Writing Feedback / TOEFL: Physical education or art and music course: which one should be excluded first ? [2]

keep art and music, exclude physical education

Direction: For this task, you will write an essay in response to a question that asks you to state, explain, and support your opinion on an issue. Typically, an effective essay will contain a minimum of 300 words. The quality of your writing includes the development of your ideas, the organization of your essay, and the quality and accuracy of the language you use to express your ideas. You have 30 minutes to plan and complete your essay.

Topic: When schools do not have enough funding or teachers, some people think physical education classes should be cut, while others believe that courses in art and music should be eliminated first. Which do you think is preferable, and why?

Kindly rate me in between 0-5. My response is given below:

No doubt school education is important to a student's life and it actually shapes the future of the student. Physical education, art and music courses are not excluded from this list of education. However, personally, I believe physical education is not as important as art and music courses especially when schools lack resources like funding and teachers. Hence, physical education can be eliminated first if the corresponding school struggles to provide all of the courses mentioned above.

In every aspect of our life we have limited resources but unlimited problems. In such case we consider priority list to reach our goal. We choose the most important task first then we consider the least important tasks. For example, if I have 1 dollar and I have to choose between food and recreation, I would definitely choose food as becase it is at the top of my priority list. Similarly, between physical education and art and music classes, physical education is the least important to me since this is something that I can do by myself. On the other hand, art and music is something that I can't understand without the help of teachers. So, If my school lacks funding and teachers, I would definitely want them to include art and music courses first not physical education.

Moreover, art and music has more practical impact on a student's social life in comparison to physical education. From history we can see that artists and musicians can influence the society in a greater extent. They can depict the society in their works creatively that can touche millions of people at a time. Even they can contribute to society by changing its views through their brilliant works. On the other hand, physical education mostly concentrates on the development of single individual. Therefore, art and music courses will be more beneficial for the society in a greater extent.

In conclusion, for the larger betterment of the society, schools that lacks financial or personnel resources should keep the art and music courses in their list first and may exclude the physical education.

Writing Feedback / TOEFL: Children over the age of 15 should be allowed to vote. Do you agree or disagree ? [2]

every person have the right to express his opinion

Direction: For this task, you will write an essay in response to a question that asks you to state, explain, and support your opinion on an issue. Typically, an effective essay will contain a minimum of 300 words. The quality of your writing includes the development of your ideas, the organization of your essay, and the quality and accuracy of the language you use to express your ideas. You have 30 minutes to plan and complete your essay.

Topic: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Children over the age of 15 should be allowed to vote. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Kindly rate me in between 0-5. My response is given below:

From democratic point of view, every person have the right to express his opinion. The best way to express opinion in such a government system is to enfranchise. Children who are above 15 years of age are not beyond this right. Personally, I believe that people who has the sense of right or wrong and has the ability to take decision even if he is below 18 (typical age for being considered as adult) but above 15 years of age should have the right to vote.

Eventhough some people might argue saying people who are below 18 years are still termed 'children' and hence, they should not be allowed to vote, I think as because they are termed so-called 'children' they can't be deprived of their rights of voting. The term 'children' and 'adult' is defined not only on the basis of biological aspect but also considering the social aspect. Now, the aspect of society is again depends on so many things and that's why society varies around the world. If I just focus on the biological perspective, a person who is capable of reproduction can be termed as 'adult'. In most of the cases people including both male and female achieve this ability of reproduction by the age of 15. So, at this age they are adult enough and therefore, they have the right to express their opinion through voting.

Moreover, voting means expressing one's choice and taking his or her own decision. I don't think age can be a limiting factor in taking decision. Sometimes it can be seen that older people are taking wrong decision, on the other hand, a very younger people whom we call 'children' are taking right decision. So, if so-called 'children' can take decision, she or he has all the rights to express it in terms of casting vote.

In conclusion, voting is a right of a citizen that depends on the ability of taking decision. One who has achieved this ability, regardless of age, she or he should be awarded the right to vote and express their opinion.

