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Posts by Belle15
Joined: Jan 2, 2011
Last Post: Sep 30, 2011
Threads: 5
Posts: 11  

From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 16
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Belle15   
Sep 30, 2011
Scholarship / 'My secret: Success does not come easy' - why interest in this scholarship [4]

I was taught to work hard in everything I do as my dad always says," There is no other substitution for success other than hard work" .

I want to experience handling the stress load of my studies on top of my demanding CCA and work.

Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865) 16th President of the United States once said," Always bear in mind that your own resolution to succeed is more important than any other thing."

Hello Miobox89, I truly liked your essay, but if the essay is for a scholarship I recommend browsing around other scholarship examples and tips,advice, etc; they truly help. I can't really tell you which sentences to delete because they all fit in pretty good, but I did try to help a little with the grammar:) Wishing you the best with your essay;)

Please help w/ my short biography, A short bio to help fundraise for students to go abroad...
Belle15   
Sep 30, 2011
Scholarship / A short bio to help fundraise for students to go abroad... [3]

The essay is for an event in the college's largest community fund raiser. Where as a student I the student have to write a short bio explaining what year of studying I am in, whats my major, what scholarships have I received, and what are my plans for the future.

Hello, my name is Belle and I am a part time student at BC as well as a part time sales associate. I am the first in my family to enter into college determined to graduate with a profession. I am currently in my second year of college in the Liberal Arts program in search of an inspiring major that fits me. Undecided about my profession and changing my major a couple of times has lead a desire to search for a profession that interests me, which brought me aspiration to see the opportunities by studying abroad. Fortunately, BC is sponsored by the program, College Consortium for International Studies (CCIS). Therefore I took advantage and applied to study in the International College of Seville (ICS) in Spain, to find my calling and in the meantime improve in the Spanish language. Acceptance into the program led me to apply for a financial scholarship known as the, Summer Scholarship to Study Abroad (SSSA), which thankfully helped me pay off my personal abroad debits. Now that I had new experiences and seen more life opportunities to go for from my abroad experience, it has deepened my desire to pursue for a profession where I am able to travel and learn new languages, cultures and find my field in the arts. As for my future I hope to graduate with a profession in the arts field and traveling benefits.

Any corrections for my short essay would really be appreciated:)
Belle15   
Sep 12, 2011
Writing Feedback / "a nail technician is not an easy and pleasant job" - why I dislike my job [2]

People always says , "A nail technician is a healthy and beautiful professional, who works to improve and decorate a client nails.

Unfortunately, it was my turned to work on her. During the consultation, we were discussed how did she wanted her eyebrows done, and she agreed how I was going to do them .

After the ten minutes passed by, I hung a mirror for her.

She was upset because I did not do do/fix her eyebrows the way she wanted.

I just wondered she was just said, "I love this color," when I sampled on her first nail.

THANKS FOR HELPING WITH MY RESUME!!!
Belle15   
Sep 10, 2011
Letters / GUEST SERVICE POSITION; Resume for the position in guest services [3]

Please revise my resume for the position in guest Services. Thanks;)

OBJECTIVE

To obtain a Guest Service position that is challenging and educational where I can continue to utilize and develop my knowledge and skills in customer services.

EDUCATION

Broward College Fort Lauderdale, F.L
Associate in Arts
Liberal Arts
Summer Scholarship to Study Abroad (SSSA) June 2011

WORK EXPERIENCE

Sales Associate, Repair Watches July 2007 - Present
Plantation, F.L

Completed all necessary paperwork taking in orders, informing on prices and pick up dates associated with watch repairs
Handle the tasks of responding to guests' questions and complaints in a timely manner
Responsible for operating cash register, cash register balances and handling customer purchases
Kept booking records
Responsible for opening and closing the store
Work with copy & fax machines
Responsible for receiving incoming mail, merchandise and restocking shelves
provided customer service by phone

ACTIVITIES

Studied Abroad, Seville Spain Summer 2011
Spanish and Society Course
Volunteered -Community Health and Safety Fair, Broward College January 2011

SKILLS

Proven ability to work with little or no supervision
Have great neatness and organizational skills
Know how to cope with difficulty and tolerate stress well
Efficient in Microsoft Word and PowerPoint
Fluent in Spanish and English
Belle15   
Apr 20, 2011
Letters / Resignation letter (from SM Camaraza Enterprises Inc) [3]

Just want others point of view and any corrections.

