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Posts by jalp
Name: Jea Chan
Joined: May 7, 2018
Last Post: Mar 22, 2019
Threads: 13
Posts: 34  
Likes: 7
From: Philippines
School: FEU

Displayed posts: 47 / page 2 of 2
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jalp   
Sep 10, 2018
Writing Feedback / ART VS SCIENCE AND TECHNOLOGY - How can art make a difference in our society? [2]

In today's world of advanced science and technology, people still value artists such as painters, musicians and writers. How can art make a difference in our society that science and technology cannot?

ART VS SCIENCE AND TECHNOLOGY



In modern world of digital and advanced science, art makers and song writers are still valued by the people. They make a difference that science and technology does not have. Examples will be explained further.

Without a painter, there is no art. Although with the advanced technology, an art can be enhanced or improved. However, a computer cannot draw itself or make a design without a person who is artistic enough to do it. Thus, a painter or a designer is essential to every craft because an art will not make itself.

Another example of what artists can do that technology cannot is making music. With the help of autotune and background songs, music is made by musicians. Therefore, they are the foundation in creating a song. A computer can produce sounds but musicians make the music, create the beats, and provide the good rhythm that is pleasing to the listener's ears. Without the composer or singers, the society can only hear random sounds without words or lyrics.

In addition to that, writers are also appreciated by people because of their thoughts, ideas and words that science and technology cannot provide. In today's modern world, publishing books and posting stories made easier by the internet but without the creativeness or talent of the writers or story makers, books or articles will not exist in the first place.

To conclude, although advanced science and technology are extremely helpful to our society, the importance of artists such as painters, musicians and writers cannot be set aside. Their natural talents and artistic side can make the world a colorful and beautiful place. Because of that, everyone still treasures what these special people can do that technology cannot.
jalp   
Dec 1, 2018
Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 2: Problems and Solutions Small Business [2]

Opinion:

I think that you do not say everything in your introduction. State that there are problems and solutions that will be discussed further.

'caused by stopping people to run their businesses'

The question is about why small companies lose to big companies, your body did not explain that, rather focused on what will happen to these small companies and effects of losing.

Second body is good, the solutions are great, however, you do not state percentage because you do not have the data to prove your statistics.

Either way, I hope you pass your IELTS.
jalp   
Dec 1, 2018
Writing Feedback / I don't agree with this statement, that success in life depends more on luck [3]

SOME PEOPLE BELIEVER THAT LUCK IS THE MOST IMPORTANT FACTOR IN ONE'S SUCCESS. DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE?

Luck plays an important part in one's success.



The belief that success in life depends more on luck is embraced by some people. I, however, disagree with this statement due to several reasons.

There is an element of lack to everyone's career. Whether being born into a wealthy family or being in the right place at the right time. There are those who do nothing but still prosper in life. For example, the lottery winners are considered lucky. The money they won is used for personal pleasure and/or business opportunities that may result to being successful.

However, I completely disagree that luck is the most important factor in one's success. I believe that hard work is what makes a person successful. Aside from that, intelligence and resilience are also essential in one's life. I think that good fortune is the least ingredient to gain success.

As an example, Tiger Woods is by far, the best golfer in the world, not because he is lucky but because he is talented and worked hard to be the greatest. Another famous example of a successful and respectable person is Oprah. As one of the richest and most influential woman in the whole world, with challenges and problems, she got through those by being strong and wise in making decisions. Those characteristics are her ammunitions to survive life and for being at the top of her game.

Therefore, even though the importance of luck is believed by some people to achieve happiness and wealth, I, am in completely disagreement to this idea. As mentioned, there are other factors that can help to a person's success in life, and it does not only happen by chance.
jalp   
Mar 22, 2019
Writing Feedback / Writing task 1 : The employment of the first-year teachers in Ontario from 2001 to 2007 [2]

Hope this could help.

First paragraph gave too much information about the graph.
Usually, you re-phrase the title and then write the obvious changes without telling it one by one.

I also noticed that you explained this graph by year, and that was good.

The last paragraph was a bit confusing. You wrote 2003-2007 on french and then divided the English teachers into different sentences in which that made me confuse for a few seconds.

Overall, it was a good writing.

Hope you pass your exam !
jalp   
Mar 22, 2019
Writing Feedback / Strict ban on plastic bags - opinion essay [2]

In many countries, plastic bags are the main type of rubbish. They cause water and land pollution, so they should be banned. To what extent do you agree?

Strict ban on plastic bags.



Pollution is one of the greatest problems here on Earth. Plastics bags contribute to the planet's downhill, therefore, many countries have banned plastic bags to save the environment. In my opinion, I completely agree to this reinforcement.

Trash is not environmental-friendly. It is also one of the causes of water pollution. Plastics bags are the main type of trash that can harm the ocean, as well as the sea creautures. Death of sea mammals are all over the news because of their accidental inhalation or intake of plastic products. Thus, dead animals in the ocean is toxic to people and to those who are main sources of income rely on fishing.

In addition to that, not only the water is polluted, but the land as well. Flood is one of the main outcome of rubbish bags stuck under the land or storage of waste materials. When storm comes, there are dams who are responsible for collecting the water in the cities caused by rain, however, because plastic bags are in the way, the function of dams is not met, thus, causing flood to some areas.

As an example, In the Philippines, there are cities where they do not allow plastic bags in the establishments, grocery stores, fast food chains and even hotels. They promote using of paper bags as a replacement to plastic products. Imposing a slogan that the humanity should lessen the use of plastic materials.

Therefore, I totally agree that banning plastic bags can help the world to be a better place. This law can reduce water and land pollution to many countries. With that in mind, people will be aware of the harmful effects of plastic bags to the environment.

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