jemma2011
Sep 28, 2009
Undergraduate / Cornell Academic interest essay/ Transfer to CAS/ Culture Night < tentative titl [11]
Thank you!! Exactly what I needed :)
Thank you!! Exactly what I needed :)
jemma2011
Sep 28, 2009
Undergraduate / Cornell Academic interest essay/ Transfer to CAS/ Culture Night < tentative titl [11]
NEW VERSION. IT HAS BEEN REVISED!! PLEASE TELL ME IF THERE IN ANYTHING I COULD CHANGE. If its consice, coherent and cohesive. Also, if it answers the prompt correctly. Just give your opinion lol Be brutal! URGENT :) Please and thank you.
PROMPT:
Tell us what you would like to major in at Cornell and why, how your past academic or work experience influenced your decision, and how transferring to Cornell would further your academic interests. Between 500 and 750 words.
It was 2:30 a.m. and I was at the top floor of the Olympik Tristar Hotel. The room was colorful and bright, fitting for the group of people in it. Culture Night was already underway and it was the South Africans turn to present their country. They were eight of them all of different shapes and sizes, but all proud of being from South Africa. They started singing their anthem, some knew it, and others laughed at their own attempt at singing. Nevertheless, their cheery energy transcended far beyond from where they were standing. Everybody in the audience was enjoying a new part of their performance, a skit of how South Africans react while watching soccer. Meanwhile, my brain began to unearth old flashbacks. I began to remember what happened last semester. The uncertainty and fear I felt was no longer intimidating. At that moment, I finally realized what was missing.
Culture Night finally ended and we were all back at our hotel rooms. I take off my Puerto Rico's national costume and put on my favorite green apple pajamas. As I lay down on my bed, I saw the guidebook of the conference on my nightstand. I pick it up and start contemplating its cover. It was orange and in big bold black letters, it read "The 17th International Youth Leadership Conference January 2009." Underneath it was a picture of the past participants of the conference during last summer. They were around 90 students from all over the world, all of them smiling vivaciously at the camera. I started to think about what I realized during Culture Night. For months, I felt that I was loosing interest in the Political Science. I felt tormented by the fact that something I had always loved was somehow loosing its grip on me. However, being there at the conference not only reassured my passion in Political Science but I also realized that what I was searching for was a focus within the major.
During the conference, I experienced many new things. I was part of a mock European Parliament, I represented China in a simulation of a UN Security Council, and I was the key witnesses in a mock International Court Trial. All of these events awoke a new urge in me; I was slowly falling in love with International Relations. When I arrived back home, I quickly began to look for information of what I had to do to declare an International Relations minor, only to be slapped by a rude awakening. My university offered no such thing. On the other hand, Cornell does.
At Cornell University, I will be declaring my major in Government. The main difference between Cornell's Government major and the Political Science of my university is that Government expands its courses on a much deeper range from economy to sociology, to the study of the politics on a variety of countries. It also presents me with the opportunity to concentrate in a specific part in Government, International Relations. I began to research Cornell Courses of Study and found classes like International Law, Ethics in International Relations, Comparative Foreign Policy, New Forces in International Politics, etc that met my newfound passion for the international studies. Meanwhile, other classes like Politics and Culture, Interpreting Race and Racism: Du Bois, Social Political Philosophy, fulfilled my interest in the philosophy and psychology part of politics. At that moment, it became apparent almost instantly how the Government major was a perfect fit for me.
I will never forget the picture in front of the guidebook. Those 90 students represented so much more than a past alumni to me. Each of them represented my dreams, my goals and ultimately, the person I am to become. That faithful night changed so many aspects of my life. It not just helped me realize where my true passion lies but it showed there some much more out there. I want to explore new things. I want to embrace them. I want to immerse myself in knowledge and experience a new world. Moreover, I know that by going to Cornell, I will be taking one-step forward towards getting what I want. By going to Cornell, my path to realization can truly begin.
NEW VERSION. IT HAS BEEN REVISED!! PLEASE TELL ME IF THERE IN ANYTHING I COULD CHANGE. If its consice, coherent and cohesive. Also, if it answers the prompt correctly. Just give your opinion lol Be brutal! URGENT :) Please and thank you.
PROMPT:
Tell us what you would like to major in at Cornell and why, how your past academic or work experience influenced your decision, and how transferring to Cornell would further your academic interests. Between 500 and 750 words.
It was 2:30 a.m. and I was at the top floor of the Olympik Tristar Hotel. The room was colorful and bright, fitting for the group of people in it. Culture Night was already underway and it was the South Africans turn to present their country. They were eight of them all of different shapes and sizes, but all proud of being from South Africa. They started singing their anthem, some knew it, and others laughed at their own attempt at singing. Nevertheless, their cheery energy transcended far beyond from where they were standing. Everybody in the audience was enjoying a new part of their performance, a skit of how South Africans react while watching soccer. Meanwhile, my brain began to unearth old flashbacks. I began to remember what happened last semester. The uncertainty and fear I felt was no longer intimidating. At that moment, I finally realized what was missing.
Culture Night finally ended and we were all back at our hotel rooms. I take off my Puerto Rico's national costume and put on my favorite green apple pajamas. As I lay down on my bed, I saw the guidebook of the conference on my nightstand. I pick it up and start contemplating its cover. It was orange and in big bold black letters, it read "The 17th International Youth Leadership Conference January 2009." Underneath it was a picture of the past participants of the conference during last summer. They were around 90 students from all over the world, all of them smiling vivaciously at the camera. I started to think about what I realized during Culture Night. For months, I felt that I was loosing interest in the Political Science. I felt tormented by the fact that something I had always loved was somehow loosing its grip on me. However, being there at the conference not only reassured my passion in Political Science but I also realized that what I was searching for was a focus within the major.
During the conference, I experienced many new things. I was part of a mock European Parliament, I represented China in a simulation of a UN Security Council, and I was the key witnesses in a mock International Court Trial. All of these events awoke a new urge in me; I was slowly falling in love with International Relations. When I arrived back home, I quickly began to look for information of what I had to do to declare an International Relations minor, only to be slapped by a rude awakening. My university offered no such thing. On the other hand, Cornell does.
At Cornell University, I will be declaring my major in Government. The main difference between Cornell's Government major and the Political Science of my university is that Government expands its courses on a much deeper range from economy to sociology, to the study of the politics on a variety of countries. It also presents me with the opportunity to concentrate in a specific part in Government, International Relations. I began to research Cornell Courses of Study and found classes like International Law, Ethics in International Relations, Comparative Foreign Policy, New Forces in International Politics, etc that met my newfound passion for the international studies. Meanwhile, other classes like Politics and Culture, Interpreting Race and Racism: Du Bois, Social Political Philosophy, fulfilled my interest in the philosophy and psychology part of politics. At that moment, it became apparent almost instantly how the Government major was a perfect fit for me.