Dear Sergio,
I have written this letter to inform you that I have an opportunity to further my studies while traveling overseas. Therefore I am formally announcing my resignation from SM Camaraza Enterprises Inc, starting today; my last day will be May 24. I truly appreciate the opportunities that have been provided for me during my employment in this company, and please let me know if there is anything I can do to be of assistance.

Sincerely, Belle
Belle15   
Feb 17, 2011
Scholarship / Broward's Summer Study Abroad Program - Scholarship paper to go Abroad [2]

Write a 500-word essay about how participation in a study abroad program would benefit your academic, professional, or personal goals. Please include in your essay the rationale for your program choice. The essay should discuss aspiration, future plans, and any other pertinent information the student wishes for the International Education Committee to consider. Please any corrections is /are appreciated... thank you

When I first learned about Broward's Summer Study Abroad Program, I knew that I wanted to participate. Traveling overseas to Europe has always been one of my dreams; therefore studying abroad was the opportunity of a life time. I am a junior graphic design student and since I can remember I had a passion for the arts. Now having the opportunity to explore the country of beautiful arts, I knew Spain was the country I had to visit. While in this trip, I anticipate visually seeing and contemplating the live artworks, fulfill one of my dreams and attain my independence.

While I can read the definitions or study about its history, the only way for me to really understand art is by experiencing it personally. Getting inspired by arts at a different level will improve my works. How can I get moved by seeing a picture of Guernica in a textbook? Its outstanding size and the shocking effect it produces, gets lost in translation. I will make sure to use my time in Spain wisely by soaking on the many artistic expressions of the Spanish People. At the Reina Sofia museum, I will learn about the best of 20th century Spanish art from the work of luminaries such as Picasso and Dali. The information that I will discover will be vital to my development as a junior graphic design student. Examining the creative arts will influence me and help become visually understanding of how people interpret a message through an artwork, and apply this understanding on my works. It will give me a background that I could not get from simply picking up a text book.

Apart from all the educational benefits, studying abroad will help me become a more independent person. This program will teach me how to familiarize with a new culture by allowing me to become accustomed to different living arrangements and situations. Also, as the eldest in a single parent home I hope that living in a foreign country will encourage me to me to be self-sufficient, by preparing me to move out and obtain a job that is reliable. Living with people who have a different background to mine and who share a different perspective of the world will help me keep an open mind, and increase my appreciation for cultural diversity.

Going to Spain will be a totally new experience for me, granting me one of my dreams. This will be the first time that I travel alone overseas and the purpose can't be any more different. Knowing that I have the privilege to study in Spain, and experience the different culture like the art, food, music, literature, etc I get super thrilled.

As a junior graphic design student, studying in Spain is the ideal opportunity for me to expand in my major, such as learning to explore the different and exceptional arts that exist overseas. Furthermore accomplishing my dream, of experiencing the different lifestyle of the Spanish traditions and for me to gain my independence will positively be an increasing desire for more adventure and knowledge of the different culture.
Belle15   
Feb 3, 2011
Undergraduate / "First Tee" Essay, Replay, Relax, Ready, and Redo (Community) [3]

Hey thanks for correcting my essay, i stopped by to check for errors but according to what I know in writting wrtting skills, yours seems pretty good. Actually reading yours looks like you have more experience in your writting skills than I do, im a bilingual student, i still need get lots of help when writting something. sorry i could not correct your paper, but it sounds good;)
Belle15   
Jan 31, 2011
Undergraduate / "Dear Mom" - about someone who has influenced my life greatly [6]

WOW!!! LOved your letter. I can tell you truly ment it because you gave specifications on your reason of why you thought something about your mom. I didn't see no errors to be corrected I mean grammaer seems good, well ofcoars of what i know and you gave very good detailing to support your reasons or your thoughts. Though I don't think its a very good idea to put up an address on here cause this is a public site, so be careful. But best wishes with your letter for your mom;)
Belle15   
Jan 30, 2011
Undergraduate / "Is Anger ever Beneficial?" - Feedback? [4]

I can not count with reasonable certainty how often I have grown frustrated when studying for an exam. If there is a huge pile of papers to go through or if there is a math problem I can not solve, for instance.

