Posts by Red Moon

Red Moon

Jan 6, 2019

Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 2: THE IMPACT OF ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE - LIMITLESS POTENTIAL [3]

the potential of AI to benefit humans is limitless

Some people believe that developments in the field of artificial intelligence will have a positive impact on our lives in the near future. Others, by contrast, are worried that we are not prepared for a world in which computers are more intelligent than humans. Discuss both of these views and give your own opinion.

While it is believed that the increasing intelligence of machines will bring numerous benefits to our society in several decades, some people argue that it will do more harm than good. In my opinion, despite having some negative aspects, artificial intelligence will affect our lives in a positive way.

On the one hand, these disruptive technologies may negatively impact humans. It is argued that they will rob men of labor, and unemployment will rise. For example, thousands of people are out of work owing to the growing number of automated machines in manufacturing. More taxi drivers are also laid off since intelligent automobiles using the latest technology are able to drive themselves. Furthermore, if humans lost control over super-intelligent machines, the consequences would be devastating. Some autonomous weapons using AI may cause mass casualties if they are used carelessly.

On the other hand, it is undeniable that superhuman AI will be beneficial for our society. Modern convenience has enhanced efficiency in various fields from agriculture to education. In education, for instance, in remote areas where schools are few, students still get access to learning materials and personalized lessons with the help of virtual assistants. Also, more farmers are applying AI devices to monitor crops more effectively; therefore, there will be more agricultural products to meet the growing food demand. Moreover, although more repetitive low-skilled jobs are done by machines, intelligent technologies have generated more technical professions such as software developments and data analysts.

In conclusion, in spite of some doubts in the future of AI, I believe that the potential for it to benefit humans is limitless.

Red Moon

Jan 6, 2019

Writing Feedback / IETLS Writing Task2: It is more important to teach the literature and history of their own country [3]

Sorry if I offend you but some parts in your essay are so confusing that I cannot understand anything. You make a lot of mistakes: using inappropriate words and conjunctions, writing ungrammatical sentences and not developing your ideas.

About the first body paragraph, although your ideas are quite good, your poor choice of words makes it hard to read. For example, this sentence:

On the one hand, children can...

I would rewrite it so it would be a little easier to understand:
On the one hand, history and literature can teach children about the details of many historical events so that they can avoid making the same mistakes as people in the past.

The second body paragraph is difficult to understand. I think the main objective of that paragraph is explaining why we shouldn't only teach children about the history and literature of our own country, but it is underdeveloped. You shouldn't ask questions in an essay. Your topic sentence should be something like " There are many reasons why children should not only study.....". And you should explain your ideas more clearly. I don't understand why only studying history and literature of their own country can lead to loss of identity in children. I suggest in this paragraph, you should write more about the benefits of knowing the world's history and literature.

I think you should learn more about collocations, word usage, and grammar. You can find grammatical mistakes by uploading your essays to websites like Grammarly or Paper Checker.

Good luck. Thank you for spending time reading this advice.

Red Moon

Jan 8, 2019

Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 2: ENVIRONMENTAL ISSUES AND SOLUTIONS [3]

human activities impact on the natural world

It is undeniable that human disturbance is the primary cause of environmental degradation. This essay will discuss some human-caused environmental issues and propose some approaches for authorities and individuals to tackle these.

Among the countless environmental problems caused by human activities, global-warming and waste disposal are the most serious ones. To meet the needs of the growing population, humans have emitted excessive greenhouse gases into the atmosphere, leading to global warming, which causes the melting of polar ice caps, rise in sea levels and unpredictable weather patterns. Our throwaway culture also results in a massive amount of waste that is difficult to recycle and takes hundreds of years to biodegrade.

Governments must be the first to take steps to deal with these issues. One suggested solution would be imposing a restriction on the amount of toxic gas and hazardous waste containing poisonous chemicals that release into the environment by factories. Another way would be raising the public awareness of environmental problems, recycling methods, and energy conservation through media and education.

Not only authorities but individuals should make attempts to preserve the environment. To achieve this important goal, people should use more environmentally friendly products. For instance, when going to stores or supermarkets, shoppers should bring their own paper bags and refuse to take home the plastic ones. Moreover, to reduce exhaust fume, it is advisable for people to travel more on foot, by bike or public transports rather than by automobile. In Dutch, famous for its green transportation, the majority of population cycles to school and work.

In conclusion, human activities have made a detrimental impact on the natural world, so governments and individuals should join hands to soften it.

Red Moon

Jan 9, 2019

Writing Feedback / The government should prohibit to smoke in public areas for the sake of community health [2]

In my opinion, your ideas are quite good and well-developed and I'm impressed by the figures provided in your essay.
However, your essay has too many basic grammatical and lexical mistakes. Let me point out some of them:

Smoking is one of the most crucial social problems, so numerous countries have banned smoking in public spaces.

many developed countries

hopefully, it could reduce the number of cigarette consumers and will affect the financial sector positively.

the government should prohibit smokers

I suggest you should check your grammar after finishing your essay, maybe through websites such as Grammarly.

Red Moon

Jan 31, 2019

Student Talk / What is ielts writing? I am confused. [27]

I think you should read the band score descriptions and determine what you need to learn to achieve your desired score. You can learn about the structure of an IELTS essay and how to write one on the Internet, and even find many sample essays too. There are many writing styles, but you should choose only one writer and stick to their style of writing. After you know the basics, you should practice writing as much as possible, paragraphs first, then the whole essay. It's a little bit hard to practice writing by yourself, so you should find a native speaker, a teacher if possible, to check your work.

You can post your essay here so everyone here can lend a hand. Good luck.

Red Moon

Feb 3, 2019

Writing Feedback / IELTS task 2 - It is important for all towns and cities to have large public outdoor places. [4]

You should not write "while others hold an opposite opinion" because it is not mentioned in the question. This is not a discussion essay.

The first paragraph is not necessary as it contradicts your point of view. In your introduction, you say that you agree to the construction of public outdoor places, so there's no need for describing a drawback of these places. Instead, you should give one more advantage to further explain your view.

Also, you have some problems with writing more complex sentences. Take some sentences for examples:

"They are able to not only sit on ... but also have a picnic ..."

"Furthermore, public places, which decorate the towns and cities, make our living space ..."
Note that relative pronouns are placed directly after the noun or pronoun they modify.

Using too many short sentences isn't a good idea, so you should try to combine them. I would write a longer sentence:
"For instance, in Asia, employees always work under pressure as they struggle to earn more money to cope with the high cost of living in cities."

There are also many grammatical errors in your essay. I suggest you use some online grammar checkers to find your mistakes.