Posts by Ridho Kodel

Ridho Kodel

Nov 22, 2017

Writing Feedback / Report for a university lecturer describing the information on Japanese tourist traveling abroad [3]

It is always my pleasure to read your feedback.

The bar chart illustrates the percentage of some hurdles the people, ranged over 18 to 55 years old, experienced when they live abroad. Overall, it can be seen that the people mostly struggle to form friendship, to find accommodation and to learn a local language.

To begin with, the greatest problem for people age 18 to 34 is forming friendship. A problem is experienced by 45% people of this age group. This is the greatest number compared to only 35% of people aged 35 to 54 and 22% of people over 55 who find it difficult to form friendship.

Surprisingly, the people over 55 have the highest problem in learning the local language. 55% of people of this oldest group experience this problem, while in comparison to the youngest age group, only 28% of people aged 18 to 34 find it as a problem which is much fewer than the oldest group.

Finally, unlike the younger groups, people over 55 get it much easier to find accommodation. There are only 22% people of this group experience this problem. However, 39% to 40% people of younger groups take it as a big deal.

Ridho Kodel

Nov 22, 2017

Writing Feedback / Product variety and supply chain [3]

Dear @CHEN ZHIXIN,

I think you forgot to provide the original prompt with the presentation, therefore I am sure other reviewers will find it difficult to assist your writing. Here is a little feedback I can give;

... more choices and standing out from competitors ( whenever you use "and" in your sentence, make sure both connected words are equal, e.g. Adj and Adj or gerund and gerund)

... variety ~~may be~~ (might be) detrimental to ...

Ridho Kodel

Nov 18, 2017

Student Talk / I am a bit shy, when I have to speak in English, I always worry about my mistakes; I lack confidence [33]

Dear @phuongtran,

We have the same problem Dude, but I always keep my chin up to any hurdles I find during my study. I sometimes collect the constructive feedbacks I obtain as my personal note. As I find my self get distracted of no improvement, I open personal note which I can see that I am not that bad. Focus to the little step you made, tip toe if you must, but take the steps!

Best

Ridho Kodel

Nov 18, 2017

Writing Feedback / Report for a university lecturer describing the information on Japanese tourist traveling abroad [3]

Japanese tourist market report

Original Prompt:
You should spend 20 minutes on this task

The chart below shows the number of Japanese tourist traveling abroad between 1985 and 1995 and Australia's share of the Japanese tourist market.

Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below.
You should write at least 150 words

My Respond:

The bar chart illustrates the number of Japanese overseas traveler, measured in millions, and the line graph measures Australia's share of the Japanese tourist market. Both are during 1985 to 1995. Overall, Japanese overseas traveler rate increased over the period, interestingly it can also be seen that Australia's share of Japanese tourist market experienced the same trend.

To begin, in 1985 the number of Japanese traveler stood at 5 million travelers, and then increased significantly to 11 million travelers in1990. However, there was a small decrease to 10 million travelers in 1991, but then it gradually rose with the rate reaching a peak of 15 million travelers in 1995.

Quite similar to Japanese overseas traveler trend, Australia's share of Japanese tourist market also showed a gradual increase from 2 percent in 1985 to 5 percent in 1988. Despite having a small decrease to 4 percent share in 1989, there was a rapid rise with the rate reaching a peak of 6.5 percent share in 1993. However, unlike Japanese overseas traveler rate, Australia's share of Japanese's tourist market fall slightly to 6 percent in 1995.

Ridho Kodel

Nov 17, 2017

Writing Feedback / TOPIC:- Crime is a problem all over the world, crime prevention will make no difference. [2]

P1
... unlawful activities, ~~etc.~~" (I hope your intention to use etc. is to imply that the the reader already knows the rest of the set it is referring to, not, as it is so often used, as a placeholder for an undefined set. (Note that etc. is fine to use when referring to an infinite set, which is, by definition, a known set.)

P3
... bad things. , They ...
E.g. As he is on holiday [reason], it is not possible to get his signature on the letter. [situation]

I only find a minor revision in grammar, overall is nice.

Cheers

Ridho Kodel

Nov 16, 2017

Writing Feedback / A significant fall in the proportion of production of energy from coal in four European countries [4]

Dear @pier @Holt

Thanks for your detail feedback, I ask your consent to record your feedback as my personal notes. I hope you guys can always give your awesome feedback to my writing. I find it really helpful

Best

Ridho Kodel

Nov 16, 2017

Writing Feedback / A significant fall in the proportion of production of energy from coal in four European countries [4]

Hi, this is me again. Since this is my very first writing, I do need your constructive criticism (i,e more than just proofreading)

below is my writing on IELTS task 2 (this is not the real test instead of the graph I took from my practice book)

what instead of coal in europe?

This line graph shows a significant fall in the proportion of production of energy from coal in four European countries over 15-year period, form 1995 to 2000. Overall, it can be seen that despite having a significant fall, Sweden and France could make a stable production in the last 6 years, while Denmark and Germany experienced a dramatic fall until 2010.

Denmark stood at the highest rate production at 60% in 1995, and then fell sharply to 10% in 2010. Unlike Denmark, Germany only experienced fall to 5% in 2007, and then rose significantly to 15% above Denmark.

Sweden stood at 35% below Denmark and Germany. However, Sweden experienced a stable production over last 6 years at 28%, the highest of four countries, while the production of energy from coal in France remained below Sweden over 15-year period.

Ridho Kodel

Nov 16, 2017

Undergraduate / My interest in engineering started at an early age; Texas A&M Engineering Admission Essay [3]

P1
... who held worked
... and we regularly build ~~them~~ it

P2
... we had ~~only~~ in the past thirty years ~~ago~~. Humans ... problems ~~that have been~~ plaguing humanity ...

I hope you find my feedback convenient. Therefore, if there are things you do not feel suit you, then do it your own way. ;) I love sharing

Ridho Kodel

Nov 16, 2017

Writing Feedback / TOEFL independent writing prompt: kids are obsessed with video games and that causes health problems [4]

P1

A debate on whether ... (The dispute as to whether the technology has positive influence on children) is always a hot topic. While many ... on children, I, however, will support the argument ...

P2

"it is undeniable that ~~like~~ playing simple toys ....
For instance, ..."

I couldn't give further correction since I fail to understand your point. you'd better group the cases in order to make it more understandable.

Ridho Kodel

Nov 15, 2017

Writing Feedback / What the graph shows, what is the type of graph shown? What is the data? [2]

Hi, My name is Ridho. I'm doing self-study for IELTS test next year, thus I need your assistance badly.
This is my very first writing on analyzing a graph.

graph analysis task

Instruction:
1. What the graph shows
a. What is the type of graph shown?
b. What is the data?
c. What are the units of measurement?
d. is there a period of time?

Language:
a. Use the present simple
b. Write one (or two if you wish) sentences to indicate what the graph is about

My writing:

This line graph shows a Million of Dirhams Dubai Gold Sales in 2002. Reaching peak sale in the first three months sale, Dubai gold experiences a fluctuation sale over the following months. However, Dubai gold sales ends in the same rate in which it starts.