I cannot count with reasonable certainty how often I have grown frustrated when studying for an exam. If there is a huge pile of papers to go through or if there is a math problem I can not solve, for instance.

I cannot count with reasonable certainty how often I have grown frustrated when studying for an exam. If there is a huge pile of papers to go through or if there is a math problem I can not solve, for instance.

I cannot count with reasonable certainty how often I have grown frustrated when studying for an exam; for instance if there is a huge pile of papers to go through or if there is a math problem I can not solve.

A great many enhancements in our society have been made with the instrumentality of anger, say the American War of Independence and Civil war, and the French Revolution.

A great many enhancements in our society have been made with the instrumentality of anger, say the American War of Independence, the Civil war, and the French Revolution.

Nevertheless, one must not forget that although anger can and has led many a person to utter destruction when channeled improperly, it can also serve as a powerful associate through one's life.

Nevertheless, one must not forget that although anger can and has led a person to utter destruction when channeled improperly, it can also serve as a powerful associate through one's life.

or

Nevertheless, one must not forget that although anger can and has led many people to utter destruction when channeled improperly, it can also serve as a powerful associate through one's life.
Belle15   
Jan 28, 2011
Scholarship / "will be like an adventure to me" - Study abroad scholarship essay, to spain [8]

Study abroad to spain- Student of graphic design

The study abroad program request for the student to , write a concise statement of your proposed program of study and how it will be related to your present academic program. Also, describe the personal benefits you expect to receive from the program, and how you will incorporate this program into your future goals. Include any additional information that may be useful in evaluating your candidacy, including study, travel, or residence in other countries.

Do you think I have met the requirements? Also correct my puntuation, spelling, grammar anything that i can improve my essay.. Thanks

Walking down the streets of Spain to explore a different culture and lifestyle has always been one of my greatest dreams and desires. It would be a great privilege for me to live in Spain and have the opportunity to expand my creativity, to study the language, help me develop my social and cultural knowledge, also as a role model to show the achievements of my goal.

One of the reasons why I aspire to travel to Spain is because I desire to expand my artistic knowledge, as a Graphic Design student. My aim is to learn about the different types of creative or artistic techniques that can be used to help me create visual solutions as a graphic designer. Also I have such an interest and desire to explore everything about the Spanish art-work that many times I have visualized myself walking down the small and wide streets of Spain or down a hall of an art museum simply contemplating the beauty and skillful techniques used by artists to create their unique masterpiece.

Another reason why I am highly excited to be part of this abroad experience is because I am convinced that I will be able to speak, read and write Spanish with greater fluency. Mastering my Spanish skills will allow me to be better equipped to communicate with also Spanish customers and co-workers in the work force. Finally this program will expand my academic and social knowledge by constantly interacting and learning from teachers, students and household members; allowing me to learn to cope with people from different lifestyles, beliefs and perceptions.

Ever since I've been a young girl, I have always strived to be a good role model for my two younger siblings. Being part of this program will greatly allow me to show my younger siblings the importance of dreaming big and to always go after any goal or purpose they have in life. Participating in this program will definitely show my desire and achievements of my future profession.
Belle15   
Jan 28, 2011
Writing Feedback / "It is better act than just complain" grammar and spelling on this paragraph [3]

It is better act than just complain
It is better to act than just complain

the person should ask for help to people with more influence
the person should ask for help a person with more influence

People should show the world that there is something useful to do than just complains; People should show the world that there is something useful to do than just complain;

Probably there is someone else out there waiting for somebody like with this type of attributes to join them on the same journey of taking action

Probably there is someone else out there waiting for somebody with this type of attributes to join them on the same journey to take action

I would not insert the 'like' because an essay is not the same laguage of speech and writting. If you say 'like' in writting its to compare, it's a simily where in speech you can say 'like' many times & it's acceptable.

