Writing Feedback / IELTS: the figure reflect equally in subjects related to service community; foreign and UK students [4]

The bar chart illustrates the differences between the proportion of foreign students and UK students in terms of obtaining the second class degree or tertiary education at a university of United Kingdom in 2009.

It is evident that both home and international students were passionate about learning with more than a half achieving second level or higher education. In addition, the abilities of students depend on the group of subjects studied.

International students dominated in the technology-related syllabus. In particular, a vast majority of foreign students ( nearly 80%) became electrical or IT engineers, compared to approximately 60 per cent of UK students did so.

Conversely, domestic students outnumbered in curriculums related to language, art, law and society behavior. Whereas roughly three quarters of UK students persuaded English literature as well as International law, only 50 per cent non-domestic students gained this field. Furthermore, the gap rate between two groups of students took the course about Art and Society was quite low, which 0.8 for UK students and 0.75 for international students.

Interestingly, the figure represented equally in subjects related to service community. Nursing and Accountancy, for examples, were 75% and 60% respectively for both UK students and international students.

• 
  Untitled.png
  

Writing Feedback / IELTS: Issue regarding the real efficiency of examinations using pen and paper [3]

Many people believe that formal "pen and paper" examination are not the best method of assessing educational achievement.
What is your view of examinations?

To my knowledge, there are always topics for discussion in today's education, and one topical issue is regarding the real efficiency of examinations using pen and paper. To be more precise, some people hold a strong view suggesting that examination plays a major part in measuring the ability of students. However, I suppose that, with the high requirements from society and labour market, we need to reconsider the real role of examinations.

To begin with, more often than not, people having an excellent result in an exam often accomplish the other tasks easier. For example students that scored a high mark in an IQ test tend to perform better in subjects related to science, mathematics and statistics. Nevertheless, overusing examinations for evaluation can lead to some negative consequences. Some "cram schools" are established to not only make prediction about questions of assessments but also give opportunities for students to practice taking exams. Thus, the educational system creates generations that do not have any abilities in being creative. All they are taught is to mimic behaviours that is required for the examination.

Additionally, many successful people in real life did fail some exams. This can be explained by their anxiety and the lack of strategies on preparing for the exams. In specific, a range of skills, leadership, team-working, management, for instance, have been neglected in traditional evaluations as well as never considered carefully in education standards.

To put it in a nutshell, there is no denying the benefit of examination methods. Having said that, the real achievement of these methods should be assessed clearly and accurately. I would like to emphasize and reiterate that the hard competition in the global world requires that we revolutionize the education system and put particular emphasis on the way we measure the ability of our students.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2: What can be done to maintain biodiversity ? [2]

Please give me feedback on my essay.

The Importance of Biodiversity Is Being More Widely Recognized as Increasing Numbers of Species Come Under Threat.
What Can Be Done to Maintain Biodiversity?
With the requirements from industry, economy, and the development of population, humans have harnessed from nature in most unkind methods. Throughout these processes, nature got damaged seriously, especially with the decline of biodiversity and the loss of the ecosystem. Many people hold a strong view suggesting that the degradation of our biological world has been considered as an inevitable consequence. However, from my point of view, there are many solutions that can be applied to protect the biodiversity.

To begin with, governments should invest in the budget for some botanical institutions like zoos and botanical gardens. This is necessary to save some species on the verge of extinction by controlling the reproduction and fertility rate of the flora and fauna. Having said that, this remedy can only be approach on a small scales and it will only protect a small number of species.

Similarly, governments should pass a law to reduce the activities that threaten the natural inhabitants. Some causes of damage to our environment are overgrazing, oil spills, and indiscriminate logging resulting in limiting the habitation. Therefore, not only severely penalties for those who have been unfriendly to the environment but the governments of different countries should also co-operate to build an international legal system that focuses on the conservation of nature. Nonetheless, this resolution leads to some negative effects, for example, creating an economic crisis and increasing the unemployment rate.

The final but the most important solution is education. When introducing some subjects related to biology and ecology, educational institutions can highlight the vital role of biodiversity. Furthermore, media should shows the serious repercussion of the loss of long-term sustainability. Education is the best method in improving the awareness of the community in issues which require both governments and individuals to handle together.

In conclusion, no matter how high the demands of the people are, our civillazition must have a balance between our needs and the importance of the natural world. It is a critical time to perceive and take actions on protecting the beauty of biodiversity.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: New technologies and ways of buying and selling are transforming to the lives of consumers. [2]

Actually, in this essay, it is easier for me if I choose to agree. However, to practice brainstorming, I choose to disagree.
Please give me feedback on my essay. Thanks my all friends ^^
New technologies and ways of buying and selling are transforming to the lives of consumers.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion

Due to the ongoing advances of the technology revolution, there have been many profound chances in the ways people are selling and buying products Many people strongly believe that the advances in technology has a major and life changing effect on consumer behavior. However, from my point of view, those who say that have not considered the issues carefully.

Security and quality are described as the large problems when using new latest gadgets. Online crimes take advantage of vulnerabilities in the of computer system to steal money from online exchanges. Furthermore, although online shopping may bring many benefits for customers in buying products from foreign countries, it also has the disadvantage in that they have no cortrol over the quality of their ordered goods . As a results, many consumers lost faith in the cyber market and finally reverted back to the traditional way of shopping.

