Writing Feedback / CBEST: Mixed-gender schools vs. same-gender schools [2]

Good afternoon,

The following is my new expository essay. Thank you for reviewing!
+ Whenever I get the prompt, especially for the expository essay, my brain becomes empty; thus, it becomes hard to brainstorm and think about the reasons for the prompt. Are there any tips for such a situation?

Prompt: A local public school system is considering a plan to convert Jefferson High into an all-male school, and Franklin High into an all-female school. Students in the district would be required to attend a same-sex school. Many of the school systems think that all-male and all-female high schools would benefit students, and provide a more educational atmosphere. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the supporters? Support your opinion with specific reasons.

students should study and compete with all

The issue of "all-gender schools vs. same-gender schools" is a controversial one. Some believe that the coeducational system will benefit students' development in mutual respect, overcoming the fear of the opposite gender, and preparing for the survival in future. Others believe that the all-gender school system will distract students' academic achievement and educational atmosphere. After careful thought, I believe that students should study and compete with all genders; thus, I disagree with the supporters of converting the coeducation schools to the same-sex schools.

One reason for this belief is that the students' opportunity of developing the mutual respect. In the mixed-gender setting, the students will be able to understand the differences between each gender. Throughout the process of learning the differences, the students will obtain a broad understanding of each gender's perspectives. Further, the students will develop the depth of knowledge on different genders' mental and physical development, which may be beneficial in raising children in later life.

Another reason for this belief is that the students will overcome the fear of the opposite gender. Some students suffer from the anxiety of talking to the students with opposite-sex; especially during middle and high school due to puberty. For those students who are afraid of the opposite sex, it is crucial to establish the positive experiences in interaction with the opposite gender. As a troubleshooter, the mixed-gender education would do its job. The students will have a variety of experiences with the peers of the different gender; consequently, the students will become comfortable building relationship with all gender.

The final and the best, reason for this belief is that the students prepare for the survival in future. Once the students graduate from school, they start another page of life in a new community. Often cases, those adult communities are mixed-gender. The coeducational system will train and prepare the students in such a setting; therefore, they could survive in the adults' society. The students will experience the cooperation --- along with the competition---, of the opposite gender; which will become beneficial in the adulthood.

Every student has the right to receive the best education that would be advantageous for their future life. Mixed-gender schools will undoubtedly bring the numbers of advantages including; the students' development of gender appreciation, cooperation, and competition skills. Consequently, the coeducation system will become a catalyst for the students' success in the future. After all these reasons, the adults' responsibility is now clear: supporting coeducation.

Writing Feedback / CBEST: The Contribution Technology Has Made to Modern Life Has Been Positive [2]

Prompt: Technology is very much a part of modern life. Many people see technology as a force that has escaped from human control. Others feel that technology has improved the quality of life. Do you think that the contribution technology has made to modern life has been positive or negative? State your position on this issue and support it with appropriate examples.

*As I was writing the essay, I have thought that I have overused the word "technology"; however, I had no idea to replace the word since it was the keyword that was mentioned on the prompt. If there is any suggestion to remediate such problem, please advice. Besides, any other feedbacks are appreciated. Thank you.

Expository essay 2

Modern life is often defined as an era of progression. In the center of the modern progression, there is technology. Considering how technology has been used everywhere nowadays, it seems that humans are satisfied with the convenience of using technology. Therefore, it is assumed that the contribution technology has made to modern life has been positive.

Technology is widely used in various fields, and one of them is medical. Medical technology is directly related to human well-being; the diseases may be treated and the lives may be saved. As well as the treatments of the diseases, humans are expected to live longer than their ancestors, while remaining healthy, by annual check-ups that use technology. The technology already became part of the human lifestyle and have been affected positively to save them.

Living in Southern California could be challenging sometimes; mainly due to its extremely high temperature during summer. Thankfully, our ancestors have invented the very important appliance, called the air conditioner. The coolness that the air conditioners offer could not be compared to the natural wind, especially during hot summer. Without technology, human beings would not be able to stay away from the unpleasing humidity outside.

Imagine that you are the teacher in 1800s and you are about to write letters to the parents. If it was the 2010s, then you would have to write it once ---and once only--- and print out multiple copies by using computer technology; however, in 1800s, there is no other choice than writing 30 individual letters by using your hands. The appearance of computer technology helped humans to save time and energy. Thus, computer technology is worthwhile increasing work efficiency by simplifying organizing patterns and saving them as a file. Technology is not only necessary anymore, it became essential to modern life.

Technology is everywhere and anywhere nowadays. Although humans often fail to realize, we are taking advantages of technology in numerous fields, either intentionally or unintentionally. Expect more positive effects of technology and eager to find more advantages; then you will earn it.

