iRunShow
Mar 13, 2011
Undergraduate / "Bright personality, knowledge and soccer team" - for UBC--Bachelor of Science [5]
Sorry, but I disagree with Kevin. Your essay needs a lot of work.
I possess many qualities that would help me succeed in the Bachelor of Science program. First of all, I have a bright personality and unlimited enthusiasm. I am an outstanding student from childhood which means I have a solid foundation of knowledge . This must have positive impact on my study. (reword this)My questioning mind plays an essential role in studying science, it is generally accepted that science is a process of finding the essence of insubstantial semblance, so persistency in exploring is the key of scientific research. I have a positive upward and strong self-confidence (???? what is positive upward?); I am never afraid of difficulties and problems. My passion is the momentum of doing scientific research. My out-of-class activities in high school also contribute to my personal development. I participate student council and the girl's soccer team at my spare time. My role on the student council focuses on the organization of social activities for the student body, which helps me develop practical skills like organization, communication and leadership. These skills are all essential to my future succes s as a student and engineer because they are the key skills for planning, developing and completing tasks in both educational and professional settings. My position as a member of my school's senior girl's soccer squad taught me the benefits of team spirit and of being a team player, both of which will have a positive influence on how I interact at school and on the job.
Make your essay in present tense. Avoid "this is" conjunction (instead insert what "this is" actually is).
Your essay does not flow every well. Work on transitions. There are more grammar errors. I only fixed a few.
Good luck
Sorry, but I disagree with Kevin. Your essay needs a lot of work.
I possess many qualities that would help me succeed in the Bachelor of Science program. First of all, I have a bright personality and unlimited enthusiasm. I am an outstanding student from childhood which means I have a solid foundation of knowledge . This must have positive impact on my study. (reword this)My questioning mind plays an essential role in studying science, it is generally accepted that science is a process of finding the essence of insubstantial semblance, so persistency in exploring is the key of scientific research. I have a positive upward and strong self-confidence (???? what is positive upward?); I am never afraid of difficulties and problems. My passion is the momentum of doing scientific research. My out-of-class activities in high school also contribute to my personal development. I participate student council and the girl's soccer team at my spare time. My role on the student council focuses on the organization of social activities for the student body, which helps me develop practical skills like organization, communication and leadership. These skills are all essential to my future succes s as a student and engineer because they are the key skills for planning, developing and completing tasks in both educational and professional settings. My position as a member of my school's senior girl's soccer squad taught me the benefits of team spirit and of being a team player, both of which will have a positive influence on how I interact at school and on the job.
Make your essay in present tense. Avoid "this is" conjunction (instead insert what "this is" actually is).
Your essay does not flow every well. Work on transitions. There are more grammar errors. I only fixed a few.
Good luck