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Posts by masktaz
Name: Zaki Fajri
Joined: Feb 14, 2015
Last Post: Jan 15, 2017
Threads: 6
Posts: 15  
From: Indonesia
School: University of Pembangunan Nasional "Veteran" Yogyakarta

Displayed posts: 21
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masktaz   
Feb 16, 2015
Undergraduate / "Inventories can be managed, but people must be led." Essay on Leadership [3]

May be my ideas aren't well organized. What should I change or elaborate on this? I am highly appreciate your criticisms and feedback. Leave you essay and I will gladly give my feedback in return

What is the definition of a leader to you?(2000 character max)


"Inventories can be managed, but people must be led." H. Ross Perot

A leader is a person who has a vision, a drive, and a commitment to achieve that vision, and the skills to make it happen. Having a leadership is one of the most essential characteristic that a person can have. It is not only a matter of instructing people or having a certain level position. Leaders act base on their personalities, beliefs, experiences, and capabilities. They may be born, created, or raise to the occasion. Nevertheless, these capabilities can be obtained by training the potential future leaders, nurturing them, and allowing them to lead.

[...]
masktaz   
Feb 19, 2015
Writing Feedback / Air traffic is increasingly leading to more noise, pollution and airport construction. [3]

Hi there, Let me share my points

People prefer this type of transport because it is cheap {I prefer to use affordable} and accessible for all.

There are two types of people, who are for {concur} and who are against {it}.

I want to say that increasing taxes on air travel {have} a negative impact on the industry as a whole and to cause incidental to the lockup other related industries with him {you need to re state this sentence like "along with incidental lockup to other related industries"}.
masktaz   
Feb 19, 2015
Undergraduate / Exploration Manager is my way to contribute in global energy issues [3]

Guys, I need your feedbacks and criticism on my essay, I will appreciate it a lot and I will gladly give my feedbacks in return

I know my essay still has lack of ideas and unorganized, so what ideas should I add more on this?

Upon graduation, what are your career goals and expectations? 2000 characters


Upon graduation I expect of contribute in solving energy issues immediately in energy related industry. I dreamed of being an exploration manager. However, an exploration manager doesn't exist without a big responsibilities behind it. Thus, I realize that I have to start my career path from the bottom. Besides, it takes experiences to be the "real" geophysicist in oil and gas industry.

[...]
masktaz   
Feb 20, 2015
Book Reports / 'Life is not fair' - Essay about The Lost of Daniela's Grandfather [2]

Hi there, Let me share some points

We are born with the understanding that life is not fair.{ you can add some phrase about the uncertainty of life to connect it to the next sentence like "We don't always get what we wanted and we don't know what kind of life awaits"}

During a regular day of school on October 26, 2006, Daniela received a phone call to the front office. The phone call was from her mother to inform her that her grandfather Fred Carter, was about to say his final goodbye, and that he wanted to see her before he took his last breath. Daniela sat and begin to compensate how to deal with the horrid news of her grandfather dying. Her then came and checked her out of school , she rushed to their her home so that Daniela can see her grandfather before it was too late {you need to restate this phrase like "Her mother came to checked her out of school then came home in rushed to see her grandfather before it was too late".}

Daniela entered the room where her weary sick grandfather laid to take his final breath. As she approached[,] him her grandfather [he] reached out h[er] arm {I prefer to use "hands"}, Daniela grabbed his hand and [she] held it tight. Daniela's grandfather smiled and he began to tell Daniela that he wanted her to live a happy life. He said that no matter how tough life might be[,] she should stay strong and continue to live on. Daniela's grandfather also wanted her to attend college. Her attending college has always been one of his dreams for her{you need to restate this phrase}. He also told her that he will forever be her guardian angel and that he will always watch over her. After saying his last words Daniela's grandfather Fred Carter then took his final breath and died.

Daniela took her grandfather's death really hard. She cried every [in] chance she got, she always went to his favorite restaurant, she just couldn't get over the fact that her grandfather had passed away{I think too much comas in this phrase ruin the sentence}. Until one day, while she was at home studying her mother entered her room with a little box. Daniela's mom had told her that her grandfather wanted her to have the little box. Daniela opened the boxed and was surprised by [of] what was inside of it . There were many souvenirs from when her grandfather had been in while he joined the army and . [T]here was also a little notepad filled with many [his] hopes and dreams that her grandfather had, and [about] her going to college was one of those hopes and dreams [them].