I will never forget the picture in front of the guidebook. Those 90 students represented so much more than a past alumni to me. Each of them represented my dreams, my goals and ultimately, the person I am to become. That faithful night changed so many aspects of my life. It not just helped me realize where my true passion lies but it showed there some much more out there. I want to explore new things. I want to embrace them. I want to immerse myself in knowledge and experience a new world. Moreover, I know that by going to Cornell, I will be taking one-step forward towards getting what I want. By going to Cornell, my path to realization can truly begin.
jemma2011
Sep 24, 2009
Undergraduate / Cooking, for me, is like art. Common App Short Answer [4]
Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities, personal activities or work experiences in the space below or on an attached sheet (150 words or fewer).
On Monday, I visited France. On Tuesday, I visited Morocco. On Wednesday, I visited Japan. On Thursday, I visited Italy. Every day of the week, I encounter a new culture, through my taste buds. The world's cuisine is such an interesting and exciting way to explore new boundaries. I love cooking, especially when it involves cooking new and unexpected things. Food can so easily transport you to so many dimensions. It can affect you emotionally, physically and mentally. Cooking, for me, is like art. The ingredients are the paints, the cooking utensils are the brushes and the plate is your empty canvas. When you paint, you leave the world around you and before you know it, you feel like you are inside the painting. The same thing happens to me when I cook. You start with nothing, but at the end, you finish up with a masterpiece.
Note:
The word count is 147 words.
Thanks again, in advance.
Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities, personal activities or work experiences in the space below or on an attached sheet (150 words or fewer).
On Monday, I visited France. On Tuesday, I visited Morocco. On Wednesday, I visited Japan. On Thursday, I visited Italy. Every day of the week, I encounter a new culture, through my taste buds. The world's cuisine is such an interesting and exciting way to explore new boundaries. I love cooking, especially when it involves cooking new and unexpected things. Food can so easily transport you to so many dimensions. It can affect you emotionally, physically and mentally. Cooking, for me, is like art. The ingredients are the paints, the cooking utensils are the brushes and the plate is your empty canvas. When you paint, you leave the world around you and before you know it, you feel like you are inside the painting. The same thing happens to me when I cook. You start with nothing, but at the end, you finish up with a masterpiece.
Note:
The word count is 147 words.
Thanks again, in advance.
jemma2011
Sep 24, 2009
Undergraduate / Common Application - Election Speech [4]
This is what I mean how the conclusion for the other essay should be. Although, I do recommend to change the last sentence or just add another one with more pizazz.
Maybe it could go, The upperclassmen avoided eye contact.
Otherwise, it is a very good and engaging essay. I just feel with the right power conclusion, it could make this essay amazing :)
P.S: I know that the whole Junior High Scenario maybe a wee bit childish. However, I think that just because is in Junior High, it does not make the scenario any less difficult or unimportant. I actually think that if anything it will portray as a mature girl who stood her own at such a young age. So I don't see how can it be looked negatively.
This is what I mean how the conclusion for the other essay should be. Although, I do recommend to change the last sentence or just add another one with more pizazz.
I saw those upperclassmen turned to avoid my glance.
Maybe it could go, The upperclassmen avoided eye contact.
I met others' smilingfaces that encouraged me.
Otherwise, it is a very good and engaging essay. I just feel with the right power conclusion, it could make this essay amazing :)
P.S: I know that the whole Junior High Scenario maybe a wee bit childish. However, I think that just because is in Junior High, it does not make the scenario any less difficult or unimportant. I actually think that if anything it will portray as a mature girl who stood her own at such a young age. So I don't see how can it be looked negatively.
jemma2011
Sep 24, 2009
Undergraduate / Cornell Academic interest essay/ Transfer to CAS/ Culture Night < tentative titl [11]
will do :) (Both suggestions and check your essay :P)
will do :) (Both suggestions and check your essay :P)
jemma2011
Sep 24, 2009
Undergraduate / History Will be Kind to me for I intend to write it. Cornell Supplement Essay. [18]
A whole new essay, please revise.
It was a cold and a rainy night, perfect for some hot chocolate. I went to get some and I sat on my favorite armchair, wiggling my way to comfort. As soon as I deemed myself perfectly cozy, I covered myself with my blue blanket. I was ready. I picked up my book and began to read another chapter of the boy who becomes a wizard. As I immersed myself deeper and deeper into their world, I read something that resonated in my mind like an echo. "If you want to know what a man's like, take a good look at how he treats his inferiors, not his equals," said Sirius Black. I sat there thinking about what I just read. I got a highlighter and marked it in neon yellow. I looked at it once more and continued reading my book.
I woke up the next morning startled. A creature with a wet black nose, crisp white fur and dark black eyes was on top of me. "Pumaa!" I whined, as he licked me all over my face. I smiled, grabbed him and gave him a big kiss, "I love you, too," Ever since I could remember, animals have been a big part of my life. At my grandparent's house there were hens with there little chicks everywhere. Meanwhile, at my house, dogs ruled the day and eventually, after some persuasion from my part, cats shared the reign. For some reason, I always had this unique bond with animals. I love dogs, cats, bunnies, hamster, even snakes. If I saw an animal in need, I would do my best to rescue it. My family had an affectionate nickname for me, Dr. Doolittle. I was always asked why I didn't study to become a veterinarian and every time I would answer, "Because I don't have the strength to see them suffer."
I live in a beautiful island, but like everything, it has its downside. In Puerto Rico, stray sick, hungry dogs and cats haunts our streets. Animals are tortured on a daily basis. Their corpses lie on the streets and rot under the sun, until the government has no choice but pick them up because of the stench. It has been happening for such a long time, that people have grown accustomed to it. That is why I felt so connected with what Sirius Black said. One of the three things, I consider to be the worst a person can do is animal torture. If a person cannot show compassion or love toward an innocent creature, which has done him or her no harm, how can you expect them to show compassion for another human being?
Animals, like everything else on Earth, are not just decorations or accessories in our surroundings. They have a purpose, and although, they do not speak, they do feel. It may sound corny, but animals can bring happiness and joy to people. If people only realized the benefits of treating animals with dignity, the world would be such a different place. I agree, "If you want to know what a man's like, take a good look at how he treats his inferiors, not his equals," For its only then when his true self comes out.
*Notes:
-It is a rough draft, so it may be a grammatical error galore :)
-I feel the conclusion is a bit weak :S and I may be sounding too argumentative and Im not really doing the prompt.
Reminder:
A whole new essay, please revise.
It was a cold and a rainy night, perfect for some hot chocolate. I went to get some and I sat on my favorite armchair, wiggling my way to comfort. As soon as I deemed myself perfectly cozy, I covered myself with my blue blanket. I was ready. I picked up my book and began to read another chapter of the boy who becomes a wizard. As I immersed myself deeper and deeper into their world, I read something that resonated in my mind like an echo. "If you want to know what a man's like, take a good look at how he treats his inferiors, not his equals," said Sirius Black. I sat there thinking about what I just read. I got a highlighter and marked it in neon yellow. I looked at it once more and continued reading my book.
