Writing Feedback / IELTS 2 - The line graph compares the population of aged 65 or more in three different countries [5]

Hi there,
I wanter to reinforce my writing ability by practicing IELTS questions in my spare time. Hence, it would be helpful if you could give me some advises on grammar usage and how to improve the structure. :)

Population of aged 65 and over

This line graph compares the population of aged 65 or more in three different countries between 1940 to 2040.

It is clear from the graph that the number of elderly people in each country has rose considerably between 1940 and 2020, and the figures are expected to reach their peak in 2040.

As can be seen from the graph that the highest proportion of elder people was in USA in 1940, at 9%, followed by Sweden with 7%, and the figure for Japan accounted for 5%. Between 1940 and 1980, the rising trends was shown in both Sweden and USA, from 7% to 14% and from 9% to 15%, respectively. In contrast, the population for aged 65 and older in Sweden experienced a small decrease and then remained unchanged at 3% by 1980. From 2000 to 2020, the elderly population in Japan slightly rose before descending to 19%, while the population reached its plateau in USA throughout the period shown.

Although the percentage for all countries is predicted to constantly ascend, the amount of elderly people in Japan is anticipated to exceed others and reach its summit by 2040.

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Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2 - the extinction of particular species as the primary environment issue [3]

Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Nowadays, there are different views about whether the extinction of particular species is the primary environment issue. While some people argue that the problem of endangered animal and plants is important, I support the idea that other natural problems are more vital.

The are many reasons why it could be argued that the risk of endangered wildlife and plants is the most crucial problem of our worsening environment. Firstly, the increasing number of endanger species is damaging the food chain. It can cause the entire food web off balance if particular species die out. Secondly, it is detriment to natural diversity. The natural cycle might be completely destroyed in this respect. However, saving individual species should be the main focus is reputable, there are other problems deserve out attention.

In spite of the above arguments, I would agree that other natural crisis is more significant these days. Many countries are calling action to reduce the pollution such as air pollution and water pollution. The rising trends of acid-rain emission has become a tremendous threat to natural habitants and water resource. If the pollution become severe, the speed of global warming would become faster. Furthermore, the increasing trendy for plastic production is another urgent issue. More and more plastic has been discarded and a little of it can be degraded. As the result, a lot of animals have been killed by plastic product. These environmental problems are putting our nature at risk.

In conclusion, although the loss of wildlife and plants seems important. I personally think the impact of other natural disasters are posting more threat to the environment.

Writing Feedback / IELTS 1 - The two images provide the layout of a school as it was in 2004 and plans for 2024 [2]

Topic:

The diagrams below show the site of a school in 2004 and the plan for changes to the school site in 2024.

The two images provide the layout of a school as it was in 2004 and the plan for construction in the year 2024. It is apparent that the main change for 2024 involves a new school building, for the purpose of accommodating more students.

In 2004, the number of total students was 600 people. It is clear from the picture that many tresses were planted on the edge of the campus. The main school buildings were sited on the north, separated by a pedestrian. There was a sport area situated in the end of the sidewalk.

A glance at the photo provided reveals that the school is anticipated to accommodate 1000 pupils in 2024. Hence, the third school building is expected to located on where sport field used to stand. The place for sport is planned to established on the opposite side of building 3, nearby the second car park. By 2024, a road will be built from the main entrance to the new car park. The main entrance and the original car park will remain the same.

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Writing Feedback / IELTS Task I - People's expenditures on certain goods in five countries [3]

consumer spending statistics

The table compares the expenditure spent by consumers on different products in five countries in 2002. The five countries were namely, Ireland, Italy, Spain, Sweden, and Turkey.

It is clear from the information that the largest proportion of consumer spending in each country went on food, drinks and Tobacco, while the smallest amount of expenditure were spent for leisure and education.

Of the five countries, consumer spending on food, drink and tobacco was considerably high in Turkey, at 32.14%, followed by Ireland, at 29%. On the contrary, the consumer expense on food drink and tobacco was relatively low in Sweden, with 16%.

The consumer in Italy, in comparison with other countries, spent more money on clothing and footwear, at 9%. The consumer spending for leisure and education was the highest, at 4.35%, higher than the figure for Italy and Spain combined, while the lowest was in Spain, with 1.98 %. In 2002, the percentage for leisure and edition expense in Italy was almost the same as in Sweden, with 3.20% and 3.22% respectively.

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