At that very moment, Daniela realized that she wanted it triggers her to accomplish the dream that her grandfather has always had [wanted] for her. Seeing the little notepad filled with her grandfather's hopes and dreams it made her want to succeed in life because she knew that it would make her grandfather [him]very happy. She worked [study] hard to graduate [from] high school[.] now she is fulfilling [She wishes that she can fulfill] [his] the dream of her grandfather by attending Bethel University. She is striving and working hard every day so that one day she will be able to walk across the stage and look up to heaven and say " Papa I made it "

In conclusion, ( i need help making an conclusion)
masktaz   
Feb 20, 2015
Writing Feedback / There are many different type of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional [2]

Hi there, let me share some points

In the present[,] [we can hear] vari[ous] [type] of music can hear in the worldwide. This valuable music makes vast advantages for individuals. However[,] traditional music of a count[r]y is more considerable than the international music which hear[d] today.

For one, music can [be] use[d] in our lives in various ways such as [a] medical treatments and to develop the mental balance. For instance, if some one in a paralysis situation[,] doctors recommend them to listen the music because, it helps to improve blood circulation and control the blood pressure. However[,] after huge experiments and researches scientists also prescribe students to listen music while they are studying because they can concentrate well on studies when they hear music [it helps them to concentrate]. After analyzing these facts it is clear that music has [give] advantages and is one of the valuable gift to human being.

In addition, traditional music is the identity of an any [to] [a] nation, [.] [F]urthermore[,] today every one has opportunity to hear different types of music[;] and classical, hip hop, jazz and rock are some of them. Now[,] it is bec[o]me a trend, as same as [when] certain individuals tend to follow this modern music without caring of [to preserve] their traditional music. Thus, because of that [It makes] traditional music is swept away gently among the people. It is clear that traditional music is more important to every county and should [be] protect[ed].

To conclude, music is a miracle divine gift for the people and it gives more valuable things to everyone{what do you mean by giving more valuable things?}. Thus, giving [a] fundamental place to the traditional music is more important for the [to] any nation and then embraces modern music for own favour and feels it{you need to re state this last phrase}.
masktaz   
Feb 20, 2015
Undergraduate / Shortcomings is not a limit / Geophysical Engineering - Student Conference Application [4]

Help me to improve my essay. Does my essay has been hit the point of my essay prompt?

Why did you choose this educational/professional path? What is the greatest thing you have learned on your educational path?
Energy resources is essential to the functioning of modern society. On the other hands, Energy plays important role in national security of any given country as a fuel to power the economic engine. Scarcity of energy resources will cause disruption to the country and lead to significant vulnerability.

[...]
masktaz   
Feb 20, 2015
Undergraduate / Shortcomings is not a limit / Geophysical Engineering - Student Conference Application [4]

Thank you EF_Alyssa your contribution means a lot to me.
here is my revision. Is there any idea that is still out of place?

Energy resources is essential to the functioning of modern society. On the other hands, Energy plays an important role in the national security of any given country as a fuel to power the economic engine. Scarcity of energy resources will cause disruption to the country and lead to significant vulnerability.

Indonesia has passed the peak top of its oil production. It used to be a net exporter oil but now it has dependence for exploring energy resource from other countries. It's an irony because as a geophysics student I learn about how much potency of natural resources that Indonesia has, but unfortunately most of the oil field that recently produced is a mature field and there has been no new discovery in decades. Since finding oil isn't as easy as it used to be, it needs more effort on research, cutting edge technologies, and new methodology with the expectation that Indonesia's reliance to the foreign oil supplies will reduced. Hence, I dreamed of being an exploration manager who leads the exploration to find the new discoveries of oil and gas field, so I started my major in geophysical engineering.

Geophysical Engineering in my university is newly established in 2003 and has given me a lot life lessons. It's not surprising that this study program doesn't has comparable facilities like in renowned college that has been long-standing.

