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Posts by CarrieC92
Joined: Oct 6, 2009
Last Post: Sep 14, 2011
Threads: 6
Posts: 16  

From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 22
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CarrieC92   
Sep 14, 2011
Graduate / Personal Statement for Marketing division of Student Government Association at UCF [2]

As with probably most incoming UCF Freshmen, my first year of college was a dramatic change of pace. Everything was new; professors, roommates, friends, ultimately, a new community. Even though I felt like a fish out of water, my first year at UCF as I remember it made me feel at home, and I attribute the number one reason for this to being informed about all the happenings and activities of the campus.

As a result, after browsing the SGA website, I jumped at the opportunity for a chance to work with the Executive Communications Council. Working with the ECC means I can be a part of the process that informs students the great benefits that UCF has to offer. Furthermore, advertising and marketing have developed to be blossoming interests of mine. Advertising campaigns and marketing research constantly draw my attention and I enjoy witnessing what gears turn to captivate and influence an audience and why. As a student studying advertising and marketing from the books, participating in the experience of working with the ECC allows me to immerse myself in the real-world, hands-on system of how a true marketing campaign runs.

As a hopeful candidate to joining the Executive Communications Council, I can contribute a variety of skills and qualities. My personal theme to live by is balance, and this is present in most aspects of my life including my attitude in accomplishing work. I am highly attentive to detail, but I can take a step back and absorb the big picture. I produce excellent results on my own, but also excel collaborating with ideas of others in a group. I tend to be proactive, constantly setting goals to achieve and excel beyond. I can be flexible or decisive, and I have a knack for perceiving something as how someone else would see it. Moreover, as an active member of multiple student organizations on campus, I have noticed the impact that SGA and its various branches have. For example, as a member of the 2010-2011 finance committee for the Korean Student Association/Chinese American Student Association Block Party, I realized the tremendous support that SGA put into making the cultural event a reality.

With that being said, I am excited to have a chance to work with the Student Government Association. Events and student involvement would not be possible without the SGA, the anchor of all student services, and thus my amazing experience so far as a student at UCF would not have been possible without the work of Student Government Association organizations such as the Executive Communications Council.
CarrieC92   
Sep 14, 2011
Writing Feedback / "gender equality should not be the concern" equal numbers of male and female students [2]

I have a few tips for you from reading your essay. In my experience, having a range of different type of sentences makes a better essay. There are simple sentences, and then there are complex sentences. In my opinion, throwing in a variety of different sentence structures makes an essay flow better because there are less "stops" where the periods are. For example in your first paragraph, you say

In ancient time, men were considered to be more superior than women. This was because they were the sole provider or breadwinner.

You can meld these two sentences together to convey your two points into a single sentence, thus "In ancient times, men were considered to be superior to women due to the fact that they were the solve provider or breadwinner."

Also you have some parts that sound slightly awkward, for example as quoted about "more superior". I think just saying superior would suffice. Check up on your grammar, for example using consistent past tense/present tense. Be sure to proofread your essays!

There are lady bosses, female professors, female doctors and female engineers.

This sentence also came off a bit awkward for me. "lady bosses" sounds informal. Also you want to be consistent when using lists in sentences. You use female for the other three professions but not for bosses. To make the sentence less awkward, maybe try saying just "female professors, doctors, and engineers".

This is just the advice I have for you so far, go back, reread and don't be afraid to edit! :)
CarrieC92   
Mar 22, 2010
Undergraduate / UCF Honors-What in my life made me who I am today? [2]

Please take a look at this and tell me what you think. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Did I answer the prompt correctly? Should I add more information? I was trying to fit in how this also strengthened my family but I wasn't sure where I could put that in.

Personal Statement
A) The writer Pearl Buck once said: "One faces the future with one's past." What in your life and your background made you who you are today?

Connected to all sorts of fluid-filled tubes and buzzing machinery, the man looks back at me with eyes of fear and anguish. You would think this was a scene from a sadistic horror film. No, but it was pretty close. It's not a plot out of any science fiction novel or the basis of a terrifying nightmare that I could wake up from. This was a situation that was actually happening, and there was no waking up from it; the man laying there wide-eyed with fear was not a stranger from a movie scene. He was my grandfather.