I woke up the next morning startled. A creature with a wet black nose, crisp white fur and dark black eyes was on top of me. "Pumaa!" I whined, as he licked me all over my face. I smiled, grabbed him and gave him a big kiss, "I love you, too," Ever since I could remember, animals have been a big part of my life. At my grandparent's house there were hens with there little chicks everywhere. Meanwhile, at my house, dogs ruled the day and eventually, after some persuasion from my part, cats shared the reign. For some reason, I always had this unique bond with animals. I love dogs, cats, bunnies, hamster, even snakes. If I saw an animal in need, I would do my best to rescue it. My family had an affectionate nickname for me, Dr. Doolittle. I was always asked why I didn't study to become a veterinarian and every time I would answer, "Because I don't have the strength to see them suffer."
I live in a beautiful island, but like everything, it has its downside. In Puerto Rico, stray sick, hungry dogs and cats haunts our streets. Animals are tortured on a daily basis. Their corpses lie on the streets and rot under the sun, until the government has no choice but pick them up because of the stench. It has been happening for such a long time, that people have grown accustomed to it. That is why I felt so connected with what Sirius Black said. One of the three things, I consider to be the worst a person can do is animal torture. If a person cannot show compassion or love toward an innocent creature, which has done him or her no harm, how can you expect them to show compassion for another human being?
Animals, like everything else on Earth, are not just decorations or accessories in our surroundings. They have a purpose, and although, they do not speak, they do feel. It may sound corny, but animals can bring happiness and joy to people. If people only realized the benefits of treating animals with dignity, the world would be such a different place. I agree, "If you want to know what a man's like, take a good look at how he treats his inferiors, not his equals," For its only then when his true self comes out.
*Notes:
-It is a rough draft, so it may be a grammatical error galore :)
-I feel the conclusion is a bit weak :S and I may be sounding too argumentative and Im not really doing the prompt.
Reminder:
In addition to completing the Academic Interest Essay, please choose and discuss a quotation or personal motto that reflects your values and beliefs and tells us something about the kind of person you are. Your response should total approximately 500 to 750 words.
jemma2011
Sep 23, 2009
Undergraduate / Cornell Academic interest essay/ Transfer to CAS/ Culture Night < tentative titl [11]
Macca,
Thanks for your advice. I will be doing your suggestions. As soon as I finished rewriting Ill post it again here. Quick question, were in particular do you think its too wordy? I guess since I'm such a talkative person, it transcends into my writing lol ;). If you could tell me things I should rewrite or eliminate, I will greatly aprecciate it.
I have a question about this sentence. Is it worded correctly? Anyways, thanks again for your help. Other people are free to share what they think :P
Macca,
Thanks for your advice. I will be doing your suggestions. As soon as I finished rewriting Ill post it again here. Quick question, were in particular do you think its too wordy? I guess since I'm such a talkative person, it transcends into my writing lol ;). If you could tell me things I should rewrite or eliminate, I will greatly aprecciate it.
It also presents me with the opportunity to concentrate in a specific part in Government, which in my case are International Relations.
I have a question about this sentence. Is it worded correctly? Anyways, thanks again for your help. Other people are free to share what they think :P
jemma2011
Sep 23, 2009
Undergraduate / Cornell Academic interest essay/ Transfer to CAS/ Culture Night < tentative titl [11]
Actually, I have a mess with my past and present tense. So I'm fixing that right now. Anybody else ?
Actually, I have a mess with my past and present tense. So I'm fixing that right now. Anybody else ?
jemma2011
Sep 23, 2009
Undergraduate / Cornell Academic interest essay/ Transfer to CAS/ Culture Night < tentative titl [11]
Thank you!, any other advice?
Thank you!, any other advice?
jemma2011
Sep 22, 2009
Undergraduate / My SCARS and my MISTAKES; Common App [34]
The part where you explain the meaning behind different scars can use some punctuation and I don't a less dramatic tone to it. Play it down but not too much. Which I am sure you can do excellently. I can relate with your essay. I was bit by a 5-month-old rottweiler in my nose. The scar wasn't that bad but I thought it looked horrible. But one day I decided to embrace it and realized that the scar just told an interesting fact about me and it was part of my life. So trust me, I feel your essay. I love the title, it reminds me of one of my all time favorite song, bittersweet symphony.
The part where you explain the meaning behind different scars can use some punctuation and I don't a less dramatic tone to it. Play it down but not too much. Which I am sure you can do excellently. I can relate with your essay. I was bit by a 5-month-old rottweiler in my nose. The scar wasn't that bad but I thought it looked horrible. But one day I decided to embrace it and realized that the scar just told an interesting fact about me and it was part of my life. So trust me, I feel your essay. I love the title, it reminds me of one of my all time favorite song, bittersweet symphony.
jemma2011
Sep 22, 2009
Undergraduate / Cornell Academic interest essay/ Transfer to CAS/ Culture Night < tentative titl [11]
Hey, everybody!!
Its me, again. Im sure you guys cannot get enough of me. j.k. This is my Academic interest essay, which according to a guy I talked to from admissions is extremely important. So please, be brutal. Please and thank you. Por favor y gracias. S'il vous plaît et merci. :D
PROMPT:
Tell us what you would like to major in at Cornell and why, how your past academic or work experience influenced your decision, and how transferring to Cornell would further your academic interests. Between 500 and 750 words.
Its 2:30 a.m. and I am sitting in a moss green chair with golden details around it. I am looking around me, trying to capture a 360 degrees view of the place. I loved the typical hotel-conference-room- aroma, complemented by a navy blue carpet and orange curtains. The room was colorful and bright, fitting for the group of people in it. It was the South Africans turn to present their country. They were eight of them all of different shapes and sizes, but all proud of being from South Africa. They started singing their anthem, some knew it, and others laughed at their own attempt at singing but their cheery energy transcended far beyond from where they were standing. Everybody in the audience was enjoying a new part of their performance, a skit of how South Africans react while watching soccer. Meanwhile, I came to a personal breakthrough. I finally realized what was missing.
Culture Night finally ended and we were all back at our hotel rooms. I take off my Puerto Rico's national costume and put on my favorite green apple pajamas. As I lay down on my bed, I saw my International Youth Leadership Conference guidebook on my nightstand. I pick it up and start contemplating its cover. It was orange with its title "The 17th International Youth Leadership Conference January 2009" written in big bold black letters. Underneath it was a picture of the past participants of the conference during last summer. They were around 90 students from all over the world, all of them smiling vivaciously at the camera. I started to think about what I realized during Culture Night. For months, I felt that I was loosing interest in the Political Science. I felt tormented by the fact that something I had always loved was somehow loosing its grip on me. However, being there at the conference not only reassured my passion in Political Science but I realized what I was really lacking was a focus, a focus within the Political Science major.