This newly established status made us less selfish and actively learning. The existing shortcomings made us aware of the need to share the knowledge each other. Not all the students have the chance to work on a project in a company. So we share all the knowledge that we got in weekly presentations after class hour. The most important lesson I've learned so far is this shortcoming triggers us not only to strengthened our academic knowledge but also intensified our social bonding. If I grant the SEP, I have the responsibility to share my experience to all students in my department. By learning more about what world, hopefully I can act and contribute proportionally, both as local and global citizen.
masktaz   
Feb 21, 2015
Writing Feedback / Essay about investment on art and culture - IELTS task 2 [5]

Nice idea..let me share my review

One of these duties is taking care of[conserving the] culture of the country, which is really a serious matter.

[T]hey have to build more roads and more railways Also {try to use different conjunction} [and] improve the roads to decrease the number of car accidents.

Mak[ing] the public transportation more efficient to reduce the dependence on the cars as the main mean of [predominant] transport.

These were examples of services that people want more improvements in .{try to restate this sentence}
masktaz   
Feb 21, 2015
Writing Feedback / Essay about investment on art and culture - IELTS task 2 [5]

nobody can say that those people are not right, but not thoroughly right

What is your point here? Do you mean "Nobody can say that those people are false, but not entirely right"?

despite the importance of these services that make our life much more easier and comfortable, the arts and cultures are important as well.

You can try to find another preposition that is appropriate or restate the phrase
masktaz   
Feb 21, 2015
Undergraduate / Practical exercise is necessary to reduce a gap between industry and educational institution [4]

Does my essay answering the prompt? I realize this essay still lack of idea and some parts still out of place. Therefore, your feedback means a lot to me.

How will participating in the Student Education Program help you reach your career goals?

World has faced oil crisis in 2000s where the oil production is declined before deepwater drilling popularly performed. Discovery of the new oil field is one of the option to solve the problem, so does Indonesia. I want to be a part in solving Indonesian energy issues. I expect of being an exploration manager.

[...]
masktaz   
Feb 22, 2015
Essays / Career goals - I really need to know how to start the introduction for scholarship essays [9]

I'm in line with Rich Monte and let me share my points. You need to find out what the requirement qualities. If you know what qualities the organization is seeking in the winner, you can highlight those achievements that best showcase these qualities. Carefully read the organization's literature, website and publications to figure out what the judges seek. Or contact the organization directly to ask. Imagine how much stronger your application will be if you apply for these awards and know what the judges themselves think is most important.
masktaz   
Feb 22, 2015
Undergraduate / Practical exercise is necessary to reduce a gap between industry and educational institution [4]

Hi There! You are on a great path!

Your suggestion means a lot to me. I got a little problem to elaborate some ideas. The essay is limited to 1000 characters and after I revise the grammar only 93 characters left (which means one or two sentence). Which idea should I strengthen more? Should I strengthen the opening or the closing? anyway what do you mean by run on?
masktaz   
Mar 9, 2015
Graduate / Specialization in the "Sustainable Electrical Energy track" - MS motivation letter [2]

Hey there satayish_anjum, let me share my point of view

I am applying for the MS Electrical Engineering at XXX with a specialization in the "Sustainable Electrical Energy track" starting in September 2015.

1. You better to use this sentence to imply your background rather than to use is as introduction.
2. I see a lot of explanation about your passion to pursue MS Electrical Engineering, but I still don't get why do you choose that XXX University. You should explain more about it.

3. You put another background to conclude your statement. I prefer to read it in sequence order rather than separating it because it will make another confusion.

4. You can give more explanation about electrical energy crisis that is happen in your country to strengthen your ideas.

Overall you did great. good luck
masktaz   
Aug 15, 2015
Writing Feedback / SAT Essay: Are all heroes eventually forgotten? [2]

Hey there,

I would like to give you some correction that you might considered.

here are some typos
Greek literature is a classical example of the ability for stories to last. The stories of Hercules, Perseus[, ] and Odysseus have lasted for thousands of years,

The pragmatic nature of books is truly embedded in modern life. Books not only tell stores stories; they pass them on. By reading these stories, we allocate memory for their horoes heroes within ourselves, thus preserving them in time.

