Writing Feedback / IELTS task 2: Should only subjects which are beneficial to students' future career be taught? [3]

Hi all,
Please review my essay and give me your feedback
Task 2:
Some people believe that schools should only teach children subjects which are beneficial to their future career and therefore others subjects such as music and sports are not important.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Answer:
Nowadays, the school curriculum have comprehensive coverage of different types of subjects. People argue that only those subjects which are essential to the future career of students are recommended to be taught at school while others should be removed. I strongly disagree with this opinion.

There are a variety of reasons why people hold the above argument. Firstly, school syllabus is too demanding with a plethora of subjects. After attending lectures, students are required to complete an immense amount of homework or group projects which, in fact, make them feel stressful and overwhelmed. Focusing on only subjects which are beneficial to their future job relieves the burden on their shoulders and give them more time for leisure. Secondly, since students know which knowledge to be taught would help them earn money later on, they are motivated to dig deeper on it and would have a better performance in their future careers.

On the other hand, I believe that some subjects such as sports and music still have a vitally important role in the development of children. Taking music and sports courses as examples. Music class helps students remove stress after intensive study hours. Research indicates that by stimulating the human brain, music also enhances people's creativity, which is a must-have skill that all jobs currently require. Another example is the advantage of sport class. By taking this class, physical conditions of students would be strengthened and their mind would be refreshed. As a result, this helps students learn better.

In my conclusion, all subjects in the school curriculum have a certain role in helping students holistically develop and get better jobs in the future. None of them is considered to be non-essential.

Writing Feedback / IELTS task 1: Line chart - The number of tourist visiting a particular island [3]

Hi everyone,

Please help me review and give your feedback on my essay. Also provide your estimated score according IELTS band if you can.
Thank you very much in advance.

Summarize information from the graph

Question:

Please find it at the end of message

Answer:
The line graph compares the number of visitors who stayed on two different locations when visiting Caribbean island from 2010 to 2017.

It is clear that over the 7-year period, there was a significant increase of tourists to this island. Unlike the year 2010, in the year 2017, the number of visitors staying on island overcame the number of those staying on cruise ships.

In 2010, 0.25 millions of visitors travelled to Caribbean island chose cruise ships as a stayed place while the figures for staying on island was 0.75 millions of people. From 2010 to 2012, while the number of tourists staying on island increased to 1.25 millions, there was no change in the number of people staying on cruise ships. Besides that, the total of visitors to this island saw a 1.5 times rise in the same period.

The number of visitors staying on cruise ships significantly increased and peaked at 1.5 millions of people in 2015 and then slightly dropped to 1.25 millions of people in 2016, before reaching 1.5 millions of visitors again in the year 2017. By contrast, the number of tourists staying on island continuously rose, surpassed the number of people staying on cruise ships in the middle of the year 2015, and finally ended up with 2 millions of visitors in 2017. These led to the steady increase of the total of tourists to Carribean island from 2010 to 2017.

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  Line chart
  

Writing Feedback / IELTS task 2: Will online newspapers / books replace printed ones? [3]

Hi everyone,

Please help me review my essay and give score corresponding to IELTS band if you can.

Thank you very much in advance.

Question:
In the future, nobody will buy printed newspapers or books because they will be able to read everything they want online without paying.

To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Answer:
People argue that the advantages of digital books or newspapers will lead to the disappearance of the traditional ones. I strongly agree with this opinion.

The primary reason why nobody will purchase the printed books and newspapers is due to their negative effects on environment. Conventional books and newspapers are made from wood, and hence a plethora of trees has to be cut to provide materials for paper manufacturing process. This could exacerbate the deforestation which is a headache issue of all countries around the globe. To address this critical problem, many goverments have imposed higher taxes on wood-made products, and books or newspapers are one of the bypass products of woods. As a result, the price of books and newspapers shoots up and forces people think about another economic way to replace printed books and newspapers.

On the other hands, there is a variety of advantages of electronic books and newspapers. Firstly, they do not need to be printed out on the papers so that they are very friendly to environment, and the manufacturing and printing of books and newspapers are significantly reduced. Therefore, their price is much cheaper than the printed books and newspapers, and people can afford to buy them. Secondly, people can easily update news or information anytime and anywhere as long as they have a smartphone connecting to wifi. This is an extraordinary benefit for busy people who has a limit of time per day. Finaly, the high quality and vivid image helps the digital books and newspapers outweigh the conventional ones.

In my conclusion, the purchase of printed newspapers or books will be decreasingly dropped and people will prefer to buy digital ones due to their obvious advantages.