Unanswered [7] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by Some one
Joined: Jan 8, 2011
Last Post: Jan 17, 2011
Threads: 3
Posts: 7  
From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 10
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Some one   
Jan 17, 2011
Undergraduate / "dual degree in business and engineering" - U of Michigan- What attracts you here? [2]

Hi People, You check mine and I will check yours =)

Describe the unique qualities that attract you to the specific undergraduate College or School (including preferred admission and dual degree programs) to which you are applying at the University of Michigan. How would that curriculum support your interests? (500 words maximum

Being the most technologically oriented person in my house, I was given a chance to fix my family's antediluvian computer during my seventh grade. I could not resist the temptation to take a peek inside the unknown and eagerly accepted the task. As computer case opens and the intricate wirings inside present themselves, I found another world. Instead of being dominated by plants, animals, and soil, this world is dominated by human ingenuity, logic, and math. I did not despair at the maze of wirings in front of me; instead, I felt oddly at ease. This world seems to be a strange yet oddly familiar spectacle. From that instance, I found my calling. I knew computer engineering will be the perfect career for me.

University of Michigan has presented itself as one of the leading computer engineering universities in the nation, frequently ranked top place despite being a public school. Now, as my secondary school career comes to a close, University of Michigan caught my attention as a school that fits the criteria of the ideal university I am searching for: friendly environments, widespread acclaims, and, most of all, supportive and comprehensive facilities. University of Michigan has 145 labs and research centers, while its computer labs are open 24 hours a day. For enthusiasts like me, this is truly a unique opportunity to engross ourselves in our topics of fascination and utilize our creativity without abiding by a limit or a schedule. University of Michigan also offers an unparalleled opportunity to communicate with the rest of the world through its Engineering Global Leadership (EGL) Honors Program. This program offers the chance to browse the world and discuss our topic of fascination with various intellectuals from different countries, an excellence opportunity to sharpen a student's cross culture communication skills and jumpstart our understanding of global cooperation. The prospect of acquiring a business degree in addition to computer engineering has always been alluring to me. However, I have never been able to find a perfect business and computer college combination before stumbling upon University of Michigan. Having an acclaimed business and engineering school, this university has the best conglomeration of dual degree in business and engineering I have met so far. With representative from almost all ethnic groups across the world, there is no doubt that University of Michigan strives to maintain diversity and equality. In the melting pot that is today's American society, to be familiar with only the culture that one is raised in is parochial. Knowledge of the various customs and mores of other cultures is not only helpful in communicating in an increasingly integrated world, but is also central in problem solving and research where multiple aspects of a problem need to be considered.

With only one con, the cold winter weather, and an abundance of pros, University of Michigan offers undoubtedly the best engineering education in the nation. I hope I can take part in the innovation and discoveries that are constantly occurring here.

I just realized I didn't separate into paragraph well enough
Plz Check for grammar error and if this essay follows the prompts. A critical advice is very helpful!
Some one   
Jan 11, 2011
Undergraduate / Staying at a Homeless Shelter Essay [3]

Very nice, I like the beginning, it sets the tone for the essay, and if I may conclude, foreshadows your future attempt at making the place better, or foreshadows how difficult your stay with the homeless is going to be and what you will learn from this experience.

I also like the metaphor, or simile, at the beginning, very nice!

Overall, this intro is extremely well-written

PS. can check my essay? The one about michigan, Thanks
Some one   
Jan 11, 2011
Undergraduate / What group do you belong to? (multiple cultures) -- University of Michigan [6]

Everyone belongs to many different communities and/or groups defined by (among other things) shared geography, religion, ethnicity, income, cuisine, interest, race, ideology, or intellectual heritage. Choose one of the communities to which you belong, and describe that community and your place within it. (Approximately 250 words)

I belong to a very special community. It encompasses multiple cultures and millions of people across the world, and it is in this community that Thomas Edison, Benjamin Franklin, and Albert Einstein once roamed. True to Martin Luther King's "I have a dream speech," this community does not discriminate based on a person's race, culture, or accent. It is more idealistic than even the most ideal governments today and only judges a person based on his or her achievement, skill, and success. It does not relegate the "poor" to the bottom most rungs or the "rich" to the top most spectrums. The community I am talking about is, of course, the prominent scientific community. We are united in this community by a common desire to dedicate ourselves to the pursuit of truth and scientifical knowledge.