You have interesting ideas, but you need to elaborate more on why does society remember these heroes? what makes society retold their stories through generation? what does society see in these heroes?

By reading these stories, we allocate memory for their [what is their refers to?] heroes within ourselves, thus preserving them in time.

good luck and hopefully, it is useful
masktaz   
Aug 17, 2015
Undergraduate / What makes us survive is not because the life never getting easier, yet we are getting stronger. [5]

I have to make an autobiography (No More Than 500 Words).
I realize this essay still lack idea and some parts still out of place. Therefore, your feedback means a lot to me.


I grew up in Minangkabau ethnic group, one of existed matrilineal society in the world. As a lastborn child, I might be spoiled and attempt to differentiate myself by being a little bit rebellious. Besides, I can maintain myself to have good grades. Those are the pictures that I get when I recall my childhood memories.

When I was in the 4th grade, the way I live my life suddenly changing at the moment my mother passed away. She was suffering from myasthenia gravis, a rare chronic autoimmune disease, then my father's business went bankrupt a couple months later. We don't have anything left, yet he never give up on the circumstances. He earns a bit money by becoming a masseur and we have to stay at his friend's house. This happens for years. This life-changing experience may shocked me at first, not to mention that I'm still mourning for losing the most important person in my life. When I saw my father, I saw the value of hard work. He never shows me his sorrow. No matter how bad the circumstances are he stand tall and I had to move on.

I have great hope to continue my study in earth science. However, I know that my father unable to pay me for college. I told him that didn't want to burden him any longer. So, I decided to leave my hometown after high school in order to gain experience and find a job in the capital city, Jakarta. I find getting a job is extremely difficult and there are a lot of people whose lives are much harder. Finally, I got a job as a shopkeeper in a toys store. I was set aside part of my 2 years payroll for college preparation, yet the money still far from sufficient. I another way to get me go to college.

One day, I found one of my uncle profile in facebook. The last time we met was at my mom's funeral. I come and visit his home with hope for his generosity to help me to continue my study. He had a good economic level and I know that he had a high concern about education. Gladly, he agreed to help in funding my education. He told me a story when he had a conversation with my mom a week before she passed away. She told him that she really had great hopes for her kids and want to see her children continue to college and be successful. However, she entrusted my uncle to help me because she knew that she will never get to that. He helped me to gain back my spirit and build my dreams.

Finally, I can continue my study in geophysical engineering. I'm grateful for everything I have now. The life toughens me and taught me the meaning of struggle. What makes us survive is not because the life never getting easier, yet we are getting stronger.
masktaz   
Aug 19, 2015
Undergraduate / What makes us survive is not because the life never getting easier, yet we are getting stronger. [5]

correct tense fo

Here is my revision. Is there any improper idea that I should replace? What do you think of my 4th paragraph?

I always recall my childhood memories every time I look at my family portrait. I grew up in Minangkabau ethnic group, one of existed matrilineal society in the world. It is not surprising if I had a stronger bond to my mother. As the youngest child, I was spoiled and attempt to differentiate myself by being a little bit rebellious. Yet, life suddenly changed for me at an early age.

When I was in the 4th grade my mother passed away. She was suffering from myasthenia gravis, a rare chronic autoimmune disease. In couple month later, my father's business went bankrupt. We didn't have anything left, yet he never gave up on the circumstances. We had to stay at his friend's house and he tried to earn money by becoming a masseur. This happened till I finished high school. This life-changing experience shocked, not to mention that I was mourning for losing the most important person in my life. When I look at my father, I saw the value of hard work. He never showed me his sorrow. No matter how bad the conditions were he stood tall.

I had a great hope to continue my study in earth science. However, I knew that my father unable to pay me for college. Therefore, I didn't want to burden him any longer. Consequently, I put down my dream to go to school and decided to leave my hometown after high school in order to gain experience and work in Jakarta. I found my life was hard with all the economic problem and depression, but there are a lot of people whose lives are much harder. Luckily, I got a job as a shopkeeper in a toys store. I set aside part of my 2 years payroll in order to sign up for college, yet the money still far from sufficient. So that, I need to find another way.

