Writing Feedback / GRE Argument; Organization engineered a new breed of millet high in vitamin A [2]

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I would like a feedback regarding my essay; grammar-wise, vocabulary, context addressed, logical flow, and analytical writing. Other aspects regarding GRE essay are also very welcome :)

Vitamin a in the millet

Question

An international development organization, in response to a vitamin A deficiency among people in the impoverished nation of Tagus, has engineered a new breed of millet high in vitamin A. While seeds for this new type of millet cost more, farmers will be paid subsidies for farming the new variety of millet. Since millet is already a staple food in Tagus, people will readily adopt the new variety. To combat vitamin A deficiency, the government of Tagus should do everything it can to promote this new type of millet.

Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered to decide whether the recommendation is likely to have the predicted result. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the recommendation.

Response

Responding to vitamin A deficiency among people who reside in Tagus, an international development organization invented a new breed of millet rich with vitamin A. However, it is unclear why people in Tagush have vitamin A deficiency. As a matter of fact, the argument stated that Tagush is an impoverished nation. Considering this, there is a possibility that the people of Tagush simply cannot afford food, especially food containing vitamin A. With this in mind, we need to know the reason of vitamin A deficiency in Tagush. If the answer is that food containing vitamin A are rare and hardly accessible, then the introduction of the mentioned engineered millet will be a precise solution. On the other hand, if the answer is otherwise such as majority of Tagush people are poor, eventhough millets rich in vitamin A are provided the people cannot afford it.

Additionally, the organization plans to subsidize farmers in order to farm the new millet. The question is, how much is the amount of subsidies given? Is the subsidy enough to cover for the increased expenses caused by the new millet? Even if the subsidies are enough, it is not explained whether the millet can be farmed in Tagus. Furthermore, an answer is needed as whether there are land available and whether the farmers are willing to farm the millet. For example, if a farmer has limited land that are already planted by another crop, he must be willing to switch the crop for the millet. Unless these questions have clear answers, providing farmers with subsidies will not provide the expected outcome of farming the new millets.

The organization also assumes that because of millet being a staple food in Tagus, people will readily accept the engineered millet. This assumption is problematic. We do not know, is millet the only staple food in Tagus or are there any other kinds of staple food? If there exists other staple food, Tagus people may choose the other staple food rather than the new millet as they are more accustomed to it. Not only that, the other staple food may be preferred as the new millet is more expensive. Another question that needs to be answered, regardless of how many types of staple food exist in Tagus, is how does the new millet taste? Providing the taste is suitable for the tongues of Tagus people, the millet can be an instant hit. Conversely if the new millet tastes different, it will provide a challenge for the millet to be accepted in Tagus.

The international development organization has a noble purpose for engineering millet rich in vitamin A intended for people in Tagus. Although the intention is good, the inquiries stated above must be answered clearly. By having appropriate answers, the promotion of the millet as means to combat vitamin A deficiency by the government will be a convincing case.

Writing Feedback / GRE issue; Over the past year, our late-night news... Memorandum from business manager of TV station [3]

Hi,
I would like a feedback regarding my essay; grammar-wise, vocab use, context addressed, and analytical writing. Score estimates are also very welcome :)

Question

The following is a memorandum from the business manager of a television station.

"Over the past year, our late-night news program has devoted increased time to national news and less time to weather and local news. During this period, most of the complaints received from viewers were concerned with our station's coverage of weather and local news. In addition, local businesses that used to advertise during our late-night news program have cancelled their advertising contracts with us. Therefore, in order to attract more viewers to our news programs and to avoid losing any further advertising revenues, we should expand our coverage of weather and local news on all our news programs."

Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.

Response

The argument above explains the desicion from the business manager to restore the time allocated to weather and local news. However the arguments used to support the decision are dubious and specious at best.

It is stated in the memorandum that most complaints recieved during the past year are concerned about the coverage of weather and local news. However it is not stated what specific complaints are sent. The information is important to avoid jumping into wrong conclusions. If the viewers complain about the decrease of time allocated for weather and local news then the business manager's decision is justified. But consider the viewers complain about the lack of quality in weather and local news program, then the decision made should be about improving the program quality rather than restoring program time.

