Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 : THE BENEFIT OF THE INTERNET FOR COMMUNICATION AND LITERATURE [3]

Hi Asep,

Overall, the content of your essay is great. However, the level of formality you write with should be determined by the expectations of your audience and your purpose. In the first paragraph, I found that you use an idiom "As a coin has two sides ". It is acceptable for speaking, but avoid using slang or idiomatic expressions in academic writing.

Good Job!

Writing Feedback / Life is never just about your talent it is also about all that you experienced; GRE [2]

Hi jojony1,

Overall, your grammar is quite good.

I've some suggestions for you.
In my view, You should introduce make clear introductory (building sentence + thesis statement (writer's position)).

remember,
concluding paragraph consist of restatement of thesis, summary of body paragraphs, final thought.
reduce subject pronoun in your essay such; your.

Happy editing ;)

Writing Feedback / The prediction about the number of cars in use in twenty years from now [4]

Hi Esmeralda,

It is possible to made many mistakes in the first time making an essay.
My suggestion:

+ you should pay more attention in organizing your essay.
the topic essay is "More cars today than in the past (20 years ago)".
Make sure, your building sentence introduce the topic and give background information about the topic.
In thesis statements presents the essay topic, the writer's position, and the main ideas supporting the position. Unfortunately, your essay hasn't all of the components.

If the thesis statements is clear, you can organize it more easily for body paragraphs.

Happy editing ;)

Writing Feedback / The prediction about the number of cars in use in twenty years from now [4]

Agree and Disagree?

You should choose one (clear and consistent throughout the essay)
for example, if you agree, you should write 2 body paragraphs agree and 1 paragraph disagree or 1 body paragraph for agree (fully explanation and clear example, and the component of the 'agree paragraph' more than 'disagree paragraph').

If possible, add the information from outside source to support the writer's argument effectively.

Happy editing ;)

Writing Feedback / IELTS Letter: Request some changes to the hotel reservation for a business meeting [2]

Hi sasithasan,

This is my suggestion:


I am writing this letter to request a change for the meeting room that I have booked with 1234 reservation code.


At first, I had planned to book the Zebra meeting room with six participants , but due to the recent business collaboration with ABC company, the meeting attendee has increased by four. Thus, we need the bigger room for ten people .


Also could you please send me what the facilities are offered by the hotel for the meeting room, video conference system detail, internet and LCD projector options in particular. I would like to receive the above information as soon as possible, but not later than our reservation date.

Happy editing ;)

Writing Feedback / Students prefer living in campus housing rather than living in off campus. Toefl essay [4]

Hi kenIQB,

Let me give you some suggestions since it makes your writing more organize.

In introductory paragraph, pay attention in building sentences and thesis statement . You have to introduce the topic and give background information about the topic.

For the body paragraph, You have organized it well. Just needs more editing (don't 'be lazy to editing an essay).

Concluding paragraph
Remember this: concluding paragraph consist of three elements:
1. The restatement of the thesis states the writer's position again using different words.
2. The summary of the body paragraphs summarizes the main ideas.
3. The concluding sentence restate the main idea and summarizes the supporting points.

Your summarize only has one component. To boost your score.

Happy editing ;)

Writing Feedback / higher sale for retail stores, more jobs, great profit from internet market - Black Friday effects [2]

Hi gwang62,

Here in my suggestion,


Black Friday play an essential role in economy improvement since it can increase the sales for retail stores, provides many jobs, and gain more sales for the internet market.

Hope it can help you ;)
Happy writing!

Writing Feedback / Topic: Think about the sources of nutritional information. Which sources do you trust the most? Why? [2]

Hi chibichan,

Let me give some suggestions,

First of all, when you write paragraph, the first thing you should do is decide the controlling idea. Than begin the paragraph with a sentence that presents both the topic and the controlling idea.

Topic : sources of nutritional information

controlling idea : source for information nutrition vary

Topic sentence : Many reliable sources that provide information nutrition, such as newspaper, magazine, and nutritionist.

After make the topic sentence, you can 'enlarge' one by one the source of information, than choose one source which you trust most and explain it.

Happy writing ;)

Writing Feedback / Outline of the importance of confidence - feeling of trust in one's ability, quality and judgement [4]

Hi minhthupung,

Overall your essay is organized well, but let me give you some suggestions to improve your writing skill.
Remember:
The first paragraph of an essay (introductory paragraph), consist of two elements: building sentence and thesis statement .
Building sentences introduce the topic and provide background information about the thesis statement.
Thesis statement present the topic, writer's opinion, and the main idea of the essay.

A good topic sentence is direct and concise. A sentence that is too general or too specific is not a good topic sentence.


From your introductory paragraph, I found that you need thesis statement.

Let me try to write it.

Confidence is the feeling of trust in one's ability, quality and judgement. It is the ticket that takes you to a brand new world. Therefore, confidence should be possessed by everyone since it make you easier to express yourself, as a means to gain more opportunities and better result in study and work, and it makes you happier.

Than, in each body paragraph, you can explain your thesis statement you have wrote in introductory paragraph

Happy writing ;)

Essays / Opening a strong introduction for an essay? Personal view of the importance of communication [3]

Hi samuelsalam123,

to make great an introductory paragraph, you should know that it consist of two elements:

Building sentence- introduce the topic and provide background information about the thesis statement.
You should make an eye-catching sentence which attract the attention of the reader or the original text is impressive. Probably from a quotation or your own sentence.

Thesis statement - present the topic, writer's opinion, and the main ideas of the essay.

Your essay topic : the importance of communication in the world today
Writers opinion : why you think the communication is important, and
add your arguments (main ideas ).

Happy writing ;)

Undergraduate / New classes, new school. I was finally a "big kid" in my eyes. ApplyTexas collegiate essay prompt A. [4]

Hi Castro98,

This is a great story, you've make it well. I just give some corrections in the second paragraph,
Hope this help you ;)

Essays / SWOT analysis thesis statement, APA sources, conclusion What say? [3]

Hi Lemondragon,

I suggest you read more before you ask someone to help you about what is swot analysis, what is APA format. As Contributors and Moderators, and members of essay forum are merely can help you with grammar usage and style of vocabulary, etc.

You read first on the internet or ask or consult a proficient in SWOT and APA format. Then, you write it. I utterly believe that many people in ES will give you great suggestion after you write it.

Happy writing ;)