One day, I found one of my uncle profile in facebook. The last time we met was at my mom's funeral. I came to his home with hope for his generosity to help me to continue my study. I know he had a good economic level and a high concern about education. Gladly, he agreed to help in funding my education. Then, He told me about his conversation with my mom a week before she passed away. She told him that she really had great hopes for her kids and wanted to see her children go to college and be successful, since she never been one. However, she entrusted my uncle to help me because she knew that she will never get to that. He helped me to gain back my spirit and objectify my mom's dream.

Finally, I took geophysical engineering. I'm grateful for everything I have now. The life toughens me and taught me the meaning of struggle. What makes us survive isn't because the life getting easier, yet we're getting stronger.
masktaz   
Dec 26, 2016
Writing Feedback / Any new technological development in the recent years is a boon or curse for the society in general. [2]

hi @lalodhi,
you have a good stand point. I'd like to give you some suggestion as follows :
1. Put a clear stance from you either in the introduction or the first main body. From my personal opinion it's better to put your stance in the introduction paragraph to maintain the coherency of your idea. Moreover, that is part of the task in ielts essay that is really important. Check my correction below

"The following paragraphs will explain inevitable reason, thus to deliver a plausible conclusion." inevitable reason of what?
"There are myriad of reason to support my stance," still there is no stand following this statement

2. Give more extension in your arguments. You only mention that the invention of computer as the greatest. It's better to add why is it greater than the other options. Add one or two examples after your extension to support the idea.

3. If you have more than one argument, it's better for you to put them into different paragraph. It's better for you to provide depth in analysis instead of giving several unelaborated ideas.

so far you had few grammatical error in your essay, here are some of them
Firstly, Computer itself has no disadvantages and it disadvantages are depend on its usage (I think that is redundant *are you sure there is no disadvantages at all? If you said so then you need to paraphrase it.* put your argument on the disadvantages based on it usages

... We are surrounding surrounded by machines for...
... Despite all of [the] developments and technological..
... that it is [a] curse for our society. The following paragraphs will explain [the] inevitable reason...
... and it disadvantages are depend on its usage.

There you go. Keep practice!! :)
masktaz   
Jan 8, 2017
Undergraduate / Investing in human development through education and research for national energy defense [5]

Hi guys, I am applying to TU Delft. Therefore, before submit my personal statement, I need feedback about my ideas organization and coherency. Besides, I want to add words on this essay and I really appreciate if you could provide me suggestion the ideas in which need more extent. All of your feedbacks means a lot for me.

application for TU Delft



The adequacy of energy is paramount for one's country. Indonesia as a developing country with the population of over 250 million will indeed require immense energy needs to support its development. The broad usage of hydrocarbon as one of energy resource and industrial commodity has covered various sectors, such as agricultural, industrial, electricity, manufacture, and transportation. That being said Indonesian used to export oil to fulfill world consumption. However, our current oil productions only suffice to accommodate half of domestic needs. Thus, I find that energy defense is one of the most crucial problems of my country. As far as I concern Indonesia is not lack of energy resources since there are a lot of potential that can be optimized. In fact, there are 128 basins throughout Indonesia, yet only 72 basins have been explored. Led the exploration activities is part of my career aspiration in the future. I realize that I have to pass through certain career path to achieve my goal. Accordingly, I seek to enhance my education and I firmly confident that by studying at your faculty will then help me to gain strong competence in Petroleum and Geoscience field of study before I ultimately come back and contribute in my home country and realizing this dream.

I earned my Bachelor's degree in Geophysical Engineering at University of Pembangunan Nasional Veteran Yogyakarta whereas I studied from 2011 to 2015 at the Faculty of Mineral Technology. I choose to study Geophysical Engineering for two reasons. The first is that during high school, physics was my favorite subject. In addition, I read a lot of books about the earth that caught my interest beyond school time. Secondly, Geophysical Engineering is an interdisciplinary field of study with a broad prospective career opportunity.