Writing Feedback / TOEFL - Beggars money. Giving them or not. Which point of view do you think is correct, and why? [5]

helping beggars on street?

Direction: For this task, you will write an essay in response to a question that asks you to state, explain, and support your opinion on an issue. Typically, an effective essay will contain a minimum of 300 words. The quality of your writing includes the development of your ideas, the organization of your essay, and the quality and accuracy of the language you use to express your ideas. You have 30 minutes to plan and complete your essay.

Topic: Some people suggest that it is wrong to give money to beggars asking for money on the street, while others think that it is the right thing to do. Which point of view do you think is correct, and why?

Kindly rate me in between 0 -5. My response is given below:

No doubt that helping people is a great virtue and it is appreciated by almost everyone. Helping people, those are really in need of help, will be more fruitful than people who does not really need assistance from others to survive. Forwarding a helping hand to the beggars on the street who are asking for money might seem logical to some people but personally, I, think it is not a right thing to do.

Helplessness could be of many types: some people really need it and others just fake mass people by acting being helpless in order to take advantages of peoples' compassion. For example, in a survey, conducted in South Asian countries, it was reported that majority of the street beggars are not that much helpless as s/he depicts on the street. The reason they say that is a good portion of the beggars are actually wealthy enough, some of them even have enough land property and houses in the capital cities, but they take this begging as a profession. These beggars actually don't want to work hard but to earn easy money by faking mass people. So, when someone is giving money to a street beggar thinking that she or he is actually helping a helpless person, it might not be a case as she or he thinks.

Fraud peoples are present almost everywhere. Some of them take this begging as a tool to earn money in such a extent that one may not think of it. Crime investigatiors in different parts of the world found that various gangs are kidnapping childrens and making them physically disabled so that they can use these childrens in begging and earn cheap money. Now, giving money to this beggars is actually synonumus to assisting those notorious criminals.

Moreover, whenever these beggars, especially who are physically normal but take it as profession are earning money by begging they get motivated to continue it. Thus, a person, who even doesn't know to whom she or he is giving money, may influence those beggars indirectly to continue a task which is ethically unacceptable.

In conclusion, giving money to the beggars on street may not be counted as a simple help always but this act of charity, sometimes, might influence others to continue begging or even might helping criminals to survive through this begging.

Writing Feedback / The honesty is the most crucial thing in a good relationship [5]

TOEFL - Independent Task

Independent Topic: Always telling the truth is the most important consideration in any relationship between people.

Kindly rate me in between 0 - 5. My response is given below:

Maintaining a good relationship between people is not an easy task but very complex. Many factors may contribute to a good relationship between two people. A trait of always telling the truth is one of them. Some people may say that this trait is the most important thing in maintaining a good relationship. However, it is not always the case in practical world.

Many people can not absorb truth especially if it is something that goes against them. One of my friends in school was very sensitive about himself. I can remember very well that when I used to talk something negative about him, for example, about his speech in a program, he used to get very angry. It shows that he was not able to accept the truth and ultimately this trait of telling truth before him suffered our relationship in a greater extent. Similarly there are people who becomes depressed or frustrated when they are crticized constructively and definitely it hampers the relationship between them. So, it shows telling the truth, specially when it is bitter, might affect a relationship heavily.

Sometimes there are situations when the result of a simple lie worth much than telling the truth. For instance, a people, living in an extremely religious country, is going to be killed judicially for simple fighting with his neighbours. And his life can be saved if a witness says that he is not involved with the fighting. In such situation, I would definitely vote to say a lie in order to save a life. Thus, not telling truth can make the relationship stronger sometimes.

I knew another people who classified as hostile in the eyes of his collegues as because he said truth to his boss. And eventually he had to leave his job. This telling truth ultimately did no good for him even though it was not his fault.

In conclusion, relationship depends on many factors. Situation is one of the most important factors among them. It is situation that will determine what to do or how to do. Sometimes it is the nature of person that will decide whether you can always tell the truth or not. That is why there is no way to say that always telling the truth is the most important consideration in any relationship between people.