Another point stated is that local businesses that used to advertise during late-night news program are canceling contracts. It is unclear why do the business retract their contracts. They may cancel advertising contracts because weather and local news generate more publicity and revenue for them compared to national news. On the other hand, the contracts cancelled may be caused by the businesses decision to hold their money due to internal crisis. If internal crisis is the cause, reallocating time for weather and local news will not have a positive effect on advertising revenues. Thus the business manager should probe into the reasons why local businesses cancel the contracts before announcing the decision.

The memorandum also assumes that by restoring time for weather and local news, more viewers will be attracted. This is a baseless assumption, as no data is provided. A credible survey for viewers is needed to verify the assumption. Consider the data collected throughout the survey concludes majority of viewers are interested in watching the television station if weather and local news are restored to former time levels, then the business manager's decision is acceptable. However if the survey concludes that there are other programs that can attract more viewers such as sports and movies, then another strategy needs to be implemented.

As stated above, stronger evidence is needed to support the business manager's claim. Thus the decision made by the business manager needs to be reevaluated because the arguments offered as support are not strong enough.

Writing Feedback / Implementing same national curriculum for students until entering college - GRE Issue [4]

Hi,
I would like a feedback regarding my essay; grammar-wise, vocab use, context addressed, and analytical writing. Score estimates are also very welcome :)

Question

A NATION SHOULD REQUIRE ALL OF ITS STUDENTS TO STUDY THE SAME NATIONAL CURRICULUM UNTIL THEY ENTER COLLEGE.

Write a response in which you discuss your views on the policy and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider the possible consequences of implementing the policy and explain how these consequences shape your position.

Response

Having the same national curriculum for students until entering college seems to be a wonderful idea, as students will learn similar learning materials thus having same standing grounds before advancing to college. However, some problems need to be addressed before implementing same national curriculum throughout the nation.

Colleges have a diversity of majors offered for prospective students. For example, there may be a college that is a favorite for engineering majors and a counterpart which specializes for pure science majors. Students that aim for these colleges will benefit heavily from a standardized curriculum. Subjects required for entering both colleges have similarities such as mathematics, physics, and biology. However it cannot be the same for colleges who offers social majors. Mostly physics are not necessary to enroll in a history or political major. Thus students who aim for social majors in college will be at a complete disadvantage if same national curriculum does not include their subjects required for their needs.

Additionally, a group of students may have their potential restrained by learning the same curriculum. Majority of students need a specific guide for their learning curriculum. However there also exists certain group of students who are academically better compared to their counterparts. This specific group will not feel accomplished by learning the same curriculum, as they have talent that can understand advanced subjects. While same national curriculum will have positive effect for majority students, it will not create positive environment for exceptional talents.

Another factor that should be addressed is about the feasibility of teachers to deliver the same curriculum. Teachers also have different capacities, such as students. There are teachers who can easily adapt to curriculum changes in a sam, while other may have a difficult time. It is difficult to expect all educator throughout the country to teach the same curriculum unless the government provides supervising assistance for them.

Implementing same national curriculum for students until entering college may be a very appealing propostion. But unless the problems addressed above are met with feasible solutions, the government have to postpone the implementation.

Writing Feedback / GRE Issue; Study about sleep amount and firm success [2]

Hi,
I would like a feedback regarding my essay; grammar-wise, vocab use, context addressed, and analytical writing. Score estimates are also very welcome :)

sleep of the executives and their success

Question

"A recent study rating 300 male and female Mentian advertising executives according to the average number of hours they sleep per night showed an association between the amount of sleep the executives need and the success of their firms. Of the advertising firms studied, those whose executives reported needing no more than 6 hours of sleep per night had higher profit margins and faster growth. These results suggest that if a business wants to prosper, it should hire only people who need less than 6 hours of sleep per night."

Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions of the argument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on these assumptions and what the implications are for the argument if the assumptions prove unwarranted.