After 4 years of studying, I graduated with honor cum Laude predicate for CGPA 3.53 and received "Karya Cendekia" The Outstanding Graduate Awards. My final assignment with 4 credits entitled Analysis of Reservoir Distribution Using Spectral Decomposition Method on Baturaja Formation, North West Java Basin. I selected spectral decomposition method due to the ability to separate the seismic events in every seismic trace based on its frequency content. The principle of this method was to decompose the seismic trace from the time domain into the frequency domain representation. In this study, the seismic trace was decomposed using Gabor-Morlet wavelet transform. The extraction result of such attributes was expected to know the value of the corresponding frequency at which could show the presence Direct Hydrocarbon Indicator as bright amplitude. The first stage is the zone of interest was determined from well logs and tied to seismic data as preliminary interpretation. Afterward, the zone of interest and any structural faults mapped throughout the seismic data. Meanwhile, the seismic data need to be scanned to obtain the frequency content as it functioned as lower and upper-frequency limit. After that, the seismic data were decomposed into several sub-band seismic volumes using Octave scale. Every sub-band seismic then extracted into envelope attribute to show the bright amplitude and analyzed it with the data logs interpretation of every production wells as justification. Ultimately, the selected sub-band seismic extracted into RMS attribute map to identify the prospective zone.

My main motivation to apply for TU Delft is because it is a reputable and leading university in the development of technology and science. TU Delft reinforces exceptional research and education standards with the support of outstanding facilities and research institute. It can be seen that TU Delft emerge many remarkable alumni contribute to the development of various geological discoveries in Indonesia, for instance, Reinout Willem van Bemmelen. Besides, the university promotes creative and independent thinking with a focus on problem solving, and also emphasizing in a good balance between theories and practice which in accordance with my need. In addition, your university provides Petroleum Engineering and Geosciences, which in accordance with my interest for the track of studies. Besides, TU Delft maintains close links with international industry so that offers ample opportunity for me to carry out research, projects, and internship or final thesis within a company.

I prefer to choose Reservoir Geology as my proposed specialization because it is not only concentrated in computational method but also involves a geological concept to understand the process behind reservoir rocks. The geological concept is important in analyzing geological target and to determine a further method to be applied. Without a solid geological concept, all the maps, colors, numbers from the measurement will not represent anything. Thus, the integration of all will provide a representative and reliable geological model.

If I could choose the topic, geomechanics for reservoir analysis is the topic that I would like to explore. Indonesia is one of the tectonically active regions in the world which influenced the mechanical properties of the reservoir rock. This analysis will assist in making representative geological and reservoir modeling. I would like to integrate the several data which might require such as structural geology, seismic data, logs data, and pore pressure. This method is expected to help in the plan of development to obtain the optimum result.

Another alternative topic for my future thesis project can be a research of unconventional reservoir modeling. Indonesia has the potential of unconventional reservoir whereas none of them are developed yet. Sooner or later the conventional reservoir would be scarce. Meanwhile, the unconventional reservoir provides abundant of hydrocarbon accumulation which can be one solution to maintaining Indonesia's energy defense.

Through geoscience, I wanted to provide more reliable and cost efficient solution in exploration and field development. In the larger scope, it will contribute to downscale the energy crisis in my country. From my personal perspective, even though oil prices drop-off, this moment, however, will be the right time to invest in human development through education and research. These resources will play a huge part in assisting the future prospective development when the market has risen. With my head up high, I am proud to apply to this university, while hoping for the greatest when I eventually entering a life changing adventure up ahead.
masktaz   
Jan 15, 2017
Undergraduate / Investing in human development through education and research for national energy defense [5]

@Holt
Hi Mary, I am really appreciate your view. However, I probably forgot to enclose the terms of the essay to make it clearer. It needs to address such point as follows (1000-1500 words):

•Your motivation for taking the MSc programme of your choice.
•Why you are interested in TU Delft and what you expect to find here
•If the MSc programme of your choice has optional specialisations: which specialisation(s) interest you most, and why?
•Describe your hypothetical thesis project; what kind of a project would you prefer if you were free to make a choice? Also briefly explain what you would want to explore in your thesis project. Provide a maximum of three hypothetical thesis topics and elaborate on your particular interests in them.

•A brief summary (maximum 250 words) of the thesis work or the final assignment (to be) done for your Bachelor's programme, including information on the credits earned, grade, and full workload.

On which part do I have to put more concern?
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