Sunny0629
Jan 11, 2023
Writing Feedback / IELTS writing task 1: Demographic change in Japan [3]
@Holt Thanks for you help, that's really helpful for me. Have a nice day!
@Holt Thanks for you help, that's really helpful for me. Have a nice day!
Sunny0629
Jan 7, 2023
Writing Feedback / IELTS writing task 1: Demographic change in Japan [3]
The question:
You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.
The table below shows the Japanese population by different age groups from 1970 to 2040.
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
You should write at least 150 words.
The answer:
The chart presents information about three different age groups in Japan during the period from 1960 to 2000, and projections until 2040.
At the beginning of the 1960s, the 15-46 age group accounted for almost two thirds of the Japanese population, while the figure for under-14-year-old people is relatively low (30% only). And the smallest age group is the over-65s, who made up only 3% of the population at that time.
But all the situation changed dramatically in the following forty years. Although people aged 15-46 were still the major part of the Japan demographic, the proportion of them was volatile. It reach a new high (around 75%) in 1990 but quickly dropped to about 62% a decade later. And the percentage of people aged under 14 gradually declined to 20% by the end of 2000, while the figure for people aged over 65 increased noticeably to 20% (on a par with the under 14 age group).
And the proportion of the 15-46 age group and people aged under 14 may keep failing sharply to approximately 55% and 4% respectively until 2040. By comparison, the percentage of over-65s age groups is likely to grow significantly to 50%, only slightly less than the 15-46 age group.
Overall, the proportion of elderly people in Japan is rising rapidly, while the proportion of middle-aged people and children is both showing a moderate decline. By 2040, the proportion of the elderly and middle-aged population is expected to be closer, and considerably higher than the proportion of children. (253 words)
For those of you who have read this paper, could you please give me some advice on IELTS Task 1? I am not familiar with the composition structure of IELTS Task 1. When practicing Task 1, I often find that when I finish expressing what I want to express, it usually takes more than 20 minutes, and the number of words is far more than the 150 words mentioned in the question. How can I solve this problem? Please tell me, thanks.
population in japan
The question:
You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.
The table below shows the Japanese population by different age groups from 1970 to 2040.
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
You should write at least 150 words.
The answer:
The chart presents information about three different age groups in Japan during the period from 1960 to 2000, and projections until 2040.
At the beginning of the 1960s, the 15-46 age group accounted for almost two thirds of the Japanese population, while the figure for under-14-year-old people is relatively low (30% only). And the smallest age group is the over-65s, who made up only 3% of the population at that time.
But all the situation changed dramatically in the following forty years. Although people aged 15-46 were still the major part of the Japan demographic, the proportion of them was volatile. It reach a new high (around 75%) in 1990 but quickly dropped to about 62% a decade later. And the percentage of people aged under 14 gradually declined to 20% by the end of 2000, while the figure for people aged over 65 increased noticeably to 20% (on a par with the under 14 age group).
And the proportion of the 15-46 age group and people aged under 14 may keep failing sharply to approximately 55% and 4% respectively until 2040. By comparison, the percentage of over-65s age groups is likely to grow significantly to 50%, only slightly less than the 15-46 age group.
Overall, the proportion of elderly people in Japan is rising rapidly, while the proportion of middle-aged people and children is both showing a moderate decline. By 2040, the proportion of the elderly and middle-aged population is expected to be closer, and considerably higher than the proportion of children. (253 words)
For those of you who have read this paper, could you please give me some advice on IELTS Task 1? I am not familiar with the composition structure of IELTS Task 1. When practicing Task 1, I often find that when I finish expressing what I want to express, it usually takes more than 20 minutes, and the number of words is far more than the 150 words mentioned in the question. How can I solve this problem? Please tell me, thanks.
