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Posts by jacky99
Name: jack
Joined: Aug 21, 2020
Last Post: Aug 27, 2020
Threads: 3
Posts: 5  
Likes: 2
From: Viet Nam
School: National Economics University

Displayed posts: 8
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jacky99   
Aug 27, 2020
Writing Feedback / NEW TECHNOLOGY HAS CHANGED THE WAY PEOPLE SPEND THEIR FREE TIME. ADVANTAGES OUTWEIGHT DISADVANTAGES. [3]

This is my feedback for your presentation
1.Some mistakes
-Today's life
-People'sinterest
-Has seen
-Don't use "for example" in the middle of sentence, use some words like 'such as', 'include' ... to make example.
-Serious unfavorable
-Symptoms
-Don't use the word 'mankind', use 'humanity' or 'humankind'
-I am firmof
-The cutting-edge technology has
-Our society
2.You need improve your vocabulary more to make the sentence shorter but enough to illustrate your meaning and more formal
-All around the world => worldwide
-Point of view => perspective
3.When you use the word "on the one hand", it should go with "on the other hand". Besides, you should switch the first to the second paragraph because your structure will more clear that the drawback is eclipsed by its benefit.
jacky99   
Aug 27, 2020
Writing Feedback / Some people claim that we can't always expect job satisfaction and a permanent job is more important [2]

Writing task 2 - Job satisfaction vs Job security



Some people argue that job satisfaction is more important than job security, while others believe that they cannot always expect job satisfaction, and a permanent job is more important. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

It is argued that job satisfaction plays an essential role when compare with job security, while another significant proportion of the population is believed in the importance of permanent job more than job satisfaction. From my perspective, while job permanent could bring several merits, I suppose that satisfactory working is a crucial element impact on our career in the long-term.

On the one hand, it cannot be denied that a permanent job provides a stable for our life. Employers who work for the firm guaranteed job security would have a stable income in tandem with the risk ratio to be dismissed low.

On the other hand, satisfaction job generates golden opportunities and confidence to promote themselves in the long run. By satisfying a career, people could boost their productivity in tandem with the ultimate passion for performance, while job security lacks those features. As a result, employments who immerse in fully satisfied will quickly achieve goals and get lucrative salaries and promote to higher position more than people who work in job permanent. For example, two students fond of code on the computer, but when a graduate one becomes a coder, they choose to work for a technology firm with a low income and high risk. In contrast, others prefer the job permanent in a marketing firm with a higher salary, low replace ratio. After five years of working hard, the coder becomes the executive of that technology firm while the marketer only earns more a little bit because he has no passion for this job.

In conclusion, job security only helps people in the short-term while job satisfaction will make their careers outstanding and significant. In my opinion, flowing the passion and achieve satisfactorily is the optimal way for every successor.

P/s: any one could recommend me some source useful for writing? Thank a lot!
jacky99   
Aug 26, 2020
Writing Feedback / Enterprises should conduct their business in a socially responsible manner [4]

1. As you know, your presentation are based on one famous teacher in Vietnam. However, it would help if you concentrated on his structure for each point of view. Don't put too many arguments in one paragraph, you need to have some idea to support and give an example to developing this argument.

2. a mistake I found from your essay:
- more money to for public spendings

3. Your conclusion is not reasonable. It would be best if you got further paraphrase your topic overview before giving your opinion.

4. Your transaction words are not suitable for comparison between the two major arguments. For the first paragraph, you agree with the company about the priority of profit. However, in the second paragraph, you use 'in addition to the first argument', it seems to be not suitable, it sounds like you add more the information supportive idea for the first argument not opposite for this argument.

Sorry, my connection to the Internet is not good!
jacky99   
Aug 26, 2020
Writing Feedback / Government should invest to the elderly' livings or they should save money for their future [6]

Hi @Ngocnguyen777!
There is my feedback for your presentation

1. I found some mistakes on your presentation:
- Their own respective perspective ( don't use own on the formal presentation)
- a great amount of proportion (proportion is uncountable)
- the workforce contributes
- they invest to looking ( 'to' is preposition)
- successful
- join hands
- also be
- living in advanced
- "There are lots of ... systems for example" => put the word "for example" in the begining of sentence or just erase it.

2. Your conclusion also need to more overview or pharaphase the introduction before give your opinion. The conclusion structure should divine in 2 sentences if you don't have time to write

3. Concentrate on how to build your argument and improve it. You must focus to develop the ideas in 2 or 3 sentences not just 1. The structure that i recommend for your presentation:

+ The argument
+ The supporting idea
+ Example

Best regards!
Jackylove
jacky99   
Aug 25, 2020
Writing Feedback / Writing task 2 - The role of sport in our societies [3]

Writing task 2:
Some people say that sports play an important role in society. Others, however, think that it is nothing more than a leisure activity.