By the same token, the number of people who have opportunities using the technological progresses are still low all over the world. In developing countries, most of the population must face to daily dilemmas such as starvation, poverty, and diseases. They do not have the financial abilities to afford any technical devices and also do not have the knowledge, skill or even the need for online markets. (please rewrite this sentence for me in another way ^_^). Moreover, it is difficult for some companies to deliver the products to dwellers in the remote areas because of the long distances and the increasing in the cost of their services.

Last but not least, the considerable rise of the aging population also limits the spread of applying avanced technologies. In other words, the elders feel unfamiliar or even scared when using any modern gadgets. Therefore, the efficiency of technologies mostly benefit the young generation.

In brief, it is undeniable that humans get many benefits from technological inventions. Nonetheless, the changes only happens on a small scale worldwide and does not completely replace traditional transactions. To have a substantial domestic and global increase in trade, technologies will have to invest in areas like countries that are low technology due to skill and finance. Similarly, the service must be designed in ways that will draw the currently non-user older generation.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: Media coverage of celebrities is having a negative effect on children. [3]

Please give me feedback on my essay. Thanks so much ^^
Many people believe that media coverage of celebrities is having a negative effect on children.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

There are variety different perspectives on the question of whether or not the appearance of celebrities on mass media is having adverse influence on children. While some people still hold a conservative view that media coverage of celebrities can effect children's behaviors and development in a negative way. It is my personal belief that the biographies and achievements of famous people can benefit children in many ways.

Opponents of the appearance of the famous argue that celebrity scandals damage the children's perception of success. Some singers, and actors, for example, are infamous for their abuse of drug and alcohol. However, that is only a small number. Many celebrities inspire and uplift children through their life and accomplishments and motivate children to gain similar achievements. Furthermore, a large of number celebrities came from poor families, and had to face many hardships and overcome many obstacles on their way to fame.

In addition, many celebrities devote their time and resources for the advancement of society. Indeed, their products such as songs, art pieces, and films contain the undeniable value for people all around the world. Moreover, some famous people have established charity funds to help people living in developing countries and those having serious diseases. Bill Gates, for example, takes actions to help the poor in third world countries, and Angelina Jolie gives humanitarian aid to help many people from all walk of life.

All in all, it has been proven that celebrities are known as people who have the interests of society at heart. Celebrities create activities that can benefit communities, especially the children in many ways. In other words, celebrities not only teach children the way to be successful but they also raise their knowledge about the world.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: What can be done to discourage people from using their cars? [3]

I choose a very classic essay. So, It is not easy for me to have more new ideas on this essay. Most of solution here can be found in the previous essay. I've just written it by using my own languages. Hope to get more ideas (solutions from you). Please give me feedback on my essay. thanks so much

There is a good deal of evidence that increasing car use is contributing to global warming and having other undesirable effect on people's health and wellbeing.

What can be done to discourage people from using their cars?

In recent years, there has been a growing number of people using cars. This leads to some serious consequences such as pollution, climate change, and deterioration people's health and theses problems need our immediate attention. This question as to how to discourage people from using their cars will be analyzed in this essay.

One feasible approach is that governments invest in building and developing public infrastructure transportation networks. By improving the quality of service, reducing cost, they can encourage commuters to use public transportation.

Moreover, another possible remedy would be to make the cars more expensive and not easy to own. In particular, government can impose taxes such as property tax, carbon tax, highway tax use for maintaining roads and bridges. With the increasing in the cost of people's possession, they will change their habits by not using their private cars and start using public .

The most effective solution would be to educate the commuters. Politicians can make residents follow their examples by using some environmental vehicles, like bicycles, or even walking. Furthermore, some public transportation companies should be encouraged to advertise on mass media a service that is both cheap and has a high frequency with cheap price and greater frequency. Importantly equal, educational systems can teach children about the efficiency of using public transport and point out the damage caused by the use of private vehicles. Hence, education can generate the huge effect on a tremendous scale.

To put it briefly, it is obvious that the disadvantages of increasing car use causes many adverse repercussion for our civilization. Therefore, I would like to emphasize and reiterate that discouraging people using cars is inevitable. It is a necessary action to protect our green planet and communities' health

Writing Feedback / IELTS: Should we ban combat sports which depend on violence for their entertainment [4]

please give feedback on my essay, thanks so much

Sports which depend on violence for their entertainment, such as boxing and wrestling, have no place in a civilized society and should be banned.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?

With the pressures and bustles in modern life, sport is considered as one of the best form of entertainments. In recent years, the popularity of sports containing violent factors has led to the heated controversy over the question whether they should be banned or not. Many people hold a strong view suggesting that combat sports cannot be existed in a civilized society. However, from my point of view, it should be made illegal due to the reasons presented in this essay.

To begin with, in a well-organized and developed society, people have the rights to decide which sports are suitable to practice and entertain. In other words, the prohibition can be used to illustrate for fossilizing human civilization to the past and restricting the development of human's rights. Furthermore, if boxing and wrestling are not allowed to play, law systems generate the unfairness between them with other sports which also cause some serious injuries or even death such as extreme sports and contact sports.

Similarly, combat sports benefit society in many ways. In specific, it is a suitable method for improving health's communities when people do exercise reasonably. Moreover, people can use it to defend themselves in may dangerous situations. Whilst women, for example, use it to against criminal rapes, men can protect themselves in a society where violence is increasing considerably. Last but not least, by imposing taxes on sport entertainment industry, government can get money for social budget, using for charity and succour purposes, or improving the living condition of residents.

All in all, the is no denying that fighting sports have advantages for both individuals and socities. Therefore, I would like to emphasize and reiterate that instead of banning them, we should permit them in controllable scales.