Sunny0629
Jan 7, 2023
Writing Feedback / [Writing Ielts Task 2] The most important function of music is that it helps people reduce stress. [3]
I am also studying for the IELTS, and I can hardly imagine a candidate who can write a 440 word essay in 40 minutes and give such a professional explanation (the type of explanation I can only see in research reports). I might not even spell 'cortisol' correctly in the real exam. In fact, the IELTS writing test does not measure your professional knowledge, it is an English language level test. You just need to have reasonable logic to justify your opinion, accurate data or relevant scientific research are not necessary.
And there are a lot of grammatical mistakes in your paper. Although IELTS is allowed to make some grammatical errors, too many grammatical errors, especially low-level errors, will make your GRA (Grammatical Range and Accuracy) score very low.
The most frequent ones to watch out for are misspelling, redundancy or confusion in articles, and errors in the use of parts of speech.
Here are some examples of incorrect use of parts of speech. I hope you can understand.
1. In the last sentence of paragraph 1, 'support' should use its gerund form, 'supporting'.
2. In the second paragraph, you should use the adjective 'increasing' to describe noun phrases, not the adverb 'increasingly'
At the same time, the spelling mistakes are also very noteworthy.
In your paper, spell 'with' as' wth 'in the last sentence of the second paragraph. In the second sentence of the third paragraph, 'thinking' is spelled 'thingking'. In the fourth sentence of the third paragraph, if I understand correctly, you mean 'a sad love tragedy'. You wrote 'a sad love stragedy'. In the last sentence of paragraph 3, you spelled 'successfully' instead of 'sucessfully' and 'responsibility' instead of 'responsibilty'.
Although some of these mistakes will not affect reading, they will lower your IELTS writing score.
And compassion is an uncountable noun, it has no even form.
I hope my reply can help you prepare for IELTS writing. Good luck!
I am also studying for the IELTS, and I can hardly imagine a candidate who can write a 440 word essay in 40 minutes and give such a professional explanation (the type of explanation I can only see in research reports). I might not even spell 'cortisol' correctly in the real exam. In fact, the IELTS writing test does not measure your professional knowledge, it is an English language level test. You just need to have reasonable logic to justify your opinion, accurate data or relevant scientific research are not necessary.
And there are a lot of grammatical mistakes in your paper. Although IELTS is allowed to make some grammatical errors, too many grammatical errors, especially low-level errors, will make your GRA (Grammatical Range and Accuracy) score very low.
The most frequent ones to watch out for are misspelling, redundancy or confusion in articles, and errors in the use of parts of speech.
Here are some examples of incorrect use of parts of speech. I hope you can understand.
1. In the last sentence of paragraph 1, 'support' should use its gerund form, 'supporting'.
2. In the second paragraph, you should use the adjective 'increasing' to describe noun phrases, not the adverb 'increasingly'
At the same time, the spelling mistakes are also very noteworthy.
In your paper, spell 'with' as' wth 'in the last sentence of the second paragraph. In the second sentence of the third paragraph, 'thinking' is spelled 'thingking'. In the fourth sentence of the third paragraph, if I understand correctly, you mean 'a sad love tragedy'. You wrote 'a sad love stragedy'. In the last sentence of paragraph 3, you spelled 'successfully' instead of 'sucessfully' and 'responsibility' instead of 'responsibilty'.
Although some of these mistakes will not affect reading, they will lower your IELTS writing score.
And compassion is an uncountable noun, it has no even form.
I hope my reply can help you prepare for IELTS writing. Good luck!
Sunny0629
Jan 7, 2023
Writing Feedback / TASK II IELTS regarding of the world becoming popular to research the history of owns family [3]
I'm not going to judge your performance in TA, LR and CC. Holt has already made a comprehensive assessment, and my understanding of the other three is not comprehensive. I will only talk about your grammar mistakes.
1. You need to be aware of some formatting issues, including capitalizing the first letter of the first word of the sentence.
2. In the second paragraph, you wrote 'families member'. I'm sorry this is a wrong expression, it's a fixed phrase 'family members'.
3. In paragraph 4, you cannot say 'for younger who'. 'younger' is not a noun, it is an adjective and therefore cannot be the object of a sentence. Better to replace it with 'younger people who'.
