Unanswered [0] | Urgent [0]

Posts by ssuraj
Joined: Nov 29, 2009
Last Post: Dec 27, 2009
Threads: 4
Posts: 7  

From: India

Displayed posts: 11
sort: Latest first   Oldest first  | 
Dec 27, 2009
Undergraduate / Home - there is always my heart - and it is everywhere. Common App Essay [7]

wow. i liked the content of your essay. and that is very mature and sensible conclusion that you have reached. i'm sure this will impress the admissions officers. just make sure to tidy up the little mistakes. just make the last sentence part of the last paragraph. it makes it look awkward by itself. use the word consolidate instead of coalesce. coalesce is more used to show that two entities are being merged, whereas cosolidate shows how all things are coming together. idk, personal preference i guess. this is a very well written essay. good luck.
Dec 25, 2009
Undergraduate / Georgetown essay - Perfectionist [2]

Essay One
ALL APPLICANTS: The Admissions Committee would like to know more about you in your own words. Please submit a brief essay, either personal or creative, which you feel best describes you.

In fourth grade, our teacher assigned each student with a job in the classroom. My job was to clean the white board at the end of the day and then write the following day's date at the top so it would be ready for the next day. I took this job very seriously even though it was just a matter of erasing multiplication tables or compound sentences. I wanted to impress my teacher by erasing everything down to the last black smudge with the help of a cleaning spray to get rid of the smearing effect. Clearly, my policy to make sure that my job was done right proved that I likened to perfectionist policies. I'm what you would call a normal perfectionist; I've always set high standards for myself to excel and if circumstance compels me, I'd be willing to lower them to meet expectations. I devote both my successes and failures to my perfectionist attitude.

My dad often says "Strive for excellence, not perfection!" At first, this seemed to contradict my beliefs and attitude; however, I realized after countless times, that even though I maintain a perfectionist attitude, I use that as my drive to achieve excellence. In all honesty, excellence is true perfection. My perfectionist attitude has also contributed greatly to procrastination, because I'm always picky about the "perfect" or right way to do something that I get caught up in that and waste time. Although procrastination is bad, it is my way of pre-planning everything in my head. And in the final stage, I give it my all and according to my past experiences, I've succeeded and achieved excellence on my assignments and projects fairly well. Procrastination to me is just the stage where I feel too overwhelmed to do the task at hand until I have planned it out carefully in my head and made sure I'm not remiss in any aspect. This has proven quite effective for me and I've become accustomed to it. However, my perfectionist attitude has also let me glean how I can change for the better from the unfavorable experiences. It has kept me alert to put things such as procrastination and my "give it all in go" policy in context to the situation. In this way, I'm flexible when I need to be and have a higher transparency and accountability over the matters at hand.

In the real world has become a feeding frenzy when it comes to bequeathing positions of power and responsibility to newer and younger adults. Competition has exponentially increased and has become the external capitalistic driving force of our lives. In order to be the cream of the crop, it has become vital that a student is capable of upholding his/her domestic values and meeting deadlines and expectations. And throughout my years in school, I've principally adhered to refining the little details of my personality and how I maintain and actively use what I learn and know. My efforts to be perfect in what I do may seem to be in vain as no one can achieve perfection, but it most definitely has allowed me to value what I know. What good is it if I'm just a skeptic who knows everything, but the value of nothing. My perfectionism has made sure that I learn and relearn and value what I have learned. It has been an essential part of me because it has taught me that to do my best in anything even when I know nothing of it. It has given me the sense of being dutiful and maintaining continuity to completion.

