Writing Feedback / IELTS practice writing for music. [2]

Topic : There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? It the traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard everywhere nowadays?

Music is a form of art and many people listen to it. In addition, many various types of music have appeared in the world. In my opinion, traditional music in the past seemed to be more important than international music but now the situation has changed.

Nowadays, the necessary of music is deserved to be a part of life. Firstly, music makes people relaxed. When people got stress or sadness and axiety, they listen to music. As that can be a therapy, so in Korea some people who have disease use music as a medicine. Futhermore, music can be a way to communicate with other people. As people listen to music, they appeal their emotion through music. So people who have in common in music could communicate widely. Finally, music reflects one's culture, tradition and history. In international events, Olympic and Worldcup, many countries play their own traditional music so others may be able to understand other's culture and history.

However, many youngsters listen to international music such as hip-hop, rock and pop. This is because thesedays music accompanies some kind of trend like fashion and behaviour of famous stars. Eventually, traditional music for many people is declining. However, it is not reasonable because some singer or band try to keep the characteristics of traditional music. For this reason, international music is more important than that music. Young people and many countries export their own music to other countries so that music become international music in the world. Then, people in the world communicate each other throughout music at least.

Having discussed the above, international music became more important part of our lives than traditional music and also many countries try to let all people know their own music which can be a part of culture, history and tradition.

Thank you for reading my IELTS essay. This week I am going to take the IELTS test in New Zealand but I am very nervous and worried. please check my essay and give me good advices if you have had a experience like IELTS.

Writing Feedback / 'first thing people think about work is salary' - job satisfaction essay [NEW]

Topic : As most people spend a major part of their adult life at work, job satisfaction is an important element of individual wellbeing.
What factors contribute to job satisfaction?
How realistic is the expectation of job satisfaction for all workers?

Over the last few decades, environment for work has improved steadily. In addition, most people spend their time at work and job satisfaction is an important part of individual wellbeing.

First of all, as the factor of matter, the first thing people think about work is salary because money is the most important influence in their life. Besides, surroundings are also deserved at work. If the office is dirty or not suitable for work, people working in work place feel uncomfortable and they do not want to work in there. Thirdly, wellbeing for workers in the company is quite important because while they work in the company, they want to improve their life or environment. If the company do not offer to workers, they do not want to work in their company anymore. These are quite important elements for them.

These are truely not considered to the president of company because the president have the power to control workers. If workers want more salary or good environment, they should move their work to other companies. They can require the better environment or salary but the company does not accept their requirement so there are some group to fight company to get better right. Thesedays, most companies of the world have many risks on running so they reduce the workers and replace the workers to other places which are away from their house

Having discussed the above, These elements are quite important to the satisfaction of workers. In addition, these are not totaly supposed to be realistic because the company does not have enough money to give to workers.

This is my practice essay and the topic was found from IELTS cambridge 7 book.
I think sometimes that my essay or point for the topic goes away.
Please give me good advice or suggestion. Thank you for reading my valueless essay.

Writing Feedback / Some people are born with certain talents.. [3]

Topic : It is generally believed that some people are born with certain talents, for instance for sport or music, and others are not. However, it is sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become a good sports person or musician.

Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

Plz check my writing and what problem is in my writing.

Nowadays, there are talented people in the world. It is common opinion that some people are born with some talents such as for sport or music but others are not. However, other people claimed that any child can be taught to become a good sports person or musician. In my opnion, I believe that some people are born with talents.

First of all, at the present there are many innate people who have their specific talents. For example, some children are not taught any skills such as for sport or music but they naturally do act such as playing musical instruments or controlling their skills when they are young. Any one did not teach them but they do some admirable action. This means that some children are born with some talents.

However, there are a lot of people without any talents so when they grow up, they try to learn some skills like early speaking or playing musical instruments. Nevertheless, many people try continously but they do not forgive up learning for special skills. As people develop their own ability, they can feel achievements. Afterall, When they are adults, they persieve strange feelings.

Having discussed the above, some people are born with talents. THis is lucky for them. Nevertheless, people are try to get special talents. Although I agree this statement, nutural is quite important for them. If they do not develop their innate talents, talents in them may decline.