Posts by peachyreese

peachyreese

Dec 31, 2010

Undergraduate / "I want to be a Wildcat; I want to go to Northwestern." - Why Northwestern [14]

Moreover, while the Weinberg College of Arts and Sciences is the largest college within the university, it would still provide me with the small class sizes and the personal learning experience Northwestern is known for.

For me, Northwestern isn't only a beautiful suburbia of Evanston located just outside the metropolis of Chicago. It isn't just an escape from the blazing temperatures of Atlanta to enjoy the snow of an Illinois winter. And, Northwestern isn't just about being a member of the Weingerg college community. (more ephasis when it's a new sentence or add a dash) It is about being a member of the exceedingly larger Northwestern family.

The flow is good and your seem really knowledgeable about Northwestern. Your conclusion seems shows the most that you want to go there.
Help me with my ND supplement essays please.

peachyreese

Dec 31, 2010

Undergraduate / My journey to Northwestern (Psychology and Law and Psychology and Health) [4]

"Yes!" I exclaimed - try an exclamation point for emphasis.

Subsequently, I became captivated by the benefits of the quarter system, an unheard of approach to the academic calendar. Nevertheless, the quarter system benefited my interest in double majoring. It granted me the ability to focus on courses in quarters rather than having to juggle five to six classes a semester. (I simplified it, you can add autonomy in there somewhere).

I like how you described your Northwestern visit as a journey. Maybe you could expand on Northwestern's Psychology and Law and Psychology and Health Professions and how this could relate to your desire to double major and how only Northwestern had this.

Edit my ND supplement essays please, thanks!

peachyreese

Dec 31, 2010

Undergraduate / "The last incentive I needed"- Stanford Supplemental Essay [14]

and especially for its one-of-a-kind marching band that draws me in like a moth to a porch light

Your essay is great! I really like your conclusion and what Stanford means to you. Read my ND supplement essays? Thanks!

peachyreese

Dec 31, 2010

Undergraduate / People Watching in An Airport [5]

I like your idea, it's original! However, there were some phrases that weren't clear.

I realize that the world is overwhelmingly big, so exponentially larger (redundant) than the limited view of my daily routine. The geography of my life becomes less substantial, and the criss-cross of so many lives grows accordingly.

Expand on your observations and how this relates back to you. You're humbled by observing so many different types of people in the airport, so what do your observations and your humble moment say about you?

Goodluck! Help me with my essays please.

peachyreese

Dec 31, 2010

Undergraduate / "Cheerleading has helped me" - Notre Dame Supplement [21]

It has a nice flow. If you're desperate you could cut out this phrase: facilitating my advancement in cheerleading. Goodluck with your final result!

peachyreese

Dec 31, 2010

Undergraduate / Habits from cross country - Pomona Supplement [5]

I liked your essay and can relate to the runner lifestyle because I run too haha.

Looking back on my years of running, I noticed a comparable development of discipline and speed. As I stopped eating junk food, procrasinating, and started running more outside of practice, I saved time and became faster.

Skip the "etc."
This sentence seems over repetitive:
Over time, eating healthy, sleeping early, and managing my time efficiently have become ingrained habits.

peachyreese

Dec 31, 2010

Undergraduate / Swings, Media, and Why I Want to Attend Supplements [2]

1. The Grotto is a cherished destination on Notre Dame's campus, a space that invites students and visitors to pray and take time for reflection. Do you have a place that you seek out, and what do you contemplate there?

I catch the last glimpse of light fade from the horizon. Sitting on my swing, my cluttered mind sweeps in. I should have been more patient with...The conditional probability is used when...Will I ever find a job that I'm passionate about...Am I becoming the person I want to be? Each time I swing forth, I let go of a worry, a doubt, a question. I let the crisp breeze wash over me and my bare feet swing along the cool air back and forth. My neck can barely capture the unending darkening skies that stretch before me. My thoughts become crumbs blown away as my mind draws a peaceful blank. The star-lit sky bears the fantastic opportunities flashing before me. All the places I've never been to and adventures I have yet to experience are calling for me. Slowly swinging to a stop, I feel assured the world has much in store for me.