No matter the outcome, this attitude of mine has given me a unique experience in all affairs of life. It has been the vehicle of persistence that has propelled me to pursue my interests actively and daringly. The constant self-scrutinizing, although harsh at times, has made me strive to perfect the little things in life and refine my lifestyle.

please give much constructive criticism!!! thank you!
Dec 25, 2009
Undergraduate / Why CMU: My interest in Neurology [4]

This is a well composed essay in terms of the ideas and content present. tweak things around here and there. u make some strong and impressive points about your research... now tell us why u want to bring that to CMU. how can CMU help u further ur research or how will u help CMU? nice diction throughtout, but you need to structure ur essay a little bit more. the transitions are a little off and choppy. "I am currently working on a research paper that presents my observations. To fulfill my school requirements of participation in a regional science fair" I know you explain your points well, but you just skipped from research paper to a science fair project. but otherwise, i liked you essay a lot and that's really great that you are working on a research paper. makes you as a person credible. keep it up and best of luck!
Nov 29, 2009
Undergraduate / OSU undergrad essay -- Why are you considering OSU [3]

I liked the personal approach you took in explaining your personality and how OSU allows you to express it and excel. Just make sure you start out with a solid introductory paragraph with a thesis incorporating some theme as EF_kevin stated. other than that, the idea is good and it is written well. Good luck.
Nov 29, 2009
Undergraduate / GW honors essay - Is it too business like? [2]

1. In an essay of approximately 300 words, let us know why you want to be a member of the University Honors Program.

I strongly believe that the Honors Program at The George Washington University is one of the best academic programs in this nation where there are plentiful resources and excellent professional fields of research. It has a vast array of possibilities that I can pursue to shape my future career. I whole-heartedly want to be a member of the University Honors Program because it is a perfect mutually beneficial relationship in which the Program and I will benefit from what we have to offer each other.

Personally, the University Honors Program has a wide base of opportunities that will provide me with a path to perceive the world objectively and critically as I break away from the simplicity of thinking in one dimension. The Honors program is a perfect fit for me as I go on to pursue a career in the medical field. The tough, challenging courses it provides will add to my drive to excel and succeed.

As a child, my parents instilled in me the values of holistically approaching life and becoming a successful person with the power to help others succeed as well. These are the values that I will bring to George Washington University's Honors Program. True success to me is defined as self-actualization. My experience in the Honors Program will be a great asset that will empower me with the capacity to succeed and to help others succeed as well. Unlike most people who ask what this great institution's Honors Program can do for them, I ask what I can do for the Program itself. I will bring a new perspective to the program enriching its wonderful experience for me, everyone else, and the institution itself.

*Please provide constructive criticism. Is it too business like? Does it convey why i truly want to join or not? does it seem adequate? thank you.
Nov 29, 2009
Undergraduate / "Speech and debate are a lifelong learning process" [3]

Good essay, but without the prompt, it's hard to critique it. Good transition and introduction into the scene of an extemp round. However, try to add more analysis as to how it has impacted you. You mention how you found this activity to be liberating, but it's hard to understand the change this activity has brought in your life without properly giving a description of how it was before you joined the activity or giving a solid paragraph about it's impact... other than that, it's a well written essay. Good luck!
Nov 29, 2009
Undergraduate / A challenge I overcame through persistence [2]

Nice essay. Good way to describe the situation and reflect. However, i believe you can improve your last paragraph to add more things about how it has impacted you as you reflect upon this incident. Think of it this way. You spend 80% of your essay describing Kumdo and your match with that korean saying thrown in, but what has the reader truly learned about you? Other than your loss and motivation to win the next time around, nothing. You need to either add onto your last paragraph to show specifics of how you have been impacted or include it throughout your essay. Other than that, great approach! Tweak it a little here and there and it will make your essay that much better. Good luck!
Nov 29, 2009
Undergraduate / "Albert Einstein got it wrong countless times", George Washington Univ Essay [15]

. In an essay of approximately 500 words, respond to one of the three essay topics below.

c. 'Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.' - A. Einstein. Describe your most interesting mistake.


I principally adhered to a policy of not dating in high school so I could remain focused on my academics by not getting caught up in the drama that is dating. However, there came a point in my junior year when I told myself 'Alright, things are in my control. I happen to like a girl who likes me back. Why not give it a shot!' It felt great at first: late night four hour phone conversations, walking in the park holding hands together, and writing cute, amorous poems to each other. But to my dismay, after several months, the sparks weren't firing as intensely as they did before. We still liked each other, but just weren't able to make things work. Both of us were too busy to make time to further this relationship into something more meaningful. This stagnation grew into frustration which then grew to anger. Inevitably, we ended this as maturely as possible. After parting ways, we are and will always be good friends.