During the conference, I experienced many new things. I was part of a mock European Parliament, I represented China in a simulation of a UN Security Council, and I was the key witnesses in a mock International Court Trial. All of these events awoke a new urge in me; I was slowly falling in love with International Relations. When I arrived back home, I quickly began to look for information of what I had to do to declare an International Relations minor, only to be slapped by a rude awakening. My university offered no such thing. On the other hand, Cornell does.
At Cornell University, I will be declaring my major in Government. The main difference between Cornell's Government major and the Political Science of my university is that Government expands its courses on a much deeper range from economy to sociology, to the study of the politics on a variety of countries. It also presents me with the opportunity to concentrate in a specific part in Government, which in my case are International Relations. I began to research Cornell Courses of Study and found classes like International Law, Ethics in International Relations, Comparative Foreign Policy, New Forces in International Politics, etc that met my new-found passion for the international studies. Meanwhile, other classes like Politics and Culture, Interpreting Race and Racism: Du Bois, Social Political Philosophy, fulfilled my interest in the philosophy and psychology part of politics. At that moment, it became apparent almost instantly how the Government major was a perfect fit for me.
I will never forget the picture in front of the guidebook. Those 90 students represented so much more than a past alumni to me. Each of them represented my dreams, my goals and ultimately, the person I am to become. That faithful night changed so many aspects of my life. It not just helped me realize where my true passion lies but it showed there some much more out there. I want to explore new things. I want to embrace them. I want to immerse myself in knowledge and experience a new world. Moreover, I know that by going to Cornell, I will be taking one-step forward towards getting what I want. By going to Cornell, my path to realization can truly begin.
Notes:
The word count is 717.
After re-reading it, I think maybe I should skip culture night and start directly with the picture. Just a thought.
This is a rough draft. So I am sure there some corrections needed. The writer's block is gone. Thank God. I feel like Im getting my mojo back ;) *claps*
Hey, everybody!!
Its me, again. Im sure you guys cannot get enough of me. j.k. This is my Academic interest essay, which according to a guy I talked to from admissions is extremely important. So please, be brutal. Please and thank you. Por favor y gracias. S'il vous plaît et merci. :D
PROMPT:
Tell us what you would like to major in at Cornell and why, how your past academic or work experience influenced your decision, and how transferring to Cornell would further your academic interests. Between 500 and 750 words.
Its 2:30 a.m. and I am sitting in a moss green chair with golden details around it. I am looking around me, trying to capture a 360 degrees view of the place. I loved the typical hotel-conference-room- aroma, complemented by a navy blue carpet and orange curtains. The room was colorful and bright, fitting for the group of people in it. It was the South Africans turn to present their country. They were eight of them all of different shapes and sizes, but all proud of being from South Africa. They started singing their anthem, some knew it, and others laughed at their own attempt at singing but their cheery energy transcended far beyond from where they were standing. Everybody in the audience was enjoying a new part of their performance, a skit of how South Africans react while watching soccer. Meanwhile, I came to a personal breakthrough. I finally realized what was missing.
Culture Night finally ended and we were all back at our hotel rooms. I take off my Puerto Rico's national costume and put on my favorite green apple pajamas. As I lay down on my bed, I saw my International Youth Leadership Conference guidebook on my nightstand. I pick it up and start contemplating its cover. It was orange with its title "The 17th International Youth Leadership Conference January 2009" written in big bold black letters. Underneath it was a picture of the past participants of the conference during last summer. They were around 90 students from all over the world, all of them smiling vivaciously at the camera. I started to think about what I realized during Culture Night. For months, I felt that I was loosing interest in the Political Science. I felt tormented by the fact that something I had always loved was somehow loosing its grip on me. However, being there at the conference not only reassured my passion in Political Science but I realized what I was really lacking was a focus, a focus within the Political Science major.
During the conference, I experienced many new things. I was part of a mock European Parliament, I represented China in a simulation of a UN Security Council, and I was the key witnesses in a mock International Court Trial. All of these events awoke a new urge in me; I was slowly falling in love with International Relations. When I arrived back home, I quickly began to look for information of what I had to do to declare an International Relations minor, only to be slapped by a rude awakening. My university offered no such thing. On the other hand, Cornell does.
At Cornell University, I will be declaring my major in Government. The main difference between Cornell's Government major and the Political Science of my university is that Government expands its courses on a much deeper range from economy to sociology, to the study of the politics on a variety of countries. It also presents me with the opportunity to concentrate in a specific part in Government, which in my case are International Relations. I began to research Cornell Courses of Study and found classes like International Law, Ethics in International Relations, Comparative Foreign Policy, New Forces in International Politics, etc that met my new-found passion for the international studies. Meanwhile, other classes like Politics and Culture, Interpreting Race and Racism: Du Bois, Social Political Philosophy, fulfilled my interest in the philosophy and psychology part of politics. At that moment, it became apparent almost instantly how the Government major was a perfect fit for me.
I will never forget the picture in front of the guidebook. Those 90 students represented so much more than a past alumni to me. Each of them represented my dreams, my goals and ultimately, the person I am to become. That faithful night changed so many aspects of my life. It not just helped me realize where my true passion lies but it showed there some much more out there. I want to explore new things. I want to embrace them. I want to immerse myself in knowledge and experience a new world. Moreover, I know that by going to Cornell, I will be taking one-step forward towards getting what I want. By going to Cornell, my path to realization can truly begin.
Notes:
The word count is 717.
After re-reading it, I think maybe I should skip culture night and start directly with the picture. Just a thought.
This is a rough draft. So I am sure there some corrections needed. The writer's block is gone. Thank God. I feel like Im getting my mojo back ;) *claps*
jemma2011
Sep 22, 2009
Undergraduate / "Soccer" - comments/suggestions on common app short answer [8]
I think maybe you can put a more original spin of the whole soccer theme. "We are a team" is overplayed. Although this is the short answer, it does not mean it should be less exciting or intriguing than the longer essays. Keep them apart you can have some short sentences, just not the whole entire paragraph. I would recommend to rewrite it completely.