Two Wednesdays ago, I came home after a particularly carefree day from school to hear some shattering news. My mother had rushed my grandpa to the hospital because he, being perpetually stubborn as always, had decided to take a bike ride against my grandma's wishes, fallen, and broken his hip. Although my family was worried, we had faith; my grandpa was considered very healthy for his age. No diabetes, high blood pressure, or heart problems, all of which were issues commonly found in the elderly population. After his surgery, however, his condition gradually took a turn for the worst, he had developed pneumonia.

And so, waiting in the hospital room with my grandmother, I felt useless. All I could offer was comforting touches and soothing words. I strained to understand each procedure, each blood test, and each different type of medicine that the nurses would administer, wondering what they were doing. Moreover, from many nurses I sensed a feeling of indifference and nonchalance. It was unnerving. For this reason, this event has led me to choose a path from the forked road that is the future. I strive to understand all the medical procedures and their implications and side-effects. I want to offer the sincere care that many of the nurses and even some of the doctors lacked. Prior to this event, I had been uncertain as to what my future holds. I knew I was going to college and I wanted to achieve success, but what success really? Now I have placed a goal in front of me, the extra push to launch myself into a winning road of determination. I am driven to set myself apart from those apathetic nurses I have met. I want to offer compassion to each person, to accept each of them as if they were my own mother, brother, or friend.

So even if I cannot offer my grandpa anything but a reassuring stroke of the hand or a supportive word, I know he will rest assured now that I have chosen a future dedicated to helping others the way I would have helped him.
CarrieC92   
Oct 11, 2009
Undergraduate / UCF Essay-Why I would like to attend. [7]

UCF-Why I would like to attend(Revised)

I've revised my UCF essay. Please read it over and tell me any suggestions?

Staring blankly at the page of questions, I can hear the rhythmic pounding of my heart clearly. This is often the situation I find myself in when choosing which question to approach on an essay test. Decisiveness is an attribute that I find myself lacking. So naturally, when I began my college search process, my head was spinning. The possibilities seemed endless.

After receiving information in the mail, I began to research my options. Throughout the process, UCF was climbing steadily up my college list. For one, UCF offers a large variety of majors, and is a focused on Undergraduate studies. It assures me to know that the school is focused on my education. Furthermore, UCF offers paid research positions to students and emerges students in their fields early on, ensuring that I can get the best opportunities possible.

Academics aside, another aspect I am excitedly looking forward to is campus life. I can see the level of involvement and excitement of students as they jump into the Reflection Pond for Spirit Splash, and I want to take part in that. Also, as a student in the IB program, diversity is a major interest of mine. After reviewing the student organizations at UCF, I know that I can get involved in not only my own culture, being a Chinese-American, but learn about others too. The beautiful and ever-expanding campus itself provides everything I need, including an 85,000 square-foot Recreation Center.

So, however indecisive I can be, I know one thing for sure; UCF is my opportunity.
CarrieC92   
Oct 11, 2009
Undergraduate / "my venture in French" - University of Florida Essay [4]

I think the essay overall is really, really good.
One thing I do suggest is to start a new paragraph where it says "As I have learned through three years in French..."

From that on, it sounds like a conclusion, summing up what you have already talked about.
CarrieC92   
Oct 8, 2009
Research Papers / I need help finding a topic for my research paper (Intro to Linguistics class) [6]

I'm writing a research paper right now too, except on psychology. I'm not familiar with linguistics. What I just told you was from some background Wikipedia searching on linguistics :p

Do some background research on psycholinguistics, if that's what your sub-subject is. Look at the various aspects of it.

Coming up with a theory does sound difficult. So it's inventing a theory as opposed to researching a theory and adding your own insights?

Maybe you can research theories that interest you and then form your own arguments based off of that?

Sorry, this is my train of thought. Haha.
CarrieC92   
Oct 8, 2009
Undergraduate / UCF Essay-Why I would like to attend. [7]

This is for University of Central Florida. The prompt is, "Why did you choose to apply to UCF?"
Any suggestions/corrections are greatly appreciated. Too cheesy? Not enough information about the college? Thanks a million!

I've always been one of those people who are indecisive. When my mother asks, "What would you like for lunch?" My response always ends up being a shrug coupled with "I don't know." So naturally, when I began my college search process, my head was spinning. In-State or Out-of-State? Suburban or big city? What should I major in? The possibilities seemed endless.