It is a fact then when people start acting instead of complaining it will be a change in there life and into their own behavior.

It is a fact then when people start acting instead of complaining it will be a change in their life and behavior.

In conclusion people show what they are made off with there actions.
In conclusion people show what they are made of with there actions.

Good luck hun;)
Belle15   
Jan 28, 2011
Scholarship / PAVE Transformation - Is the prompt clearly addressed? [4]

If you can keep it to 300 words and to the point I think it be better, but I don't think you will get diqualify for 10 extra words; especially if its prented or written on paper than sent through the internet.
Belle15   
Jan 28, 2011
Writing Feedback / IELTS-is a break good or bad after high school for students? [4]

I agree with ARIA there are small punctuations to be fixed. Though I think you have a very strong support towards the topic;) I like your essay, though if you add a thesis it will help the reader know whats coming up, but if it's not neccessay then your good to go.. Good luck

Spacing: Studies are an essential part of life.Some countries

Studies are an essential part of life. Some countries

while in some countries
while in other countries

considered as waste of time
considered a waste of time

Working or travelling for some time , after high school
Working or travelling for sometime , after high school

Spacing: Financially,students
Financially, students

Spacing: But , the
But, the
Belle15   
Jan 6, 2011
Scholarship / "will be like an adventure to me" - Study abroad scholarship essay, to spain [8]

1) my essay is for a scholarship requires 500 words [which i currently have 686 words]
2)requires for me to say how it will benefit academically, proffesionally and or what are my personal goals.
3)Also why i chose that program 4) i have to write aspitaions & my future plans
please help & i would be more than happy if u tell me ur point of view of it, what im missing, what i can add/remove, grammar,punctuation, anything Thanks:)

Going to Spain would complete one of my goals which is a desire for new experiences, especially having the opportunity to study overseas and explore a different life style. It will be a privilege for me to live in Spain and learn about their culture from an acquired experience and not in a traditional classroom setting. Not only will living in another country allow me to have a great experience but it will also increase my appreciation for cultural diversity. I love the fact that when I live in Spain I will be able to learn and live the Spaniard's culture, like their language, food, life style, music, history and much more. I know that studying abroad in Spain will give me more advantages in my degree since Spain is a country where there is a lot of art that will provide me with more creativity and help me progress in my profession as a graphic designer by inspiring me at my work. Another advantage from studying abroad in Spain is that Spain's main language is Spanish, (the language that is spoken almost worldwide) and living in Spain will improve my Spanish academically which will help me in Spanish skills, opening more opportunities for me in my career in the future.

2nd paragraph) Studying abroad will benefit me personally, by allowing me to become more independent, increase my deep commitment to personal growth and to become comfortable with any environment; although I like to meet new people and strive for new things I would like to familiarize with new environments and people on my own. I currently am the oldest daughter at home followed by two younger siblings leading me to be persistent and be a role model at home by working a part time job to help support the family and work my way through college. Therefore assisting this program will help me have more experience as well as allow me to enjoy, interact and adapt to people with a different culture from mine. This program will also benefit me by allowing me to accustom to different living arrangements and situations.

3rd paragraph) This program of study abroad will be like an adventure to me where I will get to meet a lot of new people and grow to be like a family. Knowing the fact that I will be staying at a family's home will help me built more confidence with other people far from home and will help me grow in my traveling experience. (Not to mention it will profit my profession when in my resume, I state that I have experience traveling and living far away from my personal home.) I have been traveling from a very young age with my parents but never so far away from home, thus now traveling on my own for the first time will allow me to see this experience as an adventure letting me have a memorable time. As a first timer studying overseas will be like a dream come true visiting another country completely different from what I am use to seeing; although I have traveled to different places before, like several different states, my national country, the Dominican Republic, and the Bahamas Island, I believe that living in Spain will be a more amazing experience.