Writing Feedback / CBEST: How Did The Rejection Affect You? Bank credit refusal. [3]

Prompt:
At some point in our lives, all of us have faced some sort of rejection or defeat. Write an essay about a time in your life when you experienced such a rejection. How did the rejection affect you?

I found the joy of managing the credit score

Narrative essay 1:

The word "rejection" often conveys a feeling of being denied. In contrast to the negative connotations that the word might deliver, some rejection may give you a valuable life lesson; such as financial knowledge. My experience of the rejection from the bank led me to find the joy of managing the credit score.

I was a high school senior, who just turned 18 and filled with an eager to speak out my independence as an adult. In a purpose of declaring my independence to my parents, I chose to open my own checking account. Soon after the account opening, I started hearing information on the benefits of opening a credit card from the online advertisements. After a short period of considering, I walked to the nearest bank and applied for a credit card. As a predictable result, my request was rejected; right away.

The rejection made me feel ashamed. I felt like a little kid who tries to act like an adult while lacking financial knowledge. Although I was tempted to leave the place right away, I decided to take a step out to get out of my comfort zone and ask the reason why my request was rejected. The reason was simpler than I thought; that I do not have a credit score, therefore I was unable to apply for a credit card. Nevertheless, the teller mentioned that there are some strategies to establish credits and kindly offered me a chance to attend a seminar for the credit beginners. I gladly accepted an offer and came back home with an excitement for the financial seminar.

Attending the seminar was a great opportunity to establish financial concepts including how to manage the accounts and build the credit. An instructor of the seminar recommended me to wait at least 6 months, since I just opened the checking account, and then apply for the student credit card that would help me to build the credit. After a long waiting game, I finally was able to receive a student credit card. Although the card did not offer any fancy features, such as cash back and bonus, I was still able to build the credit by using the card and paying the card debts. The early education of the financial concepts brought me the joy of building and managing the credit.

Now, my credit score is about 800; which is considered an excellent tier 1 credit. I was able to lease my car with a great deal, and open several credit cards that offer various advantages based upon the great credit score. Despite the bitter rejection for an early attempt to open a credit card, it certainly turned out to be the sweet result after all; know-hows on the credit management.

Writing Feedback / CBEST Writing: The rapidly increasing prices have the biggest impact on low-paid people [3]

A Sharp Increase in The Minimum Wage or not

Good afternoon,

This is my first time posting an essay on this forum. I have taken the CBEST exam at the beginning of this month and received a result of 26 in the writing section with the mark offs for the usage and the structure and conventions.

I have passed all three sections for the CSET multiple subjects and thought it would be easier to pass the CBEST. Nevertheless, I believe that the CBEST writing results reflected the weaknesses of mine. Although I am still in a grief of a failure, I am trying to think as positive as I could. I will take this failure as a chance to improve my writing skill before graduating college.

Since I do not recall the exact topic that I wrote for the actual exam, I chose a similar topic and wrote a new essay. Please be noted that I put more efforts on this essay compare to the actual essay that I submitted for the CBEST. For the actual exam, I did not have enough time to finish the essay; thus, wrote a three paragraphs essay. I, honestly, do not think that the number of paragraphs is the main reason for a poor result since the quality is more important than the quantity (correct me if I am wrong). Yet, I will make sure to write a five paragraphs essay for the future. I need at least 37 in order to pass.

Please feel free to be blunt; I understand it is for the sake of the improvement. Any corrections, recommendations, and feedbacks are appreciated. Thank you.

Expository Essay One:

The cost of living has been increased in the past few decades. Nevertheless, the increasing rate A Sharp Increase in The Minimum Wage or. In order to maintain the balance of the economy, a sharp increase in the minimum wage is necessary.

The first two groups who would advantage fro an increase in the minimum wage would be the poverty and the regular working class. Those two economic groups are the majority of the population; hence, highly related to the circulation of currency. An increase in the minimum wage will encourage the population to spend more money. Therefore, an increase in the minimum wage will vitalize the circulation of currency, as well as the activation of the market economy.

Have you ever thought about a reason why there is a word "minimum" in the minimum wage? The minimum wage is designed to guarantee the basic, the minimum, quality of living. Despite of the clear role of the minim, wage, it no longer guarantees the fundamental quality of living due to the increased cost of living. An increase in the minimum wage will support the population to purchase a quality merchandise, accordingly, will guarantee the basic quality of living.

The minimum wage is a reflection of the population's needs. If you go out to the Downtown LA, you will easily find out the people protesting for an increase in the minimum wage. The numerous protests are enough witnesses to prove how the government failed to meet the needs of the population. Thus, an increase in the minimum wage is necessary in order to satisfy the population's needs.

The rapidly increasing prices seem uncatchable sometimes. The government must not overlook the pain of the population. The best resolution to lessen the population's financial burden is now clear: an increase in the minimum wage.