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Australian Gold Rush: Introduction writing [16]
Ok, essay done (for now)
This is probably the last time for corrections before it's due. Thanks again for all your help guys!
Intro:
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The Gold Rush of the 1850s was a major turning point in Australian colonial history. The Gold Rush led to a rapid increase in population, the hastening of a democratic government, economic growth; a huge influx of money which made the colonies prosper, especially Victoria. All this made Australia the country we know today.
First Main body paragraph
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The Gold Rush had brought a myriad of people into the country. The population trebled between 1850 and 1861. In 1852 alone, 370,000 immigrants arrived in Australia; taking the population from around 300,000 to a massive 700,000. As a result, conflict between different races emerged. The worse affected being the Chinese, the Chinese had always been the outcast on the diggings, the reason being that the Chinese had different ways to the British. But this is what made Australia known for its multiculturalism, high immigration rates contributed in a large part to the multicultural nature of Australia today.
Immigration not only contributed to multiculturalism though, with the increase of population came an economic boom. When the lucky diggers spent their money, people could start making profits and produce more. There was more money out there than ever before. The Australian economy was thriving.This italic bit in the first paragraph I am worried about. The reason is because I cannot talk about the economic changes in an immigration paragraph. I wrote it in so I can have a linking sentence from immigration to economy. Am I correct? Do I need to change it?
2nd main body paragraph
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One of the big effects of the Gold Rush was the boom in the Australian economy. This was caused because of the huge influx of money pouring into the country.
Expenditure on public works in Australia increased from 122000 pounds in 1852 to 356000 pounds in 1853, this is clear evidence that there was a lot of money. Victoria had contributed around one third of the world's gold output in the 1850's. As a result there were a lot of people becoming rich. Miner's weren't the only ones profiting from the Gold Rush though. Industries were established to serve the miners and employment opportunities were abundant;
the number of flour mills jumped from 20 in 1853 to 40 in 1854. More industries were set up. More people could go to work; the production of bushels of wheat rose from 250 in 1854 to 1148 in 1855. With more money out there, more grander buildings could be built. More schools were also built. The living standards were raised. But questions were being asked about the rights of the people living in this growing country
The italic bits in this paragraph show the added stats I added in to make the essay more interesting. Do you think this works? If it doesn't I will take it out.
3rd Main body paragraph
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The Gold Rush was a big contributor to how Australia's democratic government is run today. The miners were pursuing the government for more rights and for a fair world. The rights they were fighting for included the demolition of the miners license. and the right for all men to vote. They started rebellions; the most famous being the Eureka Stockade, protests, unions formed to pressure governments even more. The Eureka Stockade formed a basis for democracy that exists in Australia today. Finally in 1857, Victoria introduced a law which allowed men over 21 to vote. Although it was only men, it was a start. After a few decades, everyone would have their own say like we are used to now.
I decided to change the 4th paragraph to "changes that happened to Victoria". I think it is the right choice as Melbourne (the capital of Victoria) was called "Marvelous Melbourne" back in those days. I think it is an essential for this essay.
4th main body paragraph
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The Gold Rush has affected the image that people get when they think of Victoria. Because of the Gold Rush, a lot of money was coming into Melbourne. The result, grand and exquisite buildings, attractive landscapes that were out of this world. New buildings started being built, such as art galleries, music halls or the state library that still exists now. It is because of this that people started calling Melbourne 'Marvelous Melbourne'. Artists and writers began capturing 'images' that defined what we call 'typically Australian'. Writers wrote poems and stories while artists drew paintings. Everyone was proud of their country. All this made up a national identity that caught the attention of the world.
I'm not sure if this paragraph is good or not. I just needed to write something to do with the pride that people had for Australia. I think it is important
CONCLUSION!!!
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In conclusion, it is clear that the Australian Gold Rush had a major and lasting impact on Australian society even until now. Whether is was the multiculturalism, our marvelous cities or the Australian pride attitude we have for our country, it has changed our country for the better.
Hopefully I have improved it..
Again, I don't mind writing the whole thing again...