I think maybe you can put a more original spin of the whole soccer theme. "We are a team" is overplayed. Although this is the short answer, it does not mean it should be less exciting or intriguing than the longer essays. Keep them apart you can have some short sentences, just not the whole entire paragraph. I would recommend to rewrite it completely.
jemma2011
Sep 22, 2009
Undergraduate / My SCARS and my MISTAKES; Common App [34]
I love your conclusion but I think some of your writing is either too "complicated" or overly dramatic. I think you use too much decorated words or phrases (if that makes sense lol). It is a good read and very interesting. And although it seems all doom-in-gloom and way too gothic-y, at the end is sorta like a sun ray shone through a dark cloud. Just my two cents. :D
I love your conclusion but I think some of your writing is either too "complicated" or overly dramatic. I think you use too much decorated words or phrases (if that makes sense lol). It is a good read and very interesting. And although it seems all doom-in-gloom and way too gothic-y, at the end is sorta like a sun ray shone through a dark cloud. Just my two cents. :D
jemma2011
Sep 18, 2009
Undergraduate / History Will be Kind to me for I intend to write it. Cornell Supplement Essay. [18]
The book is originally in Spanish. Isabel Allende is a very celebrated author in the Latin community. She has written many well known books like like Casa de los Espiritus (The House of Spirits) and El Reino del Dragon de Oro (The Kingdom of the Golden Dragon, which is a sequel to City of Beasts). City of Beast is her first young reader book. I love mostly all of her books. I read it in Spanish, back in 10th grade. The book is about Alexander, a 15 year old teenager who reluctantly has to stay with his eccentric, gruff grandmother, Kate, while his mother is being treated for cancer. He then must accompany his grandmother, who is sent on a writing assignment in South America to search for a legendary nine-foot-tall "Beast." (This is taken from amazon.com) The book is very good, it reminded me of JK Rowling's style. Actually, my 30 year old brother, who absolutely hates reading and has never finished an entire book, read it and loved it. It is sorta like an young Indiana Jones adventure. I truly do recommend it. I know they have a translation in English but I have never read it but its worth a shot. :)Don't worry, even though Spanish is supposed to be my first language, I know how much of a pain it is to learn it. However, since the book is really not that "advanced" maybe you can give it a shot in Spanish first. I think it can help you with your Spanish. Read an excerpt of the book in Spanish and another in English and see which one do you prefer. You can read a piece of the book in Amazon.com. They have both versions. =)
The book is originally in Spanish. Isabel Allende is a very celebrated author in the Latin community. She has written many well known books like like Casa de los Espiritus (The House of Spirits) and El Reino del Dragon de Oro (The Kingdom of the Golden Dragon, which is a sequel to City of Beasts). City of Beast is her first young reader book. I love mostly all of her books. I read it in Spanish, back in 10th grade. The book is about Alexander, a 15 year old teenager who reluctantly has to stay with his eccentric, gruff grandmother, Kate, while his mother is being treated for cancer. He then must accompany his grandmother, who is sent on a writing assignment in South America to search for a legendary nine-foot-tall "Beast." (This is taken from amazon.com) The book is very good, it reminded me of JK Rowling's style. Actually, my 30 year old brother, who absolutely hates reading and has never finished an entire book, read it and loved it. It is sorta like an young Indiana Jones adventure. I truly do recommend it. I know they have a translation in English but I have never read it but its worth a shot. :)Don't worry, even though Spanish is supposed to be my first language, I know how much of a pain it is to learn it. However, since the book is really not that "advanced" maybe you can give it a shot in Spanish first. I think it can help you with your Spanish. Read an excerpt of the book in Spanish and another in English and see which one do you prefer. You can read a piece of the book in Amazon.com. They have both versions. =)
jemma2011
Sep 18, 2009
Undergraduate / History Will be Kind to me for I intend to write it. Cornell Supplement Essay. [18]
Notoman,
I wholeheartedly agree. I have been an avid fan of the Harry Potter series since 6th grade. I haven't really read any other book from the "children or youth section" aside from Cuidad de las Bestias (The City of Beasts) by Isabel Allende until very recently. I did read the Twilight series some months ago. The book is certainly entertaining and very much a chick book but after reading it, I could differentiate much better the difference from a teenage book to a book book. JK Rowling's books are so much more well written and developed than the Twilight books. I really came to appreciate the true beauty of Harry Potter after reading Twilight. It gave me a whole new perspective. It is sad that some people consider it a children book, especially here in Puerto Rico. In fact, I was taunted in Junior High because I read the books. But it all really comes down to a matter of appreciation and getting rid of the prejudice against the series. Just because its a book about a boy who is wizard, does not mean that it is childish.
Notoman,
I wholeheartedly agree. I have been an avid fan of the Harry Potter series since 6th grade. I haven't really read any other book from the "children or youth section" aside from Cuidad de las Bestias (The City of Beasts) by Isabel Allende until very recently. I did read the Twilight series some months ago. The book is certainly entertaining and very much a chick book but after reading it, I could differentiate much better the difference from a teenage book to a book book. JK Rowling's books are so much more well written and developed than the Twilight books. I really came to appreciate the true beauty of Harry Potter after reading Twilight. It gave me a whole new perspective. It is sad that some people consider it a children book, especially here in Puerto Rico. In fact, I was taunted in Junior High because I read the books. But it all really comes down to a matter of appreciation and getting rid of the prejudice against the series. Just because its a book about a boy who is wizard, does not mean that it is childish.
jemma2011
Sep 17, 2009
Undergraduate / History Will be Kind to me for I intend to write it. Cornell Supplement Essay. [18]
I am actually in the process of looking into my favorite books. I was going to use a quote by Atticus in To kill a mocking bird:
"I wanted you to see what real courage is, instead of getting the idea that courage is a man with a gun in his hand. It's when you know you're licked before you begin but you begin anyway and you see it through no matter what. You rarely win, but sometimes you do".
It is THE book that influenced me to become a lawyer. But I see how can Atticus may be overused. I tend to mark my favorite quotes in books, so I'm in good place. One that I found that I really see potential to it was from the most unlikeliest books, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. It is said by Sirius Black:
"If you want to know what a man's like, take a good look at how he treats his inferiors, not his equals".
I read the whole entire series over and over again. They were the first books that I literally stopped my life to read them. I know they aren't a Jane Austen book (One of me favorite authors, by the way) but they do have an essence to them. I like how unprecedented this quote is to come from a "children book" Anyways, I'm rambling. Those are two that really caught my eye. Tomorrow I'll venture into my literary class books, I know I have a poems there that I just love. But this new direction is creatively more inspiring than just choosing a random quote by a said leader. Thanks again you guys :)
I am actually in the process of looking into my favorite books. I was going to use a quote by Atticus in To kill a mocking bird:
"I wanted you to see what real courage is, instead of getting the idea that courage is a man with a gun in his hand. It's when you know you're licked before you begin but you begin anyway and you see it through no matter what. You rarely win, but sometimes you do".
It is THE book that influenced me to become a lawyer. But I see how can Atticus may be overused. I tend to mark my favorite quotes in books, so I'm in good place. One that I found that I really see potential to it was from the most unlikeliest books, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. It is said by Sirius Black:
"If you want to know what a man's like, take a good look at how he treats his inferiors, not his equals".