The mistake of dating was a profound experience that taught me important and valuable lessons. I rectified my mistakes by learning the concrete life skills I need to excel and succeed. Although the emotional rushes of dating are something I miss, I learned that in any situation in life, it is important to have control of your senses and behave rationally. Many times, my frustration grew out of improper communication and I changed myself to be more open and communicable with anyone. Dating made me realize the time and effort one must put in to create a lasting relationship in life. It opened my eyes to the truth that I wasn't capable of sustaining a sensible relationship at this stage in my life and that I should focus my efforts into becoming someone before being with someone. Ironically, the diverting act of dating was an essential detour of learning which brought me back to the right path.

Lessons in life sometimes come as sugar coated mistakes giving way to the sour, yet powerful truth. You choose either to let it engulf you or to transform it into a sweet asset. Oscar Wilde once said "Experience is the name we give to our mistakes." I chose to make this mistake into an enriching and memorable experience.

*I took a completely different approach. Hopefully it isn't biased in one way. Please give much constructive criticism. Thank you.
Nov 29, 2009
Undergraduate / Medical knowledge, Johns Hopkins Supplement Essay [3]

I too love biology and great way to approach your essay. You answer the question perfectly and what you want to major in. However, your answer of biomedical engineering is pretty generic. Colleges know what biomedical engineering involves and what you can do with it; they don't need you to tell them that. They could just as easily say "ok, so if you want to pursue biomedical engineering, then you can do that at most other universities as well". Tell them why you want to pursue it at JHU. What makes JHU special. What does JHU have in biomed engineering that other colleges don't. If you could incorporate that aspect into your essay, then it will be golden. Good luck!
Nov 29, 2009
Undergraduate / Awakening from my dreamy sleep, UC Prompt #1-my world [4]

I love the approach that you took trying to make the reader step into your shoes. But it begins to be a little too much like a narrative. You need to include a paragraph somewhere that clearly states how it has affected your dreams and aspirations. You only answered half the prompt. From your descriptive essay of a day in your life, people can derive various number of meanings. The right ones or the wrong ones. Add something to makesure they recieve the right meaning and interpretation. Instead of just narrating your day, you can make it a flashback type situation. you start off talking narrating your day and then u, the narrator, interject and talk about how it actually shapes your dreams and goals. other than that, it's good. Don't redo it, or change much of it. Remember tweaking your essay little by little is the best possible thing to do, and doing it a good 5 times will get you the right essay. any more and you start to correct urself too much to the point that it actually hurts ur essay. good luck.
Nov 29, 2009
Undergraduate / University of Cincinnati Admission Essay [2]

Please provide a Personal Statement regarding how your academic achievements, personal interests, and life experiences have helped prepare you to succeed academically and to be an active member of the UC community. Be sure your response addresses each of the three components. (Please limit your response to approximately 250 words).

Bo Bennett once said "A dream becomes a goal when action is taken toward its achievement." As a child, my parents instilled in me the values of thinking big to succeed and helping others succeed as well.

Initially, success didn't come so easily. After moving from India and with a new window of opportunity, I developed an academic interest essential for success. Reading became my passion that I successfully completed the "Ohio Reads Governor's Challenge" in elementary school. In high school, given my prior knowledge about the world, I achieved success in Speech and Debate and qualified to the National Tournament.

Beyond school, I've had a knack for science. I was addicted to my first ever Encyclopedia. My goal was to read one topic everyday and explicate it to my father. I even wrote journals with my own innovative ideas. All the scientific knowledge I've acquired prior has given me a direction to proceed into the biomedical field. My doctor often jokes "this boy has a knack for the human body; just throw him into med school now."

The vast difference in educational opportunities between India and here gave me a purpose of excelling academically. Here, we have so many facilities and opportunities that many would love to have in India. While visiting India, I realized how privileged I am and that I shouldn't let it go to waste.

With a strong background in education and various academic activities, I will bring my "think big" attitude to the UC community.

*please provide constructive criticism. comments on strong points and weak points and what i can change to improve my essay will be greatly appreciated.