Discuss both views and give your own opinion.



From the beginning of civilization, sports already have been a symbol of physical power, intelligence, wisdom. While some people argue that sports play a pivotal role in our society, others believe that it is only daily activity. This essay will shed light on both sides of those arguments and provide my perspectives.

On one level, for the long history of humans, sports are always the inherent part of a competition among people. In the ancient era, numerous sports contests were organized for people who want to get rewards. Those not only generate the golden opportunities for them to show off performance, create a reputation, but also attract the king who always wants to recruit the strongest army for empires. In the modern era, getting gold medal in an international contest also represents the power and image of the nation compared to other countries, especially in terms of football.

From another angle, sports are leisure activities for several reasons. In the era in which technology, science become the most important, the role of sports no longer powerful compare to the past. Furthermore, nowadays, the evaluation system to judge the value of people also change lead to sports become low potential.

In my opinion, Sports are beneficial for every people. First, an ordinary person who plays sports as a leisure activity could boost their health, refresh their mental health, and avoid various diseases. Second, organizing sports contests, particularly in king sport like football, is one of the optimal choices for organizers to earn profit.

In conclusion, while vast myriads of views about the role of sport in our societies, I suppose that without the support from sports, the human being communities are lost an essential puzzle piece of their life.
jacky99   
Aug 25, 2020
Writing Feedback / Ielts writing task 1: The line graph illustrates fluctuations in China's and the US birth rates [3]

1. Not like @ Holt feedback, I suppose that you use the structure of 4 paragraphs because I have been read lots of format like this. However, you should try to put the overview and introduction in one paragraph, make your presentation in 3 paragraphs only.

2. In your first sentence or the introduction, you need to pharaphase the topic in tandem with don't use the world to demonstrate the trend in first sentence.

3. Use some word to illustrate the opposite of figure such as in contrast, meanwhile... don' use "on the one hand" like @ Holt feedback
4. Because the figures are not accurately, thus, need more concentrate on some words illustrate the uncertain figure such as approximately, in the vicinity of, roughly...

5. Need to paraphrase the word "birth rate" => birth proportion, birth ratio...
jacky99   
Aug 25, 2020
Writing Feedback / Writing: Agree or not with banning smoking in certain areas [2]

@QuocHuu
Hi Quoc Huu! This is my comment for your presentation.
1. Because the title maybe related to the ilets writing task 2, thus, your presentation is too long more than 400 words while the standards of task 2 only around 250 words

2. Some mistakes in your presentation that you should concentrate on:
- It is claimed
- bad influence to on
- a severe sickness to for many people
- cigarette's ashes (I'm not sure about this but I think possessive case only use for things and phenomena alive or when you use to personify things)

- the cigarette doesn't effaced
- many places
- we need to do propagandize
3. You use too much 'many' in one paragraph. Therefore, you should try another synonyms of that word such as lots of, various...
4. From my perspectives, I don't think you should put some words like "just, " on the essay because they are informal and not able to transfer your message strongly.

5. The structure of your essay is not good like one essay that you post on the forum. 5 paragraphs not suitable in this case, it make the essay to long, 4 paragraphs enough. You should follow the feedback of @ Holt to fix your presentation and your performance.

Best Regards!
jacky99   
Aug 24, 2020
Writing Feedback / Writing task 2 - Music is able to connect people from distinctive cultures and ages [2]

Topic :
Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together.

To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?



Similarity to some argue that music is an optimal choice for those who want to gather people from distinctive cultures and ages, I believe that music always plays an essential role in our society, particularly to unite and connect people from numerous nations in the world.

Thanks to the proliferation of technology, music could be quickly widespread across borders between one nation and other nations. Even though people come from different backgrounds, cultures, and languages that it is struggled for them to understand the meaning of lyric when listening to foreign music, they do have the ability to experience the rhythm of the music. Therefore, people could evaluate the music video produce by international artists. Besides, if they fond of that, they could be one of the fan communities who love to listen to the music produce by these artists. Their group members will share the music and information related to that artist in tandem with a vast myriad of comments from fans from different cultures post on this topic and how they connect and build relationships among group members. For example, many Vietnamese people are keen on the K-pop music band and join together with communities from other countries to unite in one group who loves that band.

The creation of music destroys the boundary among generations, utilizing the cutting-edge program, the producer could mix traditional music and modern music to create new music suitable for both old and young age. For instance, there is various remix music on the Internet, and some music contests are performed by music artists based on the traditional lyric and modern beat, which attract every generation from old to young.

In conclusion, the power of music is enormous and unique in its ability to generate shared experiences among people from different cultures and ages.
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