I read the whole entire series over and over again. They were the first books that I literally stopped my life to read them. I know they aren't a Jane Austen book (One of me favorite authors, by the way) but they do have an essence to them. I like how unprecedented this quote is to come from a "children book" Anyways, I'm rambling. Those are two that really caught my eye. Tomorrow I'll venture into my literary class books, I know I have a poems there that I just love. But this new direction is creatively more inspiring than just choosing a random quote by a said leader. Thanks again you guys :)
jemma2011
Sep 17, 2009
Undergraduate / History Will be Kind to me for I intend to write it. Cornell Supplement Essay. [18]
Liebe,
I love your idea. You are absolutely right. Thank you so much! It will certainly give it a special touch. =)
Liebe,
I love your idea. You are absolutely right. Thank you so much! It will certainly give it a special touch. =)
jemma2011
Sep 17, 2009
Undergraduate / History Will be Kind to me for I intend to write it. Cornell Supplement Essay. [18]
Notoman,
Thank you for your advice. I am glad you understood intention but its exactly like you said, I can't be there to explain my essay to the admissions officers. I will be rewriting the essay today and will post the revised essay as soon as I can. I got to admit, I wasn't quite content with this essay. I feel like I'm not writing to my fullest potential. I am in a sorta writer's block. I also want to apologize for not making my prompt clearer. I am applying for transfer at CAS Cornell. This are the CAS (College of Arts and Sciences) instructions for their supplements essay:
In addition to completing the Academic Interest Essay, please choose and discuss a quotation or personal motto that reflects your values and beliefs and tells us something about the kind of person you are. Your response should total approximately 500 to 750 words.
Unfortunately, I can not use a quote, since it is required to use one. I will be changing the current quote. I believe the quote gives a sorta arrogant impression. Since you now know my intentions behind the essay, which of the quotes that I wrote in my previous post will suit more my purposes? Suggestions are also welcomed ;) Again thank you, everybody, for your advice.
Notoman,
Thank you for your advice. I am glad you understood intention but its exactly like you said, I can't be there to explain my essay to the admissions officers. I will be rewriting the essay today and will post the revised essay as soon as I can. I got to admit, I wasn't quite content with this essay. I feel like I'm not writing to my fullest potential. I am in a sorta writer's block. I also want to apologize for not making my prompt clearer. I am applying for transfer at CAS Cornell. This are the CAS (College of Arts and Sciences) instructions for their supplements essay:
In addition to completing the Academic Interest Essay, please choose and discuss a quotation or personal motto that reflects your values and beliefs and tells us something about the kind of person you are. Your response should total approximately 500 to 750 words.
Unfortunately, I can not use a quote, since it is required to use one. I will be changing the current quote. I believe the quote gives a sorta arrogant impression. Since you now know my intentions behind the essay, which of the quotes that I wrote in my previous post will suit more my purposes? Suggestions are also welcomed ;) Again thank you, everybody, for your advice.
jemma2011
Sep 17, 2009
Undergraduate / History Will be Kind to me for I intend to write it. Cornell Supplement Essay. [18]
Thank you so much for your advice. I guess the quote wasn't the correct choice. The other quote I had in mind was "The world is my country, all mankind are my brethren, and to do good is my religion." by Thomas Paine. However I was afraid it will come out too goody goody. I want to clarify some things. I see where some stuff I said can look as though I'm being extremely cocky. When I said my purpose was evident since I was born was due the fact that I was born so huge. I stood out in the crowd. I used to the word beautiful as an intro to the "21 inches and 10 pounds" fact. I didn't mean to sound overly inlove with myself, I just wanted to state how I always stood out not because I was special but because I was different. While giving a funny anecdote of who I am. However, I do see your point and will be making those changes. Another note is that
Can you imagine an 8 year old looking for information on the Holocaust?
What I was trying to say was can somebody imagine such an innocent mind learning about such evilness. My biggest doubt was just that, that the essay will come out to full of myself and in no way I want them to think that. I am very grateful for your advice. My question is should I eliminate the whole entire essay, or keep the body and modify and create a new introduction and conclusion using a whole new quote?
I appreciate your help :)
P.s: This is also another possible contender, "Far away there in the sunshine are my highest aspirations. I may not reach them, but I can look up and see their beauty, believe in them, and try to follow where they lead."
-Louisa May Alcott
Thank you so much for your advice. I guess the quote wasn't the correct choice. The other quote I had in mind was "The world is my country, all mankind are my brethren, and to do good is my religion." by Thomas Paine. However I was afraid it will come out too goody goody. I want to clarify some things. I see where some stuff I said can look as though I'm being extremely cocky. When I said my purpose was evident since I was born was due the fact that I was born so huge. I stood out in the crowd. I used to the word beautiful as an intro to the "21 inches and 10 pounds" fact. I didn't mean to sound overly inlove with myself, I just wanted to state how I always stood out not because I was special but because I was different. While giving a funny anecdote of who I am. However, I do see your point and will be making those changes. Another note is that
Can you imagine an 8 year old looking for information on the Holocaust?
What I was trying to say was can somebody imagine such an innocent mind learning about such evilness. My biggest doubt was just that, that the essay will come out to full of myself and in no way I want them to think that. I am very grateful for your advice. My question is should I eliminate the whole entire essay, or keep the body and modify and create a new introduction and conclusion using a whole new quote?
I appreciate your help :)
P.s: This is also another possible contender, "Far away there in the sunshine are my highest aspirations. I may not reach them, but I can look up and see their beauty, believe in them, and try to follow where they lead."
-Louisa May Alcott
jemma2011
Sep 17, 2009
Undergraduate / History Will be Kind to me for I intend to write it. Cornell Supplement Essay. [18]
In addition to completing the Academic Interest Essay, please choose and discuss a quotation or personal motto that reflects your values and beliefs and tells us something about the kind of person you are. Your response should total approximately 500 to 750 words.
"History will be kind to me, for I intend to write it"
- Sir Winston Churchill
When I read this quote, I felt immediately connected to it. Sir Winston Churchill was not bragging about himself. He was not saying I am the greatest thing on earth; therefore, history will write about me. No, Churchill was saying, I will do my best to make the world a better place, so my legacy will always be remembered as good. He knew his purpose, he knew his destiny, the same way I know my purpose, and I know my destiny.
My purpose was apparent the moment I was born. I came into this world as a beautiful 21 inches and 10 pounds baby girl. As you can imagine, I stuck out like a sore thumb at the nursery. Surrounded by 6 pounds or so babies, I was the huge 3-month-old-looking newborn. Since then my entire family knew I was going to be different, very different, and they were right. I always had three distinctive qualities, passionate, talkative and curious. All three combined made up an entertaining formula. If I read a topic I liked, I would become instantly obsessed with it. I just had to learn every detail about it and I would talk endlessly about it too. However, one day, when I was 8 years old, I came across a morbid topic, The Holocaust. I remember being so angry when I was watching Schindler's list. I was sad and furious. How could people be so evil? I asked myself. Don't they realize they are human beings just like them, just like me? Before my mom, brother or sister could realize I was already in my new fad.
