking for myself, I make the assertion that both men and women should be responsible for children rearing, although roles within the partnership differ, fatherhood should not be ignored.

Undeniably, women do dedicate much more in bringing the children up. As mentioned above, the connection between women and children is determined by nature. Meanwhile, women's more tender character, sensitive insight and better communication skills, which, according to some researches, help a great deal in children's building up personality and social skills, make them a better parent. Moreover, this is not the only talent God gives them. Nowadays, a host of successful great women from diverse fields have shown off the truth that there still wait brave new worlds for women to explore, where they can finally get away from the house, take up the financial burden that men excuse from children rearing and achieve life value.

Admittedly, men play an increasingly key role in nowadays upbringing, which has been a general awareness. In the past, it was acknowledged that men went out to fight for their career and helped to cover the basic financial outcome of the whole family, never to think about raising the children up. However, that situation changes, resulting from the gradual cognition of children's future project, curiosity about adventure, braveness and persistence when facing life obstacles. In these aspects, men can do better jobs, as well as in fostering sporting interests, providing full information about the roles of both sexes and so on. So it dose, a father becomes a more important partner in today's children rearing.

As for today's children rearing, it is not a task for women or men unilaterally, but a construction that requires both men and women's devotion. Since women have proven themselves the abilities outside, why not men exhibit the aptitudes in children rearing? Both men and women should take up different but irreplaceable jobs in this construction.

On the basis of the above discussion, I conclude that men and women together provide better love for the children. Only by integrated parenting can physical, mental and emotional development be promoted. Therefore, in light of the fact that fathers make unique contributions of time and energy, fatherhood definitely should be equally emphasized.

Writing Feedback / Pushed to hard work-----a positive or negative development? [4]

hello,everyone. i have done my essay, desperately waiting for ur feedbacks. thanks in advance!

Topic: Pressure on the school and university is increasing and students are pushed to hard work when they are young. Do you think it a positive or negative development?

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There is almost complete consensus regarding the common sense which hard working contributes to a happy life. However, when teenagers are forced to work hard, due to the dramatically increasing pressure ahead of them, whether they go to university or straggle to make a living, then the acceptance of hard working hard for better life should be taken into reconsideration. As far as I can see, the negative influence generated from this phenomenon should not be ignored and be properly dealt with.

First and foremost, if a child, not because of his own interest, has to choose something, which may be the basic life skills or useful to promote himself in his later life, to learn, he may reach the original expectation set by his parents or the society, but in most cases, there comes a frustrating consequence. For instance, he probably only loses the opportunity to get the life skills facing failure, what is worse, he totally loses the confidence to learn anything accompanied with constant hesitation about himself and the nonstop criticism from his parent. If so, it will be apathetic of him and his family.

Much more disappointment follows which leads to the whole nation's tragedy. Once, adolescents , losing their faith and confidence, get stuck in their other aspect of life owing to the lack of creativity and ability to solve problems Then, the nation will step into a situation where everyone just carries on the repeatable jobs asking for no talent. Nevertheless, the boring and pale atmosphere of life surely results to the instability of the nation.

Where do the above terrible things come from? Highly developed technology and fast-paced society require advanced talent people, thus forming the pressure of education received by everyone. In addition, limited facilities and booming population once again makes the situation worse, if he wants to get access to the equipment to further his study. Another cause also ac counts, "one-child policy" put forward by countries like china allows one couple have only one child, thus the whole family's reputation and future are placed on the little child's shoulder. A fate has been settled that he should try everything all that he can to achieve the ever best even before he is born.

All too often, we have seen and continue to see the campaign for family's or individual happiness with great burden on shoulders. As for myself, I do hope the whole society and every family should rethink and redefine the meaning of success which may find new roads for nowadays young men to realize not only their family's and nation's expectations but their own dreams.

Writing Feedback / What is the major benefit of an international cooperation? Correct my essay [4]

Topic: some people think the main benefit of international cooperation is in protection of the environment. While other think that the main benefits in the world business. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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A widely accepted consciousness has been achieved since the international cooperation aims at the crucial issues worldwide, such as poverty, starvation, environmental protection, terrorism. However, many argue, when it comes to the world business, whether it is the profit the international cooperation has brought.

When dealing with the essential issues, take the environmental problems for example, which connects each one's daily life in poor or wealthy countries, international cooperation does contribute a lot, not only in terms of actions which have been taken but in terms of influence that has been generated. Thanks to the work done by the international cooperation, the problem, attracting much more public attention, can be much more easily and effectively controlled and solved when put onto the world stage. More and more corporations devoting in the field of environment set a powerful example for other problems that can not be well handled currently; but at least here comes a reference.

A truth can not explain every fact perfectly, when taking into account that the role international cooperation has played in world business. Economic globalization, making most enterprises enlarge their market worldwide, did bring a dramatic boom of world economy and lift people's living standard to a higher level. But the trend did not continue, accompanied with the increasing gap between the rich and the poor, the constant bankrupt of small companies, especially those people industries facing the strike of well-known international business empire.

All too often, we have seen and continue to see that good aims generate bad consequences. International cooperation is definitely beneficial, not only the wide impact on the world but the resource raised for different problems. But there should be some measures or policies to inhibit the cooperation to make better use of the good resource.

To sum up, international cooperation can do a better job in different world issues, only by controlled within some powerful and reasonable range, thus many problems which can not worked out today may expect a bright tomorrow.

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thanks to you all, waiting for your feedback!!!

Writing Feedback / CHANGE or AVOID CHANGE? Which is better? [4]

hi, everybody! long time no see!
this is my new essay, looking forward to your feedbacks! thanks!
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Topic: Some people prefer to spend their living doing the same things and avoiding change. Others, however, think that change is always a good thing.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

To start with, I must admit that changes are always inevitable in life and provide challenges to life, which make one fulfilled and energetic throughout the tedious world. However, there are still a majority of individuals, including me, who prefer doing the same things and avoiding change. Here come the following reasons to support my view.

First, doing the same things requires proficiency, which comes from one's talent and patience rather than repeatable techniques. We cannot accomplish a high quality task without skills gained during daily improved same manufacture. Second, concentrating on the same things does not mean avoiding progress, but much more things taken into consideration to enhance the work quality. As we know more detailed about the thing, more problems can be found, thus requires us come up with more relevant solutions.

On the contrary, changes, especially frequent changes, are not always good but make new environment for us to adapt to. Some may find it easy, but for the most, frustration and failure are their friends at that period. Those who cannot immediately adjust themselves to the change may find them unrecognized or unwelcome in new surroundings, which will also let down their work efficiency and life enthusiasm. More pathetically, changes usually bring bad consequences rather than the planned good results, due to the wrongly performed and poorly conducted.

Of course, we cannot deny some benefits brought by great changes, from the discovery of fire to the application of electricity, all the way to the widely used internet, which lead us to a higher life standard and the information age. However, these changes came out with great minds and huge risks.

Therefore, whether changes can be profitable or not depends on the talent and wealth put into them. So as for me, an ordinary people, I prefer staying unchanged, doing the same things with high efficiency and sometimes progress.