4. In paragraph 4, what do you mean by "If the research is compiled information with comprehensive"? If I understand you correctly, you probably mean 'If research compiles the information comprehensively'.
5. At the end of paragraph 4 and at the beginning of paragraph 5, you wrote 'young generation'. The correct set phrase is' younger generation '.
Also, I really have a hard time understanding what you're trying to say in your conclusion paragraph.
I hope these suggestions will help you prepare better for IELTS writing. I'm looking forward to seeing your improvement in your next essay.
Have a nice day!
I'm not going to judge your performance in TA, LR and CC. Holt has already made a comprehensive assessment, and my understanding of the other three is not comprehensive. I will only talk about your grammar mistakes.
1. You need to be aware of some formatting issues, including capitalizing the first letter of the first word of the sentence.
2. In the second paragraph, you wrote 'families member'. I'm sorry this is a wrong expression, it's a fixed phrase 'family members'.
3. In paragraph 4, you cannot say 'for younger who'. 'younger' is not a noun, it is an adjective and therefore cannot be the object of a sentence. Better to replace it with 'younger people who'.
4. In paragraph 4, what do you mean by "If the research is compiled information with comprehensive"? If I understand you correctly, you probably mean 'If research compiles the information comprehensively'.
5. At the end of paragraph 4 and at the beginning of paragraph 5, you wrote 'young generation'. The correct set phrase is' younger generation '.
Also, I really have a hard time understanding what you're trying to say in your conclusion paragraph.
I hope these suggestions will help you prepare better for IELTS writing. I'm looking forward to seeing your improvement in your next essay.
Have a nice day!
Sunny0629
Jan 7, 2023
Writing Feedback / IELTS writing task 2: The causes and solutions of reoffending [2]
The question:
Write about the following topic:
Research suggests that many prisoners commit crimes again after being released from prison.
WHAT ARE THE CAUSES OF THIS? SUGGEST SOME SOLUTIONS.
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Write at least 250 words.
The answer:
Nowadays, there are more and more released offenders who tend to commit crimes again. The unaltered pattern of a criminal's behaviour and people's discrimination against them contributed to this phenomenon.
Numerous criminals choose to reoffend because prisons do not affect their mind, they still act as they did before they stayed in a cell or even worse than before. Prisons should do more to educate and rehabilitate prisoners than only to punish or imprison them. Punishment will genuinely make those offenders feel suffering, but suffering does not necessarily make them want to be proper citizens, they may still commit crime as before. They will still use illegal means to acquire others' assets or use violence to solve problems when they are out of gaol, if prisons fail to drive home to these criminals that committing crime is a shame, and the price of crime.
Secondly, people's prejudice against these people released from prison (even though they hope to become proper citizens) can also lead them to reoffend. Due to this discrimination, it is difficult for a former criminal to find employment, not only that critical units of the state would not accept them, but also small businesses and even they cannot be a courier or cleaner. Numerous former criminals are unable to find a job and cannot even feed themselves and their families, so they can only rob or steal others' property to make sure they can survive.
This trend can be tackled in two ways. First, prisons should strengthen the psychological construction of criminals, rather than just focusing on using stiff punishment. Making criminals not want to commit crimes is far more effective in reducing repeat crime than making criminals fear punishment. If an ex-criminal deeply believes that crime is shameful, he will not commit it again even if he has the ability and the opportunity. The second solution is that the government can teach these released prisoners skills which can let them survive in society and strengthen their employment. For these released offenders who want to become qualified citizens, if they can feed themselves in a legal and decent way, they are less likely to commit another crime.
In conclusion, prisons should pay more attention to the psychological education of prisoners. And in the meantime, offering jobs to ex-offenders could also help tackle the rise in reoffending. (389 words)
And excuse me, could someone please tell me the approximate score of this essay in TA, LR, CC and GRA respectively if it is in a real IELTS test?