One day, as I made my daily trek back from the mailbox, the glinting of gold on the corner of an off-white envelope caught my eye. As I opened the letter up, I discovered a whole new aspect to my college-seeking process. I learned more and more about the University of Central Florida as I researched, and began to find UCF climbing slowly up my list of colleges of interest. Many aspects are highly appealing. For one, UCF offers a large variety of majors, and is a school focused on Undergraduate studies, which is highly important for a first-generation college student like me. Academics aside, another aspect I am excitedly looking forward to is campus life. With over 350 clubs and organizations ranging from the Chinese American Student Association to Body of Animal Rights Campaigners (BARC), I know I will find a place to fit in. Moreover, price was one of the biggest concerns I had, but with the reassurance of UCF being ranked by both the Princeton Review and Kiplinger's Personal Finance magazine as "Best Value", I had no doubts that UCF was right for me.

So however indecisive I can be, there is one thing I know for sure: University of Central Florida is the school for me.
CarrieC92   
Oct 8, 2009
Research Papers / I need help finding a topic for my research paper (Intro to Linguistics class) [6]

Can you try and do a paper on Psycholinguistics? Psycholinguistics is the study of psychological and neurological factors that enable humans to acquire and use language. Maybe try to do a topic on how we know to put words in a certain order to produce syntax? I'm sorry if this is no help I'm not completely clear on this topic, but good luck to you.
CarrieC92   
Oct 7, 2009
Undergraduate / 'Chicken fried rice' - family culture, environment, etc. influenced you? [3]

Hello! I just finished this essay for University of Central Florida and just wanted to submit this on here to see if anyone has any suggestions. It's always good to have someone who doesn't know me look at it.

The prompt is "How has your family history, culture, or environment influenced who you are?"
The word limit is 250, and my essay is 249.

The smell of chicken fried rice, chopped green onions, and teriyaki chicken waft in the air. I hear the clang of the rhythmic banging of the spatula against the wok and the roar of the fire. I pause to savor the warm, familiar feeling of home. Suddenly, a repetitive, electronic beeping brings me back to the bustling present as my dad shouts, "There's a car in the drive-thru!" Back to work.

Food is the central pull that brings families together, and for my family, that is no exception. In fact, my family's life is centered on food. Just this year we celebrated our twentieth anniversary of our family restaurant's opening, a stupendous achievement. My father immigrated to America from China in 1983, and soon after, my grandparents and mother followed. Starting a restaurant was their foundation in the beginning of achieving the American Dream.

Upon this foundation is the start of my own American Dream. My parents remind me daily that in the end, hard work prevails. They serve as an inspiration for me to push harder, to try and achieve the best that I can accomplish. They worked the hardest to provide me with the privileges I have today.

So as I hustle over to silence the beeping and say, "Can I help you?" into the drive-thru microphone, I bear in mind that life's greatest achievements do not come easy. I too will have to persevere to build upon the foundation my family has set out for me.
CarrieC92   
Oct 7, 2009
Essays / Compare and Contrast Essay Topic (driving/flying or my sisters) [10]

How long does your paper have to be? It's on your own personal insight right? I think it has potential. What you just told me is already a good start for a funny anecdotal introduction. If you do this topic, you can pull a lot of information from your experiences. You can talk about how personal each are, talk about what you said, convenience.
CarrieC92   
Oct 6, 2009
Undergraduate / 'School bus and sirens' - Meaningful Event/Experience-Does this qualify? [9]

This is what I have so far, I'm not completely done. Please help me tweak what I already have.

The prompt is for University of Florida.

Describe a meaningful event, experience, or accomplishment in your life and how it will affect your college experience or your contribution to UF campus.

I remember that day when I was on my school bus when the reflection of flashing lights and the loud cacophony of sirens caught my attention. I turned to look through the small square window out of the back of my bus to see a Temple Terrace Fire Department truck at the four-way stop sign I was just at. At the time, I didn't pay any attention to it. That day, when I returned from school, I learned that the fire truck was rushing to our "new house" that had caught fire the night before, something I thought was an impossibility.

Several years ago, my father had bought an empty lot in the same neighborhood we were living in and decided to build a bigger house to move into. My family christened it the "new house". It was exciting to see the rolls of blueprints he had, and my childhood dreams of having a beautiful staircase and a room painted lavender were coming true. My parents believe in saving every penny, so they decided they would build what they could themselves. Every Sunday, the only day my parents are free from work at our family restaurant, they would go over to work on the house. Over this long stretch of time, my enthusiasm slowly dissipated. How incredibly boring it was to spend my Sundays scraping paint off windows! Nevertheless, near the end of this construction, my family bubbled with excitement. We were busy packing items into boxes, buying furniture, and deciding on the color of curtains for each room.

