EF_Team5
May 24, 2008
Book Reports / "Marriage is the voluntary union of two people"; Thousand Splendid Suns Essay [6]
Good morning.
It is difficult for me to edit an essay of this length without proper citations; for instance, I do not want to have to worry about whether or not I am correcting a direct quote (because those need to stay exactly as you found them in the text). Once those citations are intact, I can edit for mechanics and grammar; you don't need to re-post the entire essay, just edit the previous one with the citations. What type of reference style are you required to use? This is of importance in regards to the format of your in-text citations.
In regards to the requirements your teacher has set forth, I do not see any contrasting elements in the paragraphs; you have supported your observations with excerpts from the text, but you have not contrasted it with anything else; you detail how the author illustrates real life scenarios, but there is no contrast. If your teacher only requires one element, that is OK; but, if he/she requires both, make sure you are including that contrasting element. Also, you make reference to many "real life" situations; make sure if you are taking those situations from other authors, that you are correctly citing those as well; if they are from first hand knowledge (i.e. experiences you have gone through) you need to indicate that as well.
As far as the conclusion, perhaps you could not spend so much time giving your opinion of the work, but instead use the time to give a quick summary of what made this text valuable. For instance, you write, "Women have had a rough time in Afghanistan and Khaled Hosseini's A Thousand Splendid Suns shows the struggles women had to go through in Marriage, Education, and the restrictions imposed by the Taliban ... The women were treated like animals in Afghanistan and Khaled Hosseini's interpretation represents a vividly accurate portrayal." Keep that and expand upon it; leave off your opinion of the text, as it does not seem that your instructor is interested in an opinion piece. Expand upon the specific situations you have noted earlier that illustrate how they were treated and how you compared it to real life. A conclusion tells us what you have already told us; make sure that what you are telling us is what your instructor is asking for.
Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com
Good morning.
It is difficult for me to edit an essay of this length without proper citations; for instance, I do not want to have to worry about whether or not I am correcting a direct quote (because those need to stay exactly as you found them in the text). Once those citations are intact, I can edit for mechanics and grammar; you don't need to re-post the entire essay, just edit the previous one with the citations. What type of reference style are you required to use? This is of importance in regards to the format of your in-text citations.
In regards to the requirements your teacher has set forth, I do not see any contrasting elements in the paragraphs; you have supported your observations with excerpts from the text, but you have not contrasted it with anything else; you detail how the author illustrates real life scenarios, but there is no contrast. If your teacher only requires one element, that is OK; but, if he/she requires both, make sure you are including that contrasting element. Also, you make reference to many "real life" situations; make sure if you are taking those situations from other authors, that you are correctly citing those as well; if they are from first hand knowledge (i.e. experiences you have gone through) you need to indicate that as well.
As far as the conclusion, perhaps you could not spend so much time giving your opinion of the work, but instead use the time to give a quick summary of what made this text valuable. For instance, you write, "Women have had a rough time in Afghanistan and Khaled Hosseini's A Thousand Splendid Suns shows the struggles women had to go through in Marriage, Education, and the restrictions imposed by the Taliban ... The women were treated like animals in Afghanistan and Khaled Hosseini's interpretation represents a vividly accurate portrayal." Keep that and expand upon it; leave off your opinion of the text, as it does not seem that your instructor is interested in an opinion piece. Expand upon the specific situations you have noted earlier that illustrate how they were treated and how you compared it to real life. A conclusion tells us what you have already told us; make sure that what you are telling us is what your instructor is asking for.
Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com