Undergraduate / "My goal is to simply be successful" - Flagler Essay [5]

hi arnold,

i think it is better to write
i like to be successful, this is my goal in a future.

i found that everything and every situation will be happened for reason.
:)

Writing Feedback / Home school vs Traditional school. Which would you prefer? [4]

hi kathy i changed some points on your essay i hope it works for u :)

In the future, students maybe will a have choice of studying at home by using technology such as computers or television instead of stuying at traditional schools. Which would you prefer?

Response:
In today's past-paced, driven society. We often talk about the convenience of technology that might bring. However, learning at home by using technology such as computer or television would have a negative effect in students' learning. It will limits students' scocialization, eliminates leadership's role, and causes of poor academic performance.

Initially, going to traditional school, students not only learn lecture, but also learn how to socialize. They have a full oportunuity to make friendship and companion in school. Also, students would have a chance to develop social and communication skills such as how to ask questions and get feedback from teachers and peers, which contribute a great academic success.

Furthermore, studying at home has some disadvantages for instans students won't have a chance to present in front of audience. They won't have a presentation skills, which give them a hard time to express their feelings and speeches. Gradually students' won't have a self- confidence. Ultimately, they would have less chance to be in a leadership's roles.

Besides, home schooling by using technology would be a major distract since television provides varied channels that attract students to entertain rather than to study. At the same mean, computer could be a good tool for studying, but it also brings some negative effects. For instance, some students are addicted to online games and chatrooms on the computer. Therefore, they might not able to focus on study.

all in all going to traditional schools is makes sense, because it benefits students both in class and outside of academic.

Writing Feedback / Everyone would benefit from taking more exercise do you agree? [13]

hi mark thank u for your attention to my essay i tried to re- write it

usually people try to do something that have a benefit for them such as doing exercise and it is questionable how exercise gives them benefit, it is amazing exercise help to people's health, it will help to body organ and step by step can reduce some bodily pain or disease cause from fatness. in addition to it will affect on people's spirit, they can forget their problem and have a free mind for awhile they are doing exercise so they become positive and more cheerful. I strongly suspect exercise is necessary for people. on the whole doing exercise have many benefits for people's body and spirit, it makes strong body with a good shape and decrease depression and brings happiness to people

Writing Feedback / Everyone would benefit from taking more exercise do you agree? [13]

hi mark
this is my subject : Everyone would benefit from taking more exercise do you agree?
does anything wrong in my pra? i mean grammer or the arrangment?

Undergraduate / "... so just bear with me" - Stanford letter to roommate [7]

hi maggie
i read your essay but do you want say sorry to roommate before getting with him/her or you have roommate and you want say sorry about inconvenience time with your roommate because you used will means future but the event seems that are happened i think it is better don't repeat i am sorry you can say i am sorry for,... and write your reason

good luck:)

Writing Feedback / Everyone would benefit from taking more exercise do you agree? [13]

hi Kayla and mark
i have tofel class and my teacher asked to writhe a pra with introduction and conclusion so i need help to correct this
thank u all for your attention

Undergraduate / "My step grandmother died of type 1 diabetes" - Common App essay Topic 2. [4]

Different experience in human's life sometimes have a profound effect on them such as positive, negative, or a combination of them both. In fact, I have had an experience that changed my direction to the better way for the rest of my life.

My step grandmother died of one type of diabetes five years ago;
her ongoing struggle with diabetes was heartbreaking and made me to realized people who are have this diseases in general need to be properly informed. it made my goal to study and go to the college and become a doctor so I can help people with diseases.

My step grandmother was an outgoing and bodacious person. She loved to dance and sing. Her heart was made of pure love, she was a very helpful person to me, and she taught me that no matter what problem do you have there is always a way to overcome it. I was really heart because she was struggling with diabetes and still working hard to provide for her family day in and day out.

I remember the day when I broken my leg from playing soccer. I was devastated I would have to sit out for rest of the season. So after I got my cast off it was difficult for me to play soccer, I just could not play like I used to. I was crazy because I could not doing the best, my step grandmother said to me "no matter what happens to you good or bad you have to learn how to grow from that experience and become a better person" from then on I just kept on practicing and practicing every day until I was ready. That season my team went on to win the championship and I owe it all to my step grandmother. But not everyone's life is all fine and dandy later on that year my step grandmother was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes.

hi i have done some changes on your essay till here i hope it helps u:)

Writing Feedback / Peoples behavior is impacted by Television & Movies [4]

what we can do for banning the bad program?
why useless program are produced?
Does it have effect on adults behavior ?

hi i think it is better you mention to this question in your essay:)

Writing Feedback / ''University is a only way lead people to success'' [4]

From the greatest people a part of view for succeed is studying at university however, in real life many people are succeed without university degree or high education so it is not the only way for people who wants to be successful in my opinion it depend on many other things like, perseverance, experience,...

hi i wrote some point for u i hope helps u:)