Scholarship / Scholarship letter for my high school's college scholarships- engineering [4]

I am supposed to write a scholarship letter for my school's local scholarships. Other than a sheet with my personal info, lists of activites, and transcript, this is the only other thing that i will be sending them, so it is very important. The requirements for the scholarships are being in the top half of class and active in school and community. Here is what I have for the body. My intro paragraph is horrible so lots of help there especially would really be appreciated. I am waiting to see if i am accepted to my last 2 colleges before deciding, and that paragraph needs more but i rather hate intro's. Other than that, did I miss anything or get too detailed on something? Thank you very much for your help and sugestions!

"My name is ___. I am currently a senior at ____ High School. After graduating I will be attending a four-year university.

Throughout high school, I advocated for the hardest classes possible. In math, foreign language, and many electives, I was one to two years ahead of my grade level. As a junior I took AP Calculus AB and BC, completed my school's math program and received AP scores of 4 and 3. As a senior, the only math class available was physics, which was ridiculously easy for me. I convinced the administrators to let me take a college-level, calculus-based physics class through Brigham Young University. I completed four years of Spanish before my senior year. I opted for the most advanced class whenever possible, such as Advanced English 9 and 10, and AP Government. I am taking my third Project Lead the Way (PLTW) class through Milwaukee School of Engineering. I never settle for coasting through easy classes; I try to find classes that are as challenging as possible.

I give back to my school by helping others. For 4 years I have been a teaching assistant for 5-8th grade math teams, chess club, PLTW summer school, and the current AP Calculus class. I have been a 4-H officer and youth leader for 6 years. Through 4-H, Student Council, FCCLA, class government, and National Honor Society I have been active in many school and community projects. I started recycling projects, organized pep rallies, renovated a park, and developed a school-wide Veteran's Day program. I am also an avid reader and enjoy horseback riding.

I plan to graduate with a Bachelor's in engineering, then go on to graduate school for a Master's degree in a more specific engineering program, such as biomedical or robotics engineering. This scholarship would substantially reduce my need to work during the school year, allowing me to focus on my classes and maintain my high standards and performance. Thank you for taking the time and effort to review my application. "

Undergraduate / loss of sight is not the worst part - "blue eyes" - person who has influenced me [6]

This is my (hopefully) essay for the common app for the prompt about a person who had influenced me a lot and how. Any and all comments are appreciated!

Blue Eyes

My elementary teacher's often used to pair me up with the troubled kids in class, kids with autism, ADDHD, or whatever, in hopes that my calm quiet friendly nature would do them some good. Later on in elementary school, I met Ann on the playground. At the age of two she had lost much of her eyesight and had a liver transplant. Her parents were divorced and her younger brother was autistic. Over the time I knew her she went completely blind and lived through a death threat. Once we started to become best friends, the teacher's marked me down as a trustworthy kid to help her when they couldn't be available.

Five years after moving away, I have come to realize just how much she affected me. Because she had so little, she took nothing for granted and taught me to do the same. I learned that the loss of sight is not the worst part; it is the things you will never see. Her mother says that the walls of her room are green and her little sister's eyes are blue, but she will never know for herself. Since she can't see me, I have learned to use intonation more effectively to convey emotions. On the other hand, I watched her get confused because she couldn't see facial expressions, and learned to value those just as much. I cannot know what it's like to be her, but ever since we met, I have felt lucky to see the minor miracles that she can't.

As we grew older, the social side of school became a major issue for both Ann and me. Aside from learning difficulties due to blindness, she received a death threat from one of our close friends. Our friendship was tested during the ensuing difficulties, but it held strong as we came face to face with drugs, fights, and peer pressure. If Ann had ever given in, she wouldn't be who she is today, and neither would I. She never succumbed to anything, physical and mental. She inspired me to stand strong in the face of peer pressure. Other "friends" encouraged us to wear only extremely expensive name brand clothing. They saw Ann's disabilities before her personality. Some talked of smoking or doing drugs. Popularity demanded that we speak, dress, and act certain ways but Ann wouldn't give in. She refused to change just for acceptance. Standing beside her, refusing to give in to popular but stupid trends just because they were popular, gave me the courage to continue to do so, even after years apart. I live how I want to live, not how others want me to, and I have my days with Ann to thank for that.

Those days with Ann increased once we had to walk to her house after school. These trips were always dangerous because we had to cross major intersections without anyone to help us. Any steps, puddles, or ice we encountered made the trip more difficult. Even once we arrived, I had to safely navigate her around laundry baskets, toys, and furniture. When you are leading a blind person, you have to think of everything since their safety depends on you. Even a book left on the floor can cause problems. I had to become selfless. When problems arose, I had to be able to look at the problem from every angle and be able to choose the best option for Ann. As a middle-schooler, not much tested my attention to detail or ability to understand the world from another person's perspective, but she sure did.

It was a lot of work to be with Ann. Constant watching is not the least of it, but it was all worth it. We would spend hours creating stories together; me writing them down and her adding detail after detail. We would invite the neighbor kids over and make a whirlpool in her swimming pool, or play all afternoon with her dog Boomer. I would give her my blue eyes, help, and friendship whenever she needed it. She gave me the awareness, self-confidence and determination that I needed to get his far, and to get where I am going.

Is the organization and flow alright? Is the content good?

Thank you,
Ayshaya