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Posts by gbach [Suspended]
Name: Nguyễn Gia Bách
Joined: Oct 2, 2021
Last Post: Oct 19, 2021
Threads: 3
Posts: 8  
From: Viet Nam
School: THP

Displayed posts: 11
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gbach   
Oct 19, 2021
Writing Feedback / [IELTS TASK 1] MAP ABOUT A UNIVERSITY'S SPORTS CENTRE [7]

@ehetenandaiyo
You should give the overview a particular paragraph with 2 sentences
''The future plans show no changes to the existing facilities, apart from ...'', which is not true bc almost everything changes
gbach   
Oct 13, 2021
Writing Feedback / My IELTS essay about music which connects people from various backgrounds and ages [NEW]

Some people say that music is good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together.

To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?



Music undoubtedly plays an indispensable role in people's lives. Some individuals attest that music is an ideal way to connect with people from various backgrounds and ages. I strongly agree with this viewpoint, and this essay will shed light on my opinion.

To begin with, every person listens to music regardless of their nationality, and since a variety of cultures are often interpreted through songs, the public will get to know more about other countries' customs. Especially in this era of globalization, music brings people in touch with diverse cultural backgrounds. For instance, more music from less-known countries has become renowned in recent years owing to the world being globalized. Moreover, artists in well-known music industry such as America are fostered to co-operate with overseas singers, which indeed popularizes their cultures to the worldwide audience.

Furthermore, music has a massive capacity to erase the generation gap between youngsters and elderly. It is prevalent to see a number of songs mixed with classical and modern instruments which suit both the youth and senior's music taste. Moreover, these artworks tend to mention every matter of life in order to attract viewers from all ages. Nowadays, there are tons of albums that are well-rounded in featuring not only political but also entertaining sides. For example, fans of ''This is America'' come from different ages because the song serves seniors with political plots and adolescents for its catchy tune and melody.

In conclusion, music is of paramount importance in having people from different groups of ethnicity and ages get along with each other due to its popularity and appropriate content. Therefore, I firmly believe that music should be promoted in every social platform.
gbach   
Oct 13, 2021
Writing Feedback / IELTS - taking a gap year before starting university, to travel or gain work experience [8]

graduate high school --> graduate from high school

Secondly, youngsters can also gain new real-life experiences which may be useful for academic purposes could not found in schools --> Secondly, youngsters can also gain new real-life experiences which may be useful for academic purposes that could not be found in schools

a gap year can be really necessary and crutial for a certain amount of students who have just finished taking the entrance examination --> a gap year can be really necessary and crucial for a certain number of students who have just finished taking the entrance examination

Your essay is good, just a few grammar errors needed re-correcting. Good luck!!
gbach   
Oct 13, 2021
Writing Feedback / International tourism is a bad thing for some countries. Reasons and solutions. [5]

Owning to
...detrimental effects to the environment
'For example,... scenery, Thailand' --> Thailand, for example, has the former problem...
not only throw the garbage randomly but also
soared demand/increasing demand
make the government pay ... and encountering
and taken care of it
... for the travelers, fining for
Remove ''the government has to take action''

Also, some sentence are a bit unclear
gbach   
Oct 12, 2021
Writing Feedback / The number of enquiries received by a travel agent in 2011 (IELTS task 1) [NEW]

the number of interrogations directed to the Tourist Information Centre



The graph below shows the number of enquiries received by the Tourist Information Office in one city over a six-month period in 2011. (you can search the topic)

The graph illustrates the number of interrogations directed to the Tourist Information Centre over a period of six months in 2011.

In general, the first half of the period witnessed the dominance of telephone enquiry, while in person investigation was the most common method in the second half of the period. It is also noticeable that the most significant change belonged to face to face interrogation.

From January to March, ranked first in the graph was telephone, whose number fluctuated between 900 and 1000 enquiries. In contrast, the figure for letter/email remained just under 800 and it was surpassed by in person method in early March.

During the four remaining months of 2011, the number of face to face enquiries increased dramatically and took over the first rank which was held by telephone to reach the peak of approximately 1900. However, the figure for letter/email went on a downward trend until it reached a plateau at around 400 enquiries in May.
gbach   
Oct 12, 2021
Writing Feedback / TOEFL TASK 2 - physical education classes should be cut, art and and music should be eliminated [4]

@deja
In your opening, you say ''thus, its preferable to stop art, which is unrelatable to your former assumption:''I think physical education''

''Help them to do'' => ''help them do sth''

''Also, this subject ... it, which means that is not possible ...''

Conclusion: you should focus more on your sentence structure, use more connectors such as which, who, where... and less simple sentences
gbach   
Oct 7, 2021
Writing Feedback / Some people attest that team sports have more positive impacts on public health than individual [5]

Essay about the benefits of team sports and individual sports - (IELTS WRITING TASK 2)



Some people think that it is more beneficial to take part in sports which are played in teams, like football, while other people think that taking part in individual sports, like tennis or swimming, is better. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Write at least 250 words.


Some people attest that team sports have more positive impacts on public health, while others claim there are far more benefits in playing individual sports. Although team sports are bound to keep fit, I also agree that single sports also improve athleticism.

On the one hand, dual sports indeed develop teamwork, which plays an indispensable part in the working environment. When cooperating with other teammates, people are more likely to deal with conflict circumstances so it teaches them problem-solving skills and reasoning skills. On top of that, a strong bond between partners is required to win the game, therefore, it is crucial to comprehend your teammates, which might be the major criterion in doing group work. Secondly, these sports involve competitiveness in which each player has to put in a lot of hard work to assure a position in the team. This may push them to their limits and motivate everyone to try their best. For instance, football players tend to be more persistent and spirited since they are often trained in a competitive environment.

On the other hand, there are also several pros when playing single sports. Since there is no external aid besides your efforts, these sports foster your individualism. According to a report in New York, athletes engaged in tennis and swimming are more self-contained since they spend hours on end training alone and focusing on themselves, hence, knowing their weaknesses and strength to improve. Moreover, these sports-type requires every body part to function, resulting in well-rounded players in this field such as Federer or Djokovic. This explains why badminton and tennis professionals are specialists in handling and running because these two sports not only forces players to master serving skill but also emphasizes the need in speed.

In conclusion, it is believed that team sports are ranked first in keeping fit, while single sports supporters opine the opposite. I argue that these two categories are equally important for their paramount benefits to our health condition and daily life.
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