Response

Based on the study conducted in certain advertisement agencies, the article concludes that the number of hours executives sleep has an impact on business success. However, I find the argument specious at best, because it relies on a series of doubtful assumptions.

To begin with, the study methodology itself might be problematic. In particular, we are not informed whether the sample represents the population. An explanation is needed whether 300 executives are enough to draw a conclusion. Digging deeper, it is yet to be explained whether the ratio of male-female also their characteristics and habits describe the general population of business executives. The sampling explanation is important because it justifies whether the conclusion can be applied to the general population. By having problematic sampling methods, the conclusion may only apply to a selective group, thus rendering the idea that less sleep hours do have a positive impact on business invalid.

Even if the methodology is correct, it is still not enough to draw any conclusions without considering the other factors that might contribute to the success of the advertising firms. Possibly advertising agencies with higher profit margins owe their success to a variety of other factors such as the executives quality or better market situation. Further studies are needed to determine which factor has a strong effect towards firm success. Without considering other factors, sleep hours and firm success do have a correlated relationship but it is yet to be proven whether it also includes a causal effect. Therefore it is too early to jump into a conclusion.

Another problem in the argument is that it assumes that advertising business is not different than general business. The assumption is rather problematic as while different business sectors may have similarities, other may have different styles and cultures. Perhaps in information technology sectors sleep derivation is considered as a norm. On the other hand having less sleep in advertising business may not be a problem, whereas in construction business adequate sleep is important as strong stamina is needed. Unless the argument explaines what business sectors are being referred, less sleep is not justified to have an impact on business prosperities.

The argument above suffers from dubious assumptions. Therefore the statement about hiring people who needs less sleep is an important factor for business to prosper is unconvincing.

Writing Feedback / GRE Argument Issue; A nation should require all students to study the same national curriculum [2]

Hi,
I would like a feedback regarding my essay; grammar-wise, vocab use, context addressed, and analytical writing. Score estimates are also very welcome :)

Question

A nation should require all of its students to study the same national curriculum until they enter college.

Write a response in which you discuss your views on the policy and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider the possible consequences of implementing the policy and explain how these consequences shape your position.

Response

Standardization of curriculum is oftenly a hot topic between teachers and academicians. The government's concern to make sure that students are qualified to enter college is one of the reasons why this will be a never-ending discussion. Nevertheless, having students study the same curriculum until entering college has more negatives than positives.

First, the hope that studying the same curriculum will perfectly prepare students for college may be wrong. Of course minimum standards on general subjects will be good, but colleges may differ on their concentration of studies. For example some colleges focus on technology whereas another has manufacturing as its focus. The variety of concentrations means that different understandings are required by future students, depending on their college preference. By having an established same curriculum througout the country, students will not have variety of subjects to deepen their understanding for planned future studies. A student who is interested in medicine may not need advanced mathematics. While engineering students may need a strong background in mathematics, but not really need understand advanced linguistics.

Another point that should be considerd is every students have different characteristics, thus different potentials. A boy may have strong interest in sports and applied mathematics, while his friend has more interest in biology and theoritcal mathematics. Implementing same national curriculum will make the first boy develop well. On the other hand, his friend will be leaved with unfilled potential as his interests are not included in the curriculum. Therefore, a diversed curriculum will be better to fulfill the potential of both children.

Schools nowadays may have different standards as there are the so-called favorite schools. A favorite school in Los Angeles can attract smart students where the majority will have a strong financial background. This condition will support the availability of more quality educators. On the other hand, a school in Hawaii may only have local students and the teachers employed though good do not stand on the same level with the Los Angeles teachers. Favoritism of schools will have an impact on teachers available, as higher-standard schools will employ more qualified educators. In these circumstances, having a same national curriculum may prove to have more disadvantages as not all teachers will be willing to accept national standards.

For certain subjects curriculum standards are necessary, but implementing same national curriculum throughout may be unwise. As explained above same national curriculum has more disadvantages. Unless the government develops solutions for the problems stated above, same national curriculum should not be implemented.