Can you imagine an 8 year old looking for information on the Holocaust? I was scared, yes, but not by the blood or the corpses on the pictures. I was scared to think that anything like this could happen for so long and nobody thought of stopping it. I was scared to think what those children must have thought when they felt so much hate towards them. Suddenly, my innocent world shattered. I saw the cruelty of discrimination and injustice. I saw innocence been taken away out of precious lives for no reason. I decided that I was not going to turn a blind eye if an injustice occurred. I was going to speak out and I did. I believed that violence would not solve anything, that words were our strongest weapon. I also believed that if I was not knowledgeable, my beliefs and values were completely fruitless. Therefore, I was driven to learn. As I grew older, I started to comprehend who I was to become. I was going to change the world even if it just one person, I had to make a difference. I needed to know that my existence in this world was not going to be in vain.
The thing about my obsessions is that they are not impractical or fleeting. Each one shaped the way I am. My France obsession made me want to learn French. My obsession with animals made me an animal's right activist. My obsession with creating and food now makes me avid gourmet cook. My obsession with the heroes of WWII led me to Sir Winston Churchill. Finally, my obsession with saving the world, made me apply to this school.
My purpose in life is not just to go to an Ivy League University or to graduate from a top Law School. My purpose is to use all of what I worked so hard for and use it to help those who need it the most. My purpose in life is to change the pattern of this world. My purpose is to inspire others. My purpose is to make this world a better place. Sir Winston Churchill was an admirable and undoubtedly one of the greatest men in history. Nobody could have put in better words who will I become, because; history will be kind to me, for I intend to write it.
Please any advice will be welcome. I am sure it has tons of grammatical mistakes. This is a rough draft. I was told it sounded to cocky.
In addition to completing the Academic Interest Essay, please choose and discuss a quotation or personal motto that reflects your values and beliefs and tells us something about the kind of person you are. Your response should total approximately 500 to 750 words.
"History will be kind to me, for I intend to write it"
- Sir Winston Churchill
When I read this quote, I felt immediately connected to it. Sir Winston Churchill was not bragging about himself. He was not saying I am the greatest thing on earth; therefore, history will write about me. No, Churchill was saying, I will do my best to make the world a better place, so my legacy will always be remembered as good. He knew his purpose, he knew his destiny, the same way I know my purpose, and I know my destiny.
My purpose was apparent the moment I was born. I came into this world as a beautiful 21 inches and 10 pounds baby girl. As you can imagine, I stuck out like a sore thumb at the nursery. Surrounded by 6 pounds or so babies, I was the huge 3-month-old-looking newborn. Since then my entire family knew I was going to be different, very different, and they were right. I always had three distinctive qualities, passionate, talkative and curious. All three combined made up an entertaining formula. If I read a topic I liked, I would become instantly obsessed with it. I just had to learn every detail about it and I would talk endlessly about it too. However, one day, when I was 8 years old, I came across a morbid topic, The Holocaust. I remember being so angry when I was watching Schindler's list. I was sad and furious. How could people be so evil? I asked myself. Don't they realize they are human beings just like them, just like me? Before my mom, brother or sister could realize I was already in my new fad.
Can you imagine an 8 year old looking for information on the Holocaust? I was scared, yes, but not by the blood or the corpses on the pictures. I was scared to think that anything like this could happen for so long and nobody thought of stopping it. I was scared to think what those children must have thought when they felt so much hate towards them. Suddenly, my innocent world shattered. I saw the cruelty of discrimination and injustice. I saw innocence been taken away out of precious lives for no reason. I decided that I was not going to turn a blind eye if an injustice occurred. I was going to speak out and I did. I believed that violence would not solve anything, that words were our strongest weapon. I also believed that if I was not knowledgeable, my beliefs and values were completely fruitless. Therefore, I was driven to learn. As I grew older, I started to comprehend who I was to become. I was going to change the world even if it just one person, I had to make a difference. I needed to know that my existence in this world was not going to be in vain.
The thing about my obsessions is that they are not impractical or fleeting. Each one shaped the way I am. My France obsession made me want to learn French. My obsession with animals made me an animal's right activist. My obsession with creating and food now makes me avid gourmet cook. My obsession with the heroes of WWII led me to Sir Winston Churchill. Finally, my obsession with saving the world, made me apply to this school.
My purpose in life is not just to go to an Ivy League University or to graduate from a top Law School. My purpose is to use all of what I worked so hard for and use it to help those who need it the most. My purpose in life is to change the pattern of this world. My purpose is to inspire others. My purpose is to make this world a better place. Sir Winston Churchill was an admirable and undoubtedly one of the greatest men in history. Nobody could have put in better words who will I become, because; history will be kind to me, for I intend to write it.
Please any advice will be welcome. I am sure it has tons of grammatical mistakes. This is a rough draft. I was told it sounded to cocky.
jemma2011
Sep 17, 2009
Undergraduate / Why GWU, Any comments? [4]
I made the same mistake when I wrote the Yale essay. I wrote on and on about how Yale great is. The thing is like Simone said, they know this. Pick a story that demonstrate who you are and provides them with a glimpse of how GSW will push you to become the best person you can be. also, Make it more vivid . Key to an essay, is show, don't tell.
I made the same mistake when I wrote the Yale essay. I wrote on and on about how Yale great is. The thing is like Simone said, they know this. Pick a story that demonstrate who you are and provides them with a glimpse of how GSW will push you to become the best person you can be. also, Make it more vivid . Key to an essay, is show, don't tell.
jemma2011
Sep 16, 2009
Undergraduate / Common app essay about AMERICAN CREAM PUFFS! [14]
This is one of the few essays I really truly enjoy. A cook myself, I could completely relate with your "battle" of finding the whisk. Very Very creative essay. It was very illustrative and completely engaging. The expanded version is superb ;)
This is one of the few essays I really truly enjoy. A cook myself, I could completely relate with your "battle" of finding the whisk. Very Very creative essay. It was very illustrative and completely engaging. The expanded version is superb ;)
jemma2011
Sep 8, 2009
Undergraduate / 'Strong Mechanical Engineer' - Personal Statement 250 words min. Why Transfer? [3]
Personal Essay This personal essay helps us become acquainted with you as a person and student, apart from courses, grades, test scores, and other objective data. It will also demonstrate your ability to organize your thoughts and express yourself. Please provide a statement (250 words minimum) that addresses your reasons for transferring and the objectives you hope to achieve, and attach it to your application before submission.
