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Posts by Coolmam9x
Joined: May 18, 2011
Last Post: Jun 24, 2011
Threads: 4
Posts: 5  

Displayed posts: 9
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Coolmam9x   
Jun 24, 2011
Writing Feedback / Toefl: grades based solely on exams or based more on class participartoin [4]

Task: In some classes, course grade are based solely on exams, while in other classes, grade are based more on class participation than on exams. Which type of grading do you prefer? Use specific reasons to support your response.

My essay:
Course grading technique based solely on exam is used is many classes because it is a fast and easy way to judge students' performance. Nevertheless, it is not so accurate and precise. Grades which are based on both exams and class participation are more trustworthy for estimate student performance because this technique is fairer and enhance students' attention on class.

First of all, grading system which is based more on class participation is fairer for students. If teachers only depends on exams to judge how well students perform, they will likely to miss something. Bad students who do not attend class at all may still get good grade because of cramming or cheating. I have crammed for some exams in my life and I know the big amount of knowledge the I put into my head in a short time disappeared right after the tests. I still passed the tests, and my knowledge is still empty. I also have a close friend who is a technology worm. Whenever we had examination, especially history, at school, besides pencils, rulers, paper, he also brought a tiny headphone which in hidden in his sleeve. Before the exam he recorded all the stuff, and when the exam began, he used cover his ear by one hand, listened, and also wrote everything down crazily. Consequently, he still passed. On the other hand, keen students may get bad grade because they may be nervous during the exam and think that they haven't learn enough.

Second, grading system based on more class participation enhance students' attention on class. You take part in classes seriously, or you fail. You student must learn and attend classes if they do not want to fail. Therefore, their knowledge they get will remain in their head longer, which is more effective the the other method.

In conclusion, although it is more difficult for teachers to keep track of every single student's performance in class, the grades based more on class participation are more accurate and effective. The aim of learning to go master knowledge, and while the grading system solely based on exams doesn't help that much, the grading system based on both class participation and exams enhance students' attention on class and the effectiveness of teaching.
Coolmam9x   
Jun 24, 2011
Writing Feedback / Toefl: Children should learn to handle money - benefits for the whole society. [12]

undoubtly -> undoubtedly
financial responsible -> financially responsible

However, if with the help of adults, let them have a plan with the money they have, what percentage they should save for his best friend's birthday, what percentage he should plan for a football game and what percentage he can spend to buy the things he wants. -> This sentence should be corrected. "If with the help of adults, let them have" should be simply "if adults let them have"
Coolmam9x   
Jun 24, 2011
Writing Feedback / TOEFL - should boys and girls learn in separate classrooms? [8]

In the first reason, can you be more specific? You said that there are more students in co-educational school get more 'A', so can you show real evidence, statistical number? I thought you just make up that example. That is ok, but it is better to be more specific.
Coolmam9x   
Jun 24, 2011
Writing Feedback / Making efforts to ask questions inspires students to thinks critically [4]

It is generally believed that teachers should encourage their students to learn creatively. However, should teacher allow his/her students to question everything? In terms of teaching and learning efficiency, I advocate the idea...

The use of "However" here is not effective, because there's no contrasting ideas.
Coolmam9x   
Jun 14, 2011
Writing Feedback / Toefl ibt essay: Work in team or independently (preferable) [2]

Task: Is it more important to be able to ework with a group of people on ta tem or to work independently? Use reasons and specific examples to support your answer.

My essay:

Nowadays, as the world is getting smaller, we need to be able to cooperate. Working in team is a necessary skill that every individual must master for success. Despite the importance of working in team, I still believe that the capability of working independly is more significant.

Of course, effective cooperation can make things easier and faster, but in many important cases when team-working is not possible, the ability to work alone will help. The apperant example is that there are a lot of tests that do not allow team-working. Let's imagine that you perform really well when you can discuss the problems with other people, but you have no experience of working alone, standardized tests such as SAT, TOEFL may be your nightmares. Testing is a very important aspect of life, and still the majority of tests do not allow you to work in team. Therefore, if you want to get brilliant achievements such as going to college, acing your school's final tests, you should consider learning to work on your own.

Moreover, the ability to work alone will help you increase your ability to work with other people. Working in team does not mean that you do not have to come up with your ideas. Everybody in a team must have his/her own opinion first, then discuss them with other members. When we work in team, we still think individually because our brain are not connected but separate. When everyone in a team can come up with his/her own ideas, working in team will definitely more effective.

In conclusion, working with a group a people and working individually are all important. Both skills are necessary for a successful life. Nevertheless, the capablity of working alone is the foundation for the skill to work in team and plays a significant role in a lot of situations.
Coolmam9x   
May 31, 2011
Writing Feedback / Toefl intergrated writing task: Experiments on animals [2]

Listening script: Now, most of you in the class know how I feel
about medical research done on animals. I oppose it, no
matter why . . . no matter what the justification. But . . . for
the sake of fairness, I wanted you to see this article that my
colleague in the biology department, Professor White,
wrote for our departmental journal.
At the heart of his argument is the professor's claim that
animal experimentation has led to the discovery of some
important drugs, useful drugs, like penicillin. Well, that
may be true, but who knows if these drugs wouldn't have
been discovered without animal testing? And, you know,
here's the thing-there are plenty of important drugs that
were discovered without the benefit of animal testing.
Quinine, used to treat malaria, ether, used as an anesthesia,
and of course aspirin, they were all discovered without
harming any animals. In fact, if some drugs had been
tested on certain animals, well, they probably wouldn't be
used today. Morphine, for example, kills pain in people but
it stimulates cats. And large doses of aspirin poison cats
and dogs and have no effect on horses.
And Professor White says that there are no substitutes
for animal testing. There are plenty! For example, now we
can cultivate human tissues and test the effects of drugs on
these tissues. There are clinical studies, and . . . most
important of all, these days, computer simulations. There
are lots of other ways too.
People in favor of animal research always say that animals
in labs are treated as humanely as possible. Don't
believe that! It may be true some of the time, but I've spent a
lot of time in biology labs and I've seen many animals
undergoing tests with terrible diseases and toxic chemicals.
Many times these animals were not adequately anesthetized
or they were routinely abused by handlers or experimenters.
No, I believe that no one should be forced to undergo
experimentation without giving their . . . their consent,
their agreement. Since animals can never do that, I believe
it is immoral to experiment on them, no matter what the benefits might be.