2.
Our generation's access to technology has created the ultimate global network. My course, Communication for a Cause, explores modern technology and how it can be used to promote local to world causes and effectively communicate them to people. I'll cover the media we use for recreational time and their major impact on our future society if used properly. Facebook enables us to connect with friends and family across the globe, but it can also promote the Cure for Cancer by posting local Relay for Life events we could participate in to raise money. Not only can YouTube be used as comic relief for study breaks, but it also lets us follow the journey of Invisible Children and how we can build their education and future. Through our phones, we can instantly buy organic clothing to sustain the environment. I'm fascinated by how we can make a difference through the media and technology. My goal is to teach others different ways to provide a voice for causes through our modern gadgets.

(words: 223, need to cut down!)

3.
I love the sense of tradition and pride of Notre Dame. I want to be part of a close-knitted community that not only cheers together, but is willing to lend a hand. It's important to me that as I grow into a new person, I'll keep my strong faith with God. My school was never focused on religion, so it would be nice to meet diverse people who I am able to connect with on a spiritual level. The breathtaking Basilica and Grotto is the soil that draws me in aesthetically to the school and creates the spiritual environment I want to grow in. While being educated here, I'll develop ethical judgment that I can intertwine with my work. I'll be confident that when I enter the business world, being socially and environmentally conscious will just be second nature to me. Notre Dame would give me the chance to work in a global market and study abroad while helping others at the same time.

Any corrections or thoughts on any one of the are appreciated!

peachyreese

Dec 30, 2010

Undergraduate / The Guidelines to the Sensible Life + Sports athlete, Notre Dame-Which one to choose? [14]

I like the 4th one better. Do we need a title for our personal common app essay?

peachyreese

Dec 30, 2010

Undergraduate / "The moment in the shallows" MY COMMON APP ESSAY [15]

Wow your imagery is beautiful and your thoughts completely connect to them.

You should cut this part out, or simplify it to a sentence:
Every summer my family and I have gone at the beach. Unlike the normal beaches where tons of tourists enjoy their vacations, the beach we spend time at every year is small but a beautiful local beach in a village with no tourists and no noisy music playing over loudspeakers. It's still a mystery how my parents found it, as it is quite difficult to find this kind of place in Okinawa, an island as a famous sightseeing spot in Japan.

peachyreese

Dec 30, 2010

Undergraduate / Short Answer: Running, my heavy breathing [14]

I like how you portrayed your inner thoughts while running. When you talked about changing leaves, it seemed kind of random. Maybe you could connect to how you're like the changing leaves after you run and how running changes you? Nice essay overall!

peachyreese

Dec 30, 2010

Undergraduate / Common App - Extra Curric. Activity: Student-to-Student [2]

Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below (150 words or fewer, 1000 character maximum).

They came from all over the world, but they all had one thing in common-they were little fishes in a big pond of students. Student-to-Student was a haven for the lost. We formed a family that was united by the an understanding. We understood that it was easy to feel insignificant in such a populated school, so we all wanted to stick together and help each other through our individual journeys, share our dynamic cultures, and personalities. It allowed us to wander to fascinating cultures booming from our concrete school, that I once found to be so contained. Though the English was broken and my Chinese and Spanish were never perfect, the overplayed hand gestures and friendly smiles and laughs got us by. Whether it was reading the words one by one about cellular respiration, editing their grammar in their creative essay, or simply carrying a conversation with them, I found joy in helping them transition into their new waters and give them the basics on how to swim to success-to make it easier to communicate with their teacher, meet new friends, and find a niche of their own.

191 words, need to cut it down to 150. Thanks, any help on grammar & input would be appreciated!