Thank you for reading this paper and providing valuable comments. Have a nice day!
The question:
Write about the following topic:
Research suggests that many prisoners commit crimes again after being released from prison.
WHAT ARE THE CAUSES OF THIS? SUGGEST SOME SOLUTIONS.
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Write at least 250 words.
The answer:
Nowadays, there are more and more released offenders who tend to commit crimes again. The unaltered pattern of a criminal's behaviour and people's discrimination against them contributed to this phenomenon.
Numerous criminals choose to reoffend because prisons do not affect their mind, they still act as they did before they stayed in a cell or even worse than before. Prisons should do more to educate and rehabilitate prisoners than only to punish or imprison them. Punishment will genuinely make those offenders feel suffering, but suffering does not necessarily make them want to be proper citizens, they may still commit crime as before. They will still use illegal means to acquire others' assets or use violence to solve problems when they are out of gaol, if prisons fail to drive home to these criminals that committing crime is a shame, and the price of crime.
Secondly, people's prejudice against these people released from prison (even though they hope to become proper citizens) can also lead them to reoffend. Due to this discrimination, it is difficult for a former criminal to find employment, not only that critical units of the state would not accept them, but also small businesses and even they cannot be a courier or cleaner. Numerous former criminals are unable to find a job and cannot even feed themselves and their families, so they can only rob or steal others' property to make sure they can survive.
This trend can be tackled in two ways. First, prisons should strengthen the psychological construction of criminals, rather than just focusing on using stiff punishment. Making criminals not want to commit crimes is far more effective in reducing repeat crime than making criminals fear punishment. If an ex-criminal deeply believes that crime is shameful, he will not commit it again even if he has the ability and the opportunity. The second solution is that the government can teach these released prisoners skills which can let them survive in society and strengthen their employment. For these released offenders who want to become qualified citizens, if they can feed themselves in a legal and decent way, they are less likely to commit another crime.
In conclusion, prisons should pay more attention to the psychological education of prisoners. And in the meantime, offering jobs to ex-offenders could also help tackle the rise in reoffending. (389 words)
And excuse me, could someone please tell me the approximate score of this essay in TA, LR, CC and GRA respectively if it is in a real IELTS test?
Thank you for reading this paper and providing valuable comments. Have a nice day!
Sunny0629
Jan 7, 2023
Writing Feedback / Ielts task 2 _ using alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their normal doctor [3]
I didn't find any grammatical mistakes in your paper. Great!
Your section structure is reasonable, but it should be noted that informal acronym like 'don't' are not accepted in academic papers such as IELTS writing. You can change it to 'do not'.
I hope my answer will be helpful to you. Have a nice day!
I didn't find any grammatical mistakes in your paper. Great!
Your section structure is reasonable, but it should be noted that informal acronym like 'don't' are not accepted in academic papers such as IELTS writing. You can change it to 'do not'.
I hope my answer will be helpful to you. Have a nice day!
Sunny0629
Jan 6, 2023
Writing Feedback / Ielts 2: Government supervised and handled by the authority rather than by private companies [3]
There are some grammatical mistakes in your paper:
1.the article before the noun cannot be omitted, so it is better to put an article like 'the' before the noun 'government'.
2.And in the last sentence of the second paragraph, perhaps accidentally, did this 'pf' mean 'for'?
3.In the third paragraph, should it be 'scientific project' supported by 'private enterprise' instead of 'scientific project' supported 'private enterprise'? So the verb 'back' should be in the passive form 'be done', and it's better to change it to 'is backed'.
4.this "the" in the last sentence of the third paragraph can be deleted. After all, you are not referring to a particular marketing strategy, and you cannot add the definite article if you are not referring to it.
And your paper is too short. IELTS task 2 requires at least 250 words.
In fact, your grammar mistakes are relatively few, you will become better after some preparation. Have a nice day!
There are some grammatical mistakes in your paper:
1.the article before the noun cannot be omitted, so it is better to put an article like 'the' before the noun 'government'.