Due to a minor electrical problem, a good portion of the house was destroyed in the fire in the morning. After finding this out, I dropped my backpack and pedaled over immediately on my bicycle to check on the house. As I was whizzing through the neighborhood, my thoughts flew to my father. I thought, "He must be devastated, he spent every Sunday there, the house has taken so long..." Upon arriving at the house, however, my father gave me a strong hug and uttered the clichéd words, "Everything will be okay." These simple words struck me. They echo in my mind when I'm sitting with my head in my hands, trying to study for a biology exam or finish writing an English essay.

Thinking about my family that day reminds me there is always that light at the end of the tunnel. My father inspired me with the valuable lesson of perseverance. Instead of dwelling on the loss, he immediately began to salvage and rebuild. The experience taught me to pick up the pieces and try again, even when it seems impossible. The experience also grounded me and taught me a lesson of empathy I know I can use in college and beyond in times of hardship or happiness alike. Hearing those sirens, I never thought it would be my house on fire. I know when I begin my college career at the University of Florida, I will take these valuable lessons with me.

One thing I'm worried about is does this fit as a meaningful event? When I think of meaningful event I think of positive things. =/

I want to keep on going on this essay about how my dad's strength reminds me to never give up. Something along the lines of that. And that with this I will always strive to achieve in college.

Thanks!
CarrieC92   
Oct 6, 2009
Essays / Compare and Contrast Essay Topic (driving/flying or my sisters) [10]

I like the idea of Driving vs Flying Vacations. You travel with family, right? I would assume that driving is more lively vs flying is more getting-to-the-point. Which do you enjoy more? Why do you enjoy it more?
CarrieC92   
Oct 6, 2009
Book Reports / comparing two short stories for english, the lottery and the most dangerous game [3]

This is what I've learned in my english classes. I'm a senior. I read these two stories in Freshmen year. In english when we write essays, we narrow down from very broad to your thesis, which would be the "don't judge a book by it's cover" thing.

For example if you were writing about World War I, you could start by talking about how the tradition of wars started in Greece/Rome.
CarrieC92   
Oct 6, 2009
Undergraduate / 'A minor electrical problem' - UCF Obstacle/Bump in the Road Essay [4]

Thanks!
I can see why you say it's not tragic enough. Well the point I was trying to make is to say that this house took a extremely long time to build because my parents basically built it with their bare hands. Like the roofing for instance, my dad didn't hire anyone to help him, so every free moment he would be up there with the hot sun laying down shingles. Even I've had my fair share of scraping paint off windows and tile floors and rubbing glue off of floorboards.

If I incorporated this, would it be better?
CarrieC92   
Oct 6, 2009
Undergraduate / 'A minor electrical problem' - UCF Obstacle/Bump in the Road Essay [4]

This is my first draft. Suggestions are welcome! I have to write another essay on family history, culture, and environment as well for UCF.

The prompt is

If there has been some obstacle or bump in the road in your academic or personal life, please explain the circumstances.

I remember that morning when I was riding the school bus very clearly. The reflection of the flashing lights in my window had caught by eye. I turned around to see the Temple Terrace Fire Department truck at the four-way stop sign I was just at. At that point, I didn't pay much attention to it. That afternoon I came home to news that our "new house" had caught fire overnight.

The "new house", as our family calls it, was my father's pride and joy. Several years ago, he had bought a property in the same neighborhood we were living in and decided to build a house on the property. My parents believed in saving every penny, so they resolved to build whatever they could themselves. After many tedious Sundays of floor-tiling and roof-shingling, the house was nearly complete.

Due to a minor electrical problem, the entire second floor as well as the roof over my parent's bedroom was destroyed in a fire. Immediately after I heard this news, my thoughts flew to my father. How was he taking this? Would he be okay? Such a large achievement had been destroyed by a spontaneous blaze. Upon arriving to the house, my father gave me a strong bear-hug and said, "Everything will be okay." I carry these words with me always. Whenever the fear of failure haunts me, these words remind me to persevere. Like how my family salvaged and rebuilt, I learn every day to pick up the pieces and start anew.
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