jacky99
Aug 27, 2020
Writing Feedback / NEW TECHNOLOGY HAS CHANGED THE WAY PEOPLE SPEND THEIR FREE TIME. ADVANTAGES OUTWEIGHT DISADVANTAGES. [3]
This is my feedback for your presentation
1.Some mistakes
-Today's life
-People'sinterest
-Has seen
-Don't use "for example" in the middle of sentence, use some words like 'such as', 'include' ... to make example.
-Serious unfavorable
-Symptoms
-Don't use the word 'mankind', use 'humanity' or 'humankind'
-I am firmof
-The cutting-edge technology has
-Our society
2.You need improve your vocabulary more to make the sentence shorter but enough to illustrate your meaning and more formal
-All around the world => worldwide
-Point of view => perspective
3.When you use the word "on the one hand", it should go with "on the other hand". Besides, you should switch the first to the second paragraph because your structure will more clear that the drawback is eclipsed by its benefit.
This is my feedback for your presentation
1.Some mistakes
-Today's life
-People'sinterest
-Has seen
-Don't use "for example" in the middle of sentence, use some words like 'such as', 'include' ... to make example.
-Serious unfavorable
-Symptoms
-Don't use the word 'mankind', use 'humanity' or 'humankind'
-I am firmof
-The cutting-edge technology has
-Our society
2.You need improve your vocabulary more to make the sentence shorter but enough to illustrate your meaning and more formal
-All around the world => worldwide
-Point of view => perspective
3.When you use the word "on the one hand", it should go with "on the other hand". Besides, you should switch the first to the second paragraph because your structure will more clear that the drawback is eclipsed by its benefit.