2.And in the last sentence of the second paragraph, perhaps accidentally, did this 'pf' mean 'for'?
3.In the third paragraph, should it be 'scientific project' supported by 'private enterprise' instead of 'scientific project' supported 'private enterprise'? So the verb 'back' should be in the passive form 'be done', and it's better to change it to 'is backed'.
4.this "the" in the last sentence of the third paragraph can be deleted. After all, you are not referring to a particular marketing strategy, and you cannot add the definite article if you are not referring to it.
And your paper is too short. IELTS task 2 requires at least 250 words.
In fact, your grammar mistakes are relatively few, you will become better after some preparation. Have a nice day!
Sunny0629
Jan 6, 2023
Writing Feedback / IELTS writing task 2 Why women's sports receive less attention than men's sports [2]
The question:
Write about the following topic:
Society today pays less attention to women's sports than to men's sports.
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Write at least 250 words.
My answer:
Nowadays, female athletes gain less public attention than males. I believe that the difference in their physical fitness contributes to this negative trend.
Because of the structure of the body, the competition of female athletes is not as intense as male athletes'. The intensity and competitive level of the men's game are more likely to outcompete women's in most strength sports. And the public is more willing to watch games that give them greater excitement, only with the exception of some skilled sports such as figure skating, synchronised swimming and gymnastics which people enjoy the beauty of women in these sports. So that is one reason why female athletes get so little attention.
This is a negative trend for the development of sports. For sports, the sportsmanship displayed by the participants is considerably more essential than the final place or the ability of the players. Even though most sports that women participate in are not as intense and wonderful as men's due to physical conditions; the fighting spirit shown by female athletes in competitions is not weaker than that of male athletes. Therefore, it is unfair not to pay attention to the hard work of female athletes simply because of their ability. In addition, the lack of attention can make women less enthusiastic about sports, and turning women off sports goes against the original idea of sports competitions that sport is about participation and sportsmanship, instead of the level and ranking of the players.
In conclusion, the physical fitness of female athletes is lower than that of male athletes and this result will cause a decline in competitive intensity makes the audience more willing to watch the male athletes compete with each other. This phenomenon will reduce the enthusiasm of women for athletic competition and defeat the meaning of athletic competition. (302 words)
Thank you very much for taking the time to read my paper and give me comments and suggestions on my current writing level. Have a nice day!
The question:
Write about the following topic:
Society today pays less attention to women's sports than to men's sports.
Why is this the case? Is this a positive or negative trend?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Write at least 250 words.
My answer:
Nowadays, female athletes gain less public attention than males. I believe that the difference in their physical fitness contributes to this negative trend.
Because of the structure of the body, the competition of female athletes is not as intense as male athletes'. The intensity and competitive level of the men's game are more likely to outcompete women's in most strength sports. And the public is more willing to watch games that give them greater excitement, only with the exception of some skilled sports such as figure skating, synchronised swimming and gymnastics which people enjoy the beauty of women in these sports. So that is one reason why female athletes get so little attention.
This is a negative trend for the development of sports. For sports, the sportsmanship displayed by the participants is considerably more essential than the final place or the ability of the players. Even though most sports that women participate in are not as intense and wonderful as men's due to physical conditions; the fighting spirit shown by female athletes in competitions is not weaker than that of male athletes. Therefore, it is unfair not to pay attention to the hard work of female athletes simply because of their ability. In addition, the lack of attention can make women less enthusiastic about sports, and turning women off sports goes against the original idea of sports competitions that sport is about participation and sportsmanship, instead of the level and ranking of the players.
In conclusion, the physical fitness of female athletes is lower than that of male athletes and this result will cause a decline in competitive intensity makes the audience more willing to watch the male athletes compete with each other. This phenomenon will reduce the enthusiasm of women for athletic competition and defeat the meaning of athletic competition. (302 words)
Thank you very much for taking the time to read my paper and give me comments and suggestions on my current writing level. Have a nice day!