TASK: SUMMARIZE THE POINTS IN THE LECTURE AND SHOW HOW THEY CONTRADICTS THE POINTS OF THE READING (I cannot put the reading on here because it is a photo file)

My essay:
The author of the passage and the professor express their opinions on experiments conducted on animals. The author has no objections against experimenting on animals and thinks it is necessary. However, the professor opposes that saying it is cruel to animals and not essential.

In the passage, the author states that there is no good substitute for animal experiment because it is the most effective mothod of testing drugs. Some animals share the same basic life function as human, such as chimpanzees which have 99% of their genes same as human. Nevertheless, the professors claims that there are better ways to test medical drugs. For example, researchers can cultivate human tissue and use it to test chemicals. Another way is to use computer stimulation. Moreover, in the lecture, expriments on animals are said to be ineffective because some drugs after testing cannot be used and some even poisoned dogs and cats. In addition, we do not know whether successful drugs today might be discovered without experimenting on animals. Those contradicts the pint from the passage that many drugs that are used today were tested on other creatures.

Moreover, the author of the passage claims that animals researchers always try to reduce the pain on animals. They use anesthesia and keep animals well-cared. However, the professor denies all of that. She says that the conditions in labratories are not as good as the author states. Instead, those creatures have to fight against dangerous diseases and taste toxic chemical

Finally, the lecturer expresses her opinion about the experiments conducted without the agreement. She says that it is immoral and inconsiderate to do that.
Coolmam9x   
May 31, 2011
Writing Feedback / Toefl: Technological Innovations that are important [6]

"Specifically patients can get reports from doctor with online" You only need "online". "with online" is wrong.
On the whole, I think you should only dig in some main important advantages of the Internet and explain them with more specific details instead of listing many of them and not developing well. Remember, a typical paragraph of Toefl should be from 3 to 5 setences. 2 is not adequate.

Moreover, if time allows, you should have a conclusion paragraph.
Coolmam9x   
May 20, 2011
Writing Feedback / "It is better to be safe than sorry" - TOEFL ibt [4]

Your essay is pretty short on the balance of an independent Toefl essay. Each of your body paragraph should consist of at least 5 setence.
You should provide more specific examples to expand your writing. For example, the second paragraph only has 2 sentences which is too short. You can give an example of your own life, and that is ok.

This sentence:"Sometimes safety brings more assurance but not all danger is simply danger, taking a risk means taking a chance." has some problems with syntax. The clause "taking a risk means taking a chance" must be seperated with either a semi colon or with a comma plus the word "and". You can also make up a sentence with that.
Coolmam9x   
May 19, 2011
Writing Feedback / Toefl ibt: Zoos are useful or not?zoos are advantageous to both human and animals [3]

Task: Some people believe that zoos serve useful functions. Other people believe that it is cruel and wrong to confine animals in zoos. Tell which point of view you agree with and explain why, using specific details and reasons.

I can't deny that in my childhood, one of my most exciting activity was to visit the zoo. I always love animals, and I wants to be friends with all kinds of animals. However, I live in a modern city, which does not allow me to spot even a bird. Therefore, zoos are somewhere very meaningful to me. Although many people think that it is cruel and meaningless to put animals in cages, I myself believe that zoos have performed useful functions.

Let's say that you ask your children to go to the zoo, they will definitely agree with that idea. Indeed, zoos are one of the most entertaining and educational place for children and even adults. Almost all of children love to see and play with animals; that's why they desire to have pets and see movies about wild creatures. But in this rapidly modernizing world, chances for children in cities to experience the wild life have lessened a lot. That's where zoos appear. They quench the thirst of children for discovering new things about the wild world that they do not experience in daily life. Children may watch and learn about the animals in classes or on the Internet, but the best way to learn this kind of knowledge is to experience it directly. To the adults, zoos are somewhere that they can find themselves relaxed and younger. I went to the zoo a lot when I was only a little boy, and I became familiar with all of the animals in the city zoo. However, when I am already an adult having a stable job, I still go to the zoo. I belive not only me but also other people find the zoo the place to reduce tress after hardworking hours.

Zoos are not only for the benefit of human but also for animals. Nowadays, there are more and more kinds of animals being threatened and being on the verge of disappearing on the Earth. Now, some species are only found in the zoos. If there were not such places for endangered animals, they would never been seen again. Zoos also help animals to live a better life and reproduce faster. Many endangered animals are being preserved in zoological gardens such as panda and South East Asian tiger. These species have a safe environment to grow and reproduce, and then they will be sent back to the nature. Furthermore, in zoos, animals won't have to worry about hunters, disforestration, or disasters. Zoos are places for animals.

All in all, zoos are advantageous to both human and animals; they provide entertaining, educational, relaxing places for people and safe, secure, nourishing environment for animals. In the future, I think, more zoos should be built and the conditions in zoos ought to be bettered, so that we can somehow help preserve the disappearing animals.
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