Graduate /
MIT Sloan Master of Finance Essay - Relevant details, such as awards, rankings, and media references [16]
Perhaps what you're missing is an answer to the following: Share personal qualities that will enable you to contribute
to the advancement of our mission.
What is their mission?You could address this in one or two sentences, more specifically in the final paragraph.I graduated
at the top of my Economics class at the University of Iceland
, developing a strong quantitative skillset andwith a good understanding of
the fundamentals of economics and finance.
Besides"BESIDES" MAY NOT BE THE RIGHT WORD TO USE HERE intermediate macro- and microeconomic theories I
enjoyed learning aboutreveled in derivatives, bonds markets
,I PERSONALLY PREFER THE SERIAL COMMA and time series analys
ie s using ARMA- and ARCH/GARCH models. I first realized
that I wanted to pursue a career inmy passion for asset management
after I had taken classes at Stanford University in 2014
taught by professors with real professional experience .
Professor Alex Gould, who taught me Financial Economics, ran his own venture capital fund in Silicon Valley, and Professor Peter Woehrmann, who taught me Investment Science, ran his own hedge fund. Their expertise and insights inspired me to take every available finance electivewhen I returned home .
GOOD PARAGRAPH; HOWEVER, THERE ARE TWO THINGS TO CONSIDER: (1) DID THEY INSPIRE YOU TO TAKE ONLY FINANCE CLASSES, OR DID THEY HAVE A BIGGER INFLUENCE ON YOUR LIFE BESIDES TAKING CLASSES (I.E., SHORT AND LONG-TERM GOALS), AND (2) YOU NEVER MENTIONED THAT YOU HAD LEFT HOME, SO CONCLUDING WITH "WHEN I RETURNED HOME" FEELS OUT OF PLACE CHRONOLOGICALLY .
The
Uu niversity
'sdecision to nominate
d me for Stanford's International Honors P
r ogram was
based on my academic performanceMOVE THIS TO THE BEGINNING OF THE SENTENCE .
Among my peers, I
have consistently been amongstrank in the top
95th-90thBE MORE PRECISE; IF YOU'RE NOT SURE, USE 93 AS THE AVERAGE. DOING SO SAVES VALUABLE WORD COUNT percentile in courses on finance, mathematics
, and econometrics,
besides receiving the highest grade for my Bachelor's thesis on the global hedge funds who invaded Iceland's economy"BESIDES" MAY NOT BE APPROPRIATE HERE. MOREOVER, THIS SECTION OF TEXT CAN BE ON ITS OWN, SEPARATE FROM THE PREVIOUS SENTENCE . The results were
compelling enough to be included in
a book written by my instructors, "The Icelandic Financial Crisis
, "
,a work created by my instructors and published by Palgrave Macmillan in late 2016.
BY INSTRUCTORS, DO YOU MEAN DR. GOULD AND DR. WOEHRMANN?CHRONOLOGICALLY SPEAKING, THE PREVIOUS PARAGRAPH REFERS TO SOMETHING THAT HAPPENED IN 2016 AND THE ONE FOLLOWING CITES AN EVENT THAT OCCURED IN 2015. ANOTHER SUGGESTION FOR IMPROVEMENT IS TO REARRANGE THE SENTENCES/PARAGRAPHS SO THAT YOUR ESSAY STARTS FROM THE EARLIEST AND FOLLOWS THE ORDER IN WHICH EACH EVENT OCCURRED.In 2015 I
was offeredaccepteda job as athe position of journalist at Iceland's leading business newspaper, Viđskiptablađiđ,
without even applying, asAlthough I did not formally apply for a job, the publisher
was impressed withhired me based on my
workperformance as editor of the annual
university's Journal of Economics.
*** The
journalpublicationreceivedmuch applause andearnedwon a historical $10,000 profit through advertisement revenue.
***THIS PART MAY NEED FURTHER REVISING SINCE IT IS NOT CLEAR WHETHER YOU HAD ANY ROLE TO PLAY IN THIS HISTORIC EVENT. ENSURE THAT THIS SENTENCE CLEARLY CONNECTS TO THE FOLLOWING SENTENCES --> This experience
helped me developREVISE strong leadership skills as I had to make sure articles were submitted on time and advertisement deals were closed.
As a journalist I
've gained invaluable insight into the world of business and finance
[by interviewing some of Iceland's most prominent figures in finance, business and politics, such as the Minister of Finance, the president of the Central Bank and numerous CEOs]CONSIDER PUTTING THIS SECTION OF TEXT AT THE FRONT OF THIS SENTENCE , besides
performing thorough analyses oncritically analyzing the Icelandic economy and markets.
<--REVISE THIS SENTENCE FURTHERThrough my work I've developed strong critical thinking skills and learned to better handle stressful situations.THIS SENTENCE DOES NOT SEEM TO CONNECT TO THE REST OF THE PARAGRAPH; CONSIDER DELETING IT OR FINDING A WAY TO FIT IT IN.I see the MFin program
asIS a crucial step
intoward my academic and professional
careergoals . Following my graduation I
hope to get a positionplan to work at a leading asset (...) start my own fund
, perhapsback in Iceland.
I value the program's
flexibility andmanythe chanceopportunities to
learnstudyfrom the pioneers of modern finance theory
from pioneersin person, such as Robert Merton and Andrew Lo
to name a few,*** make
itMIT my
absolute first choice.
I believe I have the qualities (...) of this program
, but
more importantlyalso be an active member of the
MIT Sloan community.
***YOUR ESSAY CONTINUES TO IMPROVE. CONSIDER REVISING THE FINAL PARAGRAPH FURTHER. TRY TO INTEGRATE ONLY THE ESSENTIALS SO THAT YOUR DESIRE TO ATTEND MIT IS UNEQUIVOCALLY CLEAR TO ADMISSIONS. IN ADDITION, YOU MAY WANT TO REFINE THE CHRONOLOGICAL ORGANIZATION OF YOUR ESSAY.