Ain't no mountain high enough
^This is a tentative title. Suggestions are welcomed =)
"Maria Lopez" called the graduation speaker, and as my mom went to accept her bachelors diploma, all I could do was beam with pride. You see, my mom became a Mechanical Engineer at the ripe age of 46 years old. She studied for seven years to get that diploma. She faced all odds. She was the owner of her own machine shop, studied at night and took care of me, her youngest daughter. When things seemed impossible, she pushed on further. If people would tell her she would fail, she brush them off and never lost hope. My mom has always been my greatest source of inspiration and she gave me more than food and shelter. She gave me strength, and showed me that with patience and perseverance I could conquer anything; and as I faced my own challenges, her example kept me going. Now, I follow on her footsteps and although the world says I cannot do it, I say I can.
Many people confuse my determination for stubbornness. The truth is my determination has always been one of my strongest qualities. My aspirations may sometimes seem almost impossible, but I will always find a way. If one approach does not work, I will find another but I will never give up. I learned through life that conformity and contentment does not benefit you at all. It keeps you static, unable to move, to explore, to grow. My current university is a good academic institution but it is not the best for me. My department is not as developed as I want it to be and my resources are very limited. I feel that my classes are not demanding enough, and I do not feel part of the student community. My major is Political Science and want to continue my studies into Law School. Therefore, I need to study at a place that would prepare me for the difficult path of becoming a lawyer. Although, I am grateful that I have the opportunity to go to college, I feel that there is more out there for me.
Accordingly, I am looking for a university that will challenge me beyond my limits. I want to study at a university that will give me the best tools for my future. I want to go to a place that learning does not stop at the classroom but it continues beyond its walls. I believe Cornell not only provides the academic strength I look for but it also provides a student body as passionate as me. I would love to have conversations that goes far beyond modern music and the currents trends, and delves into topics like philosophy, politics and culture. I admire how Cornell University is a place where diversity is celebrated not marginalize. Above all, Cornell gives you options. I love to read and learn and I do not want to confine myself to just one study field; I want to explore many.
Conversely, my current university does not have options. Ever since I attended the International Youth Leadership Conference, I developed a fascination for international relations and all its related topics. At the College of Art and Sciences, I have the opportunity to pursue an International Relation minor, which I assure you I will do. Aside from the world-renowned professors and the diverse activities at the university, Cornell also has programs like Cornell in Washington and Cornell Abroad. While I do want to study at a foreign country at some moment in my student career, my major interest is the Cornell in Washington Program. My ultimate goal in life is to become a congressional representative and participating in such a program is more than just a desire but a dream.
Overall, Cornell University is not just my ideal university but I am your ideal student. I am passionate, willing and eager to learn and research. I want to use every opportunity you give me, and maximize it to its greatest potential. I am not afraid of what might come. I am not afraid of obstacles or difficulties. As I said before one of my greatest qualities is my determination. I will work, push, and do what I have to do to climb my way to the top. As Thomas Paine once said, "The real man smiles in trouble, gathers strength from distress, and grows brave by reflection."
Note: I had a frnd who reviewed it for me. This were her suggestions:
-To write more about my mom and what an immense impact that was and organize my ideas on how to talk about me being like her.
-Eliminate trashing my university.
-To stick with one tiny element
-Is too repetitive.
I would appreciate any advice you can give me. I also feel that the conclusion is not strong enough.
Personal Essay This personal essay helps us become acquainted with you as a person and student, apart from courses, grades, test scores, and other objective data. It will also demonstrate your ability to organize your thoughts and express yourself. Please provide a statement (250 words minimum) that addresses your reasons for transferring and the objectives you hope to achieve, and attach it to your application before submission.
Ain't no mountain high enough
^This is a tentative title. Suggestions are welcomed =)
"Maria Lopez" called the graduation speaker, and as my mom went to accept her bachelors diploma, all I could do was beam with pride. You see, my mom became a Mechanical Engineer at the ripe age of 46 years old. She studied for seven years to get that diploma. She faced all odds. She was the owner of her own machine shop, studied at night and took care of me, her youngest daughter. When things seemed impossible, she pushed on further. If people would tell her she would fail, she brush them off and never lost hope. My mom has always been my greatest source of inspiration and she gave me more than food and shelter. She gave me strength, and showed me that with patience and perseverance I could conquer anything; and as I faced my own challenges, her example kept me going. Now, I follow on her footsteps and although the world says I cannot do it, I say I can.
Many people confuse my determination for stubbornness. The truth is my determination has always been one of my strongest qualities. My aspirations may sometimes seem almost impossible, but I will always find a way. If one approach does not work, I will find another but I will never give up. I learned through life that conformity and contentment does not benefit you at all. It keeps you static, unable to move, to explore, to grow. My current university is a good academic institution but it is not the best for me. My department is not as developed as I want it to be and my resources are very limited. I feel that my classes are not demanding enough, and I do not feel part of the student community. My major is Political Science and want to continue my studies into Law School. Therefore, I need to study at a place that would prepare me for the difficult path of becoming a lawyer. Although, I am grateful that I have the opportunity to go to college, I feel that there is more out there for me.
Accordingly, I am looking for a university that will challenge me beyond my limits. I want to study at a university that will give me the best tools for my future. I want to go to a place that learning does not stop at the classroom but it continues beyond its walls. I believe Cornell not only provides the academic strength I look for but it also provides a student body as passionate as me. I would love to have conversations that goes far beyond modern music and the currents trends, and delves into topics like philosophy, politics and culture. I admire how Cornell University is a place where diversity is celebrated not marginalize. Above all, Cornell gives you options. I love to read and learn and I do not want to confine myself to just one study field; I want to explore many.
Conversely, my current university does not have options. Ever since I attended the International Youth Leadership Conference, I developed a fascination for international relations and all its related topics. At the College of Art and Sciences, I have the opportunity to pursue an International Relation minor, which I assure you I will do. Aside from the world-renowned professors and the diverse activities at the university, Cornell also has programs like Cornell in Washington and Cornell Abroad. While I do want to study at a foreign country at some moment in my student career, my major interest is the Cornell in Washington Program. My ultimate goal in life is to become a congressional representative and participating in such a program is more than just a desire but a dream.
Overall, Cornell University is not just my ideal university but I am your ideal student. I am passionate, willing and eager to learn and research. I want to use every opportunity you give me, and maximize it to its greatest potential. I am not afraid of what might come. I am not afraid of obstacles or difficulties. As I said before one of my greatest qualities is my determination. I will work, push, and do what I have to do to climb my way to the top. As Thomas Paine once said, "The real man smiles in trouble, gathers strength from distress, and grows brave by reflection."
Note: I had a frnd who reviewed it for me. This were her suggestions:
-To write more about my mom and what an immense impact that was and organize my ideas on how to talk about me being like her.
-Eliminate trashing my university.
-To stick with one tiny element
-Is too repetitive.
I would appreciate any advice you can give me. I also feel that the conclusion is not strong enough.