In this community, I and many of my science classmates are only saplings in the edge of a huge primeval forest, the most overlooked spectacles. Yet, it is in this place that most crucial development occurs. It is here that the most integral component, the foundation, of our knowledge is solidified and our goals made lucid; the future is merely an addition to this continually expanding fountain of knowledge. It is also here that we choose the most important determining factor of our future, college. Hopefully, through dedication, all the AP science classes at my school, science Olympiad, and an excellence college education, I will one day become a towering oak like Steven Hawking.

Please check for grammar errors, and if my essay fits the title. Any critical advice is very helpful.

THanks and cheers
Some one   
Jan 9, 2011
Undergraduate / "By majoring in biomedical engineering..." - USC> Short answer essay. [5]

Very nice!

This is a well written essay except I feel this sentence is a bit out of place:

Engineering is to create, modify and alter objects, their components and their interactions with each other.

The prompt is ask u to describe you interest, but this sentence is bit of repeat and serves as more of a definition. It also does not add to the flow of the passage, since the sentence immediately after does not support it in any way. You should change it so that the topics flowing from a part to another.

But that's my opinion, and I am not english expert. Ask your parents, They seem to be pretty smart.

Can u check my essay? my need to be more like urs
Some one   
Jan 9, 2011
Undergraduate / History: the city and not only classroom. GW Essay - what influenced you to apply? [3]

This is a well written essay, except the part about the lawyer kinda confused me. You might want to make it a little more clear, but I am not english wizard so I can't call that an error. No grammar error as far as I can see( a very short sight). Good Job!

Wanna help check my essay? I feel that my essay need to be more like yours.
Some one   
Jan 9, 2011
Undergraduate / "talking to the Colorado Speaker of the house" (CU Boulder admission essay) [3]

Very Nice!!. This essay not only expresses that you will add to the diversity of the university by being a latin american, but also hint at your ability to contribute to the diversity on a much greater magnitude, i.e. the speaking to the speaker of the house. Overall, this essay is well written and shows that you are a proactive person. Nice :)

I am not a grammar freak nor a english master, but I have found some minor error...

After Fifteen minutes passed and , his assistant opened the door. With a kind smile, she led beckoned us to follow her to the senator's office. The senator greeted us in a luke warm manner(donno if this is spelled right); you could tell by his body language, that meeting with two fifteen year old girls was not on his priority list.

This is the only major error I can find, but some places sound kinda rigid and not flowing. But I am sure C. boulders will understand ;)
Some one   
Jan 8, 2011
Undergraduate / Volunteering at the Library-Common Apps Extracurricular [6]

This is my essay for common apps, I know I am a horrible writer but o'well. For some reason, this essay sound kind of weird, can anyone please point out my error?

Prompt: Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below (150 words or fewer, 1000 character maximum).

Volunteering at the library is one of the simplest forms of volunteering available. Shelving books and checking books out pales in comparison with volunteering at the hospital or maybe the fire station. However, I have learned much from it. After several months of volunteering, my disorganized tendency was replaced by an inclination to be organized. As a result, my room is now the neatest it has been in 16 years, and my school binder looks like a catalog. From volunteering there, I have discovered much. Moby Dick became my friend; the Count of Monte Cristo taught me motives. Hamlet might as well be written in today's English, and Beowulf became the near past. I learned how to build a computer and realized why 1984 will never be 1984 (the book). Even if given the chance for a better activity, I would never relinquish this chance to